Tuesday, December 3, 2019

Chom Chom Vietnamese Kitchen

I miss China Delight... It was one of the better dim sum joints in this one horse town, then all of the sudden they quietly closed down. That was years ago and the desolate location sat empty for a long long time. Then one day, construction started... They leveled the entire area and a shiny brand new development was built what seemed to be overnight. There's a few store fronts already opened in the complex (including some vegan joint) but the crown jewel was this restaurant space... It's spacious with high ceilings and wrap around windows which let's in a ton of light which makes the space seem even bigger. The last concept you would think to take this space is a Vietnamese joint because it is just too nice of a space. Not that Vietnamese cuisine can't be fancy... Le Fat on the west side is quite stylish, but they're not catering towards the ex-pats. Most Viet joints on Buford Hwy are no frills with little attention to decor but the grub is what you go there for because they are usually dericious, affordable and catered for the ex-pats. Lee's Bakery and Nam Phuong were great in the beginning but they have dumbed down their food so much these days because of the invasion of the millennials and hungover crackers. The last fancy-ish Viet joint on Buford Hwy that people loved was Chateau Saigon but they shut down back in mid-2017 for no apparent reason, they just taped a piece of paper to the door saying they were permanently closed, no more thank you, come again. I know some people will still say Nam Phuong's decor ain't no slouch, either, but who gives a shit, I don't go there anymore because the food tastes more like Tin Drum nowadays, so fucking pedestrian... Whities always appropriate our shit, this is why we can't have nice things.
Speaking of nice things...  Let's get back to Chom Chom. I kinda like the name, it's cute.. But cute names don't make the food good. The space is gorgeous, it's modern but has some traditional accents and nuances... Yeah yeah, Pouch, but you can't eat accents and nuances. Just get yo fat ass in there and consume mass quantities and report back to your one reader... Ok, ok, y'all don't have to cut my head off and use it as a urinal... Let's go take a first look, shall we?
Walked in, loving the visual appeal and vibe of the joint... Stood at the host stand waiting for someone to acknowledge me which ain't difficult because I'm such a fat fuck... It's like the Titanic hitting an iceberg, you can't miss me. Waited, waited, waited and waited some more. I went into the bathroom, took a shit, washed my paws, flossed and brushed my tooth, came out and waited some more. There were two motherfuckers working the space that had at least a 100 seats. I walked over to the kitchen door window and peeked in, there were 5 cooks in there running around like chickens with their heads cut off and the place was only maybe half full of customer. Oh boy, this may be the first Oriental resto on Buford Hwy I have ever seen to be in the weeds during their first weeks of opening. Who's behind this venture, Andrew Zimmern? Finally, the mama-san comes over and brings me to a table... In the back corner, out of sight from the other patrons, so no one throws up while eating. I fucking need a drink, STAT, then a chubby spazy chode comes over... He looked like an Asian Warren from Something About Mary. You better not ask me, "Have you seen my sepak takraw ball?" or else I'll tase you, bro. Thank goodness, the only thing he asked me was what I wanted to drink... Whiskey, brah, wait, make that two...

Banana and Neatly Old Fashioned. The banana OF was made with rum and the Neatly with regular old whiskey... Both tasted alright but definitely not worth ordering another... Plus, they asked me if I wanted the Neatly muddled and it didn't even come with an orange or peel. I would skip the cocktails because there is no real bartender, only mama-san was allowed to touch the liquor bottles and she was amateur at best. The podgy plebe was only allowed to handle beer cans... Bless his hefty heart.

Love the origami bird style sconces... The Cardinal needs some these beauties.

She's a real beaut, Clark...

Chien Cua Sua, tamarind soft shell crab, $7. Looked decent when it came out but it was all smoke and mirrors... The first bite tasted like all fried batter with splinters of soggy defrosted crab. The contrast of the crunch and the savory texture of the soft shell crab was non-existent. It literally tasted like nothing except fried dough... Should have came with some 10x powdered sugar and chicory coffee. But the tamarind sauce was pretty tasty... Still a skip it and spend the money on something else.

Canh Ga Chien, caramelized chicken wings, $8. Everyone is doing the fish sauce glazed wings these days and most of them can't pull it off if their life depended on it... And these wings just barely passed the test. They had a nice glaze and sheen on the skin, they were sweet, moist and tasty but barely a hint of fish sauce to give it that pungent umami flavor. The wings are fine but don't expect fireworks in your facehole.

Banh Mi Thit Nurong, grilled bbq pork, yucca fries, $6. This has got to be one of the most expensive banh mi on Buford Hwy... Why would you order it, what the fuck is wrong with you, Pouch? I had to do it for my one fan... But it also comes with yucca fries, ese! A whole 3 sticks of yucca fries. This is one of the saddest display of a banh mi I have ever seen... Sloppy construction, stale bread, no flavor, unpickled carrots-daikons, neutered jalapeno and the grilled bbq pork was mostly gristle and lacked any spices and color. You take a bite and you chew and chew and chew... The yucca was unseasoned and just added to the misery. Skip all the banh mi's at this joint...

Dau Que Xao Toi, saute garlic string beans, $10. Gorgeous vibrant color, nice snap, seasoned well and dericious... Just needed a bit more garlic. But it's a keeper.

Bun Dac Biet, shrimp, pork sausage, spring rolls, grilled pork, $11. A very generous hefty looking portion. The pork sausage looked like SPAM and it made me giddy. Mix all that shit up and dump a good amount of nuoc cham to coat everything... Like most places, the nuoc cham is never pungent enough, so, you gotta give it a few extra splashes of fish sauce. This bun bowl was fine, it was nothing special, but it may taste better in the summer.

Thit Ko To, caramelized pork belly, $16. Are you fucking kidding me? $16 for this little bowl of pork fat? Didn't anyone tell y'all that the pork belly hype is over, the price of pork belly ain't like what it used to be... It's back down to earth prices these days. It was salty as fuck and it was at least 70% fat, 20% meat and 10% insult. You will need to eat this with 5 bowls of rice to absorb all the sodium. A definite skip...

Bo Luc Lac, shaking beef, $16. This looked a lot better than the pork belly but it also looked like a plastic window display. The beef cubes may have been shaking in the kitchen, but they were sleeping when it finally got to table. It was barely warmed through which was kinda disappointing... But... But they tasted good. It was tender and the seasoning/sauce coated each piece evenly. It's a pretty by the book standard issue shaking beef... While it was tasty, it's not something that would bring me back here for it, again.

The initial service really sucked ass... You just can't ignore customers standing at the host stand for 15+ minzies while you go around the entire room refilling water. Having only two people working the entire front of the house doesn't help, either. You got to have enough staff to greet and seat people and then service them after they sit down... C'mon, it's restaurant 101. It was so much work for the customers to eat here from start to finish that they should be put on the payroll. I love the space and decor, but they need a lot work from service to execution and the whole atmosphere felt cold and lacked personality, and until that happens, I ain't rushing back anytime soon... Dumpy Quoc Huong may not be fancypants but it will always deliver my craving fix because they have always stayed true to the cuisine and my wallet will be a lot happier, too.

No nom nom at Chom Chom... For now.

2390 Chamblee Tucker Rd.
#101
Chamblee, GA 30341
www.chomchomatl.com