Park's Edge

Holy fuck bag full of bollocks, guess who's doing an taping of "Kitchen Nightmares" in Atlanta at Park’s Edge from Sept. 9 to 12?

You guessed it, you fat donkey! The fucking donkey king himself, Gordon Ramsay!

If you're insulted by the crass language, you, too, can piss off, you wanker! Or you can feast your eyeballs on this medley of crap on a plate...

But before we go any further, let me say this restaurant is trying... It's quaint, cozy and has a nice neighborhood feel, even though the past restos in this same location failed miserably. But besides that, don't let me deter you away from making a visit, everyone's taste are different... I mean a pig eats in it's own feces, but that's a different kind of animal all together.

Let's take a gander at what the trough had to offer (even though everything basically came out all at once, imagine 4 large plates on a tiny table made for a 1 top)...

(Grilled Caesar Salad)

Why you trying to be fancy pants with this ruffage? A picture says a thousand + 2 words and they are... Dirty and Sanchez. Look at that dressing... It musta been made with brown anchovies from the seas of cheese, fromunda is my guess. This poor poor Romaine had a bad life already living in the dirt, you don't have to burn him to a crisp, do you? It was bitter tasting, wouldn't you be after all that? Crouton were stale and meteorite hard. You gotta wonder who was tossing their salad back there. Judging by the presentation, he had a real good western grip on this dish.

(Jumbo Lump Corn Crab Cakes)

Why do people put hot food on a spring mix? It's wilts them and turns them brown, never understood that rationale. Gives a whole new meaning to hot lunch. But the crab cakes were cold and soggy by the time it came out, the salad underneath was greasy from sitting around too long. Do I eat these things or rest them on my eye sockets like a pair of Arabian goggles? The crab cake fell apart with just a quick blow and stroke and separated in all different directions like the Bismarck going down. What's in that little pour cup you ask? Well, tis was a cilantro aioli... An aioli that was as gooey as the bloody battle on that ship. Looks like the Rear Admiral needs some extra zinc supplement. Squirt.

(Roasted PEI Mussels)

It looked good when it came out but after you take a good whiff of this spicy coconut lemongrass broth (quick, someone get me an Iraqi gas mask)... You'll want to excuse yourself from the table and give yourself a fishhook in the latrine. The mussels were tiny, I mean pearl tongue tiny, you might as well string them up and wear it like a pearl necklace. Why is there pico de gallo on the bread... What do you do with this? Mix it in with the watery broth and stir it with the bwead to thicken? I'm confused... Like the service. She was winking at me in the corner with this eerie fish eye like from under a glass bottom boat.

(Honey Marinated Flank Steak)

Prolly the best dish of the night, if you fuck up a friggin flank steak, you really should be mopping the floors instead. But the word "best" is far from it... The meat curtain was presented on the plate like a gorgeous pink sock but it was a little too sinewy for my palate. The garlic mashed potatoes were dry and gummy. The Cascabel fried onions were a fraud since there is no such thing as a Cascabel onion but they were crunchy, though. The "chimmi churrie" sauce... Well, let's not go there, Rancid is not just a band. Chef’s daily vegetable of asparagus were spot on, well done... Now, piss off.

This place can be so much more, given the area it's located and it's ambiance... It's a cool little spot. Give the sheep what they want (which is a good, clean, simple, and bold menu) and they will flock to you. Gordon, dude, light a fire under their ass and get them to do it right for fuck's sake.

The reservation email is inmanparkrest@gmail.com for the taping if you wanna experience the full wrath of a donkey punch from the master chef himself.

Hee Haw.

1 Star. (Pending donkey punch)

913 Bernina Avenue NE
Atlanta, GA 30307
404.584.7275
http://www.parksedgeatl.com/

La Fourchette Bistro & Lounge

Anyone who's been here knows there is no "lounge" up in this piece. It's a tiny bar in the corner. No one is lounging here nor do they want to. It's a restaurant. Period. Perhaps a "bistro" at best. Stop pretending you're more than what you are. You're not fooling anyone with eyes, even those with a brown eye. I hate the shit that restaurants pull but let's get back to the issue at hand... The food.

