Willie Mae's Scotch House

Yes, I came to the home town of Popeyes fried chicken to only have an affair with Willie Mae's dirty Treme yardbird. I passed by a couple of Popeyes on the way here, so if the chicken sucked here, you know where I'll be next...

The dumpy entrance to cheekan heaven. Looks empty but don't be fooled... Joint is packed inside and there's a tent on the outside for y'all to wait in the heat. By the time we ate and left it was slamming. Get here early, real early.

America's Best Fried Chicken. Bold words, the pouch will be the judge of that. I don't know how many orders were in this basket but it is glorious. I think there were 9 pieces (all dark)... Not for long. I rummaged for a thigh. The only piece that should be considered the holy grail for frying. I was really upset when every single white person in this place asked for all white meat... Fucking amateurs. These people should wait extra in line just for that insult. All they kept saying was this is suppose to be really good... Yeah, if you got the dark meat like it's intended. Anyways, serenity now... These were made to order, not sitting under some heat lamp. It took time to cook and the shit was still crackling when it came out. The batter/crust is pretty thin, great color, very well seasoned, very crispy with a lot of nooks and crannies that works great with hot sauce and breaks away from the flesh easily. It is a very good crust, while it seemed thin, it has a lot of crunch factor to it. The meat inside is tender and very juicy, not greasy but juicy. This could very well be ABFC... So, does this chicken come anywhere close to beating Popeyes? The answer is YES. Oh fuck, I said it. This will be considered one of the best at #2. The best in the world was from a street cart by an old lady in Bangkok, Thailand, the most amazing fried chicken I have ever had. So, Popeyes has been pushed down to #3 on the pouch's world ranking. I'm still thinking about this chicken days later... Sure sign it's a winner. But in Atlanta, Popeyes is still #1 in my heart and pouch.

Seasoned Green Beans and Rice. This ridiculous portion was a side that came with the ABFC... Large enough to be a meal. You can't beat this deal. Beans were kinda spicy but a bit bland at the same time, weird. The gravy on the rice was a little spicy but it totally made up for the unseasoned beans. Mix and shovel it into your face hole and repeat.

Chicken Fried Pork Chop, mac & cheez, sweet peas. The 6 oz. chop is too thin, the secret recipe batter too thick and the chop got rubbery trying to deep fry that batter so it's not under-cooked and runny. Mac was decent and peas were soggy in a canned kinda way but weren't at the same, it was the real Southern way. This dish was pretty much average.

Fried Okra. If these were brown bag breaded okra, then I'm a fan and want to know where they got them from.

Sweet Potato Fries. Decent tasting sweet tater fries, they needed a couple more minzies in the fryer though.

This place deserves all the success after all the damage done by Katrina. But their real secret to their success was from the community who volunteered to rebuild this local joint to get that fryer back up and running for the all people who miss and crave their fried chicken. I can see why and the crowds that swarm here on a daily basis is proof positive that their passion and attention to their spectacular fried chicken has not been compromised at all even with all the nationwide coverage. The rest of the menu is pretty standard stuff, the sides are better but you come here for one thing and one thing only- the fwied cheekan.

Pump pump squirt!

2401 St. Ann Street
New Orleans, LA 70119
(504) 822-950

The Bishop

Could this new local joint be part of a revival for this strip of Avondale Estates? Pallookaville got a lot of people coming back into this part of town and hopefully this joint will contribute to the revitalization... Because we all know this area is basically a ghost town. Shit does not happen here often.

Walked in on a friday night to grab a bite and first look, had somewhat of a decent buzz. Not packed but not dead either. Going good so far. The menu wasn't all that creative but execution and flavor is more important. Plus, I was curious about that damn Pine Street Market smoked fried cheekan. Ordered an Eschaton beer to start, very nice with an "earthy spiciness". So, looking through the menu, a couple interesting dishes I wouldn't mind trying, others not so much because it can be had anywhere... Then I noticed that the prices of on the menus we got have different prices scattered around for some of the dishes. Then I noticed the fried chicken was not $16 anymore, it was $18 on one menu and $19 on the other. This is fucking ridiculous. Got the server to see WTF is going on with this marlarkey. He comes back with the higher priced menu and says this is the correct one. Naturally, yeah, I'm sure it is. So, basically $20 for two pieces of fried chicken I says to the server. What a fucking ripoff. But it's a very special fried chicken from a very special place, he retorts. Automatically, I'm thinking of Popeyes headquarter's kitchen... Then I woke up. That is an outrageous price tag for two pieces of cheekan but I order it anyways. Then the server tells me, oh, we're out of them... At 7:30PM on a friday night that wasn't even slammed. Who did that inventory for their prized dish? This ain't H&F's burger is it? So, you know I'm furious now and want to walk outta there but I had a beer already. This bummed me out and now I have to resort to looking at that dreaded menu again for something edible and at what mystery price must I pay for it.

