Whiskey Bird

We all know that Timone's 'ZA was awful and the demise of that place was not missed by many, ok, maybe except for the hobos that lived fat on the uneaten leftovers that were tossed into the dumpster in disgust. This space was like the red-headed stepchild of the angry chef's empire... It sat empty for a shit long time and no one wanted to buy that pizza concept or take a chance in this cursed space... Until now. Whiskey Bird? I like the name already... I have been waiting for a whiskey joint that served fried cheekan forever. All my wildest dreams were coming true and I didn't even vote for Pedro... That was until I looked over the menu and the first thing that came to mind was... What the fuck is a Hong Kong slider? So, this place is a yakitori joint that is not owned or operated by Asians... O-kaay. This is the strangest roundeye concept this town has ever seen... And I thought the Real Chow Baby was bad... That might be the only time when it's ok to throw the baby out with the bathwater. But I'll still bite... Because there's whiskey and HK fwied cheekan sliders... I was so curious to know what these were since I have never seen them in Hong Kong... Am I missing out on something amazing here?
As usual, the early opening hype gave this new spot a nice buzz with the curious crowds... The bar is average size but the whiskey selection was weak. With a name like that you better bring your A game to the whiskey list and the prices for a pour was a bit overpriced but it was Morningside after all... There's a lot of suckaz to be had. Speaking of suckaz, I got in line and waited around just like an average nobody... Get to live the rest of my visit here like a schnook. Then a spot opened up at the bar and I was a couple feet closer to the party liquors. Just give me a shot of whiskey and a beer and I'll be happy for a bit while I peruse the one page menu. They got a couple of large plates, salads and green stuff but the real draw here was the yakitori and HK sliders... Let's see what kinda mess I can get into here...

Fried Chicken, dill pickle, wb sauce. So, the HK slider was a Chinese steam bun cut in half... Grilling it kinda defeat the purpose of a steamed bun. It became dry, crunchy and hard to chew... As if it was nuked for too long. Tearing it apart with my tooth proved challenging but the fried chicken tender nugget was crispy, seasoned well and pretty tasty overall. The wb sauce was nothing special, basically a sriracha mayo type deal. $6 for a basic fried boneless tender and the dry grilled steam bun does not work in this format. How do you make fried chicken that the pouch won't get again... By calling it a Hong Kong slider with nothing from Hong Kong inside it.

Crispy (cod) Snapper, saltine crust, yuzu caper tartar. They were out of the snapper so they substituted cod in place, not a big deal both fish have similar properties and texture... The young server/runner sprints it over from the pass piping hot which showed a little pep in her step and priority on her part until she spoke... Here's the Hawaiian Tuna she says. I started to laugh... How the fuck could you not? How do you even mix this up with a Hawaiian tuna let alone who the fuck would actually batter and deep fry a piece of tuna? Wait a minzies, am I in Ru San's? This doesn't look like the tempura tuna cream cheese roll I ordered... Or does it? I never had it. So, I tell her this is prolly the crispy cod slider and she's like oh yeah it doesn't look very Hawaiian... Just like this whole place doesn't look very yakitori. Jesus, do they actually interview the prospect before hiring them to interact with paying customers? You know what, I don't care, just keep shaking that tight little ass in those jeans. The cod was crispy as advertised with that saltine crust. Seasoned nicely but that damn crusty unchewable bun ruined it again. Why even waste money on those fancy bamboo sticks when everyone is gonna ditch the dried out bun and eat only the filler... Stop it with the HK slider gimmick, no one is buying it.
 

Al Pastor, braised pork, grilled pineapple salsa, cream. The same sweet young thing server delivers it and says, here's the Peruvian chicken taco... That's twice, now... And I'm thinking to myself, OMG, the amount of material I will have for this post is comedic gold. You can't pay for beat off material like this. I totally wished that I was in that same training meeting with her. I guess anyone could mistake this shredded pork for chicken... I tell her this is prolly the al pastor and she's like are you sure? I didn't have the time nor the energy to engage in a battle of wits with this sexy mental midget, so, I just let it go into serenity now mode and told her, you're right it's totally the Peruvian Cuy... She says I hope you enjoy it. I'm thinking I might need to marry this girl, now, cus she will believe anything you tell her. The taco shell is like a deep fried dumpling skin. The blistering on the shell was pretty much a dead give away. It was a bit too crispy for me as taco shell, it didn't crack or break apart easily, so you kinda struggle with it and the meat filler starts falling out like an old man's sack in short shorts. The al pastor was just ok, it needed more Latino flavor if you're gonna call it an al pastor. The taco was totally edible but it was such a gimmick that once is kinda more than enough. It's nothing that you will be craving the next day to have again.

