Friday, August 31, 2012

Twin Brothers

Sometimes, you just gotta get the fuck out of Dodge of the South. When the hankerin' kicked me in da nuts... I actually listened to my foul-mouthed ass. Some sun, white sand, clear blue water, fresh seafood and Baccarat would do me some good. So, I decided to make a quick get away for a long weekend to the Bahamas since I haven't been back in a few years. Atlantis on Paradise Island is nice and all but the way over-priced restaurants got real tiresome real fast. I had to make a break for it (Attica, Attica!), back over the bridge to the main island and right under the bridge (Potter's Cay) is lined with food shacks one right after another. I. Am. In. Fucking. Heaven. Yo. 


Even though they were featured on TV and shit, the locals swore by Twin Brothers (they have multiple locations, nice full-sized full service ones and tiny outposts like this one which I prefer)... And McKenzie's Fresh Fish & Conch a couple shanties over.

The World Famous Daiquiris... Who woulda thunk it? They were pretty goddamn good, though.

Fresh conch just pulled from the water and from it's shell. Conch Man knew what he was doing, got that shit outta it's shell in less than 30 seconds.

Cleaning said conch with purple sneakers. Dude was like a comic book hero of Conch.

Scorch Conch. Simple dish of fresh sliced conch, onions and "citrus" bath which was basically lime juice. Shit was still moving in your mouth. Fucking AWESOME.

Crab and Rice (seasonal). That rice was cooked perfect with accents of crab and the sea. I was lucky to have had a chance to try this seasonal side dish. Tis was very good.

Cracked Lobster. Might not look like it but this was a very generous portion of spiny lobster. Shit was dericious, crispy light batter and lobster caught a couple hours ago. The plantains were spot on, too. I wet me bed every time I dream about this as if I were frolicking with them in the oceans... It's not sexual, this is not the Bahamian version of American Pie, I swear.

Cracked Conch. Oh my... As if the fresh sliced scorch conch wasn't tasty enough. This fried up version was just as good if not better. I was eating this shit like it was popcorn. Lightly battered which makes a huge difference vs heavily battered seafood... You can actually taste the freshly harvested conch, unlike the many other pre-made frozen fried seafood you find elsewhere.

Since the Bahamian dollar is piggy-backed to the US dollar, the US recession the last few years affected their economy heavily as well, maybe even more. They were many abandoned buildings and shuttered businesses (a lot of local restaurants as well) just right outside the view of the main tourist spots where the cruise ships dock. The locals are struggling to make a buck and I'm all for supporting local businesses, especially, the ones that make my pouch happy. All the food shanties at Potter's Cay were slammed with people (mostly locals, a lot of cabbies) grabbing lunch and hanging out drinking beers... Which was nice to see that people were still enjoying themselves no matter how bad the economy was.

Rock out with your conch out.

Burp.

3 Stars.

Potter’s Cay Dock,
Nassau, Bahamas
242-395-6700
http://www.twinbrothersbahamas.com/

Monday, August 27, 2012

White Oak Kitchen & Cocktails

From the owners of Max Lager comes a new nouveau Southern resto... Yeah yeah, not another friggin one in this city that seems all too familiar and similar. But whatever, y'all know I have to see what the fuss is about up in this piece.

Downtown dining is not popular with the locals, they are engineered to cater towards tourists, conventioneers and the work force lunch crowd. By 6 at night, downtown is dead as dead can be. It's basically a ghost town in the "city that's too busy to hate"... What the fuck does that exactly mean anyways? We want to hate but haven't gotten to it yet? Baffling. But anyways, since I'm so busy these days, let's go check out this new spot and see if I'll be hating or congratulating.

Biggest Jenga game in the city. If that shit falls on your head, it ain't gonna tickle.

Part of the dining room. The entire space is quite large with a few private rooms off to the side and in the back. It is nicely designed without a lot of clutter.

BREAD, lots of it. Strawberry raspberry jelly with the mini butter loaf hiding under the napkin was the highlight.

