Eleanor's

I wish this place was closer intown because it is a bitch to get there and if you booze like a pro, that drive back to town sucks balls along with the Smynings po-po. These hillbilly hipsters up here don't deserve this place. The talent in here seems like it's wasted in this area because half of these people don't know what they're drinking or eating. They just know it's cool to be in a "speakeasy"... Even though, they're known as "speakcheesies", now. Like Gu's dumplings, it's just a fad that has faded away quietly... No one even uses the term "speakeasy" anymore and if you do, you're probably in Buckhead... Bless their hearts.
So, let's take a look at how Muss & Turner's little side project has been doing lately... I haven't been back here in many moons. I hope the quality is still there... Let's grab a quick drink and bite.. Or a few.

Easy E's. It's not really the name of this cocktail but I sure do like calling it that because it's so easy to tongue this wet hole. This was like a Manhattan and I sucked it down like there's no tomorrow. Like Mr. Furley... Smoooooth.

Drunken Melon. Another well constructed cocktail. Oh, I see more cocktails in my near future...

Chicharones, jalapeno vinegar. Made fresh to order, hot and crackling to your table the way it should be. Excellent snacky.

El's Wings, lemon, tzatziki. I got them even though they're not spicy... And they are fucking good. Crispy, juicy and full of flavor. Not as good as my special Korean style wings but damn tasty nonetheless. The tzatziki was thick and tasty. My cocktail glass was full of greasy fingerprints because I couldn't stop eating them.

The Burger. Joyce Farm's grassfed beef, roasted poblano pepper, cheddar cheese, red onion, house-made cilantro aioli, toasted bun. Fuck me, this might be one of the best burgers in this town. The entire construction of it rocks out with their manmeat out. Perfect mid rare, juicy, flavorful, the bun was awesome and didn't turn into mush and break apart. The pickles were pretty kick ass, too.

Gobbler. Roasted turkey, Bubby Muss's Ritz cracker stuffing, lingonberry coulis, thyme aioli, H&F French bun. Fucking turkey sandos... They are so boring. But not here... The turkey is your usual sliced turkey stuff but the star of this show is the crispy cracker stuffing patty... Damn, that makes all the difference between a plain old turkey sando and a kickass one.

Pommes Frites. Damn these fries... Addictive like club coke. You can't just bump one...Kept shoveling them down. At least two 8-balls of these tasty spud lines.

This place still got it... But I still don't get the patrons here. They seem so out of place, tormenting themselves in order to be fashionable but have no clue what they're eating or drinking. But I'm totally ok with it. Maybe I'm just jealous of this place... That it is not closer intown. Please open another location intown where the people who appreciates it can get there quicker for your dericious goodies.


1675 Cumberland Pkwy SE
Smyrna, GA 30080
770-434-1114
http://www.mussandturners.com

Bangkok Station

This corporate building has been around for fucking ever and no one cares about it. It's being renovated trying to keep up with the countless new and shiny developments being built all around Buckhead. This end of Pharr Rd. has been like a red-headed stepchild, neglected and given no love or attention by anybody... Until now.
So, these lovely people decided to go on their own and live the American dream and open a business of their own... A restaurant like so many other Asian families with their modest hole in the wall take out joints that are dotted throughout the nation in every shithole town. But this resto is no shithole in the wall... It is fucking grand, some may even say a spectacular space. My question is how the fuck did they get away with this massive expense without the backing of a restaurant group? And no, they are not part of the Tuk Tuk, Tamarind, Nan empire like some have speculated... Just ex-employees of the resto group who wanted to do something on their own. That is fucking great. Live the dream, motherfuckers, I'm fucking ecstatic for y'all... If it only makes sense. This is the part where it doesn't make any sense...
Look, this town sucks ass for Thai grub... Except the previously mentioned group of restos. Tuk Tuk is prolly the best of the three but for street food, it is way too friggin pricey. If you think your local go-to Thai spot is great, that's awesome but you're only fooling yourself. It's like going to Krystal's and saying this is the best burger I had ever had. Some really do believe it and that's ok but they're prolly douche-bags with the palate of a baby goat. Fuckers will eat anything. Can this new Thai spot bring the real shit that the pouch is hankering for? Flying to NYC every other weekend to get real Thai grub is getting real tiresome... I'm fat and people hate sitting next to the fat guy that smells like fish sauce.
Ok, back to this joint... So, where the fuck do I even begin? I'm not even gonna pussyfoot around with this joint... The place is really really nice, really spacious, it's like 3000 sq ft with a 100 top, wood features all around, it's calm and serene, motherfucking meditating monks would be jizzing in their robes over this place... And the patio while facing Pharr Rd. is surprisingly peaceful and beautiful, those fucking temple baboons would go ape shit over it. And the display of miniature toys of food carts out front is totally rad. There was even a mini cart that was frying up Thai fried chicken... Did I ever mention that the best fried cheekan I have ever had was from a street cart operated by an old lady in Bangkok? That shit was DA BOMB, 4 pieces for 28 bahts ($1USD). All this pouch gushing makes it seem like this place has hit a home run already... But can it turn into a Grand Slam? Let's go find out if the food will taste like the motherland or from Denny's greasy flat top...