So, what is the cuisine? The name says French. The owners say Mediterranean. The menu says international. The crowd says geriatrics. Serio, yo, it was totally the older crowd, not that there is anything wrong with that but eating a meal surrounded by Fixodent and the silver haired gives me the creeps. Speaking of creepy... The host/owner is a scary presence. He reminded me of a dictator in some 3rd world country. He was holding this pen all night like it was a detonator. He seemed a little agitated when my 4 top became a 3 top because the 4th friend of a friend person bailed out for some reason or other. Relax, Hans Gruber. Shit happens, so please don't beat me with your shoe or bomb my place, just feed me, Mistor.


Beet Salad - It had beets and ruffage... Nothing to pull down your underpants about.


Sweet Bread - I love this shit but this tasted precooked and refired a couple minutes in the oven before it came out. It was chewy and dried out. It wasn't totally offal, though. Yeah, I know that was cheesy. Durrr.


Pork Tenderloin - Coulda been a little more pink on the inside but acceptable. Nothing really spectacular about this dish. I mean look at it, you can do this at home. What's with da canned corn kernels?


Pan Seared Scottish Salmon - Nice crispy skin and color but the salmon was a little dry inside. Seems like that's the protocol here, fire off a bunch of stuff pre-hand and cooked through 80% and then refired in the oven when the order comes in. Great for volume but not for taste... Especially, at this price point. Oh, joy, more canned cornholio. Anyone have teepee for my bung... Nevermind.


Pecorino Risotto - Rice, rice, baybee. That is all.


Tunisian Beignets - I'm not a dessert person but this was prolly the best dish of the night. Fluffy, fresh, moist fried dough with a blossom honey ice cream. Not too shabby. Oh, yeah and some shaved nuts... That's what she said.

Service was somewhat strange... A bit too formal for a "smart" casual joint. Mebbe it was for the blue hairs. Will I rush back here for the food? Likely not but they did just open their pizza place next door. Tartufo sounded interesting and promising but after seeing their 'ZA... No thanks. Mebbe in a couple months when they actually start using wood and not gas, electric or hamster wheel powered.

Yippee ki yay, mofo... I got your detonators right here.

2.5 Stars.

3133 Piedmont Road Northeast
Atlanta, GA 30305-2516

(404) 748-1229
http://lafourchette.co/

Goin' Coastal - Va-Hi

If this place sucks, y'all know I would go all fucking postal up in this piece, OMG I would... But believe it or not, I like this place, I liked it a lot. Unreal, right? The pouch liked a place like this? WTF?! I said liked not loved.

While it didn't make me piss unicorns and rainbows all over the other guests in the joint... The food was consistent and tasty, though. Some dishes work better than others but none was purge worthy. The price point hovers a little above what it should for cuisine like this which is basically a fish shack, a fish camp thinger. So, it better be spot on. Let's take a peeky toe at it, shall we...

(White Caesar Salad)

Tell me about the rabbits, George. Whatever... It's a salad. Whoop-dee-doo. The dressing was a little weak, more anchovies, pweez.

(She Crab Soup)

No worries, it's not contagious... There were hardly any crabs in there. It had decent flavor (a bit too much Sherry) but without the orange-hued crab roe as a garnish (or mixed in) it just isn't a true She Crab Soup. A couple of slivers of green onions ain't gonna cut it, slick.

(Grit & Lump Crab Fritters)

Give me balls or give me death! These crabby little nut jobs were crisply thin on the outside, light and airy on the inside. They kinda exploded in your mouth. That's what she said... No, really, the chick across from me said that. And let me tell ya, she knows what she's talkin about, Willis. The grits and crab were pretty subtle in flavor but I liked them nonetheless. Balls in your cheeks are always a good time... Sometimes in eye sockets, too, but that's a different story.