BEAUFORT STEW, roasted prawns, homemade andouille, fingerling potatoes, hominy, smoked pork belly brodo. A tad too thick for a stew but overall the flavors were nice.

CHARCUTERIE, boudin blanc, rabbit rillettes, wild boar pastrami, pickled sunchokes, fennel, fried apples, toasted pumpernickel, rosemary muffins, ciabatta. Having only 2 types of cured meat is not what a charcuterie plate make. They were ok as a charcuterie but would work better in a sandwich. The rabbit rillettes was decent except for the layer of foamy fat on top, not the best presentation but the fat is there for a purpose. Rest of the plate was ok but the grain mustard was nice.You don't need all those fillers for this, just put down some great thinly slice cured meats and that's all you need for a great charcuterie dish.

FOIE GRAS, Tennessee Farms Foie Gras torchon, bacon jam, Hardy Farm's peanuts, banana E-ervescent. I think they called it an Elvis foie gras or other... It's a cute idea but the execution needs work. The torchon were bits and pieces and got lost in the sea of the other elements that adorns this app. It was ok, but I wouldn't order this again until they do some more work on it.

STEAK, cast iron eye of ribeye, barely smoked deckle of beef, tomato pie, mustard greens, white BBQ sauce. Is that a fruit tart??!! Oh, it's a tomato pie... Strange take on it, didn't love it like a classic version. The thick chunk of ribeye was cooked a perfect medium-rare with a few slices of deckle on top. Deckle is prolly one of my favorite cuts if not the top cut... It's what meat dreams of becoming when they grow up.

SHRIMP, gulf white shrimp, low country carolina gold, house made andouille, brillant tomato butter. This is not a shrimp and grits. It's more like shrimp and redneck risotto. It was a well executed dish but kinda boring to me.

SHORT RIB, braised beef short rib au poivre, roasted french beans, pomme frites. A giant hunk of meat that was flavorful, fork tender and cooked well. If you're hungry, get this. The hairy coverts were vibrant and snappy. The skin-on french fries were pretty good, too.

LAMB, sorghum cured rack of lamb, baked ratatouille, sweet potato frites, pepper jelly. Everyone is on the sorghum train, why not rub it all over a rack of lamb... And let me tell ya, this was a nice rack of lamb. Kinda reminded me of Kate Upton doing the Cat Daddy. Nevermind. Lamb was cooked spot on medium-rare, just a beautiful piece of meat. Ratatouille was fine but the sweet tater fwies were really good.

DUCK, roasted muscovey duck breast, sweet potato, bacon terrine, duck confit, okra "hay stack", red-eye ham gravy. There is a lot of stuff going on on this plate... And I liked it. Once again, they did a great job cooking all the meats and the duck breast was no exception, it was near perfect. The confit duck leg was nice as well with a lovely crispy thin skin. I don't want to say it but could it be too many flavors going on here... Nah, more the merrier.

FRIED CHICKEN, caramel fried chicken, pickled vegetable, pan gravy, fleur de sel potato chips. Tip: make sure you have them put the pan gravy on the side or else that chicken will look like it just came off a porno set. The crust was very nice, seasoned well and super crispy. The meat was tender but coulda been a little juicier. For this price point, you would expect some dark meat (which is a must for any respectable fried chicken dish) like a leg or a thigh or both. The pickled veggies were so-so and the pan gravy was a little sweet, especially, when combined with that caramel sauce. Not a bad fried chicken at all, pretty decent for a new joint. Just include some dark meat for crying out loud. The chips were thin and fried nicely.

RED VELVET. A rather large heaping of a slice... But a few dusting of red stuff on a chocolate cake make not a red velvet cake. It was a bit dry and I was not a fan. No wonder why I'm not a dessert person.