My one reader better sit the fuck down because this gonna be one helluva train ride...

Where do they get those wonderful toys?

It's like a fucking museum display... I want them so bad. They would play well with my Star Wars action figures and My Little Ponies.
 

Thai E-Sarn (Isaan?) Beef Jerky. I asked the server if they come with sticky rice because that's the only way to eat Thai jerky. She says no because they have to charge for everything due to the high rent but you can order it on the side for like $8 or some bat shit crazy amount. Fuck that noise. Mind you these were $9 already and that bucket is not full of them, just a few pieces sitting on top of fried vermicelli noodles. The jerky was surprisingly tasty but after a few bites they got less and less tasty. How does that happen? The "authentic" real Thai sriracha tasted like real ketchup that Cousin Eddie made... Fuck, I just thought of something, I hope these beef jerky weren't seasoned with Hamburger Helper... Because it does just fine by itself. But I do like it better than Tuna Helper myself... Isn't that right, Claude?

Kung Krabeang. Supposedly stuffed with shrimp.. Take a bite and looked inside, the shrimp was thin as a Post It note, the mini size. Tasted like it, too. These were just crispy pouches of grease with no filler inside... Served with Duck sauce aka sweet HFCS "Plum" sauce my ass. Awful. But I'm sure someone in here liked it... He wasn't Asian.

Chicken Satay. What's with the raw veggie kabobs? I think they were there to hide the grilled-less chicken on a stick. It looks like they were baked in an oven then coated with the satay sauce. There were zero grill marks or char. You can't even smell the grill-esque flavor on there. Cut opened one of these thinly sliced chicken pieces and it was pink inside. How can they fuck this up, bro... C'mon, this must be a dream. Wake up, pouch, wake up.. Pee on yourself, STAT. So, I'm examining the interior of this specimen to see if it's edible. Yes but barely. It needed just a touch more heat to bring it over to the acceptable level dictated by the health dept... But it won't kill anyone, the service will but not this, yet. The satay sauce was kinda oily but definitely had the curry mix of spices. But all that is useless unless you grill or BBQ these fuckers to char and caramelize and release the maximum flavor potential of the satay sauce into the chicken. You can't bake these fuckers. The peanut sauce wasn't half bad but the other half was all oil. It's like grease on grease... At least this shit will choose the path of least resistance on it's way outta my system, splash. This was pretty pathetic... Wait, but that's not all...

If they're trying to cut costs so badly because of the high rent... Why the fuck is there an entire salad under the baked chicken strips? No one eats the wilted ruffage, no one. Why do y'all need to put that much garnish on this. Stop wasting food and money, be fucking sensible. 

Panang Beef Curry. Asked for extra extra Thai Hot. Ok, USA! No problem! This is what came out... A liquid concoction that resembled fucking tomato bisque but more watery... I was like, "Where the fuck is the grilled cheese sandwich that comes with this soup?" I wanted to pull a Bania and say "I'll save the meal for another time." Damn, I knew I shoulda had that hot dog earlier... This soup counts as a meal on the check I found later on. This beef curry was a dismal display of how not to make curry... I'm sad to say that I had better Panang curry at Popeyes. Wait, I must be dreaming.. But that would be a damn good dream!

Pad Thai. It looks ok and normal... Maybe this dish will be a winner. Mix all the shit up together, crushed nuts, sprouts and lime juice... And it still tasted bland. WTF? Where's the tamarind, fish sauce, garlic, dried chili pepper and egg? This was so fucking Americanized even Tin Drum would laugh at this. They give you way too much chicken and not enough tofu... Not that I'm trying to complain (me complain?) about giving me too much meat but dude, there should a balance with this dish. The rice noodles were soggy and overcooked (the rice noodles should be soaked in warm water and then stir fried up to order to keep that toothiness) instead of dry and light. At least they weren't all clumpy. I don't know, this national dish proved to be a disgrace. But there might be a light at the end of the tunnel here for this dish... I did find a little bit of what I think were preserved turnips which was very exciting to know they did keep 1 ounce of authenticity in this beloved dish. Not that this particular dish was beloved, just the preserved turnip part.

