Buena Gente Cuban Bakery

This little strip mall is becoming quite the little culinary hub. You got Ms. Icey's, Po'Boy Shop, Community Q, Mela Ethiopian Kitchen, Pyng Ho, Brew and Bird (how the fuck is this dump still alive?), and Hiro Ramen & Tea Bar is coming sooooon... It sounds like a food haven but this strip mall has also seen it's fair share of restaurant turnovers over the years. Many different concepts have come and gone, the one that I wished would have stuck around was Janet's Kitchen, one of the few Filipino restos to be had in this one horse town. Now, Mela took over that space.. Which I still have to try. Ethiopian cuisine saw some nice media coverage at the end of 2019 and coming into 2020 and then COVID hit... Which we all know what that shitshow did to the entire service industry. But that didn't stop all small business owners from opening up new concepts in a very challenging environment. 

Fine dining in this town is basically dead... Not that it was ever booming at any point in time in this city. French cuisine in Atlanta still pisses me off, passing off fake Fronch shit and billing it as authentic French cuisine and techniques like Lane Meyer's mom... Peru! Fuck, why the hell not? It's not like any of these mossbacks in da ATL would even know the difference between fromage and fromunda cheese. I can still remember like it was yesterday when Cafe Alsace in Decatur served me canned green beans as haricot verts many many moons ago, but it did say "French Style" on the can in the garbage... Then, naturally, I demanded for some French's Fried Onions to go with it, on the side of course, I'm a ballbuster, not a barbarian.

The entire year of 2020, so far, has been dominated by casual and comfort foods that have been doing takeout mostly. Come to think of it, I am kinda sick of fancy overpriced grub that I have been suckered into paying for over the decades. Just remember, most of the ingredients are nothing special, you're just paying for the people watching and ambiance of the place. This fat fuck has reduced itself to cooking a lot at home and also picking up takeout from local mom and pop shops. Hell, they need the community support more than the investors backed big name restos and I'm all down for that. Fast food joints have been loving this goat rodeo of a year... Chick-fil-A has seen a big surge in business. Popeyes ain't hurting, either, they are swamped every time I go there or drive by one. Bojangles and Zaxby's, both, seem to be doing about the same amount of business. Why are all the chains mentioned have something to do with cheekan, almighty marsupial? That's because the Pouch gives zero clucks about the other fast food dumps that does not specialize in fwied cheekan.   

A few small business owners with big cojones said, Fuck COVID! and decided to open projects they have been working on before the pandemic vs. closing them like most up and running ones. This Cuban food truck recently opened their brick and motar in the old Nectar space. It's small and cozy with a very simple operation. The opening weekend was a mad house with a line that stretched all the way down to Brew and Bird. All I wanted was a Cuban sando and this fat fuck was thinking.. "C'mon, it's Decatur. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again... We're not going to Moscow." The Pouch musta been drinking cough syrup all morning if it thinks it can get in and get out quick. I looked at the line and said, fuck this noise... It's just a fucking sandwich. So, I went to PAB for their excellent $5 Cubano, instead. I went back to BGC after a few days and went early during a week day and it wasn't bad. Ordered my shit and waited outside for my to-go order. Got my shit and went home to check out the stash... Hope this shit was worth the hype...

Guava & Cream Cheese Pastelito and Beef Empanada. The pastelito was flaky, maybe too flaky, because it almost fell apart and disintegrated on the first bite... Who's the baker, Boba Fett? The guava and cream cheese filling was plentiful and not skimpy found at most other joints where they just stick it in and do a quick pump and squirt. The filling here reached all corners of the triangle. The beef empanada was also filled quite nicely, it had a nice amount of flavorful and seasoned ground beef. Both specimens were winners and the pricing was not too bad, either.

Medianoche, roasted mojo pork, bolo ham, swiss, pickles & mustard pressed on Cuban bread. I know, I know, why didn't the Pouch get the Cuban sando??? That's because I just had one from PAB. Plus, I was curious about the medianoche here. It's basically the Cuban with a softer egg dough bread, instead. The color of the bread looked great and the portion size was spot on. This sando looked promising at first glance... Let's see what's under the hood. 

Side view of the innards... Not too shabby. Nicely stuffed with the proper fillers. Took a bite and the bread didn't disappoint. It has a nice slight crunch on the outside and the soft savory meats on the inside. This was a pretty damn good sando. All the flavors were present and the swiss cheese had a melt and pull. The entire package was well made but the bread was the real winner here.

Pan con Lechon, roasted mojo pork and onions on Cuban bread. This looked interesting... It reminded me of an upscale Hot Pocket. Sometimes, you don't need more than 3 ingredients to be an amazing sando. Let's take a peek inside.

