Pannenkoekenhuis Upstairs

I love this city and the Dutch loves pannenkoeken aka pancakes. Who knew? Well, definitely not Billy Bob in his single-wide in upstate Georgia. Amsterdam isn't known for super awesome global cuisine in the past but in the last few years they have been moving up the scale for some really good food, thanks to a semi-healthy economy and a heavy tourism sector, along with a lot of great chefs from Europe/Asia moving here as well. Most people think their national dish is hair pie in the Red Light District... But pancakes is their unspoken national dish since they eat it any time of the day (breakfast, lunch and dinner). There are tons of pancake houses all around AMS but this one is supposedly the best of the best.

This one room "restaurant" is arguably the smallest restaurant in the city. Climb a flight of super steep staircase/ladder and enter a room the size of a large bathroom. Good luck finding a seat in one of the 3 tiny 2 top tables, but there is one table that can fit up to 5 peeps uncomfortably. Ok, it isn't that cramped... For a Monchhichi.

Rainbow flag means they have fruity pancakes that day.


Narrow/steepest stair case. It was like climbing a fucking ladder. If you're wasted, your ass is toast. And if you're not wasted, the day is. There's a great little coffeeshop called Kadinsky across the street. Go beforehand... And after.


Ceiling full of teapots. If one falls and splits your head open, that's a sign of good luck. That's what the locals told me in Dutch. So, I thanked them in their native tongue with a friendly, "Fahrvergnügen"! I think that means fuck off. My kinda language.


Smaller than my piece of shit kitchen. But it pumps out some dericious grub... I like pancakes! Pump pump squirt.


Dutch Hot Chocolate. These fuckers know how to make a proper hot coco... Unlike Cafe Intermezzo's water down sewage water that I had before I left for AMS. Another thing I love is their orange juice, every place does it fresh squeezed, not from that concentrate crap.


Apple and Speck (bacon). This shit is giant, fluffy and really good. They definitely don't skimp on the toppings. Gobble gobble, gone in 60 secs. Had to order me another one.


Bananas, 10x, chocolate syrup, whipped cream and strawberries. Shit was insane. Diabetes just called, they want their sugar back.


I don't even know what this was except it had pineapples on it. My buddy obviously liked it because I didn't even get a bite, that fat fucker.

This place is just awesome, if you're in AMS next, definitely make a trip here... Before and after a few visits to some of the local coffeeshops. Somehow, people get the munchies a lot in this city. And I thought I was a fat pig when it comes to eating.

Puff puff give.

2.5 Stars.

Grimburgwal 2
1012 GA Amsterdam
020-626-56-03

Urban PL8

Huff Road gets overlooked most of the time because of the mini mall that contains Bacchanalia/Star Provisions, JCT, TDS and Figo... But if you drive down this road, you'll find a couple pleasant surprises. Urban PL8 is not new by any means but you won't find many people living in Dickhater coming here to eat as oppose to west side inhabitants going to eat in Decatur Square. It is kinda a hidden spot for the locals. Which is fine by me. It's cozy but has the industrial feel with the big kitchen (there is a lot of wasted useable space back there), high ceilings and large windows. The menu is ever evolving, so that's a good thing. At least you know they aren't robots cooking the same boring crap over and over again. So, let's take a quick peek at some of the newer items on their menu...


Crab Claws. Don't expect giant stone crab claws with a ton of meat on it. They're smaller but still did the trick. The little spicy Asian/salsa-esque concoction wasn't half bad. But seriously, I don't think I would order this again, it wasn't bad but it didn't make me sit on the edge of my seat like at a monster truck show either. It's a been there, done that kinda deal. Don't be sad.


Puerto Rican Beef Wraps. I don't know what's PR about this... It was like a spicier version of a Manwich, except they put it on romaine lettuce leaves. Oh, no, how sacrilegious! Manwich meat belongs on crappy burger buns... Unbuttered and untoasted. This is a classic trailer park delicacy. so, don't ruin it, sport. But I kinda liked it, it was pretty good.


