Sometimes, dumpy filthy old gas stations hold hidden gems inside... This is not one of them. There's a reason why the pisser is located 2 feet away. Hell, this dump could very well been the second stall for all we know. But sometimes you gotta say... WTF?! It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it.
Wings are their "claim" to porcelain fame but they also have cheesesteaks, gyros, sammies, fried rice, fwies and other IBS hits.
Wings - With 18 flavors or so, decided to get it naked with hot sauce on the side. Thank God I practice what I preach because this hot sauce was bloody oily and curdled, this petri dish specimen should be sent to the CDC for analysis. The wings were small, dried out and you could taste the vintage of the gwease... It was aged for at least 2 months. Ghastly.
Fried Rice - Fwied Wice, Flied Lice... No matter how you say it still taste as lame. Shouldn't the rice be fried in the wok and not beforehand? My mistake was to watch the Toxic Avenger cook the grub in this "open kitchen"... And witnessed a tired old plate of rice, brown in color, taken straight from the fridge...uncovered. I think it was supposed to go into the trash but somehow it ended up in my order instead. If I wanted dried up brown rice, I eat it straight from the bag. Horrid.
Fries - A pure study in moppishness. Our Freedom is in jeopardy. Limp, tasteless and defeated. Re-Animator couldn't bring this thing back to life. Absolutely lurid.
I can only assume BB stands for Buffalo Butt but they should rename it to Bye Bye Birdie cuz I'm outta here!
FLUSH
2911 Buford Hwy Ne
Atlanta, GA 30329
(678) 237-0106
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
MARKET
Why on God's gween earth would anyone pay 16 clams to valet park? And then Grease those fools on top of that as you get in your car. This ain't Manhattan pal, it's friggin Buckdead but I still got Jedi Mind twicked by a bunch of Beauty School Dropouts...
So, this new Jean-Georges resto is located inside the new "W" Buckhead and it's pretty... Pretty banal. Don't get me wrong, it's designed real purdy but it's pretty much like every other hip and trendy joint in town that the house frowls from OTP would enjoy. Give the booth seat to the lady and suffer the cold hard chair because it's the gentlemanly thing to do, forget about kids in the future. The paper place mat is nicer than the ones at Waffle House but it's still a paper place mat. The standout were the wine glasses, they were designed beautifully and kept the swirl spillage to a minimum... So much I can say for the bathrooms which are upstairs, yes, 2 flights up. Plan ahead, for the head.
The menu is not too extensive which is a good sign of not having half-cooked dishes ready to be fired and out the door in 5 minzies. The wine menu was very reasonably priced and the Cotes du Rhone carafe was tasty. How's da gwub you ask? It's aight.
Bacon Wrapped Shrimp - One word: Bacon. The shrimp was a bit over cooked because of their small size but I kinda expected it. Avocado slices and passion fruit mustard were kinda boring.
Peekytoe Crab Cake - That crab was playing peeky-boo instead because I don't see you or taste you. Filler of croutons and chopped up shwimp inside a wet stringy mass. I bet you can find more lumpy crabs at the valet stand.
Steamed Skate Wing - Looked great on paper but so did Marxism. It was spongy and the spaghetti squash was mushy. The fumet/jus poured table side was wet and brown, it just made it even mushier. No need for Fixodent, just forget it because the tooth-challenged would have no problems gumming this down.
Glazed Beef Short Ribs - It looked like Mr. Hanky doing the backstroke in the carrot puree and leaving a trail of Honshimeji shrooms in his wake. Fork tender but a bit too sweet.
Celebrity chefs are good cooks but when their focus is all about multiplying their resto empire and not the food... At least have wabbit on the menu, pweez!
2.5 Stars.... for now.
*Sigh*
3377 Peachtree Road NE
Atlanta, GA 30326
(404) 523-3600
So, this new Jean-Georges resto is located inside the new "W" Buckhead and it's pretty... Pretty banal. Don't get me wrong, it's designed real purdy but it's pretty much like every other hip and trendy joint in town that the house frowls from OTP would enjoy. Give the booth seat to the lady and suffer the cold hard chair because it's the gentlemanly thing to do, forget about kids in the future. The paper place mat is nicer than the ones at Waffle House but it's still a paper place mat. The standout were the wine glasses, they were designed beautifully and kept the swirl spillage to a minimum... So much I can say for the bathrooms which are upstairs, yes, 2 flights up. Plan ahead, for the head.
