Pouch Eats Out Charleston

If this rotund marsupial ever made a porno flick, it would prolly be called the "Pouch Eats Out Charleston" not Atlanta since you should "never hog in your own backyard". Imagine the amount of pubes I'll be pulling out of my fat facehole with the obeast trailer trash specimens I can afford on my budget. I bet that image is making y'all hungry now, suckaz! Shit, stop being little snowflakes... I know I am a disgusting crass pig. The pouch has been known to eat while on the porcelain throne at the same time. Sometimes, you just can't help it, mother nature is a wicked and formidable bitch and will zap you with an instant case of IBSD while eating a footlong... You're so focused on making it the shitter before you shit yourself that you just don't have time to put that girthy skin flute down. So, you take it with you to the head... And watch the Human Centipede on your phone while you take care of business at both ends.
Jesus, Pouch, now you did it... You have gone way way way overboard with the visuals. Sorry, not sorry... It must the be the residual meat sweat effects from the amazing manmeats from Lewis BBQ and it's messing with my Simple Jack pea brain. More to come on that sick ass BBQ... But I know what my one fan has been wondering... Where the fuck has Pouch been? Did that fat slob get trapped and eat itself to death like Pizza the Hut? Nah, but that would be a beautiful death, though... The pouch needed a little R&R from the same old same restos in da ATL, so it took a quick end of the summer road trip to the seaside to see it's relatives on the beach or should I say got beached. Jesus, I hope the ocean doesn't call me, again... I can't help that I love shrimp. Plus, I needed to check up on the Charleston scene these days, anyways. It's a great food and beverage town and they are getting better every year.
Let's take a quick bite around town... And watch some food porn.

Little Jack's Tavern.

Wisconsin Old Fashioned, brandy, sugar, bitters, orange, cherry, soda water. I thought I was gonna find a cheese stick in my drink but this version didn't turn out that bad. I don't know how Wisconsin's version of the OF became a national thing... The brandy is a bit lighter than a nice straight up rye OF but I still drank it all.

Crab Roll supposedly with a 1/4 lb of lightly dressed blue crab, celery and capers on a grilled bun. Ok, this was a good crab roll... Of course they coulda put more crabmeat on there for the $23 price tag but it was still filling enough to make you forget about how much it was until the check came at the end.

Double Tavern Burger. I'm so sick of over priced burgers... But yet my curiosity and me being a generally fat fucking slob overall convinced me otherwise to order it. First off, I was just gonna get the single patty tavern burger for $8... It's basically a large slider. But since everyone claims they have one of the best burgers in the entire galaxy, I said what the fuck, let's do it up and go for the $16 double burger with fries. Yeah, sixteen-motherfucking-dollars for a double slider and fries. It's a good burger but it's really nothing that special. Each patty is 4 ounces so they cook up pretty fast. They are fatty and juicy and the American cheese melts nicely on the patties. There's supposed to be some sunchoke relish in there but the greasy mess overshadowed that. Now, that I have had it, the world can now go back to bending the knee to the latest trendy protest... While I head over to the next restaurant for more food.


FIG.
Everybody and their mother knows about this joint these days, that's why it's harder and harder to get in here for a bite. But it seems like nowadays it's full of fucking millennials or penis wearing bridal showers up in this piece... What the fuck do they know about good chow. I hope the grub is still executed well here... Time to find out.
 

Heirloom Tomato Tartine, celery, chive, preserved tuna vinaigrette. Ok, this shit was guud. Great balance overall. It had a nice presentation with the taste to match it. I would get it again.

Grilled Triggerfish, tomato braised calico peas, broccoli rabe, bottarga. Instead of getting the usual salmon or other pedestrian fish, I would always try an unique fish like this triggerfish... Not that it's that unique anymore but still you don't see it on most menus. It may look like a mess on the presentation but all the flavors and textures worked well together.

Crispy Chicken of the Woods Mushroom & Sauce Gribiche. This was different way to execute and present it... But it was good anyways... Shit, you can deep fry gelatin snot with a crispy panko crust and it would taste good. You may ask yourself, what is a gribiche sauce... It's the sauce of the month for hipster restos across the nation... Even though this egg and mustard based sauce (cooked mayo) has been fucking around for ages. Old sauces will always cycle back to life. When you see it, you will know what I mean. Watch, it will be served with a steak tartare soon enough.

Suckling Pig, Carolina Gold Rice & Peas, shishito, bibb, pear, benne. The piglet was deconstructed then reconstructed into cubes and tossed into this weird salad thinger... It was basically elevated SPAM cubes hiding under all that shit... And it was very tasty, yum.

Ricotta Gnocchi & Lamb Bolognese, mint. They looked like large larvae pods swimming in meaty tomato sauce... They basically melted in your mouth. Pillowy and dericious.

Fish Stew Provencal, shrimp, squid, mussel, Carolina Gold rice. This was a can't miss dish... Look at all the yum yums in there. It was basically a fancy seafood rice porridge... Toss in a couple of 1000 year old eggs in there and it would be amazing.