Side shot. Oh, yeah... Look at that crusty pressed bread and the manmeat filler with a sprinkling of minced onions that reminded me of the re-hydrated minced onions found in McDonald's burgers. There's just something addictive about them Mickey D's onions when I was growing up, I think they were laced with PCP or Angel dust back in the mid to late 1900's or the 70-80's to you millennials. This pork sando may look simple but it was packed with flavor... And I loved it with the crispy pressed Cuban bread.  

I like this place. It's doing it right and not dumbing it down for the gringos. The pricing and portions are pretty much spot on but if they go over $12 a sando, I will have to take it off my rotation... Because PAB still has the best $5 Cuban in this town. This is a definite addition to this tiny strip mall which is basically a food hall by any definition. The sandwich competition here is fierce.

Squirt.

1365 Clairmont Rd 

Decatur, GA 30033

https://www.buenagenteatl.com/

Spicy Chicken McNuggets

Rumor has it that the new promotional Spicy Chicken McNuggets supply is running dangerously low.. Rut Ruh.. Which only means this was another triple dog dare for the Pouch provoked by the Gods... I think I'm atheist, so, I have no clue which god was challenging me but I assume it's probably the sewer goddess, Cloacina... Since, the McRib season is not yet upon us, I guess I will have to accept this challenge. Fuck me, I can't even recall the last time I had a McNugget... I think it was in the late 1900's. These all "white meat" chicken nuggets with a crispy tempura batter tastes ok with the first two or three but then the rest starts to decompose rather quickly once they get cold... But science has proven that they don't mold (as with all McDonald's products) and still quite edible even after sitting around for years in a controlled environment. 

Ok, let's get to work... Let's see what their website say about the new Spicy McNuggets... 

"Breaded in a light and crispy batter that's boldly flavored with cayenne and chili peppers, these Spicy Chicken McNuggets deliver the heat along with the flavor you love. And for the flavor-thrill seekers, we proudly offer our new Mighty Hot Sauce."

Unfortunately, they were out of the Mighty Hot Sauce... But I heard it wasn't all that, kinda like all their HFCS dipping sauces. But you can't eat McNuggets alone and dry (like I usually do with all meals), you have to have some type of lubricant to wash it down your throat... The only people in the world that can eat these nuggets dry are porn stars. They keep telling me to relax the throat muscles but I kept gagging like a donkey trying to swallow a whole carrot. No wonder why they get paid the big bucks because they know how to fuck... I'm totally ok with just a couple of pumps and a squirt. But, anyways, I still asked them to throw in an assortment of sauces..

Fuck me... Why am I doing this to myself, again? Oh, yeah... I can't let my one fan down...

Time to compare and contrast the original to the new spicy McNuggets... Why did I get the goddamn 10 piece box, shoulda went with the 6 piece, instead... Oh, dear lord, please don't let me get IBS-D after eating this... Shit, who am I kidding.. That's like every time I eat. Thanks, Xifaxan, you did it again!

I'm pretty sure these weren't the golden rays of light coming out of Marsellus Wallace's briefcase when Vincent opened it up... The only Bad Mother Fucker here is the one that can keep these nuggets down. I can feel my pouch churning already... I shoulda took Lloyd Dobler's advice against anything processed... And yes, kickboxing is the sport of the future. My future is the toilet...

The Spicy- The color is more orangy (I think I see Trump's face on one of the nuggets) which I assume it's from the cayenne and chili pepper powder mixed into the batter/crust. Took a bite without any sauce and it does have a small hint on spice. I mean it's not spicy at all but you can tell their test kitchen was ordered by the higher ups to come up with a gimmick to compete with and try to capture some of the market share from the incredibly popular spicy chicken trend. The artificial taste and crunch of the "tempura" batter is unmistakable even after all these years... It still leaves the same after taste and film in your mouth. The white meat cheekan is so processed that it still looks and tastes like shredded soggy loose leaf paper. Look, the McNugget is great when you're drunk or high as fuck but when you're sober or actually have a palate... They are pretty much forgettable. That's why you have to sauce the shit outta them. The spicy McNuggets are not worth a second visit.

Damn, I wished I was on drugs... Well, there's always spray paint and a brown lunch bag. No review necessary for these regular McNuggets, you motherfuckers know what they taste like... But if y'all must, re-read the review above but without the sprinkling of "cayenne and chili peppers for those flavor-thrill seekers". Why did I decide to go sober today... Pouch, you fat dumb fuck. Make sure you wipe from front to back...

Splash.

Flush. 