(Mussels)

Fat, plump and juicy... Just how I like my labia of the sea, sans beard. The broth was rich and flavorful. The bowl was really loaded up with it, so ask for more bwead to soak up that scrumptious vag juice. Slurp. Why is there a lone green bean in there? Musta fell outta the cook's bearded clam.

(Rock Shrimp Taco)

Oh, dear... Is that flour tortillas I smell? Yep. Ah, hell... I'll just go with it even though it looked like it came straight outta Taqueria Del Sol's dumpster. The Rock shrimp was pretty good, mebbe a little heavy on the batter. The corn kernels were a nice touch. Switch out flour torts for corn ones and this would go up 2 pumps and a squirt.

(Lobster Roll)

Do I even dare to try another shitty lobster roll in this one horse town? Fuck yeah, I do. These triple dog dares are getting tiresome. But... This was a very nice lobster roll, indeed. Homemade roll buttered and toasted (a little too much color on the bottom, read: blackened) that looked rather small but it held a good helping of lobster filler. Lobster was dressed well, mebbe needed a little less but who cares, the sweetness of the tender meat still came through. Shoe string like fwies were crispy and hot, nice. This was almost good enough for me to recommend... Alright, I recommend it. Available only on weekend lunch, go now.

(Lobster & Jumbo Lump Crab Cakes)

I'm almost as picky with crab cakes as I am with lobster rolls... And this one was a no contender. While it was passable, it lacked a lot of the standards of a classic crab cake. It fell apart too easily, it needed some type of structure and there were no discernible taste of either the crab or lobster. The filler was totally pulverized to sawdust like consistency. There were no lumps, no lovely lady lumps of crab or lobster. The haricot verts were fresh and snappy. Roasted taters were what they should be.

(Scallop Risotto)

The rather large diver scallops were cooked nicely... the risotto, not so much. They were kinda mushy and didn't have that tooth to it (oh, hell yeah, I did done gone there with "toothy", again). At this price point, you would expect a perfectly cooked risotto but it's a fish joint, whaddaya expect.

(King Salmon)

A quite decent sized pan roasted king salmon... Not too dried out like that old queen salmon in the corner (did I say that out loud? eww). Tis was seasoned well and cooked properly... C'mon, if you're screwing up a piece of salmon, you need to go back to Long Dong Silver's, they're hiring. Green beans still good and cobs of sweet corn were good, too. It was like a good meal you cook at home. Not hard to make but satisfying.

(Southern Fried Platter Combo- Oyster, Catfish, Gulf & Rock Shrimp)

Let me tell ya, this combo platter was very generous in a Dirk Diggler kinda way (I keep getting one frame flashbacks of it) and still looked friggin' appetizing even after feasting on all the other dishes. It's fried fish/seafood... Nothing tastes better in the whole world. Well, except for a whole roasted suckling piglet, lamb fries and a proper hamachi kama. The batter was spot on, seasoned well and fried well, look at that color. Perfect. Everything was hot, crispy and juicy. Only gripe was they coulda put more oysters in there. It's a hefty platter and the sides were good, too... That wonderful sauteed green beans and a cup of my cousin Vinny's grit.

This is the type of neighborhood joint that Va-Hi needs more of, not restaurant groups that pumps out the same monotonous Mexican't slop over and over again. If anyone asks me what's a good place to nosh that's reasonably priced... This would be it.

Burp and a squirt.

3 Stars.

1021 Virginia Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30306

404-941-9117

http://goincoastalseafood.com/

Ippudo NY

St. Marks Place is a cool, hip, trendy area... Well, it used to be back in the days. Now, it's full of students and tourists. But still doesn't discount the fact that there's good and cheap grub to be had in this area. Go a few streets down and you can get sick ass KFC at Mono+Mono, go a few streets up and you got Momofuku's sick ass fried chicken that feeds like 80 people, mebbe that was 8, I forget. Speaking of Momofuku, their Noodle Bar started the whole noodle soup craze in NYC. But we're not here for the noodle bar, we're here for some Japanese Ramen...

