Harue Korean Snack Bar

This blubbery blob has been in a deep slumber since the KFC scene in this town has quietly slowed down within the last year or two... That was until recently. The inner Pouch was woke once again with the arrival of the crave-worthy Choong Man Chicken. Their amazing Korean fwied cheekan re-lit the Pouch's quest for the best fried chicken in this one horse town. I have been on a KFC marathon lately... Eating every fwied cheekan in sight. Which brought me back to this joint... It used to be another KFC joint way back in the day, I think it was a Bonchon, a ripoff of the ones in NYC... Or maybe it was a Bonbon, whatever, who gives a shit... It was pretty decent but they closed down not long after. On a side note, there is a Bonchon and Bonbon somewhere in upstate Georgia but that will be another review.
So, this location became a Harue KFC joint a few years back. I have been once like 3 years ago, it was decent but the location is not close to K-town at all. Maybe that's why I haven't gone back. But for them to last this long, they must be doing something right. Maybe it's time to make the trek for a revisit. Alright, enough of the talky talky, we want more walky walky. Let's just get right to it...

Whole Fried Chicken. It's usually $20 but they were doing a Fall special for $13... SOLD! It's a very hefty portion but if you inspect all the pieces, it ain't from a whole chicken... It's all dark meat. It's like all legs, thighs and bungholes kinda like the human centipede. They also camouflage a few giant fried wedges of potato in there to make it look more hefty. The batter/crust looks pretty crispy. It's not flaky like in a dry coating but it's smoother like in a wet batter. Picked up a piece and it's crispy alright. It has a nice crunch to it but it's kinda greasy... And not just the crust, the meat inside as well. It's not overly greasy, just enough for you to notice it and coat your fingers to make you lick them constantly. The pieces don't have a lot of meat on them, either, it's kinda boney. But this cheekan dinner will fill you up if you eat all the potato wedges. I like the crispy crust on the KFC but not enough to come back all this way for it. It looks satisfying when it comes out to the table but you will leave kinda dissatisfied... Hoping that it had turned out better even for this finga lickin' fat fuck.   

Tonkatsu. For $10, this is some meal... A giant mudflap of pounded fried pork, a scoop of rice, cheesy corn, pickled yellow and white daikon, slaw and fries. And this corpulent slob ate it all, every last drop of that brown jizz on that hog. The panko crusted pork cutlet was hot and crispy on the outside and juicy tender on the inside. This was a very good tonkatsu and kinda crave-worthy enough to make another visit to upstate GA in another year. I would eat this once a week if it was closer to town, but being a pudgy porker, you don't really move much, let alone leaving the house on a regular basis, except to lean over to one side to pass wind. 

The drive was a hassle, the KFC was middling but the tonkatsu made up for the previous let downs. Would I come back here? Eh, maybe if I was forced to be in this area like being tied up in the back of a trunk. Let's face it, no one wants to be up here but if they lasted this long they must be doing something right.

To the next KFC joint...

3585 Peachtree Industrial Blvd
Duluth, GA 30096
http://www.loveharue.com/

Choong Man Chicken

Is KFC in this one horse town dead yet? Hasn't this trendy gimmick ran it's course? FUCK NO, bro. This portly fuck can always use one more fwied cheekan joint... Boy, I'm so lonely. This place took over the old JM BBQ which was a Korean BBQ joint that turned into a dance club on the weekends. It suddenly closed with not much notice back in September sometime. The K-BBQ competition is fierce up in Duluth... But so is the KFC competition. Seriously, can Duluth use another KFC joint? Shit, the Pouch can use a KFC joint on every other block if I had my way. Another reason why JM BBQ may have closed is because of this strip mall... There are a bunch of restos in here but it's always dead as fuck. The only place that keeps this strip mall alive is Sweet Hut on the other end. Top Ramen which is basically the sister resto to Lan Zhou Ramen on Buford Highway came and went as well... Which is surprising because their food was just as good as Lan Zhou Ramen. I swear, this strip mall is cursed. So, I better get my fat ass in here before this chicken gets killed crossing the street.
This joint is a small chain with two locations in Virginia and I'm kinda curious how they decided to open one here so far away... This may be a short lived expansion if it sucks ass.
There's not much hype on this joint so far... So, let's go see if it's worth talking or trashing about. Walked in and the place still looks like JM BBQ, they just got rid of the exhaust vents and moved the furniture around. It doesn't bother me because I rather them spend the time on executing the menu, instead of the decor. Let's take a gander at the menu...

