Church's Chicken

I know what y'all are saying... What is wrong with the marsupial Pouch? Did he bump his pannus or something? Did he lose his job and now going low rent these days? Did he break another door at Popeyes and banned for life? The answer is no to all of the above. But I was driving along and saw a sign that said a whole friggin family meal is $10. Turn the fucking car around, Ma! We're not having meatloaf again tonight!

10 Pieces, 2 large sides and 4 biscuits for $10 (limited time only). Ok, every store in this franchise cooks their chicken differently... How do I know that? I'm sure you know how. I ate at a few fwied cheekan joints here and there in my lifetime to know the difference. This location off Buford Hwy does the crust a little thicker and it doesn't break apart as easily like with Popeyes. The seasoning and over outer perimeter is passable. Crunch factor is high but per bite pull of a combination of crust/skin/flesh is a little difficult. Sometimes the entire crust breaks off in one piece and then you're trying to put it back on the bald meat like some kind of bad toupée. It's not a bad fried chicken but it also isn't on my top 10 list either. It's a good box of chicken to take to a friend's back yard party or tailgate because it wouldn't be a big loss if you were only able to get 2 pieces because everyone's grubby little fat hands have snatched a piece for themselves while it's still hot. Their sides are just ok, mash n gravy is a doctored up version of instant, cajun rice is passable needs more seasoning, fried okra is brown bag special and mac is too liquidity and pasta too soft.

If you want to slum it like a hobo, this deal is your best bet for some fwied ghetto pigeon. I actually went two days in a row for this deal... And I wonder why I'm so morbidly obeast.


4995 Buford Hwy
Chamblee, GA 30341
 770-454-9404
http://www.churchs.com/

Jim 'N Nick's BBQ

Everyone has heard of Jim 'N Nick's BBQ... The have about 80 million locations all over the universe. Ok, maybe they're mostly in the south with the exception of Colorado because who doesn't like to eat BBQ after smoking a shitload of ganja... Wait, they are in Colorado? Those fucking granola ground hogs up there in the sticks wouldn't know good BBQ if they smoked it out of a 10 foot bong. That's a shame to waste a location there. Anyways, stopped by a location in low rent Alabama (they're from AL, supposedly), yeah it was country as fuck but they had whiskey, cheekan and smoked meats... It was actually pretty nice inside, you know, standard corporate issue cookie cutter design that is the same for every store. And of course this place was slamming on a Sunday after those sinners come out of church. Speaking of slamming... There's a chick I wanna slam so hard in my mouth up in this piece.

Nashville Style Hot Chicken. I see Hot Chicken on the menu and it's on. Even though these were boneless I still had to give them a shot... And it paid off, the whole $5's worth. It still makes me mad that Makan charges $5 for a few measly pieces of weak ass 5 spice nuggets. This was a good portion for the price and the deep red color and lava dripping on the plate and toasted sliced bread soaking up the goodness says it all. These were very good, nice and crispy batter with a nice crunch even with the heavy cayenne coating/sauce, tender juicy inside and the spice/heat level was more than normal for a place like this and for the sheeple to bear. It had a nice burn to them and I couldn't stop eating them. It wasn't super spicy but to me they were like popcorn, one after another. I would definitely go back just for these alone.

3 Meat Combo- Sliced brisket, pulled pork and smoked turkey. As you can see, the brisket wasn't sliced but chopped. So, I tell the dude and he's like oh shit! and goes back to the kitchen and brings back another plate of "sliced" brisket (see below). Bartender/server dude was spot on, good guy... But sadly not all the BBQ were spot on. Turkey tasted more roasted than smoked, not bad just really plain. Pulled pork was very average and forgettable. Chopped brisket was moist and tender but not sliced so I can't see the bark, smoke ring, etc. Mac was decent but could use more browning on top. The creamed kale was pretty tasty.