Ippudo's been around for awhile now, it had it's ups and downs but business has never been better. As big as NYC is, decent tonkotsu ramen is hard to come by. I have to eat as many bowls of tonkotsu when I find a decent one. Shit is like crack to me and the 15 million other people in NYC... Except the veg-heads. They don't know what they're missing. Broth made out of dirty pig's feet and cooked until its disintegrated? Fuck yeah, bro.

I needed a quick snack before my lunch at ABC Kitchen, so I had some time to kill...

(Great Wall of Bowls)

(If they're serving these dusty old dried out noodles, I'll need a 12 pack of Sapporo)

(Hirata Pork Buns)

Similar the Chinese steamed buns but not as good. The relatively small piece of pork belly was good but the Napa cabbage cheapened it. These weren't cheap, though... More expensive than the $2 whore around the corner.

(Ippudo Teba Gyoza)

I lurv these things... Deep fried chicken wing stuffed with ground pork and veggies, vinegar shoyu sauce. Now, only if these Japanese chicken farmers can only grow them like this... It would be heaven, heaven I said.

(Shiromaru Hakata Classic)

"The original "Tonkotsu" noodle soup topped with pork loin chashu, kikurage, menma, red pickeled ginger, sesame and scallions". I can't read Japanese but this sounds purdy good to me... Especially, the pickeled ginger. I'll have a bowl, pweez. The broth was real nice, creamy, not too salty. The ramen was "toothy"... Ha, I used that filthy word, yes I did done that. It was a nice bowl of ramen. A great everyday comfort meal.

Ippudo, while it's been commercialized and tourist-fied as of late, still pumps out good food. I wouldn't go here every day because there's just way better places to eat around this area and on the cheap. But it's fun to come here every once in a while and laugh at the Gaijin who asks if they have California Rolls up in this piece.

Domo arigato, Mistor Roboto, bitches.

3.5 Stars.

65 4th Ave
New York, NY 10003

(212) 388-0088

http://www.ippudony.com/

5 Napkin Burger

Lookie here... We got another burger joint and a franchise no less. But this one is from a small New York chain and we all know we can't dismiss anything coming from New York. Yes, franchises suck but this was not always the case for 5 Napkin Burger. It spawned from a menu item from a pretty decent restaurant called Nice Matin and then exploded like a 16 year old in puberty ever since. They got locations in NYC, Boston and Miami... And now, Atlanta. But with NYC prices. Oh, joy. The shit is not cheap and we're not in NYC. Go figure.

Actually, I was kinda excited about it because 5NB was pretty good in NYC... But as with franchises goes, it doesn't always get better with quantity. You can bring a little piece of New York to the South but you may not get the same quality. I was hesitant to come here because I knew it would be swamped with everybody and their cougar moms. It's a good location (no other burger joints in sight), parking sucks dick, though... No pun intended but not that there's anything wrong with it.

Eh, fuck it, let's just get on with it... Y'all knew I had to do it sooner or later.

(Scales and Meat Hooks)

(Cornmeal Crusted Onion Rings -Blue cheese dressing & 5N sauce)

It was pretty good, except that it tasted more like Panko crust than cornmeal... Which was a plus. Coulda been a mix but who cares. It wasn't greasy and had a nice crispy crunch to it. The sauces sucked ass, the 5N sauce was horrid use ketchup instead. The price to rings ratio = total rip off.

(House Cured Pickles)

Tastes just like store bought bread & butter pickles but not as good. Totally forgot that these pickled flaps came with the lobster roll sliders, what a waste of like $4. Blah.

(Combo Platter -3 pieces sushi (tuna, yellowtail & salmon) 1 shrimp avocado roll, 1 spicy tuna roll)

HAHAHA!!! Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying... Why da fuck would I order sushi from a burger joint. Because it's fucking there on the menu and it was such a freakshow. I had to do it... Because I live on the edge. Eating raw fish at a meat joint is a total Triple Dog Dare. So, how was it? One word: It Was Fucking Horrendous. I swear this shit was left over from Nickimoto's walk-in, a box of frozen fish in the corner. What a lovely present. The nigiri was sliced so poorly and thinly, you can read the rice beneath it... It said, "SUCKA!". Amateur hour at its finest but with celeb-lawyer prices.

