Mai Thai

Who woulda known this place has been around for years hiding in the corner of this dumpy ass strip mall... How the fuck they are still in business is anyone's guess. It's a stereotypical Asian set up... You know, really cheap decor and cafeteria chairs and tables but it's clean, though. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Most of the time, shitty decor usually means the grub is extra tasty... But that's mostly found overseas. This joint supposedly used to have sushi but they 86'd that cuisine. Too bad because every Thai place in town has sushi. I just don't get that combination because Thai people don't eat sushi and the Japanese ain't that fond of Thai food, either. I assume, since whities think all Asians are related, that goes for the cuisines, too... Ok, we secretly are all related. So, go ahead and ask for egg drop soup at Cafe Bombay, it's on the secret menu. The pouch's spidey senses can already foresee the outcome of this specimen but let's go confirm it anyways shall we...

Som Tum Salad. This papaya salad wasn't half bad... For the South. But it was missing something besides the pounding in a pestle and mortar... Oh, yeah, limes and needed more green beans, fish sauce and spice. It was just ok.

Curry Puff. Looks like an empanada but stuffed with a gummy potato filling. It reminded me of one of those fruit pies that came in a wax paper wrapper back in the day. Those were better than this. That sweet and sour sauce tastes like it's from a rusty can of G12 coolant.

Taro Balls. Not really what I expected but it was ok. It's crispy and crunchy and full of taro inside but it's too chunky. It doesn't chew well inside your mouth. Came with the same Pentosin coolant sauce.

Pad Thai. Have y'all ever seen pink noodles? I don't know if it was from the ultra sweet tamarind juice pooling at the bottom or what but that ain't normal. It was wet, real wet. The only people I know who like to slurp on wet noodles are usually on their knees in an alley. Why is there broccoli in there... This whole dish is baffling.

Green Curry. They promised it would be done correctly... Thai Hot. First, thing I see on there is no Thai eggplant, just some regular old Chinese eggplant. The curry was ultra weak, it was almost too sweet. Where the fuck is the heat, bro? It was soupy and just not what I expected from the real Thai people running the joint who thought I was Thai and told me they would prepare this like the motherland. Fucked again by my own peoples.

How come every time I walk into a real Mexican or Thai joint, they automatically start speaking Spanish or Thai to me... Must be my gorgeous olive skin and devastatingly good looks that throw people off all the time. I feel kinda bad for them because they're really nice timid people and tried to get their shit together right. Apologizing dish after dish. Maybe they were nervous, maybe their food is just too Americanized and far too gone to come back. Who knows, who cares, all I know is that the food is mediocre at best and the sparse crowd proves it. I mean who asked for not spicy on every dish at a Thai place... Right when I'm about done with the place, three juice heads came walking in with all tank tops on... Was this the Tucker army? They seemed like regulars and all of them ordered Pad Thai with 3 orders of eggrolls each like bosses. I didn't know ginzos even knew what Thai food was... Oh, wait, this wasn't Thai food, now I get it. Atlanta will never have good Thai food... Bless their hearts.

4394 Hugh Howell Rd
Tucker, GA 30084
770-493-8002
http://www.maithaiatlanta.com/