General Muir

It's tough being a halfie. One half tells me to eat Popeyes, the other half tells me to eat Ms. Piggy. Most of the time I just say fuck it and give me a bacon wrapped chicken thigh deep fried in pork bouillon enriched fat. So, where can a gentile and a member of the tribe both meet for a meal in this one donkey sauce town? There are no friggin delis in this town... Some claim to be but they are just pulling your Schwartz. Enters, the General... No, not Tso but Muir. The closest thing to a NY deli joint... So, they say. Sounds like a triple dog dare and y'all know how much I like to eat dogs and deers...

MATZOH BALL SOUP herbs, vegetables, schmaltz. Interesting spelling on Matzo or Matzah... Maybe it's because this is their southern version of the classic? Since, I'm part of the tribe, I've had my share of this favorite Passover pastime classic. There's two camps on this, either floaters or sinkers. This one is definitely on the light and fluffy side. While it was a decent ball, I prefer mine a little denser... I'm all about ball bobbing. I suspect seltzer was part of the dough mix to lighten things up. I wished they used more schmaltz, too. The chicken soup was nice and flavorful. Overall, good stuff. I approve.

CORNED BEEF REUBEN sauerkraut, russian, gruyere, buttered rye. Besides the pastrami, the Reuben is the true test of a real deli sandwich. I'm all about Katz's, so this would be hard for me to swallow. But this wasn't. It was a pretty damn good Reuben for a southern joint. It was buttery and gooey but manageable in a hand to mouth manner. Corned beef was nice, not too salty and not too dry. The only thing that they switched up was the swiss for gruyere. The kraut coulda used a little more time fermenting. But I was totally fine with that noise. Can you believe I have nothing really bad to say about this? Wow. I impress myself sometimes. OK, it coulda used a couple more layers of meat flap for the price of admission.

CHOPPED CHICKEN LIVER schmaltz, caramelized onions, pletzel bread. I make the fucking best chicken livers in the world. Motherfuckers travel great distances to swallow my organ and then soil their pants immediately after. So how was this rendition? Not too shabby. Nice spreadable consistency and had a nice bite to it. I prefer it to be more silky vs. dense but it doesn't take away from the flavor. The pletzel bread is definitely a sight for sore eyes, this traditional Yiddish focaccia style flat bread is not common around these here parts. They did a nice job on it.

CRISPY PASTRAM. It's a pretty good pastrami, no complaints but Katz's is still King... There is no substitute. Ever.

POUTINE. gravy, cheese curds, pastrami. They did a great job on this poutine, the gravy was thick and not overloaded, just the right amount. Besides the missing pastrami, the only complaint would be the curds, needed a little infusion of heat to soften it, the heat from the fries didn't cut it. It looked like gnocchi but it was quite tasty and I ate the whole damn thing. That says a lot.

DOUBLE BURGER STACK onion slaw, American cheese, poppy seed roll, fries (substitute for pickled vegs). The ghost of the Bocado Burger... Not bad at all. The huge wedge of lettuce made it a bit difficult to shove that manmeat inside your mouth but it's totally doable with a little practice, relax your throat. I like my burgers greasy like how it should be but this was a tad too greasy. Not a problem though, since I inhaled it within 6 bites. Is it the best burger in da ATL? Maybe in the Top 5 I would say. I didn't want to double up on the fries from the poutine so I got some pickled veggies instead, they were nice, the beets were the best.

PRUNE STUFFED GNOCCHI oxtail ragu, carrots, brussels sprouts. I hope these aren't the curds the poutine was looking for... Nice colorful dish and well executed but doesn't the amount of gnocchi seem a little skimpy compared to all the other accoutrements in the dish? While the gnocchi was a little spongy and coulda used more prunes inside, the oxtail ragu made up for it with it's wonderful flavors. Not saying the gnocchi was bad, just expected it to be a little firmer. It was nice dish overall but overpriced for what it was.

The General Muir did not sink on my voyages here but the lunch and brunch menu is where it's at. It's a "deli" after all, stick to the luncheon meats and bagels. The dinner menu needs a little more variety. I don't know how kosher it is, if any at all (did not witness any beardnets in the kitchen) but I mostly enjoyed everything I have had and I will be back.