The menu is not too extensive which is a good sign of not having half-cooked dishes ready to be fired and out the door in 5 minzies. The wine menu was very reasonably priced and the Cotes du Rhone carafe was tasty. How's da gwub you ask? It's aight.
Bacon Wrapped Shrimp - One word: Bacon. The shrimp was a bit over cooked because of their small size but I kinda expected it. Avocado slices and passion fruit mustard were kinda boring.
Peekytoe Crab Cake - That crab was playing peeky-boo instead because I don't see you or taste you. Filler of croutons and chopped up shwimp inside a wet stringy mass. I bet you can find more lumpy crabs at the valet stand.
Steamed Skate Wing - Looked great on paper but so did Marxism. It was spongy and the spaghetti squash was mushy. The fumet/jus poured table side was wet and brown, it just made it even mushier. No need for Fixodent, just forget it because the tooth-challenged would have no problems gumming this down.
Glazed Beef Short Ribs - It looked like Mr. Hanky doing the backstroke in the carrot puree and leaving a trail of Honshimeji shrooms in his wake. Fork tender but a bit too sweet.
Celebrity chefs are good cooks but when their focus is all about multiplying their resto empire and not the food... At least have wabbit on the menu, pweez!
2.5 Stars.... for now.
*Sigh*
3377 Peachtree Road NE
Atlanta, GA 30326
(404) 523-3600
When they laid the 'ZA before us, the first thing that came to mind... Was it a fwat, I mean a fraternity paddle? This thing could do some damage... And it did to my marsupial pouch. I just don't get this oblong shape that's popping up in all da new style pizza/flatbwead joints. The server asks... "Do you want a square piece or a corner one?" "Huh? Don't worry about it sweetcheeks, I think we can handle this." The sausage and tricolor peppaz with organic white crust wasn't too shabby. The crust was light, airy and cooked well, just no char like a good NYC 'ZA... Then again, this ain't NYC style. The Snarky Snacker concurred. The ingredients were pretty decent but at 19 clams, this dough paddle is a bit pricey, organic, gluten fwee or not.
The beer selection can be counted on both hands of a 3 toed sloth. The organic theme is seen throughout the entire menu including the beers. The Oxford Organic Raspberry Wheat was ok... A tad much on the berry after taste. A 6-pack of this and they would have to squeeze or juice me like a fat little Oompa Loompa. The Pinkus Organic Urpils was verra tastee. Just don't get any fruity beers and you'll be ok... Unless you're a fruity kinda guy.
The house salad mix was... Well, very gween. Once again, organic with cucumbers (about 4 twisty slices), tomatoes (cherry), kalamata olives (sure pal), feta cheese (grounded up), and red onions (sans). The balsamic vinaigrette on the side tasted eerily like Newman's Own. Meh.
I don't know who made the menu but shouldn't "Appetizers & Breads" and "Sandwiches & Wraps" contain more than one item each? Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
The gluten-fwee brownies better contain something else in there if you're gonna tempt me. The joint ain't bad, the grub ain't bad, the service ain't bad and I'll probably go back to try some other 'ZA's and their wacky dough since they're right across da street from yours truly. They need some serious PR bad if they want to survive in this economic wasteland.
This diet of mine ain't on the straight and narrow... Kinda like my belly.
Mazel Tov.
2233 Peachtree Rd
Suite M
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 351-9334
Mirch Masala
Indian restos are not exactly appetizing visually, the decor is like your grandmother's crib, stuck somewhere between the '70's and '80's. It's cornier than those grainy Bollywood music videos that only Michael Jackson could love. But the aroma of spices in the air reminded me of every Indian household I have ever been in (whom were all here chowing down) and this is why I'm here... It ain't an easy job but someone's gotta do it.
True... they have an a la carte menu as well as a buffet. So, Gastro had to sneak a peek at what was hovering over them steam tables. They had me at curry goat. Hell, I figured I can always order off the menu if that mutton was nuthin. Surprisingly, everything was purdee tastee but the heat was a bit dumb down for it t'was for the masses. The tandoori chicken was the only thing subjected to the curse of the steam tray... Sitting out without liquid for that amount of time is torture to one's flesh.
The naan on the other hand was friggin-licious. I turned my garlic naan into an Indian pizza. It's easy... 1) Cut the naan into slices. 2) Put your meat on the naan. 3) Fold up the naan. Enjoy!