Sweet Mango and Thai Coconut Sticky Rice. I should have ask for this to come out with the beef jerky earlier. This would had been great with the jerky. Why do they want to taunt me so... It's like those idiots who taunt vicious animals at the zoo and wonder why they got mauled. The pouch is not that vicious, it's more on the level of the deadly Peruvian cuy. This simple and I mean simple ass dessert was tasty. The sticky rice was good and the coconut cream sauce has the same spray pattern of Ron Jeremy... And that makes me worried. But I ate the shit outta this anyways. Squirt.

Cake MaProw (Thai Coconut Cake). You got to be kidding me... Are you trying to be like fine dining with a tiny morsel of scraps on a giant plate? If you squint your eyes (I don't have to, tho) it almost looks like a snowman with a strawberry for a nose and blueberry for an eye... The other fell off, just like my appetite. This cake tasted like Betty Crocker box cake mix. It's like the shitty cakes your niece makes for you in her Easy Bake oven and you eat it just to be nice... Since, I'm paying for this, I don't have to be nice.. I want the shit made right.

I feel bad for these people... In the way you feel bad for senile old people or retarded children. That is until they spill shit all over your favorite threads, then the shit gets real. The space is gorgeous and professionally designed but the service was pathetic and lacking... Who thought out this business plan? Put all the money into the hardware but none on the human aspect. There were 2 cooks (one of them the owner and the other cook came out to bartend from time to time) in the spacious kitchen, no prep cooks or helpers, 2 servers and 1 expediter for a space this size... And gets this, not one fucking Mexican in the entire joint. I have never seen a resto on this scale not employing the hard work of Latinos. This is fucking amazing... I have seen Blimpie's with more workers than this place. After 2 hours of agony which should have only taken 45 minzies tops to order, eat, pay and go... I am exhausted... I feel like a Mexican dishwasher after a 15 hr shift at a buffet, not that they would know. I rather have someone kick me in the balls, instead.
After more than 2 months in business... The question is- Is this place fixable? It could be but not with the present management. They just don't know what the fuck they're doing. They need to hire a real GM, host/hostess, more servers, someone capable of training a real staff to be more efficient and accurate and for Christ's sake, hire Mexicans! The chef/owner should just focus on the food in the kitchen because it is seriously lacking if you wanna compete with the big boys in Buckhead. That's why there's a front and back of the house. You just can't micro manage and do everything yourself... You're just gonna run your business into the ground because of your pride or stupidity. If they can turn it around, they may stick around to see 2016 but at this rate, the only place they're celebrating the new year is waiting on line at the unemployment office. 

Don't even get me started on the cocktail menu and bar, I had to make my own drink... It was worse than a basement frat party. Wait, frat parties aren't that bad... They're free at least vs. the $12 double shot of watered down Bacardi rum and $5 can of ginger beer... Y'all are fucking with my emotions, now.

Time to change the station...

550 Pharr Rd NE, Atlanta, GA 30305
404-343-4665
http://www.bangkokstationatlanta.com/

Bored Pouch

The pouch was more bored than usual on the food scene lately... I'm sure my one reader has been in the same predicament before and prolly have said the same thing, "There just isn't anything interesting to eat...". Seriously, I am bored as fuck this week about the nosheries around town. There is zero excitement, it's almost tiresome like a job to find a decent place to eat that I haven't been to. So, maybe it's time to go back to some oldies and see which ones I will be giving the 2 finger diet to after eating...

Taqueria Los Hermanos.

Motherfuckers were outta of all the tamales... We know gringos don't eat that shit, they ain't made with flour tortillas, so, how can they be all out? Had to resort to tacos (they kinda reminded me of a few ex-girlfriends by the looks of them)... No fucking lengua, cabeza or tripa, either. But they did have corn tortillas. Spied the place all around... Surrounded by all fucking whities up in this piece, now I know how the crackers felt at the Alamo. Time to put one or three in the chamber... Carnitas, Chorizo y Asada. They loaded these tacos the fuck up... They better for the high price tag per taco. All the meats were well seasoned and marinated in between the double ply corn tortillas. Sounds like an all around win right? Yes and no, it ain't authentic Mexi-tacos because they are just way too fucking big for hand held tacos... Second, the filler options are plain jane safe cuts of familiar meats, no offal to be had. And C, the gringos are liking this joint way too much like they're at El Azteca or some other Mexican't dump, that there's no way I should like this.

Al Pastor and Cesina. Both are hefty sized tacos. Al Pastor comes with pineapple cubes that looks like giant pieces of fat. Meats once again were well seasoned in the double ply corn tortillas. The salsas are a bit lacking but it'll do since the meats were all flavorful. I think the grub here is more than decent but it ain't authentic, it has fish sticks, chicken tenders and a fucking Philly as options for the tacos. C'mon, ese, is this a joke? ...Get off me, homes. It's been spun around to cater towards the unbrown folks and to give the illusion that they're the real deal with larger portions that is expected by their targeted suckaz, errr, I mean demographics (aka dumb rednecks). I would go back to try the tamales if they're ever in stock but I'll call first before making the drive. PS- the horchata is way too sweet with a weird processed after taste.. Prolly horchata mix with diet sweetener.