Hawaiian Tuna, cucumber, mango, avocado cream. I'm waiting for her to open her mouth to see what new undiscovered species I will be noshing on in this taco... She's like I'm pretty sure this is the Hawaiian salmon taco. Pouch, just let it go, let it go... Why yes it is, you are on a roll, little lady! This was one tasteless tuna, how could it be with all that stuff in there... And now, that taco shell is like biting into a CD. Maybe they should just get rid of the plastic shell and put the tuna mix in a rice bowl and add another gimmick on the menu, the salmon poke bowl. My future ex-wife will love telling people about it.
I had enough of these tacos... Let's see if the yakitori is any better...

Sweet Potato, wb sauce, fresh herbs. That damn wb sauce again! Haha, look at that napa cabbage bed, so ridiculous... Looked like it came from a compost bin. Those are the smallest sweet taters I have ever seen. They are the size of my thumb... Does the rule of thumb apply here? Because I want to beat them like a mangy mutt with this stick of midget dicks. This was so average that it actually made my brain numb from the lackluster flavor... I drink and I know things.

Sticky Soy Chicken, roasted garlic, miso. If she tells me that this is tuna again, I will have to run her down in the back alley and make her call me big poucha... Throw your hands in the air, if yous a true player... All I wanna throw in the air was that damn napa shards. C'mon, who's really gonna eat that cabbage. Just plate the sticks on some nice paper or doilies. The chicken nuggets were neither sticky or soy-ey. They tasted like they were dunked in soy sauce and then put on the grill without brushing them any further. There was no sugar content to caramelize them or make them sticky. These were just some plain old chicken bits on a stick. I don't know what that blob was but I assume it was the roasted garlic miso... Or phlegm. This whole thing was so boring that it should be under the kiddie menu.

Charred Octopus, chinese sausage, yuzu kosho aioli. Jesus, I have no words for this specimen... But they did give me extra silly cabbage strings to distract me from focusing on that octopus. Did the octopus use it's defense mechanism to hide itself within an ink cloud... The octopus was small (maybe one and half bites) and over-cooked with excessive char that made it bitter and rubbery....That's exactly what I wanted, to chew on something black and bitter for an extended period of time without protection... Now, I know how Ted Danson felt. Whoopi (like the octopus) is not a looker... But she has boned so many people in Hollywood that you would think she was a hook... Nevermind. I'm so done with sad overpriced pussy... I know I will be crying myself to sleep again tonight.

Pork Belly, ponzu brown butter, asparagus, pearl onion. Look at that mess... And more napa cabbage pubes. Scraped everything off the stick and within that mess led to some tasty pork belly. If it wasn't for the thick layer on fat on it, this too would have been as dried out as everything else on a stick. But it was pretty decent and most importantly it was edible... Except for that green shit. God, you really can't fuck up pork belly no matter how bad your cooking skills are.

There is really nothing Asian about the food... When I hear the word yakitori, I think of exotic meats and offal on a stick like in a back alley izakaya... But all I got was gringorized grub with hints of Asian taint on it. I really wished the menu was better developed, sourced and executed here because it coulda been a really cool concept if it was done right. I'm still mad about the lame ass selection of whiskey they had... That prolly made the food even more disappointing... Wait, I don't think any amount of brown juice coulda made it tasted any better.
I want to like this place because the staff was pretty nice overall but it really needs to revamp the entire menu and make things that represent yakitori better. Or better yet, make this more of a primary drinking establishment with the food as a secondary focus to keep the people here and drink more... Like at a real yakitori-ya/izakaya joint. For now, I'll wait until they get their shit together...

1409-D North Highland Avenue NE
Atlanta, GA 30306
https://eatwhiskeybird.com/