Vietnamese-style Banh Mi Angus Burger. Sounded interesting, gotta git it. They even asked for a temp but I was really skeptical, so, I went medium-rare. Came out looking burnt like a Tartufo pie but the inside was fucking spot-on med-rare! WTF! Yesss. But that was the extend of my enthusiasm. You can call it a Banh Mi burger but a Banh Mi tis not. The flavors were so jumbo-ed all over the place that it kinda negated itself, it just didn't work for me.


Falafel. A lot of people love this stuff... I'm not a huge fan of it but I'll eat it from time to time. The deep frying makes the garbanzo and/or fava beans taste so much better. But this interpretation was like a military strike... I was shocked and awed. This was not fried at all, it was a mushy spread that was cooked on a flat top. That's a first. Live long enough and you will have eaten it all... Unless you live in single-wide then it's just Count Chocula and spoiled chocolate milk... Or regular milk with dirt in it.

It's a cute local joint but the dishes are a bit rough around the edges. It needs a little refining because it seemed too cafeteria-esque. The service is friendly and attentive. They've been around for awhile so I guess they're doing something right and the locals seem to enjoy it... People enjoy Applebee's, too, but what do I know.

1 Star.

1082 Huff Road Northwest
Atlanta, GA 30318

(404) 367-0312

http://www.urbanpl8.com/

Mah Jong

Don't ask me why I was up in this Godforsaken area... I had to take care of some business, alright. Bills aren't going to pay itself. But anyways, I was hungrier than a Honey Badger after a 2 day hibernation. I woulda eaten a King Cobra, shiiiit. So, I'm driving along and I see this resto. Mah Jong?! I had to go in just on principle. No one names it that unless it's worth a gamble. You know the Chinos, we love to gamble. I would gamble your mom if given the chance. Let's place a bet on how this place would fare. Oh, I'm sure y'all know what I'm betting on...

The interior looks like the standard Americanized Chino joint... Fine, I'm ok with some slutty Chino grub. Even the menu is a copycat of any other places around. Can't be that bad right? The staff was awesome, super friendly, almost to the point they had to play the FOB role. It was too obvious. So, you would think speaking Chinese to them would garner some more authentic food... Guess it didn't get fully translated to the kitchen.

(Kick ass name!)

(Hot & Sour Soup w/ Chino Cracklins)

Holy shit... No, really, holy shit. It looks like the present I dropped off earlier this morning. But it didn't smell like petunias.

(Eggroll)

Did they really needed to use a whole plate for this thing? A little wax baggy twisted up on top woulda done the job. I know one of these sauces is Chinese mustard, but the other one did not look like duck sauce... I think it was Long Duck Dong sauce. Squirt.

(Shrimp Lo Mein)

For the love of General Tso... Why is there fettucini in my lo mein? Is this some kind of sick joke they're playing since the Eyetalians stole our noodle recipe 8,000 years ago and called it pasta like it was some new idea? Hey, Wang, don't tell them you're Jewish, ok?

(Szechuan Pork)

Why does this look like the lo mein dish? Szechuan pork? Not by a long shot, Szech me. Half of this plate was packed with canned filler and a few slivers of spork... Yeah, spork, a hybrid product that resemble pork when slathered in HFCS brown sauce. And speaking of brown things, that fried rice was at least a week old, it had whiskers growing out of it... Like the old man in the corner with the giant mole on his cheek. Cut. Me. Mick.

This was worst than slutty Chinese food... It was a floozy. Seriously, every round-eye within earshot ordered the General Tso's cheekan. The entire place was overflowing out the ass with HFCS brown sauce and they couldn't get enough of it. Some Emo kid at the next table asked for more sauce on the side. Where am I? I can't breathe... Someone open a window. No wonder why kids are so obeast these days. That diet Coke ain't gonna neutralize that quart of brown Sysco jizz you just swallowed, son.

What do you say when they ask you how everything was? They were such sweet people and I didn't want to hurt their feelings, so, I said it was good on the way out. As I got to my car, I turned around for one last look and I saw them pointing and laughing at me like some chump.

I got screwed again by my own peoples... I built the railroad that leads to your business, motherfucka. And all I got was a fortune cookie that said, "Thank you, come again, SUCKA!"

Flush.

No Rating.