(Original 5 Napkin Burger - 10 oz. fresh ground chuck, gruyere cheese, caramelized onions, rosemary aioli, soft white roll)

And now, da pièce de résistance! The 5 Napkin Burga...

(Under da hood)

Doesn't look bad. And it wasn't a bad burga. Not the best nor was it what I remembered it in NYC. It's a well constructed burger, the patty didn't fall apart but the toppings did. Gruyere was melted way too much and start oozing off like a Mississippi mud slide. The ground chuck needed more fat, it was kinda dry inside. The bread woulda been nice if it was buttered and toasted. The fries tasted like Mickey Dee'z nuts fwies but just not as tasty.

(Lobster Roll Sliders - Sweet Maine lobster with 5N mayo, scallions & cucumbers, on 3 toasted soft white rolls with bread & butter pickles)

I love my lobster rolls, gotta order it when I sees it. The lobster meat was borderline acceptable, lightly dressed but needed a tad more seasoning. The slider rolls needed to be buttered and toasted, desperately. It was so boring, tasted like a throwed roll that was tossed to you at some cheesy restaurant in Missouri. Get that roll thinger worked out and this would taste a lot better, prolly not by much. But at the end of the day, these sliders were just merely conversation. B&B pickles were as described, tiresome.

(Up and personal shot of these crustaceous rolls.)

Overall, a decent over-priced burger that the midtown crowd will gladly pay for. For me, at that NYC price point, I expected a helluva lot more. Better food execution at the very least. The service was attentive and good. This place is a hit already and will going to be in the future. It's been a friggin' gold mine since the doors opened. But it will be my first and last visit here. Been there, done that. Nothing exceptional to bring me back unless you're paying.

Suckaz.

1.5 Stars.

990 Piedmont Ave NE

Atlanta , Georgia 30309
404-685-0777
http://5napkinburger.com/midtown-atlanta

Slack's Restaurant and Bar

TOWN Brookhaven is one of the newest cookie-cutter live work play thinger in upstate Atlanta. I hate these complexes because they tend to become super ghetto after word gets out from atop of Stone Mountain. One thing is for sure, this Sembler project (which seems like it's been ongoing for millenniums) will have no problem with that crowd since the overwhelming amount of triple pleated shorts and pants act like a sperm whale's gills to filter out all the crap from this sanctuary of khaki's and Polo's.

The complex is set up to contain all your favorite chain restaurants with the relentless 'in your face' signs and crowds on the patios that can be easily seen from Peachtree road... But there was one unique place behind all that malarkey that I was pretty interested in trying since they opened. A place that claims to have authentic Philly Cheesesteaks with the Amoroso rolls. Holy fuck, I'm so down with OPP (Other People's Philthies).

So, there's a bunch of Slack's Hoagie Shack franchises in Philly... Was this another franchise location? I was stumped because the name was just Slack's and on their website was Slack's Restaurant and Bar. And if they were affiliated, why does their website give out the vibe that it's an independent operation? With a little digging, it turns out they are a franchise of Slack's Hoagie Shack as stated on their website (http://slackshoagies.com/locations.htm). All this smoke and mirrors seemed a little shady to me... But if the Philthy is authentic then who gives a shit.

I'm fucking starving, let's go eat some cheese wit!

Gotta start off with some hawt wangz... The pouch demanded it.

(Half & Half: Maniac and Lemon Pepper)

So, I ask the server for their hottest of the hottest wings they got and to include an extra side of the sauce because it's usually never hot enough for me, so I like to dip it in extra sauce. First look... It looked weak, real weak. I tasted the extra side of Maniac sauce and it tasted like watered down tomato sauce. WTF???!!! This was the most pathetic display of Buffalo wings I have ever tasted. The wings itself were fried properly but their hottest sauce was a joke. The lemon pepper were as expected... Boring. Snooze. Pouch was disappointed.