Kimball House.

Yes. Again. Can't stop eating these snatch snots. This is like one of the few solid items that never disappoints in this town unlike the smelly snatches you find over at Twain's... Hippy girls: Armpit hair is not trendy nor is it appetizing, shave that shit, it ain't the 60's no mo'... And don't forget your bearded clam.


Nori Nori.

There's no better way to blow yourself up on the Fourth of July than gorging yourself to the brink of feeder death with AYCE crab legs and sooshee. Fireworks coming out soon... DO NOT light a match anywhere near me.


Meehan's Public House.

When the fuck did an Irish bar get taken over by the Russian Mafia in Buckhead... Everyone in here is Russian. It's like I'm in Boondock Saints... I knew I shoulda carried my Beretta 92FS today. They can't make a decent White Russian but let's see about the Fried Pickles. Dear Lord, these are so brown bagging it from the back of a Sysco truck. Time to dispatch these back to hell... "In nomine Patri, et Fili, Spiritus Sancti."

Fish & Chips. The "cod" was greasier than Bud Fox's hair in Wall Street, but the sweet tater fries were decent enough. The slaw was disgusting, mushy and watery. That white jizz could be the White Russian I ordered earlier.

Smokehouse Burger. They can't fuck a burger... C'mon, it's unpossible. You know what? They didn't. It was actually decent... And so where the onion rings even if they were a little too big. I hate big onion rings, they are useless because you can't eat them. And once you start cutting them in half they fall apart. Let's get back to the burga...

Parting the red meat sea. They actually cooked it spot on. The meat was lightly seasoned which coulda really used a lot more of it. But the overall taste wasn't bad. It's like a nice backyard burger at a friend's house. 


Publix.

Fat people will never admit to this but the pouch will... We like to eat like fucking pigs behind closed doors when we're bored. In public we pretend to eat like rabbits... "I'll just have a salad." Does anyone really buy that bullshit? I see fat people in restos, I'm like dude, why don't you just order that fucking tomahawk steak like a real man and stop trying to save face by ordering that broiled salmon. We all know you don't eat fish and you're unhealthy as shit. The pouch don't give a fuck, that's why I'm going to Publix and grabbing a box of their dericious fwied cheekan and eating it all in one sitting. And with a lot of hot sauce... Burp.


Shrimp Boil Pouch.

When the pouch is bored as shit, it likes to eat... A lot. So, sometimes it goes to the farmers market and amass a boatload of the Chattahoochee's finest along with a side of malaria... Skrimpz, crawfish, sausage, waxy taters and corn. Dump all that shit in a concoction of boil spice mix in a bag, fish sauce, beef stock, Hondashi, lemons, garlic, scotch bonnets and onions and you get this thing of beauty. Pumping and squirting all over myself...

Pho King

So, they put in a Pho joint in the old space that was like a dozen different dumpy sushi reincarnations... I remember a long time ago I ate sushi here and I got the worst case of hives known to mutant kind. I looked like Mystique except without the giant blue mams and camel toe. God, she's hot, she can give me blue balls any day... Took me like 3 days to recover from that warm sushi hives effect and swore to never go back ever again. So, after many different sushi tries by dummies who thought they could get away with sub-Ru San's grade sooshee intown and giving people the heebie-jeebies, someone is trying their hands at "authentic" pho... So, naturally, they call themselves Pho King. Yeah yeah, ha ha, you so funny. I guess it's time for the pouch to go back to this lair of despair and see if their pho is truly pho-king good... I got like 2 boxes of Benadryl just in case I mutate from the slop again...

This plaque that you usually find on bathroom doors is on the front cover of the book-like menu... I kinda dig that they improvised restaurant supplies for other purposes. I just hope it isn't repurposed from the sushi joint before with a new sticker.

Papaya Salad. I had them mix it with shrimp and pork... And this is what came out. Looks like a mess but the papaya was marinaded in the fish sauce mixture but not enough citrus acidity or sugar. It was kinda bland and boring and the color was dull. You gotta have some heat in there with a little dices of bright red chili peppers. It was brown and dried up greens basically. Doesn't exactly say eat me. It wasn't awful, just a real snoozer. The fried onions was the best part.