While the meats were all cooked well to the requested temp and tasted great... There were other things that didn't make the grade. I'm not going to nit pick all the little things to death but hopefully they will work it all out in time. I like this resto and it has promise to be a consistent one even though the menu is not exactly grounding breaking. The cocktail menu is average with some decent originals. They seem rather content on doing proven dishes that will taste good and sell well because it's familiar to most people, whether it's a local or a tourist. I would like them to be a little bit more adventurous on the menu in the future, until then it's a safe bet. Oh, and the service was friendly and attentive... Mebbe it had something to do with it being empty on a Sunday night.

2 Stars.

270 Peachtree Street NE 
Atlanta, GA 30303
(404) 524-7200
http://whiteoakkitchen.com/

Quoc Huong Banh Mi Fast Food

Yeah yeah... This place is old as dirt and reviewed about a million times. We all know about their banh mi and how loved it is in this city. But do we know much about their pho? I guess people do but I'm gonna stick my dick in it anyways and stir the pot a little. Most importantly before I do that stunt, let's let it cool off a little first. A scorched wiener does no one any good...

Pho with meatballs only. Most pho joints are real fucking chintzy with the Vietnamese meatballs, if you pay extra they usually give you like 2 balls cut in half each but here they actually give you a good amount. I love these things, they are so good and firmer than the traditional Asian meatballs... But the one with the little chunks of tendon in them are the real prized ones and hard to find. The broth is about the same as usual, not the best by any means but it works. I mean their pho are so friggin cheap, who gives a shit. Shut up and stuff your fat face.

Grilled pork banh mi. The classic. Is it still the best or one of the best? Yes and no. Consistency is the issue here but the ingredients are still quality. When they're are slammed with 8000 banh mi orders, the old hags in the back just can't keep up and the meat to veg ratio gets neglected. The baguette is still top notch but recently noticed they were smaller. Hmmm.

What I don't like about their pho selection is that there isn't a garbage plate one... You know, the bowl with every undesirable innards, the pho dac biet. The tendon, tripe and all the other disgusting goodies are the best part of a real pho... Well, in my little world it is but what do I know. This is the closes version of that, no tendon or brisket, the tripe was weak and too little offered.

Still one of the best dumps in Atlanta to get a crave-worthy banh mi but that's about it. Their pho is decent enough to accompany a few banh mi's but eaten alone, forgetaboutit.

2 Stars.

5150 Buford Highway Northeast
Doraville, GA 30340
(770) 936-0605

Waffold

I kinda liked Burger Tap (even though it only lasted like 4 sunrises), the rectangular buttered and toasted buns and meat door mats were pretty tasty but everything else were just too gimmicky... Which brings me to their new "concept". Well, it's new to Atlanta but this concept has been around for a good bit in California at a small chain called Bruxie. Why does this city always get knockoffs from other cities and pretend that it's new... You know why, I ain't going there. Let's just focus on this new Belgian waffle sandwich joint in which the words "Belgian waffle" is already suspect to me.

If you put both menus next to each other and do a side by side comparison... It's almost like a carbon copy with Silly Putty and the Sunday comics. Basically, Waffold's menu is not far off. They just picked off most of the popular items on Bruxie's menu and stuck it on there's... It's almost frightening. If David Chang owned Bruxie he would have a shit fit all over the intertubes (since Momofuku is one of the most copied idea) and Waffold would be folded in half and fucked hard with a little maple syrup as lube. 

This place is just a gimmick, plain and simple. But are all gimmicks bad? Not necessarily if they can pull it off with some kick ass flavors and execution. Let's a take a quick bite...

Gaucho Chicken, grilled chicken breast, jack cheese, grilled tomato, red onion, chimichurri mayo and Waffold fries. There was a Cajun Fried Chicken but after looking at the condiments and toppings that thing woulda been just a shitshow to eat. So, I went with a rather simpler version of cheekan and waffles. The properly defrosted chicken breast was cooked well, tender and juicy (I couldn't believe it). The waffle eating vehicle was as expected, boring and not at a "Belgian" waffle by any means. A real Belgian waffle or Liege waffle is denser, sweeter and caramelized around the edges... Waffold's is like a glorified Eggo, not that there's anything wrong with that. The chimichurri mayo was pretty much jizz in a bag, if they actually used a real chimichurri this waffold woulda been actually decent with nice flavors.

