Holy mackerel... where am I???!!!
I swear I saw Sanford and Leftout Lamont working in the garage next door. It's a wacky area to get to for interlopers and even for some ITP'ers but once you get here it's all worth it. It feels comfortable, it feels like home. The covered patio area and the outdoor patio is like the forest moon of Endor. Throw a couple of Ewoks back there and it's all good.
The grub ain't fancy schmancy but tasty and straight forward seafood with a southern twist.
Fried Calamari- Surprisingly good for an obligatory menu item found on every single resto in Atlanta. It included not only the rings but tentacles as well. Flashed fwied to order and came out crispy and hot. Nice.
Lump Crab Cakes- The only lump that can be found was in my throat after taking one bite. That shit was pulverized to sawdust, bland and flatter than a 70 yr old woman chest. It was like fishy flapjacks... Snorkel! STAT! The spicy Cajun remoulade was Sambal Oelek mixed in with mayo... Blech.
Fisherman's Stew- Their "signature stew" was a forgery... tiny frozen bay scallops, baby shrimp and leftover fish bits in a "spicy" tomato broth. I had V8 spicier than this. I wouldn't put John's Hand on this Crockpot special.
Wahoo- The grilled medallions of Wahoo was cooked well but a bit bland. The fresh salsa verde was too watery and leaked all over the plate... Linda Blair anyone? Buttermilk mashed potatoes was the same old hat you find anywhere. The fresh vegetables turns out to be the veggie of the day (haricot vert) and not a medley.
The Trout and Tuna that my friends had look pretty good but I busted a gut when I noticed it was the exact plating as every other dish in the whole entire resto... It's like the Henry Ford of kitchens.
The grub overall wasn't bad, it was quite tasty but the plating was so 80's French chic... Yawn. I have seen better plating with plastic food displays in the front window in Little Italy. But I like this place because it's a n'hood joint with local business owners. I would definitely come back here and support them.
I need a dwink... where's my ripple you big dummy?!
Gulp.
1042 West College Avenue
Decatur, GA 30030 (404) 373-3331
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Makara's Mediterranean
With all the Section 8 moving into Sandy Spwings Inc., you would think Church's Fwied Chicken would be the last joint to go belly up at this high traffic location.
Instead, the Gweek Gods bent over and replaced drumsticks with gyros... Hey, who doesn't like a piece of juicy meat stuffed between a fluffy pita bwead? A squirt of some creamy tzatziki really helps you swallow down that meat log... Only if they allow that during the Mustard Belt.
Menu is super simple and cheap... $5.50 for gyros and cheesesteaks? Hades yeah!!!
The pita wasn't homemade but it was still airy and fresh. The gyro meat was shaved on the spot in front of you and it was very tasty...meat always taste better fweshly shaved. The tzatziki was zesty and feta crumbled nicely on top. Not a bad gyro at all.
They also got dolmas, hummus, baklava, gweek salad, lentil soup, kebabs and $10 combo plates of chicken, lamb or beef.
Just a good place to grab a quick bite for those on the go! But I kinda miss all the chicken bones in the parking lot though... so, I poured one for the homies.
Splash.
6224 Roswell Road
Atlanta, GA 30328
Instead, the Gweek Gods bent over and replaced drumsticks with gyros... Hey, who doesn't like a piece of juicy meat stuffed between a fluffy pita bwead? A squirt of some creamy tzatziki really helps you swallow down that meat log... Only if they allow that during the Mustard Belt.
Menu is super simple and cheap... $5.50 for gyros and cheesesteaks? Hades yeah!!!
The pita wasn't homemade but it was still airy and fresh. The gyro meat was shaved on the spot in front of you and it was very tasty...meat always taste better fweshly shaved. The tzatziki was zesty and feta crumbled nicely on top. Not a bad gyro at all.
They also got dolmas, hummus, baklava, gweek salad, lentil soup, kebabs and $10 combo plates of chicken, lamb or beef.
Just a good place to grab a quick bite for those on the go! But I kinda miss all the chicken bones in the parking lot though... so, I poured one for the homies.
Splash.
6224 Roswell Road
Atlanta, GA 30328
Top Flr
Sometimes, ugly babies do grow up looking purdy guud... mebbe except for Rocky Dennis.
Time did heal Top Flr after all! Especially the grub here. I was pleasantly surprised to see another friend of mine cooking here when I walked in. I had a good feeling the grub would be totally different this time and it was... not that Mike Schorn didn't put out tasty grub, he just couldn't do it solo in a full house.
