BoccaLupo

Finally, he got his own crib to call his own. No more working for the man. Now you can work for the pouch. I was excited about the opening of this place since this town lacks Italian cuisine with any substance (ok maybe there's one or two that are decent). Unless you're cooking ghetto Eyetalian at home, using box pasta at a resto charging upwards of $20-something is as Italian as Michael Douglas is Liberace. Luckily, we all know Bruce Logue has the skills to pay the bills and I expect nothing less than housemade everything. So, he's got 2 types of pastas, fresh and extruded... Ooo, sounds kinky. The 20-yolk tagliatelle is one of those tales of excess that does not come from a box.

The space is just right for the size of the resto he envisions or should take on, anymore tables will result in shitty quality and execution when it comes to a made from scratch menu. The bar is ok size but you get a lot of hobos just hanging around and taking up all the space that they don't need or use... Kinda like those fucking dickholes with fancy cars that park diagonal in two spots. I fucking search out for cocksuckers like that so I can take a shit on their hood and shove a dildo in the shape of a banana up their tailpipes. I hope they fall for the banana in the tailpipe trick. Anyhoo... No more talk about poo, let's talk about food... 

Bruschetta Banh Mi. Enough of the friggin banh mi's already! But I'm a sucker for punishment or just curious enough to see what a mess this potentially could be. This ain't no appetizer, it's enough for a main dish. Why would anyone call this a banh mi? I don't get it. Just because it has pulled pork, chicken liver, and pickled veggies on charred bread doesn't make it a banh mi. But I understand what he was thinking on this. Bottomline: shit was tasty and a nice pouch filler. Get it.

Tuna Crudo. You really can't screw this up if you have fresh ingredients but this dish takes it up another flavor notch, it has a little kick to it. No, it ain't spicy by any means but it was a nice little surprise.

Gnocchi Pasta with Tuna. What? Is it gnocchi or a pasta? It's a pasta in the shape of a gnocchi. Oh, Ok. The tuna bits were the same as the tuna crudo, tasty. But the faux gnocchi thinger was undercooked and biting into raw hard dough isn't called toothy or al dente... It's called the shit ain't cooked all the way. It would look great in a magazine or something but just not in your mouth, especially, if you ain't got no chompers. Send that toothless hobo back to his cardboard box in the alley.

Black Ramen. Back in the days of yore, the Eyetalians stole the Ching Chongs' noodles and claimed it as their own... Now, they're back for more. Son of bitches. Squid ink up some spaghetti and call it black ramen. Shit, sounds good to me, Tony. Toss in a spoonful of uni and a couple slices of fish mousseline with a little rich broth on the bottom and you got yourself a winner. It is really like ramen? Fuck no. But it's a nice effort and a tasty one at that. I know it's fusion as fuck but who cares if it tastes good. BTW- Why are so many Italians named Tony? I heard it was because before they got to Ellis Island, they were stamped TO: NY on their foreheads.

Cannelloni. Everything is better with truffle oil... Or was that bacon. Eh, anyways, this cheesy cannelloni was very nice with the watercress and thinly shaved king mushrooms. You know the pasta was freshly made with the first bite. Good shit, bro.

Soft Shell Crabs. This special of the night was the shit. It was hellaciously delicious. Crabs were fresh and packed with a lot of flavor. God, I love getting crabs at night... It's just the morning after that's that problem. Only thing that ruined it was the server who said it was $21 and then billed for $24... Her response, "Oh, well, I might have said $21 but it's $24.".... Motherfuckers. But it was worth the extra fucking $3... No, fuck that, I'm taking that shit out of your tips, hippy skank.

Panna Cotta with Berry Coulis. Cute but the consistency was liquidity and mushy. It reminded me of this soy milk tofu drink thinger I used to eat as a kid. I don't know if they made it this way on purpose but it seriously needed another dose of gelatin to keep it together. I'm not a dessert person so I could care less about having an opinion on this but I do know what and how it should taste like though. Keep working on this, pal.