The Waffold fries served in a cut up brown lunch bag is overpriced for what it was but the seasoning they used on top was pretty good.

Nutella & Banana, nutella, sliced bananas, whipped cream. Well, as you can see. It's a waffle stuffed with the said ingredients. Tasted like how it looked. Passable.

As any person with half a brain can guess... This concept is a novelty at best. Copying the menu and website layout of an established chain from another state is usually the kiss of death for most restos. The place was dead when I was there but I did have a nice little quick chat with one of the owners whom was very nice, I really had no choice in avoiding him. I learn a bit from him but I like to be left alone when I'm eating. My best guess is that once everyone has tried the menu once or twice, the gimmick will wear off faster than "Air Baked Fries"... Anyone remember that epic piece of inedible shit that hit the culinary scene years back?

Fair Rating.

1409 N Highland Ave NE
Suite D
Atlanta, GA 30306
http://waffold.com/

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Thai of Sandy Springs

Sandy Springs scares me... It is incorporated. Which means they really don't have a government and every service is basically outsourced to different companies around the country to the lowest bidder to do the job. Does that work for this relatively upscale upstate suburb in Atlanta? I guess it does if you want to keep the riff raffs and Section 8's outta this area. But seriously, who gives a shit about the poor, they don't eat out and infuse hard earned dollars into the local economy... I do. So, this tiny little hole in the wall Thai joint in the rear of this dumpy strip mall better be worth the trip all the way up to Wherethefuckareweville.

This joint is not new by any means. It's actually been here for years, no one really goes here unless they're part of the assimilation... Err, I mean incorporation. I keep forgetting this town is not the Borg. Whatever. Let's just go get some shit to nosh and see how it fares... Hope it's not a collective of boring bland ass flavors. Resistance may be futile up in this piece. Fuck me... Lord help me.

Basil Rolls. Pretty much standard issue drones. A bit chintzy on the shrimp. At least the rice wrapper wasn't hard.

Dried Chili and Cashew Nuts with Chicken. When I saw dried chilis, I had thoughts of Sichuan spiciness dancing in my head...But tis was just a plate of Americanized Chino stir fry with a semi "spiced" brown sauce... And we all know how whities love the infamous "brown sauce". For what it was and what it stood for (not Thai in the very least), it wasn't a bad dish. All the veggies were cooked well and retained their "snap". The chicken was cook properly as well, nice and tender. My only complaint would be the"brown sauce", it was thin, watery and lack any real heat.

Green Curry with Pork.The infamous green curry, my old nemesis... So many garbage versions in this town. Does this one have what it takes? Believe it or not, it was decent. Not that it was spicy or anything but I liked the wonderful consistency of the curry itself, it was silky and smooth. The pork was cooked just as well as the chicken in the previous dish. The veggies as well but my only gripe would be the "eggplant". Why is it so fucking hard to use real Thai eggplants? Ok, ok, this is not real Thai food but they are not that expensive and there's tons of them available at the Buford Hwy Farmers Market. If they used them in this dish, I woulda been really happy... Might have even gotten a blood flood when that fleshy pork hits my lips.

Pad Thai with Tofu. First off, don't rag on me about getting tofu... I's need my veggie intake to balance out the meal (*cough*bullshit*cough*). Second, this pad thai was not bad because the noodles were not all clumped up and stuck together. This little attention to details impacts the edibility of this dish. Imagine eating nappy ass hair all weaved and wadded up together and you trying to separate every strand with a pitch fork or a pair of chopsticks... No fucking thanks. Wait a minzies, Thais don't use fucking chopsticks, why the fuck did they give us chopsticks? Assimilation, motherfuckers! 