The pappardelle with duck confit was verra tastee. The wide thin pasta was cooked perfectly... I call it "al dentata" because it had a bit of tooth to it. The duck confit was plentiful as were the shaved parmesan... hey, who doesn't like it shaved? Just a very solid dish. Yum.
I was told the chorizo pizza was a must try... even though everyone knows I prefer NYC style 'ZA, but this was decent. The ingredients were good but the meats was just a tad dried out under the heat. The dough was fluffy as a cloud... the Care Bears would love it.
I do like being on Top but I think I prefer to stay on the Bottom at this joint... The new bar/room is so chic and the dwinks come out full and cold and the gwub comes out nice and hot.
Burp!
674 Myrtle St NE
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 685-3110
Time did heal Top Flr after all! Especially the grub here. I was pleasantly surprised to see another friend of mine cooking here when I walked in. I had a good feeling the grub would be totally different this time and it was... not that Mike Schorn didn't put out tasty grub, he just couldn't do it solo in a full house.
The pappardelle with duck confit was verra tastee. The wide thin pasta was cooked perfectly... I call it "al dentata" because it had a bit of tooth to it. The duck confit was plentiful as were the shaved parmesan... hey, who doesn't like it shaved? Just a very solid dish. Yum.
I was told the chorizo pizza was a must try... even though everyone knows I prefer NYC style 'ZA, but this was decent. The ingredients were good but the meats was just a tad dried out under the heat. The dough was fluffy as a cloud... the Care Bears would love it.
I do like being on Top but I think I prefer to stay on the Bottom at this joint... The new bar/room is so chic and the dwinks come out full and cold and the gwub comes out nice and hot.
Burp!
674 Myrtle St NE
Atlanta, GA 30308
(404) 685-3110
Pollo Brassa
Oh, there's definitely yardbirds here... But it ain't Peruvian style. Hell, it ain't even Puerto Rican style.
I was excited to see something "ethnic" go into the old Giorgio's Pizzeria spot but I was quickly deflated when I noticed they spelled "Brassa" instead of Brasa. I knew the jig was up when the entire staff were all from lower Chattanooga... aka Causasians. And the "rotisserie" was filled with nothing... No smell of Smoke, Fire or Chicken. Just a small pile of tinder laying on the ground or was it their kid's Lincoln Logs. Where am I???!!! But situations like this never gets between Gastro and ghetto pigeons in his belly...
Very simple menu of whole, half, quarter chicken, chicken sammies, salads and sides.
The roasted chicken was white but kinda dry, zero flavor/spice/zest, flappy old skin and greezy bottom. Eh, looks like some old bird you find at a nursing home. It just seemed like it was yesterday's leftovers (no wonder the rotisserie wasn't running). It came with some yellowish mayo smegma that had absolutely zero taste... why?
Chicken Salad sammie was Aldi's finest. This scoop of bland white mess was pulverized to the Point of No Return. I had spicier vanilla ice cream. I couldn't tell if there were any meat between the buns... kinda like the girl in front of me. I shoulda known better to order the same thing from a broad who looked like Bridget Fonda... right down to the chicken legs. Oy.
Peruvian Corn tasted fresh... from a can with a couple pinches of Old Bay. I have seen bigger corn kernels on a foot. I shoulda left this "side" item on the side of the road to die. The portion was even more pathetic... 1 full tablespoon. When did canned corn become pricier than gas?
Yuca Fwies were more like fwied cubes. But I must admit they were crispy and tender inside but bland. I can ring out more flavor from an old geezer's sock.
Yellow Rice tasted like it came outta the Yellow River... wet, overcooked to mush, green peas only Linda Blair could love. This is one for the denture crew.
Fwesh Handcut Fwies might had been hand cut but it was oily and limp like a seagull after the Exxon Valdez spill. Guess they missed frying 101.
Given that they are brand spanking new and very nice... another trip is required (b/c I stole some coupons behind the counter). But based on mere first impressions, they are not going for authenticity but more for the chicken heads in that area with pedestrian palates.
2.5 stars.
Cuckoo Cuckoo!
857 Collier Rd
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 350-0105
I was excited to see something "ethnic" go into the old Giorgio's Pizzeria spot but I was quickly deflated when I noticed they spelled "Brassa" instead of Brasa. I knew the jig was up when the entire staff were all from lower Chattanooga... aka Causasians. And the "rotisserie" was filled with nothing... No smell of Smoke, Fire or Chicken. Just a small pile of tinder laying on the ground or was it their kid's Lincoln Logs. Where am I???!!! But situations like this never gets between Gastro and ghetto pigeons in his belly...
Very simple menu of whole, half, quarter chicken, chicken sammies, salads and sides.