Is this place a winner or a wiener? I say it's a winner, it definitely fits the mold of a neighborhood spot with a neighborhood price range... Even though it's on the higher end. The execution needs a little work but overall it's a pretty good joint. The food is fresh and the menu has just the right amount of dishes to keep it stay that way. Will definitely be back. Good stuff.

Burp.

753 Edgewood Ave NE
Atlanta, Georgia 30307
(404) 577-2332
http://boccalupoatl.com/

UMI

You gotta be curious when one of the chefs from the former MF Sushi opens a new fancy digs next to the St. Regis... I know I am. All I have been hearing is how great it is. You gotta have some big testicles to pull this off, bro... So, I had to find out for myself if this joint really has the big balls everyone's oohing and aahing about because I want them in my mouth, too.

The place is in Buckhead, one would expect it to be fancy, trendy and hip... And it is. But not in a cheesy ginzo Buckhead Bottle Bar kinda way. It's flashy in a subtle way, the use of wood is soothing even when the place is slammed packed. The long sushi bar is nice but that means it's gamble on who will be making your grub. You may get Ito or one of his henchmen in training. Ito plays the chef/owner part well. He's a micro-manager, he has an opinion on everything. He almost seems to talk down to everyone under him. My favorite part is when this poor Mexican in the back of the house brought up some plates or what not and accidentally brushes against his sushi knife. Big mistake, ese. He got scolded like a child who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I felt bad for the guy but I can understand the bond between a cook and his expensive prized knife. Enough of the soap opera, let's sample some of the goods...

Tuna Tartare. Cute presentation. Mix it all up with the quail egg and avocado and you have a pretty tasty tartare.

Ankimo, Monkfish Liver. Looks great, tasted pretty good. Only gripe is that it was poached or steamed for a tad too long and the liver was a little too toothy and lacked that creamy bite. Not that it was bad, it was quite good but there are other places around town that nails it spot on every time.

Black Cod Miso. Was it good? Yes. Was it mind blowing? Fuck no. This piece looked like they cut it with a chainsaw, all mangled like a piece of decomposing chicken they use on Swamp People as gator bait. But the flesh was nice and tender and somewhat flakey. The charred skin is my favorite part but there were only a sliver of it which was kinda disappointing. The miso dippin' dots sauce was pretty sweet, like the miso glaze cod wasn't sweet enough already. Nice dish but I wouldn't order it again.

Amaebi Sashimi. I fucking love these things, I gotta get them if I see them on the menu... And these didn't disappoint. Heads were super crispy and the innards were mushy, crunchy and full of brain flavor. The shrimp itself were very fresh and delicious. Liked this dish a lot but the couple two seats down looked in horror when they saw me munching on the heads. Haha, amateur fuckers, go eat your California rolls. Yeah, they have fucking California rolls on the menu. Baffling for a sushi joint with their pedigree. Oh, btw, I sent the tails off for a quick trip to the fryer and I got it back at the end of the meal, right before I got the check... Only took 26 minutes, ridic.

Sashimi. One would think if you order the largest sashimi combo dish on the menu, you would get a nicer presentation than on a plain white plate like my boring Ikea ones. I'm not one for gimmicks but this was like something you toss on a plate yourself at some sushi buffet. Don't get me wrong, the fish selection was very fresh but quite boring to look at it. Sushi is like performance art but this was like some color print for the masses and not the original masterpiece. The wasabi was run of the mill but you can get a freshly grated one for $10... Yeah, not.

Box Roll with Unagi. I'm not friends with rolls, but when half the menu is rolls I figured why not try a box roll since not many places do it. I like eel, but this was not as exciting as it sounded or tasted. It was alright but upwards of $20 for this was kind of a joke. You know you're in Buckhead central when 90% of the place is rolling... I got Rick Rolled alright.