Banh Mi, BBQ pork. Banh Mi sando intown for $3.50... Ok, a dollar mark up. I can live with that if it is good. The thing came out on a dish that is 3/4 too small for the sando to fit into. Hey, it's a FOB thing. It looked decent... But the bread was a little stale. It reminded of Lee's 6 for a $1 special after 4pm rolls. Not that there's anything wrong with it.. It's just that I expected a bit better quality. I don't even know if it was Lee's rolls but they were close. The carrot/daikon (do chua) was a little weak, needed more sugar and pickling time. Big hunks of jalapeno and thin cucumber slices. Let's cut this baby in half and see what's inside...

I think I see an umbilical cord... I just fucking wit ya. Does the BBQ pork looks minced to y'all? This didn't look or taste like BBQ pork. It was all chopped up with not much flavor. The really good banh mi have that char on the pork and the marinade gives you that unmistakeable flavor. This banh mi works if you're in a bind but I would just stick with the oldies but goodies on Buford Hwy (Quoc, Lee's, etc) if you don't want to compromise.

Bun, grilled shrimp and charbroiled meatballs. This sounded great on the menu.. I envisioned large shrimp with grill marks and those deliciously firm but yet moist meatballs you find in a nice pho. But these were like boiled sausages that were fried afterwards. It had a weird texture but the taste wasn't all that bad. It didn't work in this dish but could in another dish. The shrimp were these tiny shrinky dinky skrimps with an orange nuclear glow to them. They tasted like nothing, overcooked and rubbery. The rice noodles were as expected and they weren't all clumped together like other places, so that's a plus. The fish sauce concoction that you pour all over this were not bad, a bit spicy which was fine by me. Overall, this is just pretty much a generic version of bun. Not all that tasty and definitely not craveworthy. Try some on Buford Hwy and you can taste the difference within the first bite.

Pho, dac biet. Let's get to the good stuff first... The broth, that's really all that matters in a bowl of pho. Color, a bit light. Aroma, not that fragrant. Temp, medium hot. First sip, weak and thin. More sips, weak and thin. Repeat. The spices were barely present... Star anise, cloves, cinnamon, fennel, cardamon, coriander, ginger. Where were they? Not in the broth or they obviously didn't use enough... And that goes with the beef bones. Hell, stick a few oxtails in there. Oh, wait, but those are expensive now. Weak weak broth. Maybe if I added stuff to it then it will be flavorful...

Doctored it up with all the goodies... Because no one wants to slurp on bland ass shit. I made it spicy because that's really all there is and some fish sauce to trick my taste buds. After loading the fuck outta it, it was still borderline passable. The noodles were great, though, not clumpy at all. The meats were all cooked off before hand, so, no nice red raw meat slices sitting on top to gradually cook to dull pink color. Found only a few threads of tripe but there were a decent bit of tendon. It's another middling bowl of pho. I asked about bun bo hue and of course the server had no fucking clue what that was... *sigh*. So, I ate about 1/4 of the bowl and I had enough. All the pieces of this puzzle didn't fit in my mouth in taste, texture and balance. It's sloppy, seems almost thrown together because I don't think they're exactly expecting ex-pats to be breaking down the doors in Chipotle central for authentic home cooked meals back in the motherland. Everyone in here was white, imagine that. They know they can take some short cuts. It's not awful, but it's not slurp worthy either, it's just not up to the pouch's standards. I wish it was better since it's across the street from my dumpy condo. But the take out orders were flying out the door, I noticed at least 8 take out orders while I was there.

I give them props for having the balls to open a loosely-authentic pho joint right on Peachtree intown. You won't find the greatest Viet-grubs here but if you're lazy and desperate this could fill your pouch with some level of satisfaction but expect to pay more for the convenience. The staff is mostly millennial kids that have massive ADD, ask them for something and they run off and do something else. You stare them down and they get shy and pull out their smartphones to hide in Facebook or pretend like they are busy. Maybe after 5 minzies or so they remember to bring the check or the take out box you asked for 10 minzies ago. Overall, it seems like they wanna give a fuck about dishing out good food up in this piece, I saw mama-san in a hair net in the kitchen so that's a good sign... The grub looks like it's playing the part but so did Warner Oland and nobody believed he was Chinese in Charlie Chan... Ok, maybe the white people did.

For now, it ain't that pho-king good...

2221 Peachtree Rd.
Atlanta, GA 30309
470-891-8989
http://www.phokingrestaurant.com/

Little Trouble

Stopped by Paper Plane to check out the new Little Trouble menu that's opening on the westside... We all know Victory and Paper Plane do a great job in the kitchen with their approachable menus, can they do the same with the menu for their new spot? Whities trying to do Asian grub is a sketchy proposition anywhere. But let's take a first lookie, anyways...

Lemongrass Pork Meatballs. Not too shabby at all. Good flavors, hints of lemongrass which was nice and the ball itself was firm but yet tender kinda reminded me of a Vietnamese meatball. It's a tasty little meatball. I would include a side of sauce for dipping, though... Something with fish sauce, soy/ponzu and a little heat would be nice.