Biru, our server/host was da bomb... He didn't pimp that mango lassi crap like Mirza at Panahar. He also said to hold off on ordering apps off the menu and try the buffet instead because it would fill me up. Who da fuk does that in this day in age? He is not only a gentleman but also a scholar... And now my bro.
I rubbed my pouch as I waddled towards the door and rubbed the breasteses of the golden goddesses as I exited in hopes for some enlightenment from the Kama Sutra. But sadly, the only thing bloated that night was my pouch.
3.5 Stars.
Burp!
1713 Church St
Decatur, GA 30033
(404) 296-9999
True... they have an a la carte menu as well as a buffet. So, Gastro had to sneak a peek at what was hovering over them steam tables. They had me at curry goat. Hell, I figured I can always order off the menu if that mutton was nuthin. Surprisingly, everything was purdee tastee but the heat was a bit dumb down for it t'was for the masses. The tandoori chicken was the only thing subjected to the curse of the steam tray... Sitting out without liquid for that amount of time is torture to one's flesh.
The naan on the other hand was friggin-licious. I turned my garlic naan into an Indian pizza. It's easy... 1) Cut the naan into slices. 2) Put your meat on the naan. 3) Fold up the naan. Enjoy!
Biru, our server/host was da bomb... He didn't pimp that mango lassi crap like Mirza at Panahar. He also said to hold off on ordering apps off the menu and try the buffet instead because it would fill me up. Who da fuk does that in this day in age? He is not only a gentleman but also a scholar... And now my bro.
I rubbed my pouch as I waddled towards the door and rubbed the breasteses of the golden goddesses as I exited in hopes for some enlightenment from the Kama Sutra. But sadly, the only thing bloated that night was my pouch.
3.5 Stars.
Burp!
1713 Church St
Decatur, GA 30033
(404) 296-9999
Pho Viet
They won't love you long time and you can't get anyting you want but If you got 5 dolla... They can make you holla.
Small bowl of Pho with every piece of bovine scraps in it, aka "Crap in a Bowl", can fill your pouch making minimum wage with change left to spare. The broth was decent but it needed to be lava hot if you're gonna pile on a bunch of junk in da twunk. The small bowl can easily fill up even the largest of slobs. They give you so much bean sprouts, you can pass a trail of it back to your hizzy.
Egg Wollz were really crispy and rolled tighter than my Jordache jeans... Hey, you wanna know what gets between Gastro and his Cha Gios'? That's right Gene Wilder... the answer is "Nothing!".
Strawberry Bubble Tea just made me bloated and gave me flashbacks of the 2004 tsunami. Meh.
Not too shabby for a quick fill in a clean joint.
Snarf.
4300 Buford Hwy Suite 201, 202
Atlanta, GA 30341
(404) 483-9101
Small bowl of Pho with every piece of bovine scraps in it, aka "Crap in a Bowl", can fill your pouch making minimum wage with change left to spare. The broth was decent but it needed to be lava hot if you're gonna pile on a bunch of junk in da twunk. The small bowl can easily fill up even the largest of slobs. They give you so much bean sprouts, you can pass a trail of it back to your hizzy.
Egg Wollz were really crispy and rolled tighter than my Jordache jeans... Hey, you wanna know what gets between Gastro and his Cha Gios'? That's right Gene Wilder... the answer is "Nothing!".
Strawberry Bubble Tea just made me bloated and gave me flashbacks of the 2004 tsunami. Meh.
Not too shabby for a quick fill in a clean joint.
Snarf.
4300 Buford Hwy Suite 201, 202
Atlanta, GA 30341
(404) 483-9101
Social
Taterz
Beetz
Beetz
Cornish Hen
Flan
Meatballz
Gastro is always on the lookout for new nosheries and I was pretty excited when my friend told me about this joint hidden away downtown behind FAB... I love the location and beautiful space inside, it's like a lil taste of NYC. Could it be that Atlanta is growing a pair of cojones and doing something outside of the same old dusty box? So, the Snarky Snacker and I had to investigate...
Braised meat balls w/ almond white wine sauce - Somehow balls and white sauce ain't exactly what I want in my mouth. It wasn't bad, just needed some more seasonings and I even swallow some of the sauce.
Roasted red beet napoleon w/ chives, goat cheese, crème fraiche and toasted pistachio - Goat cheez overpowered the tasteless beets... I would be beet red from embarrassment if I put this on my menu , 86...