L'Chaim! Pass the Manischewitz.

2.5 Stars.

1540 Avenue Pl B-230
Atlanta, GA 30329
(678) 927-9131
http://www.thegeneralmuir.com/

Aspen Bartini

When I saw their sign out front, "Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano." ...I immediately thought of one thing, the French are assholes.

What genius said to himself, "Hey, we should open a piano bar/restaurant/lounge after Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne." ...And a genius he was. I instinctively knew this would be a treat for the senses. The parking lot is a nightmare, one side is free and the other side is $5. No one in their right mind would pay for parking to come here. 

Once inside, good luck finding a host at the stand because there isn't one. Excuse me, Flo? You kinda just wait around for a server to point you to a table or something like cattle. If you get a table that's not wobbly, you're ahead of the game already but unfortunately I got a table that could withstand a magnitude 9 earthquake. The manager/partner/whatever whom I thought was a customer because he was hanging out at the bar the entire night was nice enough to get me a shim to offset the punching bag sway of the table. After 10 minutes, a server with a lovely accent came by to take the drink order, I think she was from New Jersey.

The decor is not as gaudy as it looks or sounds but it reminded me of some place familiar... When I spied around the room, I knew then where I was... Holy shit! I'm at Johnny's Hideaway little brother's cougar den. The place was full of cougars,  sabertooths and wooly mammoths. And with that, the prey of old rich men instinctively flock to Aspen, California. The act for the night, every night, is this well-seasoned four man band of one singing bad cover songs. The piano is behind the bar... The bar is actually cut out in the shape of the piano like some guido puzzle piece. Who the fuck puts a full size piano behind the bar? I'm baffled as a blind kid with a headless bird. Pretty bird. Polly want a cracker? Speaking of food, let's just get to the grub... I'm exhausted already and haven't even had a drink yet.

Crisfield Crab Cakes, Brown butter caper red pepper roumelade. These tasteless crab pucks looked like it was pushed out of a toilet paper cardboard roll. Cold in the middle was a sure sign these babies were pre-cooked and sat on some hotel pan above the icemaker. Send this back up the river.

Habenero Fish Tacos Napa cabbage slaw, tomato relish. When you see a wire taco holder on a plate, you know you're in for a treat. You can use the wire and stick it down your throat afterwards for 100% evacuation. Better than the two finger diet. This specimen was neither spicy nor hot in the temperature sense. I had no clue what kinda fish it was, coulda been Sea Bass but it was salty as hell and I didn't want to insult the chef and get my ass kicked. Stick this in a bucket and use it as chum next time you go fishing. Chattahoochee's finest. 

Aspen Wings. Hot, mild or Aspen flavor... C'mon, that's a no brainer, it's not like landing on the moon. When in California, do as the Californians do, get the Aspen. It's basically a super sweetened thinned out version of teriyaki sauce. Decent medium size wings and under this lighting they seem undercooked. I hope I don't get worms. Nothing special about these wings, come to think of it, I think they were from a mock ing bird, yeah.

The food on the limited menu was suspect and the classic cocktails were not properly prepared but the most amusing part was when the "chef" with a giant toque paraded around the joint patting himself on the back about how good his food was.

Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.


322 East Paces Ferry Road
Atlanta, GA 30305
404-549-8700
http://www.aspenbartini.com/

Yakiniku Takashi

Only in NYC is where one can find a place solely dedicated on serving internal organs. It's almost like dissecting a big ass bull frog in biology class but much tastier... Well, those Duck Dynasty necktards might actually prefer the frog instead. This little shop has been the shit around town for awhile and there's no signs of it slowing down in popularity. Bottomline: I fucking lurv this joint because it triple dog dares me to consume some pretty radical pieces of offal, not like I haven't eaten almost every part of an animal before. Wait, I have eaten every single part of an animal, I feel so Hannibal-esque. Let's take a peek at a few samples anyways...

Steak Tartare with quail egg.

This generous basemeatball sized of raw beef was amazing and got me excited when it was put in front of my snout. It was so fresh that parts of it were still pulsating... Or was that the organ in my pants? That's edible too, ladies.