I liked the place even though it's not that authentic. Who am I kidding, it was decent American Thai... But the the Borgs seem to lurv this shit. They didn't even have a papaya salad on the menu for crying out loud, they didn't even know what I was talking about... Shit, they must have been assimilated. Come to think of it, appetizer #7 of 9 on the menu was missing... Hmmm, it musta escaped the collective. Right on, bro.  

1.5 Stars.

5975 Roswell Rd.
Suite 233D
Atlanta, GA 30328
404-250-9515
www.thaiofsandysprings.com

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Bone Lick BBQ

I was not a huge fan of the Monday Night BBQ at P'cheen. I had a few bites here and there and it just wasn't all that. Once you're spoiled with Heirloom's Q, it's hard to find another that can compete (even Fox Bros fell off my radar because of their smugness and declining quality of product). But I had a really decent meal at P'cheen recently so I figure why not keep the good streak going and check out their new Bone Lick's brick and mortar spot. After all, they proudly state on their single page website with the quote- "Bone Lick BBQ Named "Best BBQ in the City" - Atlanta Magazine". No one in their right mind would ever put that claim in print unless it's twue (Bill Addison ranked them back in 2010). Not even if their PR pushed them to do it, it's a bold claim to live up to. Let's hope they are doing just that and delivering the goods as stated. I'ma hunnngarree... Pouchy need food.

Let's go take a first lookie...

Sweet Tea, a giant mason jar of it. Tis was surprisingly good but maybe a little too sweet after a jar or two. I'm trying to work up an appetite not diabetes or a fatter ass... Lord knows I need a bigger shitter than what I'm sporting now.

The Fat Ass Sampler, ribs, brisket, sausage, pulled pork, 1/4 cheekan. Oh, fuck, I spoke too soon... What does my fat ass order? Well, of course the namesake combo platter with every piece of meat in the house. There was a moment of terror that I walked into the wrong place because the staff yelled out "FAT ASS" in the same fashion at Moe's when they delivered it in front of my snout. It was a handsome amount of manmeat but lacking a bit in the presentation sector but does that really matter when it comes to BBQ? It also came with two sides which I picked the good old standby mac n cheez and pork n beanz.  The Texas Toast was plain old sliced white bread, it was thinner than my hairline. The sliced brisket looked like it had promise, nice bark and smoke ring but it was dry, it needed a desperate bath in it's own juices. The ribs were decent and prolly the best meat of the night, they didn't fall off the bone with the usual light swipe of the fork, it needed some muscle to tear and rip the meat off. It chewed better than it looked coming off the bone. The pulled pork were tender and stringy, pretty much standard issued grade pulled pork. The chicken was a mess, over cooked and dried up, I think it shrank as well, this was a tough one to finish. The sausage sounded great when described but it came out mealy and tasted like a mouthful of sawdust, there was no fat in it, no flavor, not one bite. It was pretty disappointing... Until Alex came out with another one that just came out of the smoker. This one was 100 times better but it still needed a lot more fat and I would liked it to have more texture vs a pink slime consistency. BTW- there's 4 difference sauces, a SC style mustard based sauce, a SC style vinegar based sauce, a KC style heavy tomato based sauce and another vinegar peppery sauce which I assume is Memphis style. All the sauces work with the meats here but the vinegar sauces were a little too thin.

Jalapeno Mac, garnished with 2 large slices of jalapenos on the bias were made with standard elbow pasta but it lack that creamy, gooey, cheesy, and oh-so-bad-for-you macciness we've have come to expect from a top notch BBQ joint. Mac n cheez is prolly the most ordered side in any Q joint but they seriously need to work on this before it can even be considered to be on the menu. I think it needs to go in the oven and toasted a bit before being sent out. I like the top browned with a little crunch to it for contrast. But that's just me though.

Pork-n-Pork-Beans, definitely no lack of beans in there or pork. But once again it was just too sweet, I want to taste the smokiness of it. The sweetness seems to be trying to cover up something. I'm just baffled right about now.