The roasted chicken was white but kinda dry, zero flavor/spice/zest, flappy old skin and greezy bottom. Eh, looks like some old bird you find at a nursing home. It just seemed like it was yesterday's leftovers (no wonder the rotisserie wasn't running). It came with some yellowish mayo smegma that had absolutely zero taste... why?
Chicken Salad sammie was Aldi's finest. This scoop of bland white mess was pulverized to the Point of No Return. I had spicier vanilla ice cream. I couldn't tell if there were any meat between the buns... kinda like the girl in front of me. I shoulda known better to order the same thing from a broad who looked like Bridget Fonda... right down to the chicken legs. Oy.
Peruvian Corn tasted fresh... from a can with a couple pinches of Old Bay. I have seen bigger corn kernels on a foot. I shoulda left this "side" item on the side of the road to die. The portion was even more pathetic... 1 full tablespoon. When did canned corn become pricier than gas?
Yuca Fwies were more like fwied cubes. But I must admit they were crispy and tender inside but bland. I can ring out more flavor from an old geezer's sock.
Yellow Rice tasted like it came outta the Yellow River... wet, overcooked to mush, green peas only Linda Blair could love. This is one for the denture crew.
Fwesh Handcut Fwies might had been hand cut but it was oily and limp like a seagull after the Exxon Valdez spill. Guess they missed frying 101.
Given that they are brand spanking new and very nice... another trip is required (b/c I stole some coupons behind the counter). But based on mere first impressions, they are not going for authenticity but more for the chicken heads in that area with pedestrian palates.
2.5 stars.
Cuckoo Cuckoo!
857 Collier Rd
Atlanta, GA 30318
(404) 350-0105
Monday, September 22, 2008
La Fonda Latina
Aretha Franklin might had been treated mean and treated cruel but... This chain made a fool of me... Twice.
No wonder I don't eat Latin grub intown often. Everything is just so bland and pedestrian. This wannabe Cuban and Mexi-joint is perfect grub for the suburban gringo who thinks Taco Mac is an export from Mexico. If it doesn't come with lettuce, tomatoes, orange shredded cheez and a crunch... it ain't a taco.
Like most dumb down Latin chain restos, they are notorious for lighting fast speed and service... Take your order, bring out the food and disappear for the rest of the night. Hell, you know it's made in America when all the servers are dress like Speedy Gonzalez with the really bad Mexican't accent. They wanna get you in and out fast and head home because the grub will make you run for the border... Twice.
Chips and Salsa might as well be Fritos and Rotel... It would be spicier!
Artichoke Cheez Dip can make Art dip his chip in cheez and choke. Did they use bleu cheez or was it just moldy? It seemed like it sat in a cave for weeks.
Paella was Mexican Fwied Wice served in a cold cast iron pan. Chico and Chang's laughs at them. No crispy yum yums on the bottom... I think they used Pam spray. I wanted to throw this outta the Pella window.
What's with the oven mitts when this pan was colder than my cerveza? Was it all just for show? ....Sho'nuff, Fo'sho!
Veggie Enchilada is best when accompanied by a number to the left of it. Who wants to pronounce 6 syllables in a foreign tongue when you can order with your fingers on one hand? Oh wait, silly me, enchiladas are not made in Mexico... but Idaho. Yes, I da ho because I just sold out coming here.
I know I wouldn't come here for the food... but the view ain't too shabby. There's a lot of hot mess and pink fury up in this piece. Just go next door for decent 'ZA and enjoy a slice of pie while watching some as well.
Ay chihuahua... 2.5 Stars.
ZIPPP!
2813 Peachtree Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30305
(404) 816-8311
No wonder I don't eat Latin grub intown often. Everything is just so bland and pedestrian. This wannabe Cuban and Mexi-joint is perfect grub for the suburban gringo who thinks Taco Mac is an export from Mexico. If it doesn't come with lettuce, tomatoes, orange shredded cheez and a crunch... it ain't a taco.
Like most dumb down Latin chain restos, they are notorious for lighting fast speed and service... Take your order, bring out the food and disappear for the rest of the night. Hell, you know it's made in America when all the servers are dress like Speedy Gonzalez with the really bad Mexican't accent. They wanna get you in and out fast and head home because the grub will make you run for the border... Twice.
Chips and Salsa might as well be Fritos and Rotel... It would be spicier!
Artichoke Cheez Dip can make Art dip his chip in cheez and choke. Did they use bleu cheez or was it just moldy? It seemed like it sat in a cave for weeks.
Paella was Mexican Fwied Wice served in a cold cast iron pan. Chico and Chang's laughs at them. No crispy yum yums on the bottom... I think they used Pam spray. I wanted to throw this outta the Pella window.
