Bantam + Biddy

They dynamic duo is back again... The seductive Shaun Doty and ravishing Lance Gummere. When word got out about their new chicken shack, I thought they were opening a brothel. Everyone in this one horse town knows their pimp hand is strong... Especially, when it comes to chicks. Lance slammed it well behind the shed and Shaun, well, you know, he got his hands on a lot of soft round buns... Some were even gluten free. But enough of their culinary prowess... I wonder if that urban legend is true. You know, the one that says the best way to eat a chick is with one leg behind each ear... Let's go investigate.

Poutine. Great fries, not enough curds, a bit over salted and overkill on the chicken gravy. I felt like I should be bobbing for curds... Someone once told me it's kinda like muff diving but less messy. A little less gravy and salt, a little more curds would make this a craveworthy dish.

Fried chicken tenders. These multi-use fried chicken digits on the menu are pretty awesome. Crispy, crunchy outside and juicy tender inside. They can finger me all day long with these hunky chubbies but they still ain't no Popeyes. The dipping sauces are pretty tasty... I like the wasabi and piri piri.

Chicken pot pie. Not the traditional pie you find around Ansley but it was full of flavor and fresh tasting. It's more of a hearty chicken soup that's topped with a girthy biscuit to "sop" up the business after you're done slurping it.

1/2 Rotisserie chicken. Never get the 1/4 because it dries out too quickly, gotta stick with the half order to do it justice. And justice it did, it's a good rotisserie chicken. Thin, golden bronze skin, a luscious blend of juicy dark and white meat all in one package... A sexy combination you don't usually find in this area. The mac 'n cheez was ok, not cheesy enough. The brussels sprouts were a little moist, dripping sweet honey glaze on my chin with every bite. For $14, this will fill your manhole for the rest of the night with no complaints from me... No walk of shame the next morning, either.

Banoffee and cherry pie. I like small pies with creamy fillings... What red blooded American male doesn't? I'm sick of the super-sized pies that are served all over town... I always feel so stretched out afterwards.

Will this hunky duo have a winning recipe in this re-imaged strip mall? Probably. This place is socially acceptable no matter what your culinary orientation is. Go grab a bite, they won't unless you ask nicely... Or not.

Pump pump...

Squirt.

1544 Piedmont Rd,  Suite 301

Atlanta, GA 30324 

404-907-3469

http://bantamandbiddy.com/

Seven Lamps

Excited to see new talent popping back up in lackluster Buckhead. Two new restaurants come to mind... Cook Hall which opened in the old Market space in the W Hotel was decent and pleasantly surprised by their grubbage. And this place, Seven Lamps, in a quiet corner spot in the Shops Around Lenox seems promising with Drew Van Leuvan at the helm. I expect nothing but the best eats from him, his street credit depends on it. The bar manager came from Southern Art - So expect above average cocktails as well. Interior is warm and cozy with an open kitchen and a small bar around. This place has all the right ingredients to kick some serious ass.

So start kicking, yo...

Amuse bouche. C'mon, they just freebies. Radishes in different forms. Cute.

TORTELLINI STUFFED WITH BRAISED CHESTNUT & MASCARPONE, vanilla macaroon, apple leather.
This was a very nice dish, probably the best dish of the night. Full of flavor and just tasty to eat... Plate after plate of it. Props to the line cook who pulled this off. We're off to a good start. Let's keep it going, yes?

LOBSTER RAMEN BROTH, fried pork, butternut squash, borlotti beans, egg.
Sounded great on paper but it turned out to be a stinging paper cut instead. Noodles not included. This is no ramen, not even close. Just call it a Lobster Broth but here's the kicker - There was no hint of lobster essence, come to think of it had no flavor at all. I assume the broth base came from the Lobster Bun (we'll get to that later). It was just an ugly soup with shit floating all around in it, kinda like a unstrained stock. If I didn't know any better, it coulda been a bowl of rusty toilet water with leftover bits. Oliver Twist laughs at this bowl of gruel. Still can't figure out that firm-boiled half egg and it's purpose.