"Sliced" Brisket. Dude tells me that the brisket was soooo tender that it broke apart while being sliced... Say what? Are they holding the brisket in a steamer or submerged under a ton of it's own drippings? Come to think of it, the brisket didn't have much smoke or flavor to it, but it was tender and moist... Hint hint.

I don't usually use sauce but since it lacked the smokey flavor, this non-hot & spicy habanero sauce will have to do.

The place is basically a middle of the road turned corporate BBQ joint that has grown too big for it's own good. It has become a fast casual resto that is looking to compete with Applebee's et al for the working class market share.. And they might be winning. I don't know if Charlie Sheen has been here but I will Tweet him and find out. But the N'ville Style Hot Chicken was kickass and is a must.

6415 Atlanta Hwy
Montgomery, AL 36117
334-213-0046
http://www.jimnnicks.com
 

Greenwood's Restaurant

I like fried cheekan... Just in case y'all didn't know. Again. I haven't been back here in a long time but I was in the area so I wanted to try their hefty fried chicken again to see if anything has changed. I remembered it was a good fried chicken the last time I had it many moons ago, but nothing so spectacular that it made me crave for it the next day like zombies to brains. Their portion/price ratio was pretty good, too. So, I hope they're still delivering the goods.

Corn Muffins. Yes, I need five of them because I'm on a health kick right now. They melt in your mouth but there's no butter or lard in it, I swear. These things were so full of butter that they give you extra butter just in case it's not fatty enough. I still like their style... And so does every other morbidly obese person in the joint. There were so many fat people in here I thought I went inside a slaughter house by mistake. Moooo.

Fried Chicken with honey-pepper sauce, broccoli casserole, creamed corn, sweet tater mash and cheese grits. For under $16, this is a massive portion of half a chicken(ok, it only comes with two sides but I got two more because I didn't eat breakfast)... The Bishop charges $20 for 2 medium size pieces with some scraps on the plate, what a rip off. The crust is pretty thick but it falls off with little effort. Closer examination, I noticed there were no skin. I don't remember it being skinless before (did they go kosher and get a Rabbi for a cook?) or maybe I just ate it so fast last time I didn't even check. I'm ok with it being skinless. The chicken is made to order but it came out piping hot under the 30 minzies required time. The shit was still sizzling and crackling and I had to wait like 32 seconds to take the first bite. The honey pepper sauce I could do with it on the side but it wasn't bad. The crust is a bit too thick for me, some parts had big clumps of crust that you set off to the side and eat later. It's a good crust, though.. And it gives it that girth in the presentation when it comes out to the table. The chicken was juicy, tender and had really nice flavor. It's a very good fried chicken but it's not top 3, possibly in the top 10. I guess I'll have to post the world's top 10 list of the best fried cheekan in the future. The sides were all pretty good, it's definitely not for people on a diet like me. But I ate it all anyways. 

Burp.

1087 Green St.
Roswell, GA 30075
(770) 992-5383
 http://greenwoodsongreenstreet.com/

K&J Rib Shack

Sometimes you gotta get off the beaten path and go straight to the ghetto to find the best local cuisine... Or sometimes you're just lost and you pull into a gas station and there happens to be a rib shack next door... It's fucking low rent Alabama after all. Not that it happened to me but it makes for a cool story to tell. I actually sought out this dump because of the ribs, can you believe that shit? This place is a story in itself, kinda like the horror flick that involves a chainsaw. A real mom & pop joint you can find only in the deep south, they were the only ones working, doing everything... Slowly. But they were super nice people. Let's take a peek inside... 

When you see a sign like this on the door... It has 'authentic' written all over it. Or not and get the fuck as far away as possible.

Looks more like Sing Sing than a BBQ joint. They also had a big smoker going on a trailer right out front.