What's with the oven mitts when this pan was colder than my cerveza? Was it all just for show? ....Sho'nuff, Fo'sho!
Veggie Enchilada is best when accompanied by a number to the left of it. Who wants to pronounce 6 syllables in a foreign tongue when you can order with your fingers on one hand? Oh wait, silly me, enchiladas are not made in Mexico... but Idaho. Yes, I da ho because I just sold out coming here.
I know I wouldn't come here for the food... but the view ain't too shabby. There's a lot of hot mess and pink fury up in this piece. Just go next door for decent 'ZA and enjoy a slice of pie while watching some as well.
Ay chihuahua... 2.5 Stars.
ZIPPP!
2813 Peachtree Rd NE
Atlanta, GA 30305
(404) 816-8311
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Eros World Tapas Bar
Since Piebar never got me excited with their nasty pies...
Should I be aroused at a place named Eros? Sure, why not... I'm secure with my Gastro-ality. Plus, it's located in a colorful part of town where you can get a pink taco under a cabana or finger something loose, round and heavy and toss it in a gutter behind the alley scoring a 69.69. It's your world, do what you want, I'm only living in it.
So, the snarky snacker and I had to see what all the fuss was about since reading all the positive reviews on the intertubes. Ok, I admit, it was my 3rd choice since The Porter was closed b/c they ran out of beer and grub (WTF?)... and La Pietra Cucina couldn't figure if they wanted to open or not on a Monday (WTF2?), try spinning a bottle of douche!
Alright, the interior design is a lot nicer and softer... but I can really give two pumps of my bow string about that. I was there for the grubbery and it had my arrow standing at attention and spread eagle... my wings that is! Tapas style plates were inexpensive and well prepared. The most expensive thing was the Paella for 2 @ $20 which really isn't that bad, next time!
The server had on a low cut top and hot shorts which was kinda weird outfit for a resto early in the evening... even if she could pull it off. I can understand mebbe after 10pm you switch to "Ho" wear but not when I'm eating gwilled octopus pweez! She was dumber than John Stamos. I swear, it was like her first time reading the menu and wine list... it really was all Gweek to her! "Grilled what?", "Chicken what?", "What kinda chops?", "Which wine?", "Can you point to which one?"... What a tool! Excuse me, but is there a sharpening stone in the back? Nevermind her... how's the grub?
Grilled Baby Octopus - A plate full of tender and juicy cephalopods... David Arquette ain't got nothing on these eight legged freaks! Just don't stroke them too hard or else they might squirt you in the eye.
Lamb Chops - Perfectly cooked med-rare pieces of yum yums in my belly... the tzatziki sauce was very good. Mary had a little lamb... "had". Exactly.
Spanish Potatoes - Were crispy and light... tasty but the spicy tomato sauce wasn't all that though. Needed more zing, ding dongs!
Chicken Livers & Toast with Peri Peri Sauce - I really liked this dish, balanced flavors and just cooked well overall. It was a generous helping of offal... offally good!
Curry Veggie Samosas - Nice and crispy but the curry flavor could be a bit more present. It needed a dipping sauce... c'mon, everyone needs a lil throat lube to swallow, even Joey Chestnut.
This Genie Lamp shaped joint really rubbed me the right way with their grub that Christina Aguilera never could... even though it looks so much like a nightclub on the Jersey shore. The new Gweek owners will definitely turn a few hard core foodies on... Just don't bend over to pick up the menu on the floor. Leave that for the servers in hot shorts that just came from Flashers.
OPA! ...Eta Pi!
Burp!
2160 Monroe Drive
Atlanta, GA 30324 (404) 549-2433
Should I be aroused at a place named Eros? Sure, why not... I'm secure with my Gastro-ality. Plus, it's located in a colorful part of town where you can get a pink taco under a cabana or finger something loose, round and heavy and toss it in a gutter behind the alley scoring a 69.69. It's your world, do what you want, I'm only living in it.
So, the snarky snacker and I had to see what all the fuss was about since reading all the positive reviews on the intertubes. Ok, I admit, it was my 3rd choice since The Porter was closed b/c they ran out of beer and grub (WTF?)... and La Pietra Cucina couldn't figure if they wanted to open or not on a Monday (WTF2?), try spinning a bottle of douche!
Alright, the interior design is a lot nicer and softer... but I can really give two pumps of my bow string about that. I was there for the grubbery and it had my arrow standing at attention and spread eagle... my wings that is! Tapas style plates were inexpensive and well prepared. The most expensive thing was the Paella for 2 @ $20 which really isn't that bad, next time!