Popeyes Hot Honey Chicken

I can't believe I'm admitting this... Wait, who am I kidding? I'll admit anything to my one reader because I have no shame... And also, because no one reads this farcical food blog anyways. I can say out loud that I wrestle with naked barn animals on the weekends and no one will even bat an eye. It's like the tree that falls in the forest, did it really make a noise... Kinda like farting in a really loud stadium... Hmm. But anyhoo... This shapely cheekanhead slut has been cheating on Popeyes for over a month now. I know what y'all's next question is because Enquiring minds wanna know! Soooo,what disgusting, fowl, home-wrecking hooker has the Pouch been bumping fuglies with lately in this COVID climate? Well, it's none other than the best supermarket fwied cheekan in the state... Publix. 
Shit, I'm not ashamed to say it, Publix has some goddamn tasty fwied cheekan when it's freshly fried. The 8 piece mixed box is the classic go-to, but if you ask nicely they may even just give you all dark meat and sometimes they throw in a couple extra pieces to make up for the premium "white meat" that roundeyes prefer... Let's just call it reparations for political cluckness. 

I still can't believe I haven't been to a Popeyes for that long... What the fuck is wrong with you, Pouch? But it's OK, though, because the Publix substitute was good enough to keep me going for weeks... I'm like Brad Pitt (only in looks) in Interview with a Vampire where he only eats rats and other small marsupials instead of humans to sustain him... Hey, sewer rats and nutria may taste like chicken potpie. But I'll never know cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfuckers... In public, anyways.

Sooo, Popeyes has been plastering the airwaves with their finger licking good commercials, errr, was that the other cheekenslut? No matter, so, Popeyes has been showing off their new gimmick... The Hot Honey Chicken. C'mon, bro, who are you kidding here? It's just the regular fwied cheekan with sweet hot sauce squirted on it. What idiot would wobble over there for it? This fat fuck, that's who... Well, it finally gives me a reason to make a visit since I haven't been in so long. I went to the one on Clairmont and the shit was packed... And I mean in the Bulldogs/Blake's kinda way. There was no social distancing up in that motherclucker at all... Then one of the cheekan wenches behind the counter said, "The wait for chicken will be an hour!" I'm like WTC?!! Yes, I said, what the cluck behind my mask.. So, I slid out of that greasy glory hole and went to the one near Northlake and it was almost as crowded but I stayed put because I am too fat to move any further. I got my shit and looked in the bag to make sure everything was there... Motherfuckers, they fucked me on the spicy chicken sando (Yes, I got the chick sando as well)... I went back up to the packed counter and told the non-binary creasture that they forgot my sando and they got a bit pissy and went back to make the missing sando. I wanted to walk the fuck out because it was such a shit show in there but fuck that noise, I paid my money for it, I want it, I need it, the Pouch demands no sando, no peace. The dude, err, I mean they put the sando in my bag and off I went... Got home and laid the spread out to feast my eyeballs... Fuck it, let's eat after all that shit... No wonder I haven't been back to Pops in so long. One thing's for sure, they ain't going out of business any time soon in the time where every resto is closing for good. 

I opened the box like there was a dick in there and this is what I got... A lightly squirted piece of chicken of the hot honey sauce... Jesus, I sure got dicked in this box. That ghetto pigeon wing only got a little squirt in the eye. I tasted the hot honey sauce and it was weak as fuck... OK, time for doctor Pouch to do a little surgery...

Luckily, I always ask for extra hot sauce because these mooks working there can't be trusted to do anything right... Aaaahhh, now that looks like a masterpiece... And I will probably be taking a master piece of shit later after eating this hellfire. The hot honey sauce is a joke, the hot sauce packets were spicier than that shit... But, but, it's Popeyes fwied cheekan, still some of the best yardbirds around. The cajun rice was a bit dry and coulda use some Cajun Sparkle which I forgot to ask for once again but I still ate that shit.

I got a box of the plain and unadulterated to compare and contrast... And to make sure their chicken is just as good as it has always been... Yep, still the best fast food fried chicken in all the lands. But I drowned it in hot sauce after a couple bites because I need my heat. I ordered the red beans and rice and they gave me taters and gravy... Shit, did I go to the wrong party because it looks like someone stuck their dick in the mashed purtaters... 

The Spicy Chicken Sando kinda looks smaller now... The first 3 that I had were huge pieces of chicken in there. This was like a big fried chicken ball. It still tastes good but it's really not as crave worthy as all the influencers claim to be on social media for months and months... Yeah, I said influencers because they are the authority on all things culinary... Sure, Pouch, sure..

I don't know what the fuck's going with all the Popeyes during the pandemic but they are literally slaying it... I have yet to drive by a Popeyes that is never crowded. Maybe it has something to do with the best goddamn fried chicken from a fast food joint. And I ate all of this in one sitting... Love that chicken! Goddamn, right, Pouch... You disgusting slob.