 

Grandmom's Steamed Beef Shank Buns w/ Spicy Mayo

I get suckered in for these "make your own" buns every time! That beef shank made from his grandma's cankles are da bomb.

 

Testicargot (cow balls escargot style with garlic shiso butter)

 Not a very pleasing presentation but who cares about that when you have buttery balls in your hole. Wouldn't it be fun if they served it in a fleshy sack and you have to bob for them? Never mind me, I was just "brain" storming.

 

Tsurami (Don't get cheeky with me or I'll slap ya with them tongs... They have some kick ass tongs. Want)

60 seconds on each side and boom, you're ready to chow down like Lecter.

 

Horumon-Moriawase (chef’s selection) consisted of Kimo (liver), Shibire (sweetbreads), Hatsu (heart), Mino (first stomach) and Akasen (fourth stomach)

This was heaven but without the 72 virgins..Isn't that offal?

I really enjoy this place, it's not a place you'll come every week but once a month to get your fill of ultra fresh innards and high quality kobe grilled to your liking. By the time I was done eating, I was so over loaded with bloody organs in my pouch that I had to waddle it outta there. My BMI says I'm obeast, so what? Have a heart... Ok, if you insist. Perhaps with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Burp.

3 Stars.

456 Hudson St.
New York, NY 10014
(212) 414-2929
http://takashinyc.com/

Del Frisco's Grille

Y'all know how much I love restaurant names that spell Grill with the extra "e" in it. It makes it sound fancy. And as you know, I'm a fancy kinda girl. The previous tenant, Craft, was a decent resto by that hairless douche from Top Chef but their reason for closing it was such bullshit. People are stupid but not that stupid to see the real reason why... No one spends millions building out a space and then close shop within a year. Tom Colicchio realized this city wasn't ready for Craft and got the fuck outta Dodge unlike that frog, Jean-Georges, and stuck it out with that hellacious Spice Market. But anyways back to Del Frisco's... So, can this big box of cougars make it work in this semi cursed space? Initial impressions of the spectacle happening inside provides ample evidence of which way it's going... And that direction happens to point to the exit sign or a noose. But let's take a look anyways...

Cocktail Menu. Yup, this says it all. Classy. No where else to go except up from here.

WILD MUSHROOM Fontina Cheese, Caramelized Onions, Baby Arugula. You have to be a special ed retard taking online courses for a PhD to screw up a flatbread. It was decent and edible.

PIMENTO CHEESE FRITTERS Chipotle Ranch Sauce. Where are we? Chuck E Cheese's? Cuz we all know how kids love balls with white creamy jizz sauce dripping off their chin.

SAVANNAH BLUE CRAB TOAST Parmesan, Old Bay & Lemon. WTF is this plague on a plate? If herpes can take vacations, it would come here. Disgustingly greasy and tasteless. Not to mention burnt.

CHICKEN SCHNITZEL Sweet Potato Spaetzle, Bordelaise Sauce, Fried Egg, Brown Butter & Parmesan. Seriously, bro, you don't have to put a fried egg on top to try to make it look farm to table... You're not fooling anyone. Nothing back there in the kitchen came from a farm... Mebbe a cuckoo farm. Look at the two squirts of "Bordelaise Sauce" on either side. Fucking hilarious. Next time, order a thinner piece of pre-breaded frozen chicken patty. At least try a little harder to attempt to trick me that this is a schnitzel. Don't ask Seven Hens for advice.

MESQUITE-SMOKED PORK CHOP Anson Mills Grits, Bourbon-Apple Glaze. Came out cold and over cooked. The meat was tougher to chew than most of the cougars at the bar. Re fired it, second coming was barely warmed over and raw inside. I give up. This presentation was so unappealing to the eyes that I rather direct my eyeballs towards the wrinkled and cracked foundations of make up found on the pigs at the bar.

PRIME SLICED NEW YORK STRIP 8oz Fresh Tomato-Basil Salsa, Aged Balsamic Reduction. I love the tomato-basil "salsa"... I guess salsa nowadays are just cherry tomatoes cut in half. The strip was cooked to temp and pre-sliced but the attempt to reassembled it on the plate to look anything like a mouthwatering steak proved challenging. This presentation that looks like an obeast woman trying to trim her landing strip trumps the pork chop in the heinous category. If I was blind, I would be happy with this dish. On the other hand, maybe not... because I wouldn't touch this meat braille with my fingers.