Brunswick Stew, smoked pork, corn, lima, okra, tomato stew. Yeah, this picture looks like shit but I wanted to give y'all at least some type of visual. B-Stew has to be made perfect or else it's just meat soup. It was too sweet, the flavors and ingredients were jumbled and clashing. Add all that into a pot and none of it made sense in my mouth. What a shame, I was hoping for some really kick ass B-stew without driving to Heirloom or even to Fox Bros.

First impressions are hard to erase from your mind and taste buds... But given that it was their first week in operation, I'm gonna cut them some slack. My advice for them which they should already know, is to taste your food and taste it often before you send it out to paying customers. They got the talent here and hopefully with a little time they will produce some prize worthy and crave worthy Q and sides. Was it that bad? No, but it needs a good bit of work. They are on the right track... But as of now, I'll stick with Heirloom and make another visit here in a few weeks when they have their routine down.

C'mon, guys... Don't die on me but make me fatter instead! The pouch begs of you.

Developing...

1133 Huff Road
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 343-6574
http://www.bonelickbarbecue.com/

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Vinny's New York Pizza

Looks like another NY style pizza joint from upstate Georgia is making a showing in midtown. We already know what happens when some second rate pizza opens shop intown... Gino's NY style pizza on Cheshire and Piedmont was absolutely dismal with their filthy plates and doughy tasteless pizza. Let's just forget about that place and move on... To something worth eating and talking about. Well, let's hope...

We don't need to go through my background about my love for NY 'ZA... It's as obvious as my love for fwied cheekan. So, let's just get right to it... Vinny's midtown, not the one in Duluth which I have never been to but if this satellite location intown has any real cojones, I may even take a ride up to Duluth for their more extensive menu with includes apps,  pastas, entrees and other crap. What? It's on Sugarloag Parkway? Fuck that noise. Guess I ain't going after all.


The classic cheese pie... Doesn't look that awful. Yet. That's what the Predator's mother said also.

The required up-skirt shot... Looks as good as a regular gas oven can get it. So, how was it? It was passable. Better than most wannabe NY 'ZA joints (they know who they are). The cheese is a little too dense (didn't have that pull), the sauce a little too sweet (needed to be seasoned, too) and the crust needed more time in the oven (a little more char is ok, numbnuts, I actually prefer it). But for the midtown crowd and convenience, it will do. Also, depends on who's making the pies that day, too many inconsistencies in the cheese to sauce to dough stretch ratio.

Pepperoni slice... Looks kinda fake. I guess when it's been sitting around for hours (you see how the cheese is pulling away from the crust) even reheating it ain't gonna make a difference. Mebbe they should try pissing on it.

Stromboli, sausage and peppers... Looks more like a calzone than a stromboli but what do I know. Let's hope there's a surprise inside.

Look at that gash, reminds me of an ex... Oh, the horror, the horror (must be an echo in here). Well, at least I didn't find fromunda (ricotta) in there...The sausage were semi-rubbery slices which I then ponder why they didn't or wouldn't roll it up like the stromboli's of old. Consuming this entire thing reminded me too much of a calzone and too little of a stromboli... Made me sad. But overall it was edible and decently baked. Would I get it again? Prolly not. I'd get a calzone next time which will prolly look exactly that same as this specimen but with smegma inside.

This place may find a niche in midtown since there's really no other pizza places nearby. It ain't gonna turn you into a New Yorker but it will definitely fill your pouch with a shitload of carbs and gluten. Can't wait to come by here when I'm really fucked up.