I am so fucking excited right now. This menu is all about cheekan and nothing but cheekan... Ok, they got a couple of bullshit side items like french fries, curly fries and coleslaw... Meh, get that shit outta my face. I guess they have to have something for the roundeyes which was strange because there were a handful of gringos in here- How did they find out about this joint so quickly? Nevermind the bearded hipsters, let's just get to the chicken already, Pouch... Stop fucking around, you're on a mission.

This has got to be the weirdest combination of chicken and topping. This is definitely not a first date kinda dish if you want to get lucky afterwards. You'll still be crying from all the onions while trying to get your first kiss. Look at that picture, it's not like a little bit of onions for a little contrast and sweetness... It looks like they throw a shitload of it on there. Only one way to find out... But first, I need a little snack to whet my facehole...

Tikku Soy Sauce Gizzard. I'm a little surprised they didn't have fried chicken livers but I'll take gizzards all day long if it's done correctly... And these were spot on. The crust is crispy and not heavy. The gizzard was tender and had a nice pop to them when you bite into them. They are supposedly fried and then charcoal grilled to make it extra crispy and give it a lil smokey flavor. They are a really tasty little snack. They were so good I kept popping them in throughout my entire meal.

Snow Onion Fried Chicken. It's like a mountain of pure snow, it's everywhere... Have you any idea what the street value of this mountain is? The menu says you can get it with wings, tenders or whole chicken. But if you ask nicely they can do a half chicken. Sold! They say that this is their most popular signature item on the menu and it's loaded with sliced onions with a "savory and creamy" sauce. If you like onions, this is your dish. They give you an entire onion sliced on top and drenched in their white sauce. The golden fried chicken peeking out on the edges looked real crispy but can it stay that crispy with all that sauce... One way to find out.

I pulled out a wing with a good amount of sauce on it... Twisted it apart and took a bite... Damn, it's crispy, crunchy and flavorful. You gotta eat a little onion afterwards and the sweetness of the onion works pretty well. The sauce is thin but sweet and savory. It is such a weird combo but it works. I inhaled 3 pieces within two minutes because it was so good or maybe I was just hungry. The chicken is not greasy, it's juicy and hot... I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was almost perfect. I can't even compare it to Popeyes because they are so different. I gotta take a break and come back to it later and see if it's still as good as I think it is... And just at that moment, the spicy wings came out... Great timing.

  

Red Hot Pepper Chicken wings with gochujang sauce. These look pretty legit. I like how that are not swimming in sauce but each piece are fully coated with the gochujang sauce. The crust is still crispy even with the sauce all over it. It has a good crunch to it and the sauce is sweet and spicy. The chicken inside is juicy and flavorful. This is one bad ass hot wing. Ok, it's not that spicy but I still fucking loved them. I gobbled down all of them easily in one sitting. Christ, I just ate a plate of gizzards, 10 wings, half a chicken and a whole onion in one sitting... I truly am a lard ass but it was friggin' worth it. I'm still thinking about it hours later... You know it's good if the Pouch is still craving it.

I'm wobbling back to my ride and I see this on ground... I guess the people who ordered it to go couldn't wait to get home to eat it... I hear ya, bro. It's that good.