Kale Salad. Yeah yeah... The hipster's salad. I don't know what to tell ya... It's like something my sister would make and she can't cook worth a shit.

The Burger with House Chips. This is what I came up with to replace the special overpriced fried chicken duo... A fucking burger because nothing else sounded that interesting. When I see prime rib, I think of elderly citizens. I thought this would be the safest bet, plus, I'm always on the lookout for a new "it" burger of the year. This wasn't it. It was cooked spot on at mid-rare but there was nothing spectacular in the patty that made me want to shit unicorns, piss rainbows and throw up cute puppies with flowers in their little mouth. It's like a good backyard burger from a neighbor that borrows all your lawn equipment and tells you that they are going to return it tomorrow everyday. The house chips were decent, crispy and had some nice flavor to it with the garlic aioli. It's a decent hood burger if you're in the area, not a destination meat flap.. Like at the Clermont Lounge. At least they didn't jack up the price on this thing when I got the bill.

French Dip Sliders. So, the better half didn't want the risotto, BLT or the reuben. This is what came out... That damn senior citizen house special with shaved prime rib. When I think of shaved and prime... I'm not thinking about sliders. I would slide something else into it, instead. OK, this wasn't that bad. It was pretty tasty with that jus. I'm just kinda over it with sliders everywhere... You broads think you're eating light with small cute little sandos but who are you trying to kid? After inhaling 3 of them, it's the same fucking thing as eating one and a half burgers. OINKERS! Anyway, these sliders were totally acceptable. 

It wasn't a terrible first look but a lot of things bugged me with their operation which made the whole experience less fun. Like jacking up the prices after the AJC piece, not once but twice. And running out of the jacked up dish. The server was doing his best and did a good job. None of that bullshit was his fault. Am I ready to return anytime soon? Fuck yeah I am... But across the street to Pallookaville. They have boozey shakes and girthy corndogs. Call me when you get those two pieces of divine chicken in.

124 N Avondale Rd.
AVondale Estates, GA
404-692-5454
http://thebishopae.com/

Pan American Bakery

No matter how many times I come here for their Cuban sando over the years, it is always consistent and tastes just as good as the last visit. The bread is made in house and pressed perfectly every time. The innards are in the same order and portion every time. Their handful of baked goods are also a must have. This dive has been here longer on earth than most Yelpers that write how dirty it is or it's not a real restaurant or whatever the fuck they have no clue about. Stick to Instacrapping and Hashbrowning# Justin Bieber, recipes that you will never make or whatever you lightweight pikers do on an hourly basis. Leave these good people alone so I can get my weekly fix on this 100% puro Cubano.

Cubano. I eat this like how porn stars suck cock... with vigor and a lot of ugly people having sex noises.

Pastillas de Guayaba y Carne. I quote the ambiguous, Andy Dick, "Don't forget the satchel, ladies".



3671 Clairmont Rd
Chamblee, GA 30341

770-457-2172

Bojangles'

This place is like my version of having an affair with a slutty White House intern. I'm not saying that my beloved Popeyes is some worn out, wrinkled up, elbow skin faced, house frow like Hillary, cus it ain't. Fortunately, the cheekan cum stains were all over my face and pouch, instead on my beautiful new blue dress. I forgot my cigar but that cheekan leg looks close enough to get the job done. Oooh, it's so stiff, crunchy and warm. It tastes so good when it hits your chicken lips. Let's check out their newest location that's almost ITP..

The cheekan is very crispy and juicy inside, mostly it's from the grease that gets sealed in tight from the crust but overall, this is still a tasty piece of cheekan.  Not as good as Popeyes but it'll do. The dirty rice is one of their best sides. The biscuit is fluffier and less buttery than Popeyes but totally acceptable... I can see why they are used for so many different types of breakfast biscuit sandwiches.