Oh dear, I sense we're heading off a cliff...

BUTTERED LOBSTER BUN celery aioli, steamed brioche.
I lurv me a good lobster roll/bun, but in this town they are a crap shoot, they mostly suck a really hard schlong. Asked the server how big this was, he said "about 3 bites" and up sold us to get 2 to make sure everyone had a good taste of this. The "bun" was like a lump of raw naan dough pressed in a George Foreman grill that was unplugged. They said the chef likes it "yeasty and doughy". Whatchu talkin' about Willis? My friend said it reminded him of a "wet diaper". I concur but it was more like an old man's full wet diaper. This bun was absolutely horrid and inedibly. It looked like what a fly would regurgitate. The lobster meat on the other hand was decent, tender, lightly dressed but not very flavorful. I would even take Optimist's lobster roll over this... Well, let's not get too bat shit crazy here. Just keep it simple and classic with a nice buttery toasted bun and try not to get all advant-garde about a receipt that is already pretty much perfect. But this town somehow keeps fucking it up with the exception of one place which is located in the ghetto of all places.

BAKED PECORINO TOSCANO CHEESE cedar, chanterelle mushrooms, pickled pearls, truffle honey.
Is this a joke? Why is this single serving of cheese that seemed like it was previously wrapped in plastic sitting on a block of wood with a ton of mushrooms and pearl onions on top? The superstar is the cheese or am I wrong? The hair thin slice of pecorino basically glued itself to the wood plank from the application of heat and any attempts to lift it off included a few slivers of splinters for garnish. Besides this mess of an idea, the shrooms where tasty but the pearl onions were basically raw and barely pickled. Truffle honey... C'mon, it's almost 2013.

POTATO ZEPPOLE warm potato crème, green onions.
What a waste of money and pouch space. Fried dough with a tiny squirt of this tasteless spooge that barely identified as potato...creme. Sounded like such a fun little dish but it fell flat hard.

Can it get worse? Let's wait for the next dish...

CANNELLONI braised octopus, spanish chorizo, spicy escarole, tomato, horseradish.
Nice looking dish. A decent tasting dish that could be so much more if it included the star ingredients. Not a piece of octopus to be found. Fail. Chorizo turned out to be bacon bits. Double fail.

After sampling a handful of dishes, with only one clear winner of the night (is this menu too large to handle for a place this size?)... Do we dare take another risk and order more off the menu since we were still extremely hungry? I think the server realized this visit was a failure overall since we decided to cut our losses and head somewhere we knew would deliver the goods. He offered a dessert on the house. We declined. He offered a future app on the house. A respectable move, bro, but soon forgotten. The drink menu put me to sleep, so ask for a classic cocktail instead. If you can't think of one, there's always Hitachino if it's in stock. I didn't get why they wanted every server to learn how to make drinks, I understand their thinking in this but an efficient resto is when everyone knows their position in the hierarchy. We sat there forever to get 2 cocktails, 1 jerk ginger beer and a tea.

This first impression left me depressed. The chef himself wasn't even present at his own brand spanking new resto... You would think a chef/owner would be there open til close everyday for at least 6 months to make sure everything is spot on until the team gets their groove on. This seems to be a trend with Atlanta chefs/owners these days.

I am not writing them off yet, they seem genuinely passionate about what they're doing... Just keep working on it and deliver it next time. I hope... Or not.

3400 Around Lenox Road, No. 217
Atlanta, GA 30326
404-467-8950
http://www.sevenlampsatl.com/

Floataway Cafe

It's been awhile since I have been back here but I was going full auto on some bitch ass zombies down the street and I worked up an appetite. I have always enjoyed the dishes I have eaten here. I think this is one of the most underrated restaurant in this town. Let's see if that still holds water since the last time I came here.

The service is always great here, they know their shit and they don't get all up in your face. They let you and your fellow diners eat in peace and enjoy your feast... Speaking of feast, check this shit out.

