Goin' Coastal - Va-Hi

If this place sucks, y'all know I would go all fucking postal up in this piece, OMG I would... But believe it or not, I like this place, I liked it a lot. Unreal, right? The pouch liked a place like this? WTF?! I said liked not loved.

While it didn't make me piss unicorns and rainbows all over the other guests in the joint... The food was consistent and tasty, though. Some dishes work better than others but none was purge worthy. The price point hovers a little above what it should for cuisine like this which is basically a fish shack, a fish camp thinger. So, it better be spot on. Let's take a peeky toe at it, shall we...

(White Caesar Salad)

Tell me about the rabbits, George. Whatever... It's a salad. Whoop-dee-doo. The dressing was a little weak, more anchovies, pweez.

(She Crab Soup)

No worries, it's not contagious... There were hardly any crabs in there. It had decent flavor (a bit too much Sherry) but without the orange-hued crab roe as a garnish (or mixed in) it just isn't a true She Crab Soup. A couple of slivers of green onions ain't gonna cut it, slick.

(Grit & Lump Crab Fritters)

Give me balls or give me death! These crabby little nut jobs were crisply thin on the outside, light and airy on the inside. They kinda exploded in your mouth. That's what she said... No, really, the chick across from me said that. And let me tell ya, she knows what she's talkin about, Willis. The grits and crab were pretty subtle in flavor but I liked them nonetheless. Balls in your cheeks are always a good time... Sometimes in eye sockets, too, but that's a different story.

(Mussels)

Fat, plump and juicy... Just how I like my labia of the sea, sans beard. The broth was rich and flavorful. The bowl was really loaded up with it, so ask for more bwead to soak up that scrumptious vag juice. Slurp. Why is there a lone green bean in there? Musta fell outta the cook's bearded clam.

(Rock Shrimp Taco)

Oh, dear... Is that flour tortillas I smell? Yep. Ah, hell... I'll just go with it even though it looked like it came straight outta Taqueria Del Sol's dumpster. The Rock shrimp was pretty good, mebbe a little heavy on the batter. The corn kernels were a nice touch. Switch out flour torts for corn ones and this would go up 2 pumps and a squirt.

(Lobster Roll)

Do I even dare to try another shitty lobster roll in this one horse town? Fuck yeah, I do. These triple dog dares are getting tiresome. But... This was a very nice lobster roll, indeed. Homemade roll buttered and toasted (a little too much color on the bottom, read: blackened) that looked rather small but it held a good helping of lobster filler. Lobster was dressed well, mebbe needed a little less but who cares, the sweetness of the tender meat still came through. Shoe string like fwies were crispy and hot, nice. This was almost good enough for me to recommend... Alright, I recommend it. Available only on weekend lunch, go now.

(Lobster & Jumbo Lump Crab Cakes)

I'm almost as picky with crab cakes as I am with lobster rolls... And this one was a no contender. While it was passable, it lacked a lot of the standards of a classic crab cake. It fell apart too easily, it needed some type of structure and there were no discernible taste of either the crab or lobster. The filler was totally pulverized to sawdust like consistency. There were no lumps, no lovely lady lumps of crab or lobster. The haricot verts were fresh and snappy. Roasted taters were what they should be.

(Scallop Risotto)

The rather large diver scallops were cooked nicely... the risotto, not so much. They were kinda mushy and didn't have that tooth to it (oh, hell yeah, I did done gone there with "toothy", again). At this price point, you would expect a perfectly cooked risotto but it's a fish joint, whaddaya expect.

(King Salmon)

A quite decent sized pan roasted king salmon... Not too dried out like that old queen salmon in the corner (did I say that out loud? eww). Tis was seasoned well and cooked properly... C'mon, if you're screwing up a piece of salmon, you need to go back to Long Dong Silver's, they're hiring. Green beans still good and cobs of sweet corn were good, too. It was like a good meal you cook at home. Not hard to make but satisfying.

(Southern Fried Platter Combo- Oyster, Catfish, Gulf & Rock Shrimp)

Let me tell ya, this combo platter was very generous in a Dirk Diggler kinda way (I keep getting one frame flashbacks of it) and still looked friggin' appetizing even after feasting on all the other dishes. It's fried fish/seafood... Nothing tastes better in the whole world. Well, except for a whole roasted suckling piglet, lamb fries and a proper hamachi kama. The batter was spot on, seasoned well and fried well, look at that color. Perfect. Everything was hot, crispy and juicy. Only gripe was they coulda put more oysters in there. It's a hefty platter and the sides were good, too... That wonderful sauteed green beans and a cup of my cousin Vinny's grit.

This is the type of neighborhood joint that Va-Hi needs more of, not restaurant groups that pumps out the same monotonous Mexican't slop over and over again. If anyone asks me what's a good place to nosh that's reasonably priced... This would be it.

Burp and a squirt.

3 Stars.

1021 Virginia Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30306

404-941-9117

http://goincoastalseafood.com/