1905 Scenic Hwy
Suite 650
Snellville, GA 30078
http://mahjonga.com/

Lotus Vietnamese Cuisine

Looks like Pho Mimi went to go wee wee for good. It wasn't great but it was convenient for Super H shoppers. It was never crowded though... That's probably a sign. I thought their food was acceptable if you needed a quick fix. But I never really went back. So, Lotus has taken over with new owners and retained some of the staff. Especially, the flamboyant server I remembered from Mimi, whom I got again. Totally, awesome. Ok, Vern Yip, let's get some shit packed up in this piece...

(Cha Gio)

Crispy, fresh and piping hot. The filler was passable. I'm always a sucker for these things and I usually get fucked but this was not bad. Wrapped tightly and fried nicely.

(Fried Fishballs)

Standard old frozen balls and deep fried... Barely. Needs to be coated to give it that crunchy bite to it. Sounded better on paper than in my mouth.

(Banh Hoi w/ Grilled Pork for DIY Rice Wrapper Thingy)

Giant platter of bun, meat and what not... For the DIY rice wraps. This is a hefty portion for a relatively cheap price tag. It's fun, too, to make it yourself but I'm Royalty so I usually ask the chick at the table to do it for me. Score!

(Mr. Hanky's cousin)

The broad was too busy eating, so I had to roll my own. Damn. But here it is, his name is Lemmiwinks. He was dericious going in... When will he find his way out is another story.

(Pho Dac Biet)

The first thing I noticed about this bowl of pho was that it was HOT. It seems every bowl I have had in this town were barely tepid. And that sucks because once you do all the work in putting in the garnishes, the broth was too cool to steep the cold ingredients. The pho comes in 2 sizes, regular and large. Since, I'm on a diet in my world, I was hoping for a small bowl. Oh, well, guess I'll have to splurge on the regular size... And it was more than enough for 2 people. The broth was average but they give you a generous portion of meat to noodle ratio. They also included Vietnamese meatballs with this pho. Nice. It was a pleasant bowl... But it's lacking that little something to make me come back for it.

Service is friendly and relaxed. They take good care of you and are attentive. Owner is a nice dude. I would steer peeps over their way just because of that. Their menu has a few interesting items and the Vietnamese crepes is on my list if I ever make it back around there again.

1 Star.

2550 Pleasant Hill Rd.
Suite 408
Duluth, GA 30096
770-622-9693

Siam Square Thai Cuisine

This place has been in this side show of a strip mall for years... Either the owners are filthy rich wit moolah to burn or their food is freakishly amazing hidden in this unassuming spot. The first thing that smacks you in the face when you walk in is the intense smell of a freshly used outhouse. I almost walked out but I saw a few people eating so I guess it may be safe... Did I really just say that? Never mind, let's just get it over it because I'msa huunngree...

(Som-Tum-Thai)

Green papaya salad. It's cute looking but it was just aight... Pretty much the standard of what you get all around town. It had a weird after taste though, mebbe it needed more fresh lime juice, shrimp paste and a high quality fish sauce. But somehow I don't think it would had saved it.

(Gang-Kheaw-Wan)

Green Curry with chicken. Asked for super Thai Thai Hot... Why do I keep doing this to myself. I know better than that, especially, with green curry in this town. Green curry in Thailand is un-fucking-real, had nothing like it in the States to date and I prolly never will because no one here makes it with fresh green chili's. Like most places around here, all they do is just add red chili flakes to it... Yeah, RED chili flakes on GREEN curry. Is it fucking Christmas? I don't think so. The heat was so weak (obviously from a can), I woulda been embarrassed to serve this because it tasted way too sweet, instead. Green curry does have an inherent sweetness but the heat should be way more pronounced. Also, they lost another point on the eggplant, it wasn't Thai eggplant, but just some dusty old plain Italian melanzana. The dish wasn't bad, it was just so Americanized.

(Pad-Thai)

Always the dish to test the talent of a Thai kitchen. This version of their national dish was acceptable. They used the right size noodles, most of the right ingredients but the flavor was lacking a bit. It needed more fish sauce, tamarind juice and fresh lime juice. I also like a little more bean sprouts in it for that crunchy texture. This dish is traditionally not spicy but I coulda used a little heat. But it was obviously tweaked for the local palate.