Wood grilled octopus, cannellini beans, mantequilla olives, salumi, orange. This was nice, real nice, this dish actually gives you a good amount, enough to share with others at the table unlike most other places that gives you two measly thin tentacles.

Piccolo fritto - young squid, georgia white shrimp, green tomato, broccoli, lemon. This was totally addictive, you just keep eating and eating. So good.

Housemade garlic sausage, french green lentils. Look at the girth of this unit. Juicy and toothy but don't use too much teeth. You can't have a wiener without balls...

Gulf blue crab fritter, pepperonata. Giant ball full of crabs... That's my kinda balls.

Pan roasted moulard duck breast, anson mills farro, almonds, persimmons. One look and you know it's gonna be good. And it was. Gone in 2 minutes.

Wood grilled hanger steak, pommes frites. Perfect medium rare and a stack of kickass frites. They were so good my buddy ordered another bowl of frites.

Potato gnocchi, brown butter chicken sugo, prunes, madeira. These pillowy puffs were softer than that chubby Charmin bear. Just delicious.

Brussels sprouts. Gotta have your veggies. Yeah, they were good.

Wood grilled niman ranch pork porterhouse, woodland gardens broccoli rabe, cranberry mostarda. Not the best looking dish but close your eyes and take a bite and it becomes Kate Upton. She wishes she had a rack like this.

Floataway did it again... Made the pouch happy again and not many places in this town does. I need to come here more.

Burp.

3 Stars.

1123 Zonolite Road
Atlanta, GA 30306
404.892.1414
http://www.starprovisions.com/floataway-cafe.php

Seven Hens

Hey Atlanta... Ready for another fast casual "concept" like Waffold or EVOS?

Well... You know the answer to that but fuck it, bro, I live on the edge... Let's Do This!

Oh, shit, what did I just agree to do? This joint is packaged like a giant Lunchables. "Peel to Open" is what comes to mind. But in reality, it's more like a chain sub shop with the assembly line you find under any armpit in America. It's cuter, but... Why is nothing cooking on all that equipment? Are they breaking down and cleaning up at 2 in the afternoon? Are they nuking that shit?

So, I got the "Indian" and "Italian" on a white and wheat baguette. I couldn't wait to see that piece of chicken pounded, breaded and pan fried in a cast iron skillet. But what I got was a pre-breaded, barely pounded piece of meat that was tossed in the deep fryer... And no lady wants to be treated that way, especially this Kit De Luca. It came out dark brown and it proceeded to go under the knife... Cut into strips, a quick squirt of the curried yogurt, rolled into the bread with the other fillers and wrapped up in foil (peel to open!). Did I miss something here? How is this remotely considered a fucking schnitzel? Let's face it, it's a pulverized chicken tender sandwich. And a bad one at that... Jesus, I would even eat that disgusting Chick-fil-A garbage over this.

This was the Indian... I couldn't tell if it was the Sitting Bull kind or the guy from Short Circuit because it tasted like neither from that dried up piece of shoe leather. What could be in that "secret blend of Indian spices"? Oh, I know, could it be salt and pepper? Exotic. That curried yogurt tasted like spoiled ranch dressing. The supposedly "fresh cut fries" came from a giant brown bag and they were not ashamed of displaying it to the patrons while pouring it into another deep fry basket. Can this get any worse? There's still the Italian to be had... Classic Italian seasoning, pesto, sun-dried tomato and aioli. Too bad none of that had any flavor to it. Maybe if I keep peeling that foil back I will find some. Imagine the flavors of the Orient in the Chinese or the savory essence in the French! Maybe not. Everything was cheap to say the least... From preparation to end product. Nothing more than a sub shop with a different color crap... Oops, I meant cap.

Another grubby gimmick for this town instead of producing anything of substance. I guess their target demographics is the school nearby... But I don't think even the gourmand student body can be fooled by the pretty colors and pictures on the wall. They're smart, they're dorks, they're Emory students. Sadly, this concept will end up like all the others... "Will be closed for renovations".  And we know what that means...

This chicken has flown the coop.

Cuckoo cuckoo.