Cajun Filet Biscuit. Their answer to the Chick-fil-A spicy chicken biscuit. I'm not a huge fan of Chick-fil-A but they might edge out Bo's by just a tad. The tater tot thingers were greasy goodness.

 Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit. The healthiest item on the menu... And it was tasty as shit.

Sausage and Egg Biscuit. The second healthiest item on the menu... They had like a 2 for 1 special deal thinger, so it was tasty as shit shit.

Would I put on knee pads and facilitate them like an impressionable cheap slut for their cheekan like with Popeyes? Hell no. But I do respect them in the morning...For their biscuits. And their cheekan is not too shabby either. The place has been a gold mine since they opened and I would stop by again if I needed a fix.

3336 Lawrenceville Highway
Tucker, GA 30084
770-934-5455
http://www.bojangles.com/

Makan

I was pretty excited for this new concept to come to fruition, real Asian(Chinese) street food in this town could be a real game changer... But ended up disappointed like everything else that's marketed as something new and interesting that turned out to be the total opposite. This town still has a long way to go for global cuisine tolerance.

So, it was billed as Asian street food and now it's just Asian comfort food. I have been skeptical of this joint during their build out and menu planning process. Chinese owners but mostly Korean dishes... How is this Asian street food again? Where are the curry fish balls, pig intestines, meats and squid on a stick, stinky tofu, rice noodles with sesame seeds and hoisin sauce, egg waffle, pineapple bun, congee with 1000 year old egg, macaroni ham soup, SPAM... These are some of the classics you'll find on every street in Hong Kong and throughout Asia, except here.

It's cute they come around the table with a cart of ban chan for $2 a piece but after spying the 2 bite size little petri dishes of dull looking palate waker uppers, I had to pass on that entire cart and go straight to the menu which is printed on a local newspaper style rag. The menu is not that exciting or maybe it just reads boring because there's no cross word puzzle or comics in there. The Salt & Pepper dish is made with a "seafood" available that night... Which the server said "frog". I said wow, really, a whole frog dish not just the legs? She said yes but then didn't know a second later. Sent her off to ask and she comes back and says it's just the frog legs. No shit Sherlock, this server obviously have no clue about Asian cuisine or any cuisine for that matter, seems like everything she knows about Asian cuisine she read on The Onion. So, anyways, ordered a few samples from the menu for a first look..

Fried Chicken.  I see fried cheekan, I order it. Little fried nuggets with a thin coating and a good helping of 5 spice. Fried jalapeno was a cute gesture but did very little to improve the dish. It's a small kid size portion to nibble on. These weren't craveworthy like Quickly's highly addictive Taiwanese cheekan nuggets. A fried chicken dish that I will not be ordering again... Yes, I said that for reals.

Pork Belly Bun. Looked kinda skimpy. Bun was cold.

Open sesame! Chintzy filler inside and the pork belly was literally a small piece of FAT, maybe a couple of strands of pork meat hairs. This was flavorless and just plain awful rendition of a classic. No other way to say it. How can I take them seriously when there's no quality control here.

Ramyun. Roasted pork, Sun Noodles, poached garlic, kimchi, overnight pork broth. Ok, the Sun Noodles got me.. And they were good but sadly the rest of the bowl was a miss. The roasted pork once again was pure fat, I mean almost the entire protein in there was fat fat and more fat. Did they get the cheapest cut of pork belly? The soft boiled egg seemed poached and the whites were barely cooked through. I'll eat raw eggs but the broth was barely warm enough to continue to cook the whites. Mixing in the raw yolk into this broth made no sense, it would have ruined it, so I ate the almost raw egg in one mouthful. The broth was ok, nothing noteworthy or demands a return visit for this. If it wasn't for the Sun Noodles, I woulda got the ox tail beef noodle soup.