Three Mountain Yellow Sriracha and Samyang Buldak HOT Chicken Flavor Sauce

The Pouch has never endorse any products on this ridiculous blog but since everyone has been cooking at home more than anytime in history, I thought these two products might be of interest for people who love hot sauces... Wait, I mean my one reader who may or may not like hot sauces...
Every woke roundeye has appropriated the Huy Fong "rooster" sriracha chili sauce as their discovery and have been stocking their pantry with the Asian ketchup for a few years now because they are now "in the know", but they are still not keen to their other two products, sambal oelek and chili garlic sauces, which in this fat slob's opinion are far more superior than their ubiquitous sriracha.... That shit is for the fucking amateurs and plebs. Don't get me wrong, that shit is still pretty good but I ain't using it as much as I did in the past... I use it mostly for burgers, hot dogs and fries these days, it's good for bland fatty American foods.
The Pouch has always made it's own homemade hot sauces from a variety of peppers like the bhut jolokia, pot, scorpion, reaper, viper, and naga morich because I have yet to find a store bought hot sauce that could hit like 3 million scoville units... Yes, there are some crazy hot capsaicin concentrates or oil extracts, but those aren't considered sauces, though.. But that doesn't mean I'm not always on the look out for new and interesting hot sauces on the store shelves whether it's ultra hot or just flavorful enough for certain foods, it really depends on what you want to pair it with. The two newest ones that I actually wanted to buy and try were a yellow sriracha and a hot chicken sauce... C'mon, that's a no brainer... Sold!
Let's take a first look and taste and see if it's worth the non-biodegradable plastic it's filled in...

Three Mountains Brand Spicy Yellow Sriracha Chilli Sauce. When I saw this all I could think of was a passage from one of Velvet Jones' Harlequin romance novels because I am such a romantic... "I saw them sitting on the shelf at H Mart. Dare I approach them? My heart pounded inside my chest. I felt a burning in my loins I had never felt before. Thus, I realized I had been... Kicked in the Pouch by Love."
A yellow sriracha chilli sauce? Sheee-it... I would buy it just for the shear novelty of it. But is it just a gimmick to get shoppers to buy it? Fuck yeah it is... But I didn't care. Take my money, motherfuckers! The had a small bottle size which was tempting just to try it and if it sucked who cares... But the Pouch doesn't go small on anything and went with the big bottle. Lucky I did because I was back the following week and both the big and small bottles were all out of stock. The secwet was out... In the words of Judge Smails, "Weeeeell?! We're waiting...". The Pouch friggin' loved it. It's not very spicy but the flavors were pretty awesome. It's more tangy and runny than the common red sriracha. It's one of the original sriracha from Thailand and the ingredients are all natural (yellow chilli, sugar, garlic, vinegar, salt). I have been squirting this shit on everything from fwied cheekan, wangz, tacos, flied lice, noodles, seafood, dog meat, titties... So fucking guud. Git it... If you can find it, suckaz!

Samyang Buldak Extremely Spicy HOT Chicken Flavor Sauce (Halal approved). First off, I friggin lurv the mouth flame-breather cheekan with the most fobby hairdo ever holding an ACME bomb with a lit fuse. Second, did y'all say "HOT chicken flavor sauce"... A spicy sauce dedicated to chicken? Fuck yeah, I'll buy that for a dollar or five. They have a regular original spicy chicken sauce with the black label but fuck that pussy shit... I want the "extremely spicy" chicken sauce because I want to feel the tingle in my loins and the growls in my pouch...
Let's see what's inside... Ingredients: Sauce (100%): water, artificial chicken flavor, corn syrup, soy sauce, soybean oil, onion, decolorized chili extract, garlic, paprika extract, green tea flavor oil.
Hmm, I don't know WTF decolorized chili extract is but it sounds pretty processed and colon cleansing... No matter, I have eaten so much weird shit in my measly life that would make a billy goat puke. This is child's play compared to the heinous shit that has gone down my throat and out the brown eye. I'm excited to try this chickenhead juice... They say to shake it well like a shake weight. The sauce is long, dark and thick as molasses... That's what she said. I had some leftover Publix fwied cheekan and it was the perfect vehicle to test this chicken lips sauce... And of course, I glazed an entire leg with it. Big mistake because this chicken sauce was surprisingly spicy. I guess that decolorized chili extract was pretty potent. I searched around to find a Scoville Heat Unit level for this and found nothing... But the comparable 2X Spicy Hot Chicken Flavor Ramen is listed as 10,000 SHU... And that shit was pretty hot. But I don't think they are using the SHU chart correctly because the 2X Hot Chicken ramen is way hotter than a serrano pepper which is between 8,000 to 12,000 SHU, it was more in the range of a habanero at 150,000+ SHU... Are these Coreans using metric or SAE for their SHU rating? Anyways, this Hot Chicken Flavor sauce is a keeper. Would I buy it again? Probably not after I finish it because my homemade sauces are much more spicier. But I would suggest it to noobs who were looking for something different, ethnic and spicy enough to make them cry for their mama's.
Speaking of crying... I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight, again... Like usual. I may be lonely but I ain't gonna be alone tonight with these two beauties. Pump pump... Squirt.