Some people will still say it's the best sushi resto in Atlanta. How can that be? They just opened. I say y'all are smoking crack or some ghetto cut up shit that's melting your brain. This place is hit or miss, the menu is totally catered towards the younger demographics with money. It's a totally to see or be seen joint... And I was hoping to see a lot more traditional dishes but I still can't get away from all the Goddam rolls on the menu. It's definitely above average in quality but the lofty price tags overall is almost insulting for what you get. I am not writing them off but I'm not gonna be a regular either. I'm gonna give them some time to get their shit together and figure out what it is that they want to be... A pony show or a master dedicated to his craft. We all know what happened to MF, Atlanta doesn't need another MF. Soto spent 13 years in this town and got no respect for his passion in his non flashy digs, he moved to NYC and got listed in the top best 50 chefs in the nation within a year... Go figure. Ito seems like a nice guy but he ain't no Soto. Prove me wrong, bro... I'll even put down my Big Mac.

Developing...


3050 Peachtree Rd NE
Atlanta, Georgia 30305
(404) 841-0040
http://umiatlanta.com/

Harbour Bar & Fish House

Decatur is not exactly the place for a fish house. Shit, who am I kidding... All of metro Atlanta is not the place for a fish house. Re-heating frozen seafood doesn't really spell out freshness. But I guess we have to make due with what we have... Kinda like the kids in Greece eating ketchup packets because of their government's austerity plan. Well, Dickhater isn't that bad but seafood isn't high on anyone's list out there. This place has been around for a good bit so they must be doing something right. Let's go see what the fuss is about up in this piece.

Seafood Gumbo.Pretty much an average bowl of gumbo. The stock need a lot more flavor cus we all know a true gumbo is all about the stock and that shit better be full of flava. The consistency needed to be thicker, I don't know if they used a filé powder or roux but whatever it was they needed more of it in here. The seafood bits in it were barely noticeable but the fried okra on top was a nice touch for texture. The hush puppies were actually quite decent, not all hard on the outside and mealy inside... But still such an unnecessary filler.

Lobster Roll. For under $15, the price is right but a lobster roll it wasn't. The cucumber aioli went overboard on the lobster meat and masked the natural taste of it. The large bun was not toasted so all that watery aioli turned the bread into mush. Every time you bite into it a little stream of white funk squirted out. That's what she said. Slaw was weak and the side of steam veggies were under seasoned. For a fish house to not get this roll right was kinda disappointing. Been there, done that. Next.

Low Country Boil. This is not a bad deal for a penny under $20. It will definitely fill you up. They serve a ton of this because it's a good value and you get to sample a lot of tidbits. This is easily shareable between two people. I enjoyed this. You see, it doesn't have to be fancy schmancy to be tasty.

This fish house is doing exactly what it should be doing. Simple, affordable, good size portions and executed consistently most of the time. The menu is hit or miss but if you stick to proven dishes, you'll be ok. They don't need to be better than the demographics they're catering to... Which is the locals. It's a neighborhood spot with neighborhood prices... Some places around town with the same concept unfortunately don't act the same with food quality and price levels. Is it crave-worthy to make weekly visits? Well, let's not go that far. But if you're in the hood spot on by.


129 Church St.
Decatur, GA 30030
404-371-0088
www.harbourdecatur.com

Popeyes

I be on my leg and thigh, juicy thigh, crispy thigh

Can I bring you a few wings, a few wings, a few wings, little baby?
'Cause...
I be on my leg and thigh, juicy thigh, crispy thigh
Let me bring you a few wings...

Wait a minute. You ready, Twigpond?

I can't wait 'til I get you home, good-looking
Going hot, so hot, just like a deep fryer
And I'll burn myself, but just had to taste it
But it's so crispy and it's all mine
Hey baby, we don't mind all the frying, haaa
Cause if they cook too close, real close
They might stick to something
It ain't nothing but a little doozie when the pouch eats it
I'm sooo full tonight

And as long as I got my leg and thigh
I'ma eating it all on the floor tonight
And I got fixed up with the nine piece special
Let me feed you a few wings
All stuffed up in dark and white
And you're dressed in that hot sauce I like
Cheekan grease is flinging in the air tonight
Let me feed you a few wings
Let me feed you a few wings
Feed you a few wings about Pops
Now we're in the wings of love
Let me feed you a few wings
Feed you a few wings about Pops
Hey