Potatoes a la brava w/ onions, paprika, roasted red pepper coulis - It was definitely a red pepper coulis vs. what the server called a "harissa" sauce. Taters prepared well and not too shabby. Funny, how the simplest dish is the tastiest.
Moroccan style Cornish hen w/ green olive, preserved lemon sauce, saffron rice pilaf - Server's fav and I really wanted to see how well they prepared this dish. It was a half portion of something, I couldn't tell if it was the leg, thigh or bweast... It coulda been 2 hamsters for all I know. It was pre-cooked and reheated which made it taste like chicken jerky. No Moroccan spices detected. The rice was on par with the San Franciso tweat... No saffron detected. The lemon sauce was just the excess juices leaking from the 3 preserved lemon wedges on the plate. The factory pitted gween olives made their mark on the dish with an "X" on the bottom... If it came with a martini I wouldn't complain.
Spanish Flan - Custard was too soft and falling apart, it was more like a pudding consistency. The caramel sauce was overpowered with citrus essence... Just tasted weird. I guess that giant sprig of mint leaves was meant to hide this Franken-Flan.
Edmeades, Red Zinfandel - Somehow booze always makes it better...
Hopefully, the kitchen with catch up with the cool vibe of this joint. Middling grub will win no praise with my pouch, especially "tapas" in Atlanta. They need to step their game up on the chow and fix the kitchen door which sounds like M-80's going off every time they come through it. Just a side note- Tell me if I'm wrong about this unpleasing aroma of B.O. emanating from the kitchen which the door fans out to the tables nearby. I know the Cornish hen ain't from Morocco but does it have to smell like it while I'm eating? Three words: Puerto Rican Shower...
And the hobo sleeping in the doorway next door needed one bad!
Developing....
12 W Peachtree Pl
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 525-2246
Fatburger
This burga looks great on paper... And tastes like it too.
Fat is the last thing Gastro needs in his pouch... But I decided to give it another shot after a couple disappointing visits. The only thing missing in their burga is the FAT. I want gwease dwipping down my arms like I have just assisted in artificial insemination of Bossy.
This whole burga trend is as tiresome as the "Gastropub"... But if you're gonna pimp a burga, don't use lean meat. It's also stacked with so much filler, it might as well be a garden salad with Bacon Bits sprinkled on it. I guess I'm just comparing everything else to the H&F 10 napkin burga.
The Turkey Burga wasn't bad if you like a slider of compacted saw dust. Order 3 more and you can easily move your furniture around. The words "turkey" and "burga" goes together like "Chico" and "Chang".
The fat fwies were Sysco's big brown bag finest, I guess it's better than munching on Wynona's big brown beaver... But the fwies were hot and crispy at least. So much I can say for the onion rings, they were just a greezy mess... It looked like Castro's High Mileage formula at the bottom of the paper basket. Funny, the guy at the fryer looked eerily like Sisqo. Boy, he's really 'went down' hill after that Thong song.
Meh, I think this is the last time I will ever step pouch in here... That slop turn Gastro's iron stomach into a pinata. It beat da hell outta me and everything came flying out.
Splash.
2625 Piedmont Rd
Suite 34-A
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 844-0444
Fat is the last thing Gastro needs in his pouch... But I decided to give it another shot after a couple disappointing visits. The only thing missing in their burga is the FAT. I want gwease dwipping down my arms like I have just assisted in artificial insemination of Bossy.
This whole burga trend is as tiresome as the "Gastropub"... But if you're gonna pimp a burga, don't use lean meat. It's also stacked with so much filler, it might as well be a garden salad with Bacon Bits sprinkled on it. I guess I'm just comparing everything else to the H&F 10 napkin burga.
The Turkey Burga wasn't bad if you like a slider of compacted saw dust. Order 3 more and you can easily move your furniture around. The words "turkey" and "burga" goes together like "Chico" and "Chang".
The fat fwies were Sysco's big brown bag finest, I guess it's better than munching on Wynona's big brown beaver... But the fwies were hot and crispy at least. So much I can say for the onion rings, they were just a greezy mess... It looked like Castro's High Mileage formula at the bottom of the paper basket. Funny, the guy at the fryer looked eerily like Sisqo. Boy, he's really 'went down' hill after that Thong song.
Meh, I think this is the last time I will ever step pouch in here... That slop turn Gastro's iron stomach into a pinata. It beat da hell outta me and everything came flying out.
Splash.
2625 Piedmont Rd
Suite 34-A
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 844-0444
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