1 Star.

860 Peachtree St
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 872-0484
http://vinnyspizzaatlanta.com

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Oriental Pearl Seafood Restaurant

Everyone knows about Oriental Pearl's dim sum on the weekends but not many really talk about the rest of menu. Prolly because there's not much to talk about. Chinese restos here either excel in dim sum or the standard classic dishes, but rarely both. Golden House tried and failed miserably which still haunts my bowels to this day. The Chino cooks here in ATL are just not skilled enough to handle the diverse culinary landscape of the Cantonese cuisine. NYC may be the only exception. Finding a great dim sum cook and a great traditional cook to pair up in this city is almost unpossible... Hell, you'll  have an easier time pairing up Dan Cathy with Baton Bob.

Let's take a quick bite at OP and see if I'll be heading to Chick-fil-a for a cock and mayo sandwich afterwards...

Hong Kong Style Fried Soft Shell Crab w/ crispy garlic. It looks like someone made a mess in their pants and wiped it up with a plate... But make no mistake, I will gladly clean up this mess after you. There's 2-3 soft shell crabs in there cut in half, coated and deep fried to this golden brown eye color, then topped with a fistfull of fried garlic which in my opinion takes this entire dish to another level. Sure, the dusty old fried crabs you find elsewhere are tasty enough, but when you cover it with fried garlic... This is pissing some intense flavors in your mouth. The crunch factor is all there. Remember to save all the little bits of extras on the plate and take it home and add it to some plain old rice. It is so low rent but it tastes oh-so-ghetto-fabu.

Beef Chowfun. Why is every chowfun dish in this city becoming 3rd rate? I haven't had a decent chowfun here in months, that I had to make a special weekend trip back to NYC just to get my fix. That's how pathetic I am, as was this specimen. Wo Hop even laughs at them... And Wo Hop is like the McDonald's of Chinatown.  Ok, it wasn't total garbage but it wasn't even up to 2nd rate par. Wrong noodles width, beef slices hacked with the grain and chewy, not enough scallions, seasoning/sauces were off balance and just plain pedestrian. I'm so mad.

Sour Mustard w/ Pork. The elusive sour mustard... Only a handful, mebbe even less, of Chino restos here have this in stock (they are usually off the menu). This version was limited to either pork or beef and no offal was offered. It was passable, barely, because beggars can't be choosers. The best can still be found at Coco's... And who knows how long that will last with Danny Ting and his dancing shoes. You fuckers have to stop emulating that cocksucker, Peter Chang. Just stay put and cook good food for crying out loud.

Salt & Pepper Squid. Ahh, the whities' favorite dish at the table but sometimes this Asian have to go Caucasian all up in this piece. Too bad this came out looking like albino shit chips. When there's broken up pieces of fried vermicelli noodles pretending to be a nest or something, the only place suitable for this is in a black plastic bag... Preferably with a cinch sack. Speaking of sacks... They do kinda look like fried flappy sack skins. 

If it wasn't for that friggin soft shell crab, this place woulda gotten the boot from yours truly. Still mad at these fuckers for putting out subpar Chino grub to Chinos. You never seen real life Mexicans eat at Taco Bell, no one has, so stop with the Americanized shit you're trying to pass off as edible. If I wanted to go rednekkin', I would go to Little Szechuan... Even Chin Chin's laughs at Lil Szech and they serve sooshee, too. 

The dim sum here is still OK... Not like there's a lot of choices nowadays for good dim sum in this town anyways but they'll do.

So sad.

1.5 Star.

5399 New Peachtree Rd
Chamblee, GA 30341
(770) 986-9866

Monday, August 13, 2012

Mighty Wings!

Yep... I know what y'all are thinking. I don't give a shit, I did it anyways like a rabid honey badger. The last time I had Mickey Deez nuts in my mouth, Magnum P.I. was a hit show... And now, I also have the physique of Higgy Baby.  

What's a dipsomaniac to do when he's been out all night and needs a snack and Popeyes is closing up? Well, this fat fuck does the next logical thing and tries the all new Mighty Wings from McDonald's. Ok, it ain't new by any means cuz this shit was introduced back in the 90's... Or was that the 60's. I don't remember, I get those numbers mixed up (6, 9, 69 it's all the same), plus, who remembers how they tasted that far back but anyways... Atlanta is the lucky test city for their "all new and improved" marketing efforts to bring back the bone-in cheekan wang.