Hong Kong Noodle Soup. Roasted whole quail, shrimp and pork wonton, noodles, chicken broth. I had to get this dish, it was a must for my roots and my peoples. Their original version on their website had an egg in it, no egg in tonight's service. First major fail is the two tiny wontons... Absolutely dismal, it was all wonton skin and barely a 1/4 teaspoon of filling. I have seen meatier flaps on a skinny girl. Even after eating it, there was no evidence of shrimp or pork, just some type of spongy substance, perhaps tempeh. The quail while a weird combination with a HK style wonton noodle soup was a bit chewy and soggy. In HK they sell tiny roasted quails that are super juicy, tender and thin crackling skin. This was no where close to it. The "wonton noodles" were over cooked and lacked that all important crunch to it. The broth was totally flavorless, a great wonton noodle broth is made with shrimp roe, fish and pork like at the world famous Mak's in Hong Kong. I have no idea what this broth was made with, perhaps dirty dish water... Look at that cloudy color. For $16, this was more of an insult to people of Hong Kong than to my pouch. Get rid of that quail and make a decent bowl of wonton noodle soup instead. Ming's has a very decent Hong Kong style WNS for only a few dollars.

I may have expected too much from my brothers from another mother for real Asian street/comfort food. But at the end of the day, they must change the dishes to suit the taste of this culinary challenged town if they ever want to make any money. Maybe in a few years, a concept like this might work with the true tastes of Asia that they were aiming for initially. But until then I have no desire to go back any time soon no matter how many 5 star reviews they got on Yelp. Shit, 5 stars shoulda been a glaring warning sign. And another thing, that open kitchen and "chef's table" concept might have been a mistake now.

Next.

130 Clairemont Ave,
Suite 100
Decatur, GA 30030
404-996-6504
http://www.makanatl.com

MarBar

Note to Pouch: Do not ever read white people's reviews on any Mexican't joint... They will all love it. Dumb down Mexican't grub has a place in society, usually, around 2AM with your pants half undone missing a shoe and waving around a few crumpled up singles in your hand like you're trying to hail an Uber car but the only ride you can get may be going down on a giant pair of dirty bug filled pink moustache, instead. Ok, this place revamped itself into a more casual seaside ambiance space than their last theme. I like the space, it really looks relaxing in here and a place to booze til dawn. It would be better if it was ocean front but we must settle for some old train tracks and a hipster depot. If you sniff real hard you might be able to smell some oyster sea drippings from across the street. Ok, speaking of bi-valves, time to sample some tacos up in this piece.. 

Mojito and chips. One of the ugliest looking mojitos in recent years, it looks like an aborted jellyfish fetus floating around in there. And you want me to drink this? I rather eat pan fried Wondra dusted placenta in baby oil with a side of smoked umbilical cord... The snappy casing is my favorite part. But I did drink it and it was weak as a 14 year old shih tzu. The chips were chips and the red and green salsas were pretty much a snoozefest, the red was the better one. Thank god for Cholula.

Cebiche MarBar, octopus, calamari, shrimp, scallops. I don't get it, why would you put a scoop of wet "ceviche" on an oblong plate with chips next to it soaking up all the liquid. It's like the deck of pirate ship in a storm, water swooshing back and forth across the deck. Those poor chips on the bottom were water logged before it even reach land at my table. The cebiche mix was a decent balance of seafood and other stuff like corn, maters, avocado, mango, red onions... Too bad it was bland as shit. They should serve this with a side of sea water. And what's with the pickled stuff on the other side... They were barely kissed with vinegar. If you're gonna pickled something, take a giant vinegar piss on it and let it soak in. $11 for this... Tasted like a buck and change.

Shrimp + bacon, seafood mixto, octopus, marbar shrimp. Taco time! Lightly grilled corn tortilla, good start. Let's hope they don't fall apart. The shrimp with bacon was the stand out, the rest tasted pretty much the same one after the other. How is that possible, they are different tacos. Don't worry, whities will absolutely adore these. Speaking of which there was not one Latino in the place, not even in the back. Ok, I look kinda like a Mexican, so I'll be the token shy Mexican't for the night...Siiiii. To give this joint some street cred. Next!

Carne asada, smoked pork chamorro, mahi mahi dorado. Man meat taco time! The carne and pork weren't half bad. Decent flavor to them but nothing noteworthy. It seems that they used real beef and pork proteins in there. It is amazing what happens when you let the natural flavors of the meat do it's own thing without bastardizing it. They were decent tasting, not saying it made me mess my underpants up. The mahi mahi was ok in a I'm starving kinda way. The one thing I must say is that they need to season all their food here, well, everything that I have tasted.