Man Chun Hong

So, the COVID "experts" like Dr. Fauci and Greta Thunberg say that the old geezers and heifers are at a greater risk of contracting the Coronavirus because they are frail, weak, obeast and flatulent... Well, if that is true, then I guess the Pouch is shit outta luck because this fat fuck ain't getting any younger, skinnier or less gassy in quarantine... I think the official medical term is IBS-Q. Every time, I play the ass bagpipes, Alexa keeps telling me that strong thunderstorms are possible this evening. Jesus Christ, no wonder why I am so lonely.. Can y'all imagine this corpulent slob hanging around the home trough all day long for days on end, mass consuming anything and everything in the fridge and cupboards. I'm like the Coneheads, but the cone in my case is coming out from my marsupial pouch...
I can't stand it anymore, it's time to get out like Jordan Peele and eat some real oriental grub... My thinking is that the further out on Buford Hwy I go, the safer it will be. Where to go, where to go... Shit, the better question to ask is what the fuck is open these days? Our government officials, like the governor and mayor, have opposing views on how and when to reopen the economy, especially, the service industry... But should we be listening to anyone who has tested positive for C19?
It still amazes me on how many motherfuckers are still running around the city and state without masks in high density areas like Piedmont Park, the Beltline and bars and restaurants that are open. There are thousands of people hanging out within inches of each other at the park every weekend and not one cocksucker have a mask on... And these are the same social justice warriors who go on social media telling people what to do and how to live their lives because they are socially and morally superior than anyone else. And then I watch them go into a bar on 10th sitting shoulder to shoulder with their friends without masks on... I think y'all can figure out who's a fraud and who's not. Just do what y'all need to do to protect yourselves... I'm not your mother and neither is the government because they got no fucking clue on how to solve this, they just know how to blame everyone else for their incompetence.
Let's get back on track here, Pouch... This stupid ass blog is about grub, so, let's get to the eats already you fat fuck... I know my one reader has been dying for new beat off material for a long long time. The Pouch has been in radio silence for awhile since all this shit started but the Pouch will never stop eating and reporting all that's fit to eat... Even if it takes awhile to update this deplorable blog. Hopefully, my one fan is still with us in this one horse town. So, I have been busy supporting and eating takeout from the local mom and pop shops... But one thing I haven't done is eat in at one of the few places that are doing dine-in. I will not dine-in anywhere ITP because a lot of intown people are dicks and they have no respect for anyone else except themselves. If I were to dine-in somewhere it would be for food that is worth the risk since it would probably be my last meal. So, what cuisine will the Pouch risk life and sausage limbs to dine-in? Would it be Mexican't, French, American, Greek, Eyetalian or Southern? Fuck all that shit, y'all, know it would the one and only Asian vittles. Like with all restos, there's not a lot of oriental restos that are open for dine-in at this moment... But I have been keeping up with a few restos that are up Buford Hwy...
Seoul Plaza has been around for a long time with mostly the same restos in this small strip mall over the years... The only joint that is constantly in flux is the sushi place that has been turned over more than a 2 dollar whore. The one place I haven't been back to in a while is Man Chun Hong, a hybrid Chino-Corean joint... They have been renovating the space since the beginning of the year and coincidentally Covid hit right in the middle of their renovations which could be seen as a silver lining. They used the time when everything was closed to finish up their renovation. They reopened a few weeks ago and put in place all the protocols for dine-in visits. They take your temp before you can enter and they have hand sanitizer and wipes. The dining room has been totally redone with high back booths which is a perfect barrier from other nasty mouth breathers. The place was not crowded, maybe 2 tables with diners spread apart and I felt pretty comfortable eating in here, especially, for my first time for dine-in.
Let's get the fuck in there, order the shit and gobble it down quick... I hope they are still good as they were before...

Pork Dumplings. Boiled dumplings with pork and veggies, $8. These plain old looking mini boiled dumps doesn't look like much but they sure were addictive... It's like popcorn cheekan, you just can't eat one. Mix some soy sauce and a good amount of vinegar to give it an extra kick to your facehole.

Sweet & Sour Pork. Fried pork with our special sweet & sour sauce with mixed veggies, $18. This was a pretty hefty portion of cwispy fwied prok. The sauce is on the side so you can pour it on right before you eat it... No one likes soggy fried pork that has been sitting around waiting to get to the table. Damn, it looks friggin dericious... I ain't waiting any longer, pour that shit on, you fleshy weeble-wobble...