2140 N Decatur Rd
Decatur, GA 30033

(404) 633-3000

http://www.7hens.com

Carolyn's Gourmet Cafe

There were more cockroaches than humans up in this piece on a friday night. W T F, yo?! Seriously, I have never seen a more well behaved cockroach ever in my life, he was smarter than my stupid dog. He sat there patiently looking at me with those lonely compound eyes... All 4000 lenses. How can anyone with a heart not give in to those big black cocky eyes? I gave him a small sampler plate, he thanked me and went on his way. Why can't all roaches be this civil instead of sneaking around in the dark?

This place was dead as fuck can be... But it looked safe enough to grab a quick bite before the weekend's melee of booze and sweet sodomy in some women's stall. This joint has been around for awhile and every time I drive past it, it looks closed or maybe it's just dead. I'm guessing they do a good deal of lunch business to sustain this operation. But it's definitely not a night time watering hole. The menu is your standard pub grub, nothing really exciting... Rather boring to tell the truth. I almost got up and left but decided to try it out anyways since I already went through the motions.

Cheekan Wangz. The mystery hot sauce had to be put on the side since they had no clue if it was made in house or from a bucket. It was from a plastic jug and tasted like ketchup. The wings were plump, crispy and a tad dry inside. Not bad, pretty much standard issue at most joints. It won't win any contests.

Fish Tacos. What do you want to know? It was "Two lightly battered fish filets diced and topped with cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and a zesty sauce, served with warm tortilla chips and queso." like it was printed on the menu. When they don't tell ya what kinda fish it is, should you be worried? I hope they taste better than the stale ass chips and gluey queso. Spoke too soon, fish tacos were crap and ice cold.

Carolyn's Original Burger. Cooked to temp... Somewhat medium-rare-ish. The sweet tater fries were limp, tepid and tired, kinda like me on the couch with my hands down my pants watching 'Any Which Way But Loose' the other night. That Clyde is such a sexy beast! This burger wasn't. I guess it's an average burger even though they boast it's a "Eight ounce Black Angus ground beef seasoned to perfection". Bottomline: It's edible. The fries were not.

Service was spotty because there were like 2 people working but the waitress/bartender was nice enough. I guess this joint does well enough during the week day lunch crowd from the surrounding office buildings that they could care less about dinner service (why even keep it open at night?). One would think this spot would be killing it with college kids or what not. But they're not. They do have an AYCE wings on Tuesday nights but I think I'll pass on the AYCE pizza.

Fair Rating.

1151 West Peachtree Street Northwest
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 607-8100
http://www.carolynsgourmetcafe.com/

Happy Valley

This place still makes me laugh every time I walk in... The decor is so friggin ridiculous for a Chino joint. I have seen the original Clash of the Titans at least 169 times and I don't ever remember Perseus eating dim sum... Let alone fried rice. Whoever did the interior design is a genius. I want him to design my bathroom. I want Zeus and Apollo painted on my walls...Not of the Greek Gods but the two dobermans from Magnum PI. Let's go get our nosh on and get fat and happy like Higgy baby.

The Sampler. Look at all that shit I'm about to inhale. Too bad it wasn't that good. Some items were just plain shitty. The shrimp and beef rice noodle rolls (cheung fun) were either undercooked or way over steamed it just disintegrated. The har gao skin were dried up and stuck to each other, tearing apart every time you try to pick one up, shrimp was like rubber. Shumai were hard, a sign it didn't have enough fat in it nor ground finely and whipped enough to give it that pillowy texture.The daan tart were too crispy on the bottom and the custard separated. Lo bak go were barely heated through and tasteless. Wu gok were flaky but it was a grease pit inside. Sesame balls... Well, you know. Tripe was ok, while it was tender it lacked seasoning.

Beef Tendon. This is a scene straight outta Pulp Fiction... Remember when Vincent opened that briefcase? Nobody knew what was inside until now... It was filled with this. Now, you know what Marcellus Wallace looks like... A big fat bowl of dericious edible gold. These tendons were pretty damn tasty, firm, gelatinous and savory. They got at least one dish right.