SOLE FRANCESE Lump Crab, Arugula-Cherry Tomato Salad, Chive-Lemon Butter. Escoffier just turned over in his crepe-lined coffin. The only French technique deployed in this dish was that the line cook haven't bathe in weeks. Doesn't the cherry tomato salad look eerily similar to the tomato salsa in the strip steak dish? The lump crab meat musta got dented while being unloaded from the back of the truck because it was stringy. The chive lemon butter took a short cut to the plate without the chives or butter... A ladle of lemon juice is good enough that the diner wouldn't noticed. You're right pal, I didn't noticed because this went straight into the garbage after the first bite and detection of tilapia.

Roasted Asparagus. This side dish showed me that the kitchen staff could do something right... But my pee didn't smell like asparagus. They can't even get that right.

Pimento-County Ham Mac & Cheese. Don't ask, don't tell... Me that this came from a box. Fuck me, it did. Why Lord, why?!

This new location for this chain is either super smart or super stupid to open up in this space in Buckhead because the food was so poorly sourced and executed that any decent person with any sense of taste would find everything on the menu and cocktail menu revolting... But that doesn't stop the countless cougars and sabertooths from seeking a sugar daddy at the bar. Oh, wait, I totally forget this was in Buckhead. Case closed. Atlanta gets what Atlanta deserves. This place will kill it.

No Rating.

3376 Peachtree Road
Atlanta, GA
404-537-2828
http://delfriscosgrille.com/atlanta

Cook Hall

There are two locations which both are inside a W Hotel. There's one in the W Dallas that replaced Tom Colicchio's Craft and here in the W Buckhead that replaced Jean-Georges' Market. We all know too well about Craft's short-lived tenure in this city. The food was decent but way over-priced for what it was, hopefully Del Frisco's can do what Craft couldn't... Or maybe not, I already know the answer to that but that's another review. J-G's Market was an underwhelming specimen that even insulted dog food manufacturers. Don't even get me started on that creasture.

So, what's this Cook Hall and what are they about? Having both Atlanta and Dallas openings in sync at the W Hotel is no coincidence. If this concept succeeds, will they replace that other shitty Jean-Georges outpost in the W Midtown? Lord knows J-G have been dreaming of that day when he can take that location off his website. Like with the other Buckhead newbie, Seven Lamps, CH's menu is much the same with the small craft food plates (aka "American Gastropub") geared more towards sharing and exploring more dishes. They also do a CH cocktail kit where you make your own drinks. I'm totally down-syndrome with that. Well? We're waiting... How was it?

First off... They have their own housemade hot sauce. That's a plus in my book already. The hot sauce was a bit watery and needed more heat for my taste because I'm a fucking freak of nature but it's totally acceptable for the masses. It will be spicy to most people.

RICCO’S MEATBALLS. Looks like a total mess you find in another type of bowl but it was quite tasty. It's almost like a fancy chili.

COOK HALL BURGER, SWEET & SPICY SAUCE. I was craving a real American burger because I was in Hong Kong for the past week. And this did the trick, the bun was a little too large on top but smush it down and you're in business. Coulda used a few more slices of gaufrettes (kinda chintzy with 4 little chips) because they were really crispy and tasty. One of the more decent burgers in town that doesn't have to be on some secret menu. Stop that shit.

DEVILED EGGS WITH GULF BLUE CRAB. Good idea, bad execution. Don't mix the crab meat in with the yolks. Just don't.

KALE CAESAR SALAD WITH EGG & PARMESAN. Pretty straight forward dish, maybe that's why it was pretty good.

PIMENTO MAC & CHEESE. I'm sick of the whole pimento cheese shit. No one likes that shit. But if it was in a mac & cheese... Won't blow your mind but I liked it. The whole texture thing was orally nice.

POPCORN SHRIMP WITH RANCH DRESSING. W. T. F... Is this? It literally was what it said it was. Cute. But once is probably more than enough. Not bad, just kinda gimmicky. Good for kids if you have any... Or a really dumb date.

