A lot of people were sad and mad when Hector closed up Pura Vida. The food/tapas there was real solid and definitely one the better grubberies intown if not around all of Atlanta. He's a good cook and had a great thing going with Pura Vida and Super Pan but greedy little slumlord motherfuckers always want to squeeze the last drop of blood from you when you're finally making a little scratch. That's when big H said scratch these cojones. So, this town lost a great place to chow because of greed... But will this prime location ever get a decent eatery back in the space. Let's take a first look at the newest BBQ joint intown. The space is built out pretty nice, looks like a respectable Que joint. I liked the bar, it had booze in it. Too bad the bartender was too busy putting together called in lunch orders to go instead of putting in my order at the bar. Not blaming the guy but couldn't they get one of the 10 servers just sitting around pulling their puds to put to-go orders together for pick up? There's customers waiting at the bar, a couple even walked out because of the wait. What genius put this work flow together, the Hamburglar?
Smoked Wings. I woulda gone with anything besides the BBQ sauce (spicier the better) but my buddy wanted BBQ sauce instead... Wow, what an adventurous eater. Dick. Who am I kidding this guy would eat cardboard and tell me it was good. Besides the boring as shit BBQ sauce the wings weren't half bad. Plump, tender and a hint of smoke... Or was that just the smelly hobo sitting a couple chairs down from me? They were not fully smoked, more like finished off in a smoker. But at the end of the day, I would order more of these with a different sauce.
Pulled Chicken Texas Sando. My buddy wanted to be cool and be gluten free for lunch since we're in hipster land... So he starts pulling all the chicken out on the tray and he finds a ginormous rib bone. It was like the size of Peter North's wang. He woulda definitely been dead if he tried to swallow that boner. Even the pros can barely do it, what chance does he have? If he asked for white sauce on the side, I woulda walked out. Peter North has blinded women before, one even drowned. I'm not down with that. So, I had a few bites of the chicken, a real snooze fest when it comes to a BBQ chicken. Bland and chewy, no hint of smoke... And this is coming from a fatso who loves cheekan! The pickles had a weird taste to them, formaldehyde perhaps? The fries were decent.
Brisket Plate. I hate BBQ places that does not do any meat combo... Who doesn't love a sampler? Especially, Denny's sampler plate at 3AM. This place does one meat only and you have to order extra meat a la carte by the weight if you want a taste. It is just a fucking sham to make more money off you suckaz. What's even more of a fuck me in the ass deal here is that they charge $2 extra if you want brisket. That motherfucking brisket better be laced in gold and shaved poontang. So, this is what came out... Let's get to the sides first. I got the mac and Brunswick stew... The mac was pretty decent, not bad at all. But the B-stew was pretty watery, too sweet and oily. Is it really that hard to make a decent stew? You're a friggin BBQ joint, c'mon. I can make a kickass pot of that shit but sometimes I'm lazy and just rather pay someone else to deliver the goods. Heirloom has a real kick ass one. And you're prolly wondering what about the brisket... The next slide, pweez.
Look at this specimen. I think I dated this hag back in the late 80's, looks like it's still around except with flatter buns... I paid $2 extra for these dry meat flaps? It was like going down on Phyllis Diller. No bark, a thin smoke ring, no moisture whatsoever except for the little blob of fat dangling on the bottom like a hemorrhoid. Anyone got a rubber band? I could barely cut these pieces apart, let alone get them down. I should have the chiseled jaw of the original RoboCop with the amount of time it took me to masticate this protein. I barely made it through 2 flaps before I called it quits.
Pulled Pork. The brisket was an epic fail, my hopes for the pulled pork on first impression died like the cow whence the brisket came from. Dry and chewy seems to be the ongoing theme here. Where is the bucket of drippings? I just wanted to toss everything in it to get some moisture back into the meats. I don't know what the date stamp on this pile of kindling was but it must be vintage. No amount of table sauce coulda reanimated this basket case. Speaking of the two sauces.. the regular BBQ was HFCS heaven, the vinegary one was just Summers Eve with lady bits in there... Both pretty forgettable.
Besides the wings and mac, the main attractions were all pretty much let downs on this visit. I don't know what's going on here because my previous encounters with them at Auburn market were pretty decent. Maybe they resorted to short cuts to compensate for the higher volume. Maybe this visit was a fluke but I don't believe it. If all you do is BBQ, everything should be consistently good or consistently bad. There's no in between... Unless someone was on dope that day or banging the help in the back. I know they can do better, I've tasted it before... Maybe I'll go back when they're back on their old game.
656 N. Highland Ave.
Atlanta, GA 30306
678-515-3550
http://sweetauburnbbq.com/
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