Pour some sweet & sour sauce on meat... Ooh, in the name of pork.. C'mon, eat me up.. I can't get enough.. I'm fat, sticky sweet.. From my snout to my pouch, yeah.. Oink oink. This was a wonderful dish. It's not like the authentic Chinese sweet & sour pork with the brown sauce, this Korean version has a lighter color sauce but it's a lot more tangy. Just dericious.

Jja Jjang Myun. Stir fried black bean paste with pork, onions but without starch and homemade noodles made with spinach, $11. You can't come to a Corean joint without ordering this classic dish. What makes them different with their version here is the spinach green noodles. Just gorgeous looking... Even after mixing it all up with the black bean paste which coats the noodles evenly and consistent with each bite. It was also a huge portion. Pro-tip: They have combos- you can get an order of the s&s pork and jia jjang myun for a discounted price but same size portions as the a la carte... Fuck yeah.

Szechuan Spicy Fried Eggplant. Spicy, fried eggplants with cilantro and Szechuan peppercorns, $18. At first glance, it was kinda pricey for fried eggplant sticks but when it came out the portion was ginormous... At least twice the normal size at other Szechuan joints around town. They were ultra crispy and thick and tasted really good... But they were just a tad over fried where the crust was almost too hard on a few pieces. Not that it was bad, far from it, but when this dish is executed perfectly, you will want to keep sliding down eggplant after eggplant down your throat... Remember, relax the throat and let it slide in naturally... That's what Jenna Jameson always told me.

Mapa Tofu (Korean style with pork). Spicy, silken tofu with spicy bean paste, garlic, ginger and scallions, $14. There's also the Chinese style with Szechuan peppercorns or the Korean style without... Go with the Korean style for $4 less and it tastes just as good. It doesn't say it has pork on the menu but it does. Look at the vibrant color of that spicy red bean paste... Give me a bowl of rice, STAT... I'm starving like a Gap girl. It has just the right amount of spiciness for a normal human being but this marsupial pouch could go up a couple more notches on the heat scale. It was still very tasty and I inhaled half of this huge portion... I don't know if this is normal but the kitchen has been very generous on the portions for every dish that has came out. I ain't complaining, I just wished more restos did the same!

Shan City Style Chili Chicken. Spicy, special Szechuan style chicken with Chinese peppers, Szechuan peppercorns, garlic and ginger, $17. One of my favorite Szechuan dishes but a lot of places cut the chicken pieces up so small that it's mostly crust than chicken... But this specimen had perfect bite size fwied cheekan pieces where you could actually taste the meat. It looked spicy but it needed more Szechuan peppercorns to bring it to the next level... Oh, I'm not saying it wasn't good because I gobbled this entire dish down. It was more than acceptable and they didn't overload it with the dried red chilis which are more for looks and filler than taste... And I loved it. Shit, my fat ass love anything fried and cheekan.

I don't know if it was covid that closed down restos or the quarantine that kept people home cooking for months but every dish I have sampled on my first dine-in visit has been excellent... And I ain't kissing their ass, either, because I don't know if they went downhill since my last visit many many moons ago. But y'all know what, I have been missing out all this time. Don't make the same mistake I made, get your ass back in there and eat their excellent Chino-Corean grub... Or get take out if you're overly worried about the covid. Either way, it ain't gonna hurt my feelings... Unless, you're unwilling to share their tasty dishes with others.

Pump pump... Squirt.

5953 Buford Hwy NE
#105
Atlanta, GA 30340
https://www.manchunhong.com/

J Bistro

I was really in the mood for some morsels of bat, civet, cobra or pangolin in hot oil... Nothing is more satisfying than an adorable Chinese anteater in a spicy broth. Where to go, where to go in these trying times where resto closures are the norm, hmmm... Luckily, I went to H Mart before the shit got serious to pick up a few things and noticed that the new J Bistro was opened for lunch. They were in their soft opening period (what a crazy time to open a new resto) and not many people were in there... Perfect for social distancing... Which I have been practicing for the last 50 years, now, it's the Pouch's time to shine... Eating alone like usual, kinda like my only fan reading this stupid blog.
The space is modern with an open kitchen that has a glass window so you don't get splattered with hot boiling oil that your skin starts peeling off like that guy who took a toxic waste bath in Robocop or get your eyebrows singed off like Whoopi Goldberg from the jet engine wok burner. The lunch menu consists a mix of half Sichuan and half slutty Chino dishes. They have a real dinner menu but it is all in Chinese... So, why do they even have Americanized Chino dishes then if they are trying to cater to the ex-pats? Maybe it was an honest mistake or maybe it was calculated on their part during this pandemic to limit the number of gwailos from coming in during their soft opening. Which they quietly admitted to the Pouch for now... I like their style. But I really don't care because I wanted lunch, now... Let's take a first look and see if the vittles are worthy for a revisit after all the covidiots still gathering in mass at Piedmont Park and the Beltline have died off... Then maybe the wait at Shoya might actually be bearable after all this shit is over with. See, there's always a silver lining in every pandemic.
Let's go eat some exotic creastures (courtesy of Joe Exotic) from J Bistro's wet market...

