Mah Jong

Don't ask me why I was up in this Godforsaken area... I had to take care of some business, alright. Bills aren't going to pay itself. But anyways, I was hungrier than a Honey Badger after a 2 day hibernation. I woulda eaten a King Cobra, shiiiit. So, I'm driving along and I see this resto. Mah Jong?! I had to go in just on principle. No one names it that unless it's worth a gamble. You know the Chinos, we love to gamble. I would gamble your mom if given the chance. Let's place a bet on how this place would fare. Oh, I'm sure y'all know what I'm betting on...

The interior looks like the standard Americanized Chino joint... Fine, I'm ok with some slutty Chino grub. Even the menu is a copycat of any other places around. Can't be that bad right? The staff was awesome, super friendly, almost to the point they had to play the FOB role. It was too obvious. So, you would think speaking Chinese to them would garner some more authentic food... Guess it didn't get fully translated to the kitchen.

(Kick ass name!)

(Hot & Sour Soup w/ Chino Cracklins)

Holy shit... No, really, holy shit. It looks like the present I dropped off earlier this morning. But it didn't smell like petunias.

(Eggroll)

Did they really needed to use a whole plate for this thing? A little wax baggy twisted up on top woulda done the job. I know one of these sauces is Chinese mustard, but the other one did not look like duck sauce... I think it was Long Duck Dong sauce. Squirt.

(Shrimp Lo Mein)

For the love of General Tso... Why is there fettucini in my lo mein? Is this some kind of sick joke they're playing since the Eyetalians stole our noodle recipe 8,000 years ago and called it pasta like it was some new idea? Hey, Wang, don't tell them you're Jewish, ok?

(Szechuan Pork)

Why does this look like the lo mein dish? Szechuan pork? Not by a long shot, Szech me. Half of this plate was packed with canned filler and a few slivers of spork... Yeah, spork, a hybrid product that resemble pork when slathered in HFCS brown sauce. And speaking of brown things, that fried rice was at least a week old, it had whiskers growing out of it... Like the old man in the corner with the giant mole on his cheek. Cut. Me. Mick.

This was worst than slutty Chinese food... It was a floozy. Seriously, every round-eye within earshot ordered the General Tso's cheekan. The entire place was overflowing out the ass with HFCS brown sauce and they couldn't get enough of it. Some Emo kid at the next table asked for more sauce on the side. Where am I? I can't breathe... Someone open a window. No wonder why kids are so obeast these days. That diet Coke ain't gonna neutralize that quart of brown Sysco jizz you just swallowed, son.

What do you say when they ask you how everything was? They were such sweet people and I didn't want to hurt their feelings, so, I said it was good on the way out. As I got to my car, I turned around for one last look and I saw them pointing and laughing at me like some chump.

I got screwed again by my own peoples... I built the railroad that leads to your business, motherfucka. And all I got was a fortune cookie that said, "Thank you, come again, SUCKA!"

Flush.

No Rating.

1905 Scenic Hwy
Suite 650
Snellville, GA 30078
http://mahjonga.com/