It's a cute place after the make over but the real make over really should be in the kitchen. Tacos are not hard to make, really good tacos are not hard to make... Because tacos are the star of any Latin joint, everything else is just conversation. Focus on the protein (aka main ingredient) and everything else shall fall into place. The cebiche was a debacle. I was kinda bummed they took off the tortas, how fucking difficult is it to make a sandwich? I also get the feeling that microwaves are heavily in play on many of the dishes on the menu. It's hard to ignore the ding if you listen for it. Hey, a lot of people like nuked food, the monkeys at Fukushima enjoy it well enough, betcha they would love tacos. I don't know if I will be back anytime soon but I will next door at Las Brasas... I like cheekan.

314 E Howard Ave
Decatur, GA 30030
404-373-2725
http://www.marcoastal.com/ 

Gokul Sweets & Vegetarian Restaurant

There's two locations for this joint within midget tossing distance of each other... One next to a novelty shop and the other in the newly renovated Patel Bros strip mall. Both are exactly the same setup. I'm no vegetarian but I do submit myself to eating healthy once in awhile.. But there is no way this is healthy. Just because it's meatless doesn't mean it's good for you (ask my boys in midtown). There is so much fried shit to chose from up in this piece. Most of the food coming out were golden brown and coincidentally most of the patrons were golden brown, too. That's a good sign to me. So, let's get a sampler and hopefully I will come out with a beautiful golden tan as well...

Masala Dhosa. Look at that length and girth... I'm so fucking jealous. They say every comma in your bank account adds an inch to your cock, boy, I would be such a stud with the ladies in the Hobbit's Shire. I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight. This Peter North size dosa was stuffed with mildly spiced potatoes and onions. This was pretty tasty. You would have to try really hard to fuck up a dosa, like rolling up butcher's paper and serving that shit to non-brownies to see if they know the difference but they did a good job here. The "lentils" soup was watery and coconut chutney was standard issue, nothing to report.

Samosa. Not bad at all. The crust was a little thicker than I like but still tasty all the same. The green chutney and tangy tamarind sauces were decent.

Wada Pav. Who knew they had Indian sliders? It's like a giant fried potato ball bathe in their two special chutneys between a shiny lacquered dinner roll. This shit was fun and tasty.

Aloo Mutter. Potato and green peas curry. This is why I'm not a vegetarian. Don't get me wrong, I love curry like any of my brown skin kin but this was a little too liquidity. Curry needs to be thicker and have more complexity. It wasn't bad but I coulda made this at home for a fraction of the cost and 10 times better.

Bhindi Masala. Okra and veggie mix. It looks more like raccoons got into the trash on this dish. The taste wasn't bad but after awhile all this shit tastes the same. I thought it would come with rice but at least I can wrap this shit up in the naan like a burrito. 

Accoutrements. Throw all this shit into the two dishes above and you got some texture that requires more than a healthy set of gums to knock this down into the pouch, a set of dentures at the minimum. Those peppers, carrots and blob were pretty spicy... Finally, something to give it some flavor.

Garlic Naan. Not bad at all, plenty of garlic flavor, fluffy and brown nicely in hopefully a tandoori oven. Totally a decent naan. I would come back for it, if I wasn't paying.

Hot and Sour Soup. This is great, never seen an Indian version of H&S soup. It doesn't taste like the swill from the local Chino hole in the wall, it tastes like it came from an Indian hole in the wall. Ok, it wasn't that bad, it had a lot of spices, little peppers and tofu in it but it had a funky after taste to it. You know it's slutty Hindu-Chino slop when it also comes with that fried wonton skin strips.

"Szechzuan" Noodles. One would just think the misspelling is just part of the cultural disconnect but after tasting this dish, they really were disconnected to even the most low rent of slutty Chino grubbery. Thin spaghetti with other veggie shit tossed in there with some spices. They give you a nasty hot sauce and pickle juice to try to make it look legit... I'm still looking around for that shot of whiskey to go with the pickle juice. 

Ok, first off, do not get anything that has to do with Chinese food in here. Stick with their specialty, as in Chaaty morsels. The Wada Pav were my fav and dosa was legit. They have a lot of sweets in here but don't expect Skittles and Gummi Bears... It's weird sweet shit. I would try the thali next time.

763 Dekalb Industrial Way
Decatur, GA 30033
404-229-2062