The server had on a low cut top and hot shorts which was kinda weird outfit for a resto early in the evening... even if she could pull it off. I can understand mebbe after 10pm you switch to "Ho" wear but not when I'm eating gwilled octopus pweez! She was dumber than John Stamos. I swear, it was like her first time reading the menu and wine list... it really was all Gweek to her! "Grilled what?", "Chicken what?", "What kinda chops?", "Which wine?", "Can you point to which one?"... What a tool! Excuse me, but is there a sharpening stone in the back? Nevermind her... how's the grub?
Grilled Baby Octopus - A plate full of tender and juicy cephalopods... David Arquette ain't got nothing on these eight legged freaks! Just don't stroke them too hard or else they might squirt you in the eye.
Lamb Chops - Perfectly cooked med-rare pieces of yum yums in my belly... the tzatziki sauce was very good. Mary had a little lamb... "had". Exactly.
Spanish Potatoes - Were crispy and light... tasty but the spicy tomato sauce wasn't all that though. Needed more zing, ding dongs!
Chicken Livers & Toast with Peri Peri Sauce - I really liked this dish, balanced flavors and just cooked well overall. It was a generous helping of offal... offally good!
Curry Veggie Samosas - Nice and crispy but the curry flavor could be a bit more present. It needed a dipping sauce... c'mon, everyone needs a lil throat lube to swallow, even Joey Chestnut.
This Genie Lamp shaped joint really rubbed me the right way with their grub that Christina Aguilera never could... even though it looks so much like a nightclub on the Jersey shore. The new Gweek owners will definitely turn a few hard core foodies on... Just don't bend over to pick up the menu on the floor. Leave that for the servers in hot shorts that just came from Flashers.
OPA! ...Eta Pi!
Burp!
2160 Monroe Drive
Atlanta, GA 30324 (404) 549-2433
Hemingway's Tropical Bar and Grill
Dear Ernie...
"We all ought to make sacrifices for literature. Look at me. I'm going to Hemingway's without a protest. All for literature."
... And literature was the Bulldogs.
"Never write about a place until you're away from it, because that gives you perspective"
... I have never been more perspective in my life since I left.
"Fear of death increases in exact proportion to increase in wealth."
... In this case, wealth is every mile further away from midtown.
"About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after."
... And this joint has no morals, especially for my bowels.
True to it's name, Scarietta Square is proof positive that senior citizens to Emos can live in hellacious harmony. Hell, I would be emotionally depwessed as well if I lived here. This joint spews not one ounce of literary prowess but instead gallons of Mad Libs spooge. Walking down to the basement bathroom makes me want to place lotion on it's skin in fear of getting the hose again. Was it a coincidence that Lynyrd Skynyrd was playing in the background...
Ooh, ooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell?
Ooh, ooh that smell
The smell of spunk surrounds you.
They proudly state, "You may find that the spirit of Hemingway permeates the environment... in an enchanting Key West atmosphere."
... The only thing that permeates the environment here is the enchanting stench of hamster vomit from the basement since 1993.
"The world is a fine place and worth fighting for and I hate very much to leave it."
... To Hemingway's, I have four words: A Farewell to Arms.
Abercrombie & Fitch's shotgun goes...
BOO-YA!!!
29 W Park Sq NE
Marietta, GA 30060 (770) 427-5445
"We all ought to make sacrifices for literature. Look at me. I'm going to Hemingway's without a protest. All for literature."
... And literature was the Bulldogs.
"Never write about a place until you're away from it, because that gives you perspective"
... I have never been more perspective in my life since I left.
"Fear of death increases in exact proportion to increase in wealth."
... In this case, wealth is every mile further away from midtown.
"About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after."
... And this joint has no morals, especially for my bowels.
True to it's name, Scarietta Square is proof positive that senior citizens to Emos can live in hellacious harmony. Hell, I would be emotionally depwessed as well if I lived here. This joint spews not one ounce of literary prowess but instead gallons of Mad Libs spooge. Walking down to the basement bathroom makes me want to place lotion on it's skin in fear of getting the hose again. Was it a coincidence that Lynyrd Skynyrd was playing in the background...
Ooh, ooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell?
Ooh, ooh that smell
The smell of spunk surrounds you.
They proudly state, "You may find that the spirit of Hemingway permeates the environment... in an enchanting Key West atmosphere."
... The only thing that permeates the environment here is the enchanting stench of hamster vomit from the basement since 1993.
"The world is a fine place and worth fighting for and I hate very much to leave it."
... To Hemingway's, I have four words: A Farewell to Arms.
Abercrombie & Fitch's shotgun goes...
BOO-YA!!!
29 W Park Sq NE
Marietta, GA 30060 (770) 427-5445
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