CARAMELIZED CAULIFLOWER, HUMMUS. This was tasty. The cauliflower was totally transformed when flash fried. Made all the difference. Fun little side snacky thinger.

NUTELLA TORTE. Yeah, that's what she said.

BUTTERSCOTCH PUDDING. I believe you.

They did a good job with the space and menu (food and cocktail), it's simple, straight forward, no fancy words, casual, good service and a pretty decent execution on everything... I will be sampling more in the future. It's not a world class destination, it's a place to hangout grab a bite to eat and have a few libations. The only issue I have is probably the location, the valet sucks but you do get validated for 3 hours.Will this place last?

Developing...

3377 Peachtree Road NE
Atlanta, Georgia 30326
404-523-3600
http://cookhallatlanta.com/

Bantam + Biddy

They dynamic duo is back again... The seductive Shaun Doty and ravishing Lance Gummere. When word got out about their new chicken shack, I thought they were opening a brothel. Everyone in this one horse town knows their pimp hand is strong... Especially, when it comes to chicks. Lance slammed it well behind the shed and Shaun, well, you know, he got his hands on a lot of soft round buns... Some were even gluten free. But enough of their culinary prowess... I wonder if that urban legend is true. You know, the one that says the best way to eat a chick is with one leg behind each ear... Let's go investigate.

Poutine. Great fries, not enough curds, a bit over salted and overkill on the chicken gravy. I felt like I should be bobbing for curds... Someone once told me it's kinda like muff diving but less messy. A little less gravy and salt, a little more curds would make this a craveworthy dish.

Fried chicken tenders. These multi-use fried chicken digits on the menu are pretty awesome. Crispy, crunchy outside and juicy tender inside. They can finger me all day long with these hunky chubbies but they still ain't no Popeyes. The dipping sauces are pretty tasty... I like the wasabi and piri piri.

Chicken pot pie. Not the traditional pie you find around Ansley but it was full of flavor and fresh tasting. It's more of a hearty chicken soup that's topped with a girthy biscuit to "sop" up the business after you're done slurping it.

1/2 Rotisserie chicken. Never get the 1/4 because it dries out too quickly, gotta stick with the half order to do it justice. And justice it did, it's a good rotisserie chicken. Thin, golden bronze skin, a luscious blend of juicy dark and white meat all in one package... A sexy combination you don't usually find in this area. The mac 'n cheez was ok, not cheesy enough. The brussels sprouts were a little moist, dripping sweet honey glaze on my chin with every bite. For $14, this will fill your manhole for the rest of the night with no complaints from me... No walk of shame the next morning, either.

Banoffee and cherry pie. I like small pies with creamy fillings... What red blooded American male doesn't? I'm sick of the super-sized pies that are served all over town... I always feel so stretched out afterwards.

Will this hunky duo have a winning recipe in this re-imaged strip mall? Probably. This place is socially acceptable no matter what your culinary orientation is. Go grab a bite, they won't unless you ask nicely... Or not.

Pump pump...

Squirt.

1544 Piedmont Rd,  Suite 301

Atlanta, GA 30324 

404-907-3469

http://bantamandbiddy.com/

Seven Lamps

Excited to see new talent popping back up in lackluster Buckhead. Two new restaurants come to mind... Cook Hall which opened in the old Market space in the W Hotel was decent and pleasantly surprised by their grubbage. And this place, Seven Lamps, in a quiet corner spot in the Shops Around Lenox seems promising with Drew Van Leuvan at the helm. I expect nothing but the best eats from him, his street credit depends on it. The bar manager came from Southern Art - So expect above average cocktails as well. Interior is warm and cozy with an open kitchen and a small bar around. This place has all the right ingredients to kick some serious ass.

So start kicking, yo...

Amuse bouche. C'mon, they just freebies. Radishes in different forms. Cute.

TORTELLINI STUFFED WITH BRAISED CHESTNUT & MASCARPONE, vanilla macaroon, apple leather.
This was a very nice dish, probably the best dish of the night. Full of flavor and just tasty to eat... Plate after plate of it. Props to the line cook who pulled this off. We're off to a good start. Let's keep it going, yes?