Char Siu Pork - cucumber, cilantro, pickled carrot & daikon, sesame mayo. The infamous and obligatory steam bun. Even though, I kinda had it with this ubiquitous item... I had to have it just to compare it's worth to all the other overpriced buns around town. The carrot & daikon was spot on, just as good as any Viet resto on Buford Hwy with the perfect balance with the vinegar and sugar. The char siu were big chunks that fell out when you try to eat it, slicing and layering them would be better and still give it that visual heft that people are looking for. The char siu pork isn't a traditional Chinese version but hey, it's LT/PP, so they're gonna put their spin on it. The bun was kinda cold and a bit too moist but overall, it was a tasty respectable version... The people in this area won't care or know what a real one is anyways, so this will be a hit.

Cold Ramen - ham pickled carrot & daikon, cucumber, tomato, soy vinaigrette. This was a real snoozer visually but it kinda reminded me of a quasi Asian Cobb salad. The overall ingredients were really not all that exciting (except the Sun Noodles) but the very tasty soy vinaigrette made a big difference to the overall taste of it. But at the end of the day, this dish needs an overhaul.

Hot Ramen - Tonkotsu broth, lamb, shiitake, sesame, green onion, 7 min egg. The lack of chopsticks in the joint made this very difficult to eat but the dark tonkotsu broth was pretty good. It was very rich and salty but the lip smacking collagen was present and made it all the more desirable. There's more than just pork bones in here, I assume there's a good bit of chicken bones, too... Which I'm totally ok with. Is it an authentic tonkotsu, fuck no, but they're not trying to be authentic here. They are doing their American version of it with some authenticity to it. The lamb was decent but tender, not too gamey. The egg was plain old semi hard boiled egg, not soft and runny. The ramen are Sun Noodles, so that's a plus. It was a bit overcooked but hey, it ain't gonna stop me from eating it all. The price tag is a bit rich for a small bowl of ramen but remember, you're a hipster that's willing to pay jacked up prices for the grub and ambiance. That makes you cool, dude.

This was a good first look and preview of what's to come... Better to give it a test run early with the expected demographics found on the westside and get some feedback and make the changes than to go into the new joint with a subpar menu... But seriously, would anyone going to a cocktail bar really notice or care about the food on the westside? Hopefully, the menu will be re-tuned and refined much more when the doors open at the new spot under Abattoir, err, Marcel. But for now, I like what I'm seeing so far. It's a good start for small bites at a cocktail bar.

  

Good Luck Gourmet

If I was a certain someone or someplace that is currently making shitty overpriced dumps in a certain hipster food stall, I would be regretting that very not-thought-out decision right about now... Fads fade away with the trending food scenes and hipster dumplings is a no brainer gimmick that can only last so long. But what is not a fad is an awesome authentic spicy Chino grub that is found on Buford Hwy...
So, now comes Good Luck Gourmet in the old Gu's Bistro space. Nothing has changed (and I mean everything on the inside is the same) except the owners and the cuisine... Which is mostly northern China in the Shanxi (Xi'an) region, unheard of in metro Atlanta! The most northern part of Chinese cuisine to be had in this town have been Chengdu, Chongqing (basically Sichuan) and maybe a little dabble in Lanzhou. This is a whole new region to this town. Like the others, Shaanxi cuisine is also famous for being spicy but they specialize in lamb and wide noodles. Since they are somewhere in between the Sichuan and Shanxi regions, this new resto includes a ton of dishes to cover most of the entire region, even some Cantonese dishes from the south... This menu is extensive and you know what that means. Dude, this is either gonna be kickass or swampass grub.

Enough talky talky.. Let's walky walky and do this bitch hard with fists of fury! ...Ok, chopsticks would prolly work better with all that red chili oil.

Chengdu Style Dumplings with Red Oil. Gu's who??? I rather eat dumps that gives you good luck instead of the shits... And these fucking dumps delivered. The skin is perfect thickness, not too thin not too thick, the pork filling is flavorful and tender, the red chili oil is a perfect balance of spiciness to oil ratio. You don't want to drown these tasty dumps in a shitload of oil, it's overkill but instead just a really nice coating of gorgeous red chili oil is the way to go. These are really good. There's two other options if you can't handle the red chili oil- in Chicken Soup or Hot & Sour. Eat your fucking hipster heart out, Gu's...

Red Oil Pig Ears and Belly Slices. There were too many dericious offal options... First, I wanted just cold spicy beef tendon, then beef and beef offal, so, I ended up with this lovely mix of pig ears and belly in red chili oil. Damn, this was good as well. We are off to a very good track record here and we're only on the second dish. Ears were tender but yet have that expected snap from the cartilage. Then they offset that crunch with tender belly slices with just a little bit of fat. This is a really nice classic dish with just the right amount of heat. When you still think about it the next day, you know it was good.