Enough of this pussy footing around... Let's get to the main event. Looked like my neighbor's mom made it for her 8 year old...

(Philly Cheesesteak)

Not exactly an attractive presentation... I know it's a cheesesteak and it shouldn't look all fancy-schmancy but does this look appetizing at all? Putting this on a plate is just wrong. A Philthy deserves better, it should be on wax paper in a plastic tray.

(Up close and personal... Where is el queso?)

Looks kinda dry doesn't it? Seriously, did they forget the provolone? Seemed like the steak was cooked ahead of time and reheated in the microwave. Took one bite and my fears were realized... Shit was dry as a 70 year old hag. If you stood it up vertically, it kinda looked like one, too. Oh, man, what a disappointment.

(Why is there sesame seeds on the roll?)

I'm baffled... Amoroso doesn't make a sesame roll or do they? And what's with the shiny glaze all over the roll? This looked unusual for an Amoroso roll and from what their website states... "The menu offers a taste of Philadelphia that includes Yuenling beers, Amroso rolls,". No wonder why it looked different, it was an AMROSO roll! And obviously, they also serve a knock-off of Yuengling beer, too.

(Italian Hoagie)

Oh, look... They used the same roll as the cheesesteak but it actually works with this sandwich, instead. This wasn't half bad. Good amount of meat and tasted like it should in an Italian Hoagie... Ok, mebbe a little on the dry side. I guess that's what the house recipe "hoagie oil" was for but it tasted like nothing but plain old used cooking oil. I was sure as hell ain't putting that on me sammie.

I don't really know what to think about this place. It seems like it's still searching for a personality, a niche, an identity in this town because people aren't exactly lining up for their Philly Cheesesteaks or anything else on that menu. Let's face it, it was not a Philthy in any way, shape or form. It was just a let down and disappointment. Oh, well, there's still Roy's Cheesesteaks...

BTW- They got pizza, too... Wait, nevermind.

1 Star.

305 Brookhaven Ave.
Suite B1250
Atlanta, GA 30319
404-602-5558
http://www.slacksatlanta.com/

One Eared Stag

Ever since Shaun's closed, Atlanta lost a piece of the forward thinking culinary institutions like the many before it. It was innovative, inspiring and just a plain old good food joint... But in the end, money talks and bullshit walks via burgers like so many others have done and over-done. This seems to be curse Atlanta has suffered since the Olympics... Decent good restaurants open but the city just won't support it. They prefer cheap eats and how much of it they can shovel down their piehole. Months passed and this space sat empty like so many other good restaurants that went belly up. But then there was a light at the end of this tunnel... And from an unlikely source, the people behind Holy Taco. Yeah yeah, more fucking Mexican't meat curtains, you say. But nope, tis was a sign from the almighty pouch above... A restaurant with a fresh and experimental menu.

Their menu may not be catered for people with small kids or no taste, but for pigs like me who will eat anything and everything... It's a blessing. Atlanta is so boring with the same dusty old meat and three, new Southern farm to table, free range, ass fed, spa treated sows, burgers, burgers and more burgers, new celebrity hot dog joints... It's like every menu reads the same because owners want to play it safe so diners will come in. I can understand that but that's what sheep do and sheep gets slaughtered. Did someone say mutton? I'm starving... And Snooki wants smoosh smoosh.

(Constantly changing menu and vittles)

Fuck yeah!

(Grilled Veal Heart, Chimichurri, Country Bwead)

So good... Tender and flava packed. It's been a long day, have a heart.

(Pork Lomo, Sweet Melon, Mint, Powdered Guajillo)

Savory and sweet... Whatever that means, tis was refreshing and great for this swamp ass Southern heat.

(Gazpacho with Tomato Crab Salad)

No one likes crabs in their pants but in a cold summer soup, hellz yeah!