Lewis BBQ.
People have been jerking off big time to this BBQ joint even since John Lewis opened up in Charleston. Some say it's even better than Franklin's in Austin. It is a fancypants BBQ joint with outrageous prices that are bringing all the fatties to the yard... Along with rich crackers and their Winnebago hookers. Let's see if it's worth it's weight in gold... Kinda like me but I use Popeyes to weight myself, instead.

 

So fresh and so clean clean...

Sounds like what's inside the pouch... Or will be.

This is what a $100 tray gets you... A plethora of manmeats- A massive beef rib, hot guts links, El Sancho sandwich of hot guts and pulled pork, potato salad, green chile corn pudding, pickles... And including the brisket below. It's a sizable spread and the pouch thinks it can eat it all in one sitting. We shall find out... The hot guts sausage were pretty good, flavorful and a hint of spiciness. The shiny casing snapped with authority and the filler inside was firm and smooth. The green chile corn pudding was almost like a frittata but light and spongy. The tater salad was creamy but it was a bit watery and needed a kick of something to make it pop more. The El Sancho sandwich was a decent portion but I don't know if it commanded the $11 price tag for it. Come on, enough of the side show acts already, blah blah blah... What about the beef rib and brisket? 

Brisket, $21/lb. This was like a pound and a half of brisket that was sliced to order in front of my salivating snout. Shit, it looks damn good, near perfection. Look at that bark and smoke ring. It was juicy as fuck and tender as my taint. The smokiness penetrated through the entire piece of meat. There wasn't a lot of fat on there and it still retained it's moisture... But I'm sure the drippings played a big part in that. The bark was dark and not too thick, the rub couldn't be more complicated than just salt and pepper... Kinda like Franklin's. But this brisket was prolly the best example of what a world class brisket should be. It was so good that you don't even need the sauce... And they were just ok anyways, skip them.

Beef Rib, $22/lb, Saturday only. This picture doesn't do this ginormous beast any justice... I didn't even look at how much they charged me for this because I was in a trance when they pulled it out of the warm box... I was like, here take my money. This was easily 2 pounds with the bone in... I could use this as paddle on my stand up paddle board. The bark was just as perfect as the brisket. The rib was tender and moist as well but the rib was much fattier than the brisket... You can see that big glob of fat cap to the left. And of course, the fat helped flavor the rib even more. Get it if you're there on a Saturday, at least once in your measly life time like me.


Obstinate Daughter.
This is like the hip , fancypants  joint on Sullivan's Island... The menu is pretty standard American-Italian but people are raving about the 'ZA... Don't even fucking challenge the Pouch on 'ZA. Just don't. But let's be like tourists and try it anyways...

Geechie Frites - salsa rosa. This was a cute version of fries.. Instead of po-taters, they were made with polenta and deep fried. Even though, they were kinda thick and chunky to eat, I kinda like them. The salsa rosa was basically there to get your dick wet, err, I mean frites wet... Where's the gribiche? Squirt.

Oyster Assorted Dozen. They had 3 types of oysters listed on the chalk board for the night but I don't remember what they were exactly... But it was something in the same league as blue points, kumamotos or wellfleets... And they were charging like $36 for a dozen and they were not briny or even that tasty overall. I would skip the oysters here unless I actually watch them shuck it in front of me.

Anson Mills Farro Piccolo - Brussels sprout, peanut, balsamic, black truffle. Dark food on a dark plate = shitty dark pic. I dared not use a flash in here, they might think I'm a Yelp Elite. It was good dish, lots of rich flavors going on up in this piece. Even though brussels sprouts have been played out like pork belly, I still like them and would order it on a menu and pay their marked up prices for it.

Roasted Beets - ricotta, pistachio, horseradish, pomegranate molasses. Loved the mix of creamy ricotta with the toothy snap of the beets. Another colorful winner.

The Rutledge - ricotta, Italian sausage, red onion, local greens, mozzarella, provolone picante. They have a lot of pizzas on the menu and they all read well, so I had to see what the fuss was about. They are not large 'ZAs... More like a nice personal pie size. They dress it up nicely with bright colors but the pizza was just ok, nothing memorable about it. I don't know why the locals/tourists rave about them... I would not get another 'ZA from here, but I'm sure the 'ZAs are a great seller for them since the gluten fills you up and expands in your stomach. And what other choice do you have on a friggin island? That fat Skipper prolly hogged all the 'ZA for himself, no wonder why Gilligan was so damn rail skinny... Unless he was on the yeyo.

I wished I had more time to eat at more places in this great town but the Pouch can only move so fast and store so much grub in the pouch within 2 days... But it's ok, I have already eaten at most of the well known joints like Husk and McCrady before. Shit, Charleston ain't that far of a drive from da ATL, I spend more time at Golden Corral in one sitting than driving to Charleston. I'll be back to this tasty little city soon enough to report back to my one reader.

Burp.