Besides, the latrine smell, the interior and decor was cute but minimal... Which is fine with me because all I care about is the food. They did start lighting a ton of candles, though, so mebbe one of the staffers dropped a monster load in the shitter before they opened. Speaking of which, the service was friendly (they're super nice people) but the food was just average. It is definitely not a destination spot, I was in the area and I was hungry... And for something like this, it'll do.

Splash.

1 Star.

1995 Windy Hill Rd.
Smyrna, GA 30080
770-333-1700
http://www.siamsquarethaicuisine.com/

STK

"...not your daddy's steakhouse."

What a stupid fucking tagline. I don't even know what that means. But unlike Ocean Prime, STK is a hip and trendy chain that actually open in markets that can support their lofty price tag... Like in New York, LA, Miami, Vegas and London. This place feels like a playground for the over paid and spoiled local celebs and athletes. Sports teams are leaving this city by the dozen, who is gonna eat here besides professional athletes with money to burn? My bigger question is... How the hell did Atlanta get on their expansion list is beyond me but let's take a looksie anyways.

The interior reeks of NYC... I don't know if that's a good thing for this town. The wall of horns is ugly but whatever. The crowd is full of the hip, the trendy and the douchy. What's with the 50 somethings trying to pretend they are 25? There is no amount of Ed Hardy and foundation that you can dip yourself in to make you look better, unless it's a wet cement foundation. I saw a lot of the old school crowd back from the days (mebbe it's because Dallas Austin was spinning that night)... Looks like they made a little money over the years because they will need it to eat here. It's a place to see and be seen... For now.

(Not only are the people horny, the wall is, too)

Hot broads tending bar (esply the oriental chick with all the tats and giant mams) but probably one of the worst run bars in the city. It's new, so, I guess they're still a bit wet behind the ears... I rather she wet my lips with a drink, instead. And of course, I'll return the favorite.

(Fanny Bays and Cuttyhunks)

You can't go wrong with 2 great oysters (one west coast and the other east coast) paired together on a bed of ice. I can only be so lucky if I could get two clams in bed. But I'll take this. Fresh and dericious.

(King crab salad)

The crab was really fresh but at the end of the day it was just a cute dish... For broads.

(Pork belly)

Nice pork belly, crispy, tender, not too fatty. They need to put more of it on that plate and stop putting that green shit all over it.

(Cowboy rib steak w/ bone)

34 ounces of real man meat (came with the STK and STK au poivre sauce). This sack of meat was a little "blue" but I still rammed it into my mouth over and over again. This is one meat I don't mind it making a mess all over my face for. I have no shame... I lived on Boulevard for 3 years, I've eaten things that would make a billy goat puke. Still remember my friend getting a BJ from one of the local talent in exchange for a $1 Whopper Jr... While he was feeding it at the same time. Awesome.

(Glamour shot)

Food porn. Looks so good, kinda makes you wanna stick your fat finga in between the flaps. But at the end of the day my balls were as blue as this piece of meat.

(Mushroom pot pie)

This was a fun side dish. Nice flaky crust, stuffed with mushrooms and a shitload of truffle oil... Maybe even too much. Yeah, I said too much.

(Sweet corn pudding)

Velvety and tasty. Looks very healthy. I should eat more veggies like this. Would be nice if they actually reheated this inside the cast iron to give it a little crispyness on the inside of the pan... Would be 10 times better if they did.

(Broccolini)

Love this stuff... So tasty, a side dish you can't screw up. Well, I take that back. But this was pretty good. Why is it served in a room temp cast iron pan? Kinda sick of high end steakhouses not utilizing the pan for what it's meant to be used for.

(Creamed spinach)

Can't have a steakhouse if you don't have this on your menu... The good ole, spinach bathe in heavy cream, butter and salt. Look ma, I'm eating my veggies... So, shut it.

This place is not cheap but you wouldn't expect it to be. It is in the big city after all. The food was pretty good and the service was above average. They still need a little more training but you won't notice after a few drinks... Just make sure they don't fill your glass full of ice when you order a $85 Macallan 25.

If you wanna get laid with your blind date later that night... Take it here. If she turns out to be a hog, take it out back and walk back in through the front door, solo, there's enough talent here looking for freebies.

2 Stars.

1075 Peachtree St NE
Atlanta, GA 30309
Neighborhood: Midtown

(404) 793-0144

www.stkhouse.com/