Sticky Rice. It's quite a large package... Wish I could be so lucky. Let's see what we get when we unwrapped it. Oooh, it's girthy and plump. I was getting a tad moist... Until, I stuck the spoon in that beast. It was as thick as cement. You couldn't scoop a spoonful without the banana leaves breaking apart. The glutineous rice were undercooked but it was filled with the proper Chinese sausage, salted duck egg and pieces of bone-in thighs. What a shame.

Rice Noodle with Shrimp, fresh from the steamer... Second try. Hong Kong, we have a problem. How does this happen to something that just came out from the kitchen? The noodle totally fell apart when you try to pick it up. Awful, just awful. I am done with this.

I paid the price of admission but I didn't get a happy ending. I got fucked instead... Well, not literally. There used to be more dim sum options in the city, now it is very limited (most have closed shop or changed direction)... Oriental Pearl, while not the best by any means, is still the most consistent in my book.

Happy Valley? Never again.

Fair Rating.

5495 Jimmy Carter Blvd
Norcross, GA 30093
(678) 218-0888

Modern Restaurant + Bar

Anyone remember that ghetto ass dump, Copeland's? Well, you didn't miss much, it was total garbage. The food was greasy, oily, fatty, salty, creamy and smelly... With a 70% runs rate. I shit you not but you may before you get home. It's a wonder it lasted longer than it did... But that's old news. Let's get to the good news. The Modern. No one really knew much about this place, it took forever to build out. Maybe because the owner is a restaurateur from Connecticut. Say what? That's one helluva commute to check on the progress. Not only were there little 411 about the place, no one even knew who the chef was... Not even the owner. That's because they didn't have one yet. That's ballsy, dude.

Here's where Mark Alba, a veteran cook that worked at a few not too shabby places, enters the Buckhead dining scene, again. He took a hiatus from the sweaty ballsack cooking world to do his own gig for awhile. I guess he didn't like having clean and dry balls. High five to that... Make that an air high five, bro. Let's hope he can impress the pouch with some of his old magic from the days of yore...

SELECTION OF ARTISAN CHEESES & CHARCUTERIE with traditional accompaniments. A nice tasty selection to whet yo mama's appetite.

SONOMA FOIE GRAS pineapple-upside down cake, ginger snap crumbs, maple syrup. Seared and scored perfectly. This was a really good piece of foie gras that was cooked how it should be, a little more than rare inside. Hell, I eat it raw sometimes. The other stuff on the plate were just filler. This piece of offal was a fucking rockstar.

HAMACHI SASHIMI canteloupe sorbet, lime-mint oil. Hamachi was fresh but the lime-mint oil kinda coated the natural flavor of the fish. The price tag may be a little steep for the size but still good to try it, though.

BRAISED VEAL CHEEKS sweet potato gnocchi, cippolini onions, pomegranates, port reduction. Super tender and savory but a little heavy on the port reduction. Still very good though. Like this hot app a lot, just a little less port redux.

GRILLED HANGER STEAK avocado-lime puree, tomato-cucumber salsa, crispy jalapeno chips. Cooked spot on medium rare. Nice color and everything worked well together.

GARLIC AND ROSEMARY LOIN OF LAMB chickpea puree, artichokes, grilled scallions, lamb jus. One word: Lamb. Two more words: Medium rare. Good stuff.

CREAMY LEEK RISOTTO speck ham, treviso, poached farm egg, aged balsamico. The crispy speck chips and poached egg were nice. The aged balsamico was kinda suspect since it didn't have that rich intense flavor and density of a great balsamico from Modena. The risotto was decent but no hint of the treviso unless it was chopped finely. Still tasty to me.

MONKFISH bok choy, leeks, shiitake mushrooms, coconut curry broth. I couldn't cook a more perfect piece of Monkfish, it was pretty awesome. The coconut curry broth was lacking, it was more of an aromatic fumet. Good dish, but needs work on intensifying the coconut curry broth since the poor man's lobster is kinda neutral.