Pulled Pork, mac, collards and corn muffin. So, I ask big boy behind the counter how the pork was, he comes back with the standard auto response like every other place, I made it, it's great of course! I'll be the judge of that, Autonomous B.I.G. Sadly, it looked and tasted like clumps of hair found in a shower drain. It literally sat in a pool of grease and fat... And had no flavor! They must be using Greyhound fat. Pork was forgettable... Since they don't have Brunswick stew on the menu, this pork might be a good start. If not, use the Greyhound... Tastes just like squirrel. The collards and mac was decent in a edible kinda way but the corn muffin was absolute saw dust, flavorless, dry and grainy like sand on a beach. The last time I ate this much sand, I was on my knees and my back was arched... Uh, nevermind.

How much for one wing? $1.80 pweez. When I saw this on the menu, I had to get it because it was so ridiculous and funny at the same time. I'm gonna git ya sucka! ...And they did, this smoked wing was almost meatless and the vinegar-ish sauce made the smokey skin soggy and meat was really dry like jerky. What do you expect from a jailbird?

Half Slab Ribs. Ok, these are giant ribs. Six of them to be exact... It's dirty smokey fleshy meat porn. Dirk Diggler blushes at the sight of these things. The sauce that it's sitting in looked similar to the swill the pulled pork was soaking in but it's not, totally different, a little sweet, a little vinegary... Decent actually to give the smoked ribs some glaze before you shove your snout up in this piece. There's no dry spice rub that I could see or taste but it's seasoned decently and smoked nicely. The meat were tender for their large size and pulled away from the bone with ease. Two ribs will fill you up but if you're a fucking slob like me, you can put down 3 or 4 of them and licking your fingers constantly that will make your girlfriend jealous as shit... Then the nagging starts, why don't you go downtown like that on me. Blah blah blah. The slices of bread were in the shape of a ninja throwing star, either on purpose or just crushed in the bag, they are pretty much a waste of pouch space.

As the would be condemned building sign out front says... Rib Shack it is and that's really all you should get if you come here. Everything else is pretty much middle school grade cafeteria food. They did have a good mix of people coming through here which surprised me... I mean this place is a dump decor wise, it's basically like a run down garage made of cinder blocks but a bunch of Buckhead type whities and a couple of fobby Asians actually ate inside... And then there's me. I could eat ribs in a latrine and I would be fine with that.

Plop.

4255 S Court St.
Montgomery, AL 36105
(334) 356-1368

Willie Mae's Scotch House

Yes, I came to the home town of Popeyes fried chicken to only have an affair with Willie Mae's dirty Treme yardbird. I passed by a couple of Popeyes on the way here, so if the chicken sucked here, you know where I'll be next...

The dumpy entrance to cheekan heaven. Looks empty but don't be fooled... Joint is packed inside and there's a tent on the outside for y'all to wait in the heat. By the time we ate and left it was slamming. Get here early, real early.

America's Best Fried Chicken. Bold words, the pouch will be the judge of that. I don't know how many orders were in this basket but it is glorious. I think there were 9 pieces (all dark)... Not for long. I rummaged for a thigh. The only piece that should be considered the holy grail for frying. I was really upset when every single white person in this place asked for all white meat... Fucking amateurs. These people should wait extra in line just for that insult. All they kept saying was this is suppose to be really good... Yeah, if you got the dark meat like it's intended. Anyways, serenity now... These were made to order, not sitting under some heat lamp. It took time to cook and the shit was still crackling when it came out. The batter/crust is pretty thin, great color, very well seasoned, very crispy with a lot of nooks and crannies that works great with hot sauce and breaks away from the flesh easily. It is a very good crust, while it seemed thin, it has a lot of crunch factor to it. The meat inside is tender and very juicy, not greasy but juicy. This could very well be ABFC... So, does this chicken come anywhere close to beating Popeyes? The answer is YES. Oh fuck, I said it. This will be considered one of the best at #2. The best in the world was from a street cart by an old lady in Bangkok, Thailand, the most amazing fried chicken I have ever had. So, Popeyes has been pushed down to #3 on the pouch's world ranking. I'm still thinking about this chicken days later... Sure sign it's a winner. But in Atlanta, Popeyes is still #1 in my heart and pouch.