LOBSTER RAMEN BROTH, fried pork, butternut squash, borlotti beans, egg.
Sounded great on paper but it turned out to be a stinging paper cut instead. Noodles not included. This is no ramen, not even close. Just call it a Lobster Broth but here's the kicker - There was no hint of lobster essence, come to think of it had no flavor at all. I assume the broth base came from the Lobster Bun (we'll get to that later). It was just an ugly soup with shit floating all around in it, kinda like a unstrained stock. If I didn't know any better, it coulda been a bowl of rusty toilet water with leftover bits. Oliver Twist laughs at this bowl of gruel. Still can't figure out that firm-boiled half egg and it's purpose.

Oh dear, I sense we're heading off a cliff...

BUTTERED LOBSTER BUN celery aioli, steamed brioche.
I lurv me a good lobster roll/bun, but in this town they are a crap shoot, they mostly suck a really hard schlong. Asked the server how big this was, he said "about 3 bites" and up sold us to get 2 to make sure everyone had a good taste of this. The "bun" was like a lump of raw naan dough pressed in a George Foreman grill that was unplugged. They said the chef likes it "yeasty and doughy". Whatchu talkin' about Willis? My friend said it reminded him of a "wet diaper". I concur but it was more like an old man's full wet diaper. This bun was absolutely horrid and inedibly. It looked like what a fly would regurgitate. The lobster meat on the other hand was decent, tender, lightly dressed but not very flavorful. I would even take Optimist's lobster roll over this... Well, let's not get too bat shit crazy here. Just keep it simple and classic with a nice buttery toasted bun and try not to get all advant-garde about a receipt that is already pretty much perfect. But this town somehow keeps fucking it up with the exception of one place which is located in the ghetto of all places.

BAKED PECORINO TOSCANO CHEESE cedar, chanterelle mushrooms, pickled pearls, truffle honey.
Is this a joke? Why is this single serving of cheese that seemed like it was previously wrapped in plastic sitting on a block of wood with a ton of mushrooms and pearl onions on top? The superstar is the cheese or am I wrong? The hair thin slice of pecorino basically glued itself to the wood plank from the application of heat and any attempts to lift it off included a few slivers of splinters for garnish. Besides this mess of an idea, the shrooms where tasty but the pearl onions were basically raw and barely pickled. Truffle honey... C'mon, it's almost 2013.

POTATO ZEPPOLE warm potato crème, green onions.
What a waste of money and pouch space. Fried dough with a tiny squirt of this tasteless spooge that barely identified as potato...creme. Sounded like such a fun little dish but it fell flat hard.

Can it get worse? Let's wait for the next dish...

CANNELLONI braised octopus, spanish chorizo, spicy escarole, tomato, horseradish.
Nice looking dish. A decent tasting dish that could be so much more if it included the star ingredients. Not a piece of octopus to be found. Fail. Chorizo turned out to be bacon bits. Double fail.

After sampling a handful of dishes, with only one clear winner of the night (is this menu too large to handle for a place this size?)... Do we dare take another risk and order more off the menu since we were still extremely hungry? I think the server realized this visit was a failure overall since we decided to cut our losses and head somewhere we knew would deliver the goods. He offered a dessert on the house. We declined. He offered a future app on the house. A respectable move, bro, but soon forgotten. The drink menu put me to sleep, so ask for a classic cocktail instead. If you can't think of one, there's always Hitachino if it's in stock. I didn't get why they wanted every server to learn how to make drinks, I understand their thinking in this but an efficient resto is when everyone knows their position in the hierarchy. We sat there forever to get 2 cocktails, 1 jerk ginger beer and a tea.

This first impression left me depressed. The chef himself wasn't even present at his own brand spanking new resto... You would think a chef/owner would be there open til close everyday for at least 6 months to make sure everything is spot on until the team gets their groove on. This seems to be a trend with Atlanta chefs/owners these days.

I am not writing them off yet, they seem genuinely passionate about what they're doing... Just keep working on it and deliver it next time. I hope... Or not.

3400 Around Lenox Road, No. 217
Atlanta, GA 30326
404-467-8950
http://www.sevenlampsatl.com/