I totally forgot about the bullshit nibbles on the table before... Just a quick note- the peanuts were pretty standard issue but the pickled cabbage tasted like dirty laundry which seemed to improve in taste after a few bites. How fucked up is that? So, I went home and chewed on a dirty sock in the hamper and it didn't tasted as good.

Shaanxi's Style Cold Noodles. This is what they're famous for, the noodles and the bright orange chili oil from the Shaanxi region. Looks kinda like a Jackson Pollock painting with chili oil splattered all over. Fuck me, I'm liking this already... So, the little server girl comes over with a pair of chops and starts to mix all the shit together. I'm like don't fucking touch my food, ese... I have a special way of noodling the noods. It's like a folding-spinning-twirling technique that I learned from Baton Bob. That fucker is talented and his chocolatey thighs are so muscly and firm... Nevermind me, I musta been day dreaming on 10th and Peachtree. Let's get back to the grub..

Shaan noods are mixed up. Damn, motherfuckers... This shit is G U U D... Yeah, I'm busting on GU's, so what. Even though the Shaanxi style noodles should be wider, the thinner noodles still works just as well on getting evenly coated all over. The heat level is medium and it is just plain fucking awesome. Git you some.

Preserved Vegetable Steaming Pork. This may look like a yak that just took a dump on a plate but it is really a well composed dish. Ultra tender steamed/braised slices of pork belly layered gently on top of a mound of preserved pickled veggies with a nice soy glazed sauce spooned all over it. Pound me in the ass and call me Porky... This was not spicy, it was savory and amazing. Put a nice portion on top of rice and spoon some sauce over it, you will want to inhale this beast into your facehole and swallow that entire load in one gulp... I did.

Chongqing Style Spicy Chicken. This pic doesn't do this dish justice... It is glorious. The amount dried chili peppers, Sichuan peppercorns and cheekan nuggets are spot on. I hate it when places overload the entire plate with whole dried chili peppers and you have to pick through that pile just to taste a little nugget. Notice that the peppers are also chopped into smaller pieces. These fuckers pay attention to the details- everything is similar size (French training perhaps?)... And this ching chong pouch adores this dish. The cheekan nuggets have a thin crispy coating and really tender/juicy inside coated with a hint of the peppercorn oil. Damn good dish. I couldn't stop eating between all the ingredients- nugget, pepper, peppercorn all in the same bite is heaven, heaven.

Mapo Tofu. I was on the fence between this, their famous steamed mutton stew or the fish in hot oil... Yeah, real first fucking world problems here for this fat fuck. I wasn't really in the mood to have a ton of soup after all the food I ate already, so, I went with the classic. If they can master this simple dish, they can do almost anything as evident by the incredible grub had already. First bite... D A M N you motherfuckers again! This taste just like the version I make at home. WTF, bro... I mean this was so goddamn good. They obviously use their special chili oil which is the real key to this dish. Most places just put a ton of sambal oelek and other thickeners. This version was lighter, the tofu medium firm, spice/heat level medium to mild, the pork were visible and not minced to dust size particles. I just want to hate fuck these motherfuckers with love for making a great version of this classic.

Had to do a group shot of these hotties... This isn't spicy at all for whities, trust me (wink wink). If I could bang these dishes I would but I don't want to get any greasy chili oil on my new skinny stretchy jeans... You know, because I'm hot like David Beckham and we dress alike. You won't believe how many people mistake me for him with my muffin pouch flapping over my pajama jeans in the wind... Yeah, I don't believe it either. Ok, I just made that shit up... But I can pretend that we are fwendz, tho.

This place has given me a boner with a massive blood flow once again in this town for authentic ethnic grub... I am stoked about this "new old dump" that is giving this town a taste of a different region of Chinese cuisine. Finding spicy Chino cuisine might not be that difficult but the quality and execution has been lackluster at best lately and everyone is looking for the quick buck and fame. This joint is doing things that Gu's never has and never will again. In a way, I'm glad Gu's sold out to what's popular at the moment, their ride ain't gonna last long. They will be kicking themselves for the biggest mistake of their lives for years to come. Good Luck Gourmet saw a vacancy as an opportunity... This town should be glad they made the move because this is one of the best Chino resto in ATL, period. Some may say Masterpiece is just as good, I say they're a Masterpiece of shit. Keep the incredible shit up and y'all be packed every night... If you do the same shit as my once beloved Gu's Bistro did, I will be shitting all over you in rapid machine gun fashion that you won't know what hit ya except the "mud" in your eyes... Mud with corn inside. 

I will be back soon... Don't die on me, yet. Until I get my fill at least...

Pump.
Pump..
Squirt...