Seasoned Green Beans and Rice. This ridiculous portion was a side that came with the ABFC... Large enough to be a meal. You can't beat this deal. Beans were kinda spicy but a bit bland at the same time, weird. The gravy on the rice was a little spicy but it totally made up for the unseasoned beans. Mix and shovel it into your face hole and repeat.

Chicken Fried Pork Chop, mac & cheez, sweet peas. The 6 oz. chop is too thin, the secret recipe batter too thick and the chop got rubbery trying to deep fry that batter so it's not under-cooked and runny. Mac was decent and peas were soggy in a canned kinda way but weren't at the same, it was the real Southern way. This dish was pretty much average.

Fried Okra. If these were brown bag breaded okra, then I'm a fan and want to know where they got them from.

Sweet Potato Fries. Decent tasting sweet tater fries, they needed a couple more minzies in the fryer though.

This place deserves all the success after all the damage done by Katrina. But their real secret to their success was from the community who volunteered to rebuild this local joint to get that fryer back up and running for the all people who miss and crave their fried chicken. I can see why and the crowds that swarm here on a daily basis is proof positive that their passion and attention to their spectacular fried chicken has not been compromised at all even with all the nationwide coverage. The rest of the menu is pretty standard stuff, the sides are better but you come here for one thing and one thing only- the fwied cheekan.

Pump pump squirt!

2401 St. Ann Street
New Orleans, LA 70119
(504) 822-950

The Bishop

Could this new local joint be part of a revival for this strip of Avondale Estates? Pallookaville got a lot of people coming back into this part of town and hopefully this joint will contribute to the revitalization... Because we all know this area is basically a ghost town. Shit does not happen here often.

Walked in on a friday night to grab a bite and first look, had somewhat of a decent buzz. Not packed but not dead either. Going good so far. The menu wasn't all that creative but execution and flavor is more important. Plus, I was curious about that damn Pine Street Market smoked fried cheekan. Ordered an Eschaton beer to start, very nice with an "earthy spiciness". So, looking through the menu, a couple interesting dishes I wouldn't mind trying, others not so much because it can be had anywhere... Then I noticed that the prices of on the menus we got have different prices scattered around for some of the dishes. Then I noticed the fried chicken was not $16 anymore, it was $18 on one menu and $19 on the other. This is fucking ridiculous. Got the server to see WTF is going on with this marlarkey. He comes back with the higher priced menu and says this is the correct one. Naturally, yeah, I'm sure it is. So, basically $20 for two pieces of fried chicken I says to the server. What a fucking ripoff. But it's a very special fried chicken from a very special place, he retorts. Automatically, I'm thinking of Popeyes headquarter's kitchen... Then I woke up. That is an outrageous price tag for two pieces of cheekan but I order it anyways. Then the server tells me, oh, we're out of them... At 7:30PM on a friday night that wasn't even slammed. Who did that inventory for their prized dish? This ain't H&F's burger is it? So, you know I'm furious now and want to walk outta there but I had a beer already. This bummed me out and now I have to resort to looking at that dreaded menu again for something edible and at what mystery price must I pay for it.

Kale Salad. Yeah yeah... The hipster's salad. I don't know what to tell ya... It's like something my sister would make and she can't cook worth a shit.

The Burger with House Chips. This is what I came up with to replace the special overpriced fried chicken duo... A fucking burger because nothing else sounded that interesting. When I see prime rib, I think of elderly citizens. I thought this would be the safest bet, plus, I'm always on the lookout for a new "it" burger of the year. This wasn't it. It was cooked spot on at mid-rare but there was nothing spectacular in the patty that made me want to shit unicorns, piss rainbows and throw up cute puppies with flowers in their little mouth. It's like a good backyard burger from a neighbor that borrows all your lawn equipment and tells you that they are going to return it tomorrow everyday. The house chips were decent, crispy and had some nice flavor to it with the garlic aioli. It's a decent hood burger if you're in the area, not a destination meat flap.. Like at the Clermont Lounge. At least they didn't jack up the price on this thing when I got the bill.