(Buttermilk Fried Chicken Necks with Kimchi)

Sounds so stupid and meatless but I kinda liked it... Shit, I like anything fried on a chicken. Have y'all ever tried fried chicken uterus? It's delish. The kimchi on here were kinda weird and the necks were a little too salty. But I ate the shit outta it, tho.

(Fried Pig Ears with Fried Egg)

Pig ear fries! Can you hear me now, you delicious little bastards?! It sounds like crunch, crunch, squirt... Of the egg yolk. This dish was fun and tasty.

(Fried Smelt, Meyer Lemon)

Smelt it, dealt it... And I'll do it again. One word: Addictive. They were like gourmet fish sticks. Lurved it.

(Rillette Fritter with Fried Egg)

Leftover bits and scraps of pizzle, nipples, ball sacks, hoof nails, snout, entrails, worms' meat and fromunda, Robot-Couped and shaped like a cow patty, breaded and fried. Not too shabby.

(Padron Peppers)

Hmm, looks like someone's been to Shoya cuz these thingers taste just like the Shishito peppers. Totally addictive and tasty... Like good weed. Everything's sooooo gween...

(Grilled Baby Artichokes, Pistachios)

OMG... but without the cheese. These baby artichokes were lip and sack smacking guud... You know, cuz they look like little balls.

(Cold Eggplant)

The picture looks like shit but it tasted pretty damn good. And it was eggplant... Can you believe that shit? Eggplant. Melanzana. Moulie. Alright, Rocko!

(Seafood Stew)

Bowl of sea creastures. Not the best dish on the menu but interesting enough to try out. And no, it ain't bouillabaisse. And the verdict: decent but not the favorite on the table. A bit over salted.

(Potatoes with Salmon Roe)

This is food porn. Balls on balls action. Interesting combination but it works... Kinda like that, porker, Ron Jeremy's prolific career of banging hot babes. How you ask? Don't question the powers that be. Just eat it and shut up.

(Ginormous Ribeye)

Well hung and well cooked, medium rare... Just how I like my man meat. Nothing beats a nice hot juicy piece of meat in one's mouth... Isn't that right, Tom Cruise? We all know your lil secwet. You can't handle the truth nor this ginormous piece of meat.

(Pork Belly)

Ok, pork belly is so played out... Well, almost. But who can say no to pork belly? Me. I said no to this. Look at that gigantic hunk of pure fat. While it had amazing color, 2/3 of it was pure belly fat, I shit you not. Look at it, you just gained 2 lbs staring at it, right? I asked the server if this looked out of place, he said that he loves fat and he would totally eat all of that. I said, well, it's your lucky day, here, I'm sending it back for a leaner piece. The second fire was a lot better but the visual was a lot meeker, it tasted fine and the veggie niblets cut the fattiness and richness of the belly. I feel like Kirstie Alley.

(Pickled Veggies)

Oh, talk about misses... This one was a major miss. It was almost inedible. It looked like a witch's brew, a cauldron of crap. Send it back whence it came, demonspawn!

(Risotto)

Not a traditional risotto in every sense but I don't expect it when I'm eating here. This shit was rich, real rich with heavy cream, cheeses and a little corn, bean salad to balance it out or at least try to... Look at all the oil surrounding the mound of rice like a moat. But let me tell ya, it was purdy tasty except it was over salted, which everyone knows can destroy a great risotto or any dish for that matter... And slimy slugs, also.

We noticed that the chef and sous chef were mysteriously absent one particular night, so all the dishes, while visually appealing and well constructed, were way over salted. The food might not hit every note every single time, but it's refreshing to see a menu that is consistently changing and revolving... And that is exactly what Atlanta needs even though Atlanta might not be ready for it. At least not for the masses yet but the people who love food and want food of this type are very happy that there is place that will challenge the cooks and the customers in a symbiotic relationship. But not like Venom and the symbiote suit... I wonder if you can eat it, like edible undies.

Good stuff. Can't wait to see what's next on their menu.

Squeal.

3.5 Stars.

1029 Edgewood Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30307
404-525-4479
http://www.oneearedstag.com/