It is not a traditional buffalo wing or hot wing by any means. It is breaded and fried like a classic fried chicken. I do like the bone-in factor... As do many of the horny broads you usually find around town or in a back alley. Let's take a closer look... Hmmm, they come in a plain jane secret test edition white box. It's so clinical.

I got them literally right out of the fryer, so they were super crispy and juicy inside. If they have been sitting awhile under the heat lamps, they get pretty dry and nasty... but luckily for me, they had to do it to order because I ended up there around 1AM. I liked the crust, it wasn't too thick or too thin and it had a nice crunch factor. The spicy buffalo sauce was pretty much garbage, so avoid it if you can. At about a $1 a piece, it's kinda pricey from a fast food dump. They need to lower that shit a bit if they seriously want to compete.

For what it was, it was kinda decent when you're buzzing and jonesing for some grub... And only when Popeyes is closed.

Fair rating.

Pick them up at any location in the metro area and beyond, there's only like a billion of them. If you need directions, I'm gonna kick you in the nads and make you crow like a chicken.

P'cheen

We all know this place has been a hit with the local crowd since they first opened and they still are. It's a good place to hang out and have a drink or ten. But the menu was something that most people don't talk about, ever... Like that trio of curry thing. Let's face it, it was kinda boring and the execution was inconsistent since Alex really doesn't cook anymore because he had bigger and better projects in the works. I just pretended they didn't serve food and always headed straight for the bar and lush up. So, I decided to take off the skirt and see what's up with their food after all these years since I noticed a change in the menu.

God, please don't let this supper be my last... And protect my bowels from the evils that be.

Sat at a small table in front of the kitchen, no problem except for that fly doing a fuckin backstroke on the plate in the middle of the table... Fucker's legs were going a mile a minute, fast lil basterd. After I tipped off the server about our little Olympian fwend, he took that shit outta there quicker than Phelps looking for the next bong hit.

Good start... Where the fuck is my whiskey shot and drank? Alright, let's get to the goods...

Angus Portobello Burger (meyer ranch grass fed angus-portobello burger, side salad). Cooked to temp, medium rare, nice. It was a decent size booger and tasted pretty good. I know it's just a simple friggin burger but I'm starting to see a change to quality and execution here. Hmmm.. Must be a fluke. A one time lucky break. Let's check out the next dish...

Local Fried Chicken (springer mountain farm, local pepper gravy, garlic mashed potatoes). Ahhh, sheeeit, what could this be? I have been disappointed with the long time local favorite fwied cheekan that have resurfaced recently, can a local hangout do any better than the overpriced shake n bake stuff that made me cry? First off, I hate stupid sauces/gravy on my cheekan that restos do all the time. It's fried chicken, stop making my crispy yardbird soggy like wet newspaper. I flicked off as much of the jizz as possible, near disaster avoided. But how was the chicken? I can not believe I'm gonna say this... But this shit was G U U D. The batter/crust was crispy and uniform, held together nicely, seasoned very well and the meat was tender and juicy inside. Am I fucking dweaming? Someone kick me in my one ball because I think I swallowed the other. How can this be? This place did done a very decent fried chicken and no one talks about it. That's fucked up that I didn't know. Am I the only one in this town that gives a shit about fried chicken? I think I ate this faster than a box of Popeyes... And that says a lot.

The other menu items that seemed like it had promise was the pork shank and mebbe the yucatan surf + turf... But I ain't rushing back to try them, I much rather drink than dine there. Overall, I enjoyed this visit very much even with the fly doing the windmill in the middle of the table. His break dancing skills were solid like with the kitchen staff's execution tonight.

Yeah, I'm as baffled by this as you are but gotta give credit where credit is due... even if it's for just one night.

2 Stars.

701 Highland Ave
Atlanta, GA
404-529-8800
www.pcheen.com