French Dip Sliders. So, the better half didn't want the risotto, BLT or the reuben. This is what came out... That damn senior citizen house special with shaved prime rib. When I think of shaved and prime... I'm not thinking about sliders. I would slide something else into it, instead. OK, this wasn't that bad. It was pretty tasty with that jus. I'm just kinda over it with sliders everywhere... You broads think you're eating light with small cute little sandos but who are you trying to kid? After inhaling 3 of them, it's the same fucking thing as eating one and a half burgers. OINKERS! Anyway, these sliders were totally acceptable. 

It wasn't a terrible first look but a lot of things bugged me with their operation which made the whole experience less fun. Like jacking up the prices after the AJC piece, not once but twice. And running out of the jacked up dish. The server was doing his best and did a good job. None of that bullshit was his fault. Am I ready to return anytime soon? Fuck yeah I am... But across the street to Pallookaville. They have boozey shakes and girthy corndogs. Call me when you get those two pieces of divine chicken in.

124 N Avondale Rd.
AVondale Estates, GA
404-692-5454
http://thebishopae.com/

Pan American Bakery

No matter how many times I come here for their Cuban sando over the years, it is always consistent and tastes just as good as the last visit. The bread is made in house and pressed perfectly every time. The innards are in the same order and portion every time. Their handful of baked goods are also a must have. This dive has been here longer on earth than most Yelpers that write how dirty it is or it's not a real restaurant or whatever the fuck they have no clue about. Stick to Instacrapping and Hashbrowning# Justin Bieber, recipes that you will never make or whatever you lightweight pikers do on an hourly basis. Leave these good people alone so I can get my weekly fix on this 100% puro Cubano.

Cubano. I eat this like how porn stars suck cock... with vigor and a lot of ugly people having sex noises.

Pastillas de Guayaba y Carne. I quote the ambiguous, Andy Dick, "Don't forget the satchel, ladies".



3671 Clairmont Rd
Chamblee, GA 30341

770-457-2172

Bojangles'

This place is like my version of having an affair with a slutty White House intern. I'm not saying that my beloved Popeyes is some worn out, wrinkled up, elbow skin faced, house frow like Hillary, cus it ain't. Fortunately, the cheekan cum stains were all over my face and pouch, instead on my beautiful new blue dress. I forgot my cigar but that cheekan leg looks close enough to get the job done. Oooh, it's so stiff, crunchy and warm. It tastes so good when it hits your chicken lips. Let's check out their newest location that's almost ITP..

The cheekan is very crispy and juicy inside, mostly it's from the grease that gets sealed in tight from the crust but overall, this is still a tasty piece of cheekan.  Not as good as Popeyes but it'll do. The dirty rice is one of their best sides. The biscuit is fluffier and less buttery than Popeyes but totally acceptable... I can see why they are used for so many different types of breakfast biscuit sandwiches.

Cajun Filet Biscuit. Their answer to the Chick-fil-A spicy chicken biscuit. I'm not a huge fan of Chick-fil-A but they might edge out Bo's by just a tad. The tater tot thingers were greasy goodness.

 Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit. The healthiest item on the menu... And it was tasty as shit.

Sausage and Egg Biscuit. The second healthiest item on the menu... They had like a 2 for 1 special deal thinger, so it was tasty as shit shit.

Would I put on knee pads and facilitate them like an impressionable cheap slut for their cheekan like with Popeyes? Hell no. But I do respect them in the morning...For their biscuits. And their cheekan is not too shabby either. The place has been a gold mine since they opened and I would stop by again if I needed a fix.

3336 Lawrenceville Highway
Tucker, GA 30084
770-934-5455
http://www.bojangles.com/