Stop, let me get a good look at it
Oh, so thick, now I know why they call me a fatty
And aww, shit's so sick, got a hit and picked up a habit
But that's alright, cause you're all mine
Awww, go on and show 'em who you call "Fatty"
I guess they're just mad cause girl, they wish they had it
Oh, my killer, my thriller, yeah, you're a classic
And you're all mine tonight

And as long as I got my leg and thigh
I'ma eating it all on the floor tonight
And I got fixed up with the nine piece special
Let me feed you a few wings
All stuffed up in dark and white
And you're dressed in that hot sauce I like
Cheekan grease is flinging in the air tonight
Let me feed you a few wings
Let me feed you a few wings
Feed you a few wings about Pops
Now we're in the wings of love
Let me feed you a few wings
Feed you a few wings about Pops

Burp

Hong Kong Harbour - Family Dinner Edition

On the Chinese menu, there's a small area in the corner that has a family menu of six dishes for $43. Yeah, you heard me, for $43 friggin bucks. And the shit comes with a Junk load of white rice (or steamed rice as the crackers like to call it)... Especially handy, when you're in the mood for 2000 of the same thing. This family menu can easily feed 6 gwai-lo's. No problem, ok, USA? Is it super authentic because it's in Chinese? Fuck no. It's like a slutty Chinese girl that can't speak Chinese but who cares... If she tastes like she have bathe this morning, then I'm going downtown on this bitch. There's other larger family menus for a few bucks more but shit, bro, how much food can you eat fat boy?

Some kind of Minced Meat Egg White Drop Cornstarch Thickened Soup. This cauldron of crap was quite comforting. I had 2 bowls of it.

Bowl of Fish Balls and Extruded Tofu. Let's face it, that Roman column shaped tofu turd is funny looking but that shit done tastes guud! Fish balls are always a hoot in one's oral cavity, I like to store them in my cheeks like a chipmunk. Don't worry it's just not all extruded minced tempeh, there's napa cabbage underneath that underpants mess.

Salt & Pepper Shrimp. I don't understand why chicks can give head but not eat them... They're in your mouth already (that's half the battle) might as well just finished them off. In this case, it's alright to use teeth. These creastures are great when freshly fried but as leftovers the morning after... It's like you're wishing you brought your travel toothbrush. They just ain't as fwesh... No one wants to take that walk of shame.

Sweet & Sour Fried Ribs. If you're asking where is that nuclear red sweet & sour sauce? You should be water boarded or made to do community service at Panda Express. This is the semi-real Chinese style. These ribs were a tad chewy and rubbery but the sauce hides it quite nicely like the BBQ joints that drowns their prized smoked meats in their HFCS jizzlobber sauce. This dish had more bones than meat but still edible.

Some kind of Green Grass Thinger. I usually become a vegetarian around the 4th or 5th course during a meal. Makes me appreciate the upcoming dishes even more.

Chinese Style Fried Chicken. The final dish had to be none other than my favorite... Pollo Frito Chino. Yes, that's how they spelled it on the menu. Maybe. Crispy skin, semi tender inside (a tad dry) but it didn't matter, shit was like crack... Crackling good. Came with some sauce that I don't think it should have came with. Tasted like the water from a can of tuna mixed with drippings from a toilet tank. I ain't dunking my cheekan in that shit. But you can if you wish, you filthy animal. Edd-deee, why you treet me like annee-maal?

For $43, you can't beat this if you're in the mood to stuff your face with a good amount of food that's better than average. They have better dishes on the regular menu but when you're drunk and high as a motherfucker and don't want to think too hard, just point your fat finger to this treasure trove of booze and drug soaking goodness to the skinny waiter with the mouthful of marbles and you're on you way to heaven. Bless his heart.

2184 Cheshire Bridge Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30324

(404) 325-7346

http://hongkongharbouratl.com/

1Kept

You won't find keywords such as "highly anticipated" or "hot spot" when it comes to the preopening of this place... This new joint was barely a blip on the radar screen before it opened it's doors. When there's too much hype by the PR driven restos, they usually end up as huge disappointments... I could name a handful but I don't have the time or energy to revisit those bombs.