Nevermind the misspelling... But goddamn Pavcake for $9.50? It better have a 5 dollar bill in the middle. Fuck that noise... Next.

Who doesn't love a fried leg over rice? But today, I was craving a fried arm... Too bad they just ran out of baby arms because the supply chain is quite challenging these days for infant parts, but infant spines are readily available for designer handbags, though. I guess I'll have to order something else over rice... Looks like they have their own version of the Taiwanese Lu Rou Fan. Hmm... Sold!

Braised Minced Pork Over Rice, $7. This is a Szechuan joint but somehow this looked pretty legit. It was a hefty bowl of savory minced pork which was basically the classic Taiwainese lu rou fan. This bowl will definitely fill a normal sized person up but the Pouch is not human... Marsupials can usually eat 3 or 4 times the amount of a puny human in once sitting.

Szechuan Hot Boiled Fish, $10. This is a great deal for lunch. There was a ton of white fish in there. The bright red color can scare a roundeye into thinking that it will be spicy as fuck but it turned out pretty muted. I'm not saying it wasn't spicy but it was definitely not slant spicy level. It was tasty nonetheless and I almost ate all of it... Slow down, you fat fuck... You still got more dishes coming...

Beef Noodle Soup, $10. A classic Chino noodle soup that is always a must try at a new Chino joint. Most people will associate the beef noodle soup as the national dish of Taiwan but it's origins are from Lanzhou... Which begs the question- Does it stand up to LanZhou Ramen's beef noodle soup? Yes and no. The generous portion of beef chunks were savory and tender. The beef broth was good but it could use a bit more of richness, aka flavor and complexity... But it's way better than the brown dishwater LanZhou calls beef broth, nowadays. But here's the real difference between the two- LanZhou Ramen's knife sliced noodles are far more superior than these spaghetti western noodles here. Not that it was bad but nothing can compare to LanZhou's "hond" pulled noodles... But here's the sad part, LanZhou is still pretty good but I stopped going there because of the roundeye appropriation that happened before the pandemic. Maybe I will make another visit after the quarantine. This beef noodle soup is totally serviceable if y'all need a quick fix... It will do.

Braised Pork Buns, $6. Fuck me... I was so fucking good till the end. I avoided ordering the most appropriated Asian street snack since I sat down... Every motherfucking resto in Atlanta has some form of steamed pork buns on their menu and it's insulting as fuck because pizza joints shouldn't be doing Oriental grub... But the fat fuck in me couldn't resist since I was in a real Chino joint. I was curious as hell if it will be good or bad... I had to do it for my one reader. And it was the worst decision made during this first visit. It's like seeing a blonde broad down the street walking towards you...It looks good from afar, but far from good. When I saw the server bringing these out from 20 feet away, they looked like Charlize Theron walking the runway for Dior but when it got on the table it looked like Aileen from Monster... Woof. At first glance, they looked ok... But upon closer inspection, the buns were cold, soggy and gummy. The braised pork belly chunks looked generous but it was 90% fat. Even after cutting off half the fat it still looked like a stick of Wrigley's gum between a silicone cameltoe insert. Everything about this was cold, mushy and gummy... Total crap. What a shame. I will never fucking order pork buns ever again.

The food was pretty good overall if you stick with the real Chino dishes but I may order one of the slutty Chino gringo dishes if I was piss drunk just for shits and giggles. The prices are on point for the lunch menu and the service was decent. If dine in service ever resumes, I will be back to try the dinner menu, maybe it will even have some Engrish translation by then... Because I want some king crap, cream of sum yung gai and yung poon tang.