PAPPARDELLE braised beef short rib, sweet peas, mushrooms, mint. Short rib was super tender and savory. Pasta was thin, wide and al dente, just spot on. Another winner.

Tempura Fried Cheesecake Bites. I am not a big dessert fan but these were cute.

Chocolate Torte with Caramelized Bananas. The banana and dots remind me of Mr. Hanky frolicking but it tasted much better than poo. Sometimes, these things they call desserts are just a waste of valuable pouch space... I could finished this meal off with a juicy burger but that is just me.

On another visit, I had a few mouthfuls (no pics, too lazy) from the rest of the menu which were all deriricous as well... Especially, the crispy duck. Mmm...

BEEF TENDERLOIN TARTARE shallots, baguette toast, sauce gribiche
YELLOW FIN TUNA TARTARE cucumber, avocado, soy sauce powder, baguette toast
WILD MUSHROOM TARTLET truffle pecorino, arugula, aged balsamico
SOUS VIDE PORK BELLY roasted parsnip farro, tuscan kale, apple confit, sherry-maple reduction
YOUNG CHICKEN parsnip bread pudding, brussels sprouts, chicken jus
LONG ISLAND DUCK carrot-ginger puree, french beans, orange-soy glaze
MAINE SEA SCALLOPS cauliflower puree, brussels sprouts, brown butter, candied lemon confit

And I wonder why I'm so fat... If you want a consistent, well-executed, and eater-friendly menu for everyone, this is your best bet in Buckhead. Hopefully, they will add more adventurous items on the menu in the future and it may garner them that elusive 4th star that only a handful has had the honor from the pouch in this one horse town. Wait, who am I kidding? It's Buckhead... I ain't gonna get chicken uterus, brains, balls, lungs, intestines, hearts, toe nails et al... Boo. Guess they'll have to settle for 3 stars for now. BTW- The service was great and not overbearing or intrusive.

Burp.

PS- Don't forget to stop by Twin Peaks after for the spectacular view. Squirt.

3 Stars.

3365 Piedmont Rd.
Atlanta, GA 30305
404-554-1100
http://www.modernbuckhead.com/

Sushi Huku

There are only a handful of sushi joints that are worthy of the pouch's discerning taste... Wait, who am I kidding? I'm a fat slob and I'll eat anything that's put in front of my snout. But seriously, this place is just plain good. Quality ingredients, fresh and vibrant, doesn't mean shit if the cook can't prepare it correctly. Luckily, Huku has the talent to deliver outstanding dishes time and time again. I fucking love this joint.

I met up once again with some friends that know a thing or thirty about cooking good food to feast on some sooshee... And let me tell ya, Jeh delivered yet again another killer meal. Take a gander, suckaz...

Soft Shell Crab. Everyone should get crabs... This kind at least.

Ebi Shitake. Shrooms stuff with shrimp and deep fried? Ah, fuck, pweez.

Hamachi Kama. This was a little weak on the size and cut but still tasty.

 Gyutan Shio. French kissed the fuck outta this tongue.

Tai. Red Snapper. You can also have sex with this snapper... In theory.

 Fried Shrimp Heads. This shit never gets old. Crunchy brains and eyeballs. Yum.

Sashimi. Look at this sick ass spread. Too much to list. Fucking kick ass!

 Teba Shio. Grilled wings... Only weak dish of the night.

Otoro. Lightly scorched and amazing.

Uni with Japanese kelp roll and roe. Killer flavor combination.

Holy Mackerel! Look at the size of this thing.

Shima Aji fried bones. My favorite way to end the feast.

One of the best sushi places for traditional (dare I say authentic? fuck yeah!) Japanese grub even though it's Korean owned. But Jeh does an incredible omakase and don't forget to ask about the special shoyu and wasabi root. Sick.

Just go... Now. Or not. I don't care, more soosh for me.

Weeeeeeee! Oink oink.

4 Stars.

6300 Powers Ferry Rd NW
Atlanta, GA 30339
(770) 956-9559
http://www.sushihuku.com/