So, what's the dealio about this place? Barely any information and very little hype prior to their opening... But I cringed when I heard that it could be another "speakcheesy" joint opening up in this town, especially, one that is taking over the space of that fad induced Tsunami Taqueria and revolting Toulouse before that. Let's face it, this is a cursed space but after taking my first step into this place... I felt as if an exorcism had taken place. The bad vibe was gone. Could it be true or am I just too drunk already to notice?

Deviled Quail Eggs. Cute dish, bacon jam makes it all better.

Warm Kale Salad. I was kinda surprised by how tasty this was... The chorizo probably did it. See, I am a vegan after all.

White Truffle Popcorn. It is what it is... Next.

Local Baby Beets. Nice and simple, the mache (corn salad) was a nice touch and the yellow beets are so much better than the standard red ones.

Mussels & Ale. Nothing ground breaking on this dish but the broth was really nice. Ask for extwa bwead or just pour it down your piehole.

Flat Iron Flatbread. Yeah yeah, it's a flatbread, booooring right? Ah, no... Not when it has steak, grain mustard, pickled pearl onions, aged white cheddar and arugula. A little too much color on the outter edge but shit was still tasty and I hate saying that.

B.L.T Flatbread. Gimmicky but tasty filler. Flatbread was charred spot-on on this one.

Scallop Risotto. This was a really good dish. Simple but delicious especially when you cook it properly. Giant diver scallops were seared perfectly, a little cripsy on the outside, tender moist inside. The sweet truffle corn puree kicked ass in the corn risotto. Mushrooms added that little hint of earthiness to balance it out. Had to order another one it was that good. Still thinking about it days later, that's when you know it was the shit.

Atlantic Salmon. The pickled melon rind, cashew and lime were an interesting pairing for the salmon which had a nice cripsy skin but a tad overcooked. Still a very decent dish.

Duck Bolognese. C'mon, what's not to like about this dish... Quack quack. Burp.

Grilled Filet of Ribeye. Not much to say what this pic can not say already... Shit was perfect mid rare. Tender as shit, seasoned nicely and the bleu cheese cream gave it a nice smooth balance. Coulda used a few more spears of them tasty sweet tater fwies though.

Grilled Pork Tenderloin. Ms. Piggy, grits, broccolini, cherry orange compote and garlic jus? Ah, does a dog lick his own balls? Hellz yeah. I wonder if a dog sack could ever taste as good as this... Hmmm. Taco, come here boy... Oh, wait, he's snipped.

Grilled Whole Rainbow Trout. I thought this would be boring as shit as most trout dishes go...  But I was pleasantly surprised when it came out. Butterflied and de-boned trout with some awesome quadrillage marks and black beluga lentils? Damn skippy... This tasty shit got my pouch did.

When the bartender gives you a whole bottle of this and walks away for 15 minzies... Shit's going down on this biatch. Love this rye, I have the 10 yr and 11 yr at home... It may be empty though by now.

OK, sooo... What did the pouch think of this place in it's first week? All I can say is that the kitchen didn't put one bad thing out. Fuck. I fucking hate that. I hate that I can't fucking curse about how crappy the food was. I basically ordered every dish on the menu and they all came out pretty much spot on and I literally had nothing to bitch about it. Then I found out that most of the kitchen staff came from the recently shuttered Modern... No wonder the food was executed well even though the ex-owner of Modern was a total dickhole and didn't pay the staff and vendors but that's another story. The menu is not the most adventurous but I would take a simple proven dish that's executed well every single time than some over developed, over complicated and confusing dish that's trying too hard by some narcissistic chef.

The bar is not big by any means and the selection is not as extensive as others around town or that cocktail joint right up the street but every cocktail I had was made well... Hopefully, they will continue to add more to their inventory and finally come up with a proper cocktail menu on paper. The service was great and the space/decor reminded me of Mono+Mono NYC minus the 30,000+ of jazz records and Korean Fried Chicken... Did someone say cheekan? Put it on the menu STAT!

I like this place, how long will this bromance last? Who knows but... Skip, don't walk to this place.


2293 Peachtree Rd.
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 254-1973
http://1kept.com/