5750 Buford Hwy NE
Doraville, GA 30340
770-451-8118
http://goodluckgourmet.com/ 

Bloated Pouch

The Pouch spent more money boozing this weekend than on solid chow... But that's not to say it didn't eat it's share, just not the usually amount like an elephant. Still bloated at the time of this writing.

The Barn Smokehouse.

I have driven passed this joint many times and never thought about stopping by because the parking lot is always empty and they look closed most of the time. So, finally pulled in to see what the fuss was about. Sliced brisket, pulled pork, brunswick stew, collards and cornbread. We'll get to the meat later but first the sides... Collards were pretty standard but they weren't braised/cooked down with any bones/hocks/trimmings, so it wasn't as flavorful as it could be. The brunswick stew was nice, not the best but very nice. Not overly sweet and cloying like most places and they have a good amount of meat/veggies/fillers ratio. I liked the stew a lot. The cornbread is standard issued cornbread. But the whiskey ginger I just made makes up for it.

Brisket and Pulled Pork. Look at that rub/bark on this manmeat... Thank goodness the SCOTUS made it legal for anyone to get married because I want to take this beast on a honeymoon and commit at least half a dozen of unspeakable acts to it. Did I say that out loud? I must still be drunk. It had really nice flavor and smoke. The meat was ultra tender and just a small amount of fat that haven't totally rendered out which was perfect. I have been missing out after all this time. This was a really nice classic brisket. The pulled pork was no slouch either... Real nice rub/caramelized skin, tender meat. Just a really nice pulled pork. What the fuck is going on here? Two for two... Someone kick me in the balls, I may be sleep-drinking. I will be back to try their ribs, even if they suck, there's always the brisket to fall back on... And there's also that flask filled with Whistle Pig in my back pocket.


Book House Pub.

Chef Liu's Dumplings. WTF... Is this a joke? C'mon, stop fucking with my emotions. How can these be good served anywhere else besides at Chef Liu's. Let's be stupid and order it. I gotta be real stupid to pay $7 for 5 dumps. Let's see how dumb I can become after eating them... And these shots of Larceny.

Flipped them over to only see the injustice done to these poor dumps. Barely browned and crispy. Wait, they weren't crispy bottoms at all, just sweaty like my swamp ass after riding all day. I don't know why they would even try to attempt to cook these but these pan fried dumps is obviously reserved only for Asian cooks to execute. These were awful. Maybe the first thing I have ever had here that was this shitty. Leave Asian food to the Asians. Bless their hearts for trying... And their dericious whiskey.


Pijiu Belly.

Don't call it a comeback, this chicken's been here for years... Well, it seems like it's been sitting under the heat lamp for years. So, I came back to see if anything has gotten any better since the first dismay display of their rotisserie cheekan. Sadly to say, nothing has changed for the better. The chicken while crispy on the outside this time, but the inside was dry and bland. The brussels sprouts were pretty good though except for that white jizz on top. It could be either Alabama white sauce, Donkey sauce or Comeback sauce... Or neither because I ain't coming back here ever again... After this borderline old fashioned.

"Famous"... Maybe in Bizarro World. I give up trying to give bad poultry second chances... Nothing to come back here for. Nada. Going across the street for an oyster shooter.


Popeyes.

Smoky Garlic Chile Chicken. Another one of Pops monthly concoctions... The ultra crispy tender always delivers but the smoky garlic chile really didn't translate into the flavor of the chicken. It's pretty muted but you taste the garlic every now and then. Biscuit was great as usual and the red beans and rice a classic. Stick with the bone in spicy fwied cheekan... And a 40, one for the homies.


Roux on Canton.

Oysters. I was in the area for some Harley biker rally and decided to make some noise and scare the timid whities in their suburban bubble. Cocktails and oyster sounded good to me... These were from Virginia somewhere but I know where they're going for their retirement. Git in my belly. These were pretty tasty but they're no Kimball House. Some oysters were really butchered to pieces by the shucker dude in back and thrown on the half melted ice platter haphazardly. But they still went down all the same. Another High West Double Rye, pweez.

Beignets. Cafe Du Monde need not be worried about the competition. Dough was too heavy and a bit chewy. Keep them whiskey coming, you bum.


Victory.

Castro. I go to the Decatur one for twosday bike nights. It's a good crowd and you don't find any Buckhead douche nozzles here on a week day. The new Inman Park one is full of them. The castro is one of my go to sandos here but they're all good in their own rights. Sandos are cheap and filling. One is a great snack, two is an even better snack. Don't forget the coke slushie... Large, pweez.

Sometimes, food is so lackluster and unappealing that all you want to do is drink... I think this is about the right time to go on an extended brown liquid diet... Until, better grub surfaces. Which could be tomorrow...