1 Pump.

6035 Peachtree Rd, A112
Atlanta, GA 30360

Okiboru Tsukemen & Ramen

The socially awkward Yelpers have been busy... Really fucking busy. Look at how many fucking pictures these toolboxes have been posting on this new noodle joint... And there are only 3 fucking things on the entire menu. A handful of really snooze-worthy appetizers (totally catered for the demographics), tsukemen (3 different richness of chicken and fish broth) and ramen (1 pork broth, 1 chicken/fish broth and 1 veggie/mushroom broth). The entire Yelp photo album is just dupes of the same 3 dishes 500 times... Looking at all the photos is like eating rice, when you want the same thing 10,000 times in one sitting. I was getting a headache already at page 2 of 17 pages... I thought I was back in my shrink's office giving me a Rorschach test... Which every inkblot looked like fried chicken to me. He initially diagnosed it as a thought disorder, but in reality it was just an eating disorder... How did this stupid motherfucker with all his fake doctor degrees on the wall get it so wrong... All he had to do was open his goddamn eyeballs and take a gander at this chubby chode. He gave me a variety of snacks to test my palate but everything tasted like chicken. Touche.
Enough, of the inner psyche of the Pouch... We want more of the inner bowels of the Pouch. Let's go take a first look at this new tsukemen/ramen spot in a sea of IBS noodle joints that's been saturating this one horse town. Their standout item is obviously the tsukemen which most gaijins have no fucking clue what the fuck it even is, but more on that later.
Let's take a quick ride through the apps/small plates... Holy fucking snoozefest. Who the fuck would seriously entertain this section, oh wait, nevermind... Two thin ass chashu slices sitting on a single ply of daikon wrapper for $7. Four ponko butterflied salad shrimp lollipops for $8. Three whole fried gutter pigeon wings for $7. A cup of edamame for $7, but wait, it's coated in truffle garlic soy... Hahaha, ok, then! Three grilled ribs for $7, but how much for just one rib? Five deep fried gyoza that look like a blistered eggroll log from a slutty Chino dump for $6. It's no surprise who they made this part of the menu for... So many suckaz, so little freezer space. It sounded and looked so pedestrian that even the Pouch said no fucking thanks, I don't do skanks... Well, at least not during the day.
Stop fucking around, Pouch and let's get to the real stars of the show... The tsukemen and ramen. The space is small but it works. That is, if people do their job and get in, slurp, burp and get the fuck out, it would be so much more efficient like in a Japanese ramen shop... There's a certain unspoken etiquette to them. But noooo, I see so many stupid motherfuckers that wants to hang around all night long and talk, no, text each other at the table and take up valuable space. Ichiran in NYC has it right, they apply the solo dining booth technique so you can focus all your attention on the tonkotsu, no fucking talking, only slurping... And then get the fuck out. So, I'm employing the same technique here... Get my fat ass here early, know what to order before sitting down, then slurp, burp, queef and leave ASAP, mostly from the embarrassment.

Tsukemen (tsu-ke-men), 'Dipping Ramen' - House made noodles rinsed cold served with hot broth on the side. I like how they laminated instructions for the roundeyes... Because a bowl of cold noodles and a bowl of hot broth is a very difficult puzzle to solve... Gimmicks, man, it's all about the gimmicks.

Buta Paitan w/ Gyokai (regular or spicy), rich chicken & fish broth, pork chashu, soft boiled egg, bamboo shoots, yuzu zest, scallion, lime, thick noodles (tsukemen noodles), $16. Doesn't look half bad, I like the whole soy egg... Let's take a closer look...

These traditional thick noodles are similar to udon noodles, more surface area to coat the broth. The whole soft soy egg was nice to see in the bowl and the oozy yolk was spot on. The chashu was kinda thin and fatty but had good flavor. The menma was standard issued. A squeeze of the lime's acidity will help cut the rich fattiness of the broth. Let's take a dip..

Let the noodles sit for a bit to absorb the broth. The rich chicken and fish broth is quite salty and potent. It is almost creamy but it has a unmistakable umami flavor to it... The gyokai gives it a rich bonito dashi flavor, maybe even too fishy for some. The broth coated the noodles very well and the saltiness seasoned the noodles perfectly with each bite. Overall, the tsukemen is quite good but after awhile the saltiness of the broth catches up with you and you will be pounding water later on. You can always opt for the medium or light tsukemen broth.

Tonkotsu, (regular or spicy), traditional rich pork broth, pork chashu, soft boiled egg, bamboo shoots, scallion, thin noodles, $13. The price of this tonkotsu was very reasonable... We'll see about that after the first slurp of the broth. It looked very rich and creamy but that doesn't always mean it will be collagen rich with that stickiness that we all desire in a tonkotsu. The chashu, menma and half soft egg were the same as in the tsukemen. The noodles were too thin for my taste, it just doesn't hold the broth like a thicker standard ramen noodle does. So, what about the broth, Pouch?! Don't keep your one reader in suspense... Alrighty then, take a peek at the next picture and you shall have your answer...

This tonkotsu broth was very good, it was rich, complex, full of umami, not greasy and had just the right amount of stickiness from the collagen. It was good enough for the Pouch to inhale the entire bowl. The broth is a keeper but ask them for thicker noodles if you want a perfectly balanced bowl of tonkotsu ramen... But not the thick tsukemen noodles, though.

I would come back for tonkotsu ramen. The tsukemen was good but not crave-worthy enough for the visit alone. And I'm not even gonna mention the apps.

Pump, pump...

Queef.

6125 Roswell Rd #800
Atlanta, GA 30328
https://www.okiboru.com/