Then a couple feet away I see this... What the fuck, dude? That is cheekan abuse... I was so tempted to pick it up and eat it. What the fuck is wrong with you, Pouch? I call the 5 minute rule... But why is there a good necklace with stars around it? That is the weirdest shit I have seen in many moons... This mystery will never be solved.

Well, if my one reader can't tell already, I'm pretty much in love with this new KFC joint. How long will the honeymoon last? Who knows, but as long as they keep pumping out that gorgeous chicken, I'll be making many more visits to try out all their other flavors... Especially, the garlic spicy chicken since they ran out it on this visit. Jesus, I was actually going to order a 4th fried chicken dish in one visit. Why am I obeast again? The next table got the lemon spring onion chicken which looked just as amazing.
Not much else to say except... Winner winner cheekan dinners! I just can't eat one.

2180 Pleasant Hill Rd.
Duluth, GA 30096
https://www.cmchicken.us/

BK Nightmare King

Oh, joy... This fat fuck is on a roll here with the fast food slop. Yes, I succumbed to yet another gimmick to challenge the Pouch. Lucky me... Or is that Fucky me? So, what do we have here this time? Burger King has been in the fast food gimmick burger game for awhile as well to lure in the freaks and uninitiated... They started with the Halloween Whopper with the black buns that turns your shit green. Then they had the Angriest Whopper with hot sauce baked into the red buns which turned your shit reddish brown. Now, they are giving the corpulent crowd a new flavor... The Nightmare King with a booger green bun. I can only imagine what color Mr. Hanky will be when he shows up on Halloween night. They say it's suppose to give you bad dreams or nightmares after you eat this demon. I call bullshit because I have nightmares every night no matter what I eat... Except Popeyes. So, what's the big deal about this burger? Well, first off, this ain't no Whopper... It has a chicken fillet on top of a burger patty. Let's see what they have to say about it...

"Introducing the NIGHTMARE KING, this spooky sandwich features ¼ lb* of savory flame – grilled beef, a 100% white meat crispy chicken fillet, melted American cheese, thick cut bacon, creamy mayonnaise, and onions all assembled on a glazed green sesame seed bun."

NIGHTMARE KING - Feed your dreams or nightmares.

Jesus, look at that fucking thing... The only thing I'll be feeding is the toilet in about 10 minzies. Stop being a prepubescent little twat, Pouch, and do it for your one fan... You sound as if someone has to twist your arm to eat food. If I get IBS right after, at least I don't have to wait to find out what color it is. That green colored bun is kinda creepy... Let's see if the real thing is as toxic green as the picture.

This omen cost $6.39... Almost as much as Arby's Seared Duck Sando.

Hmmm... It's not as green as I thought it would be. The green coloring supposedly comes from watermelon but who the fuck really knows if that is true. But it's a sizable sando. It's pretty thick with all that shit in there.

The side view doesn't make it anymore appetizing... It kinda looks like the wicked witch sleeping on her side with no underpants on... Which is kinda revolting to visualize. Elphaba, there are rejuvenation procedures these days for it... Just sayin'.

Sliced this creasture down the middle and there's the green. I'm kinda in the middle with this thinger. I don't hate it or like it. But the green spongy bun is kinda interesting... It's still keeping my curiosity.

Now, you can see all the layers of this Beetlejuice sando. The bun is pretty green. Could be matcha coloring for all we know. The fried cheekan patty looks dry as fuck and the burger all grainy. The cheese is barely melted. Oh, boy... Better add the "D" to IBS...

They give you 3 slices of bacon, but they are so thin that you can't even see it in the side view shot. But once you lift up the bun, they are there. They actually look pretty decent, not all shriveled up and burnt.

So, how was it, Pouch? It was nothing special, nothing craveworthy enough to get it again... You can't differentiate the textures or taste in each bite. It just tastes like a meat mass with not much seasoning. At least the regular old Whopper has some taste to it. C'mon, no one eats at a fast food dump for taste, it's all for filler on the cheap, but this fucking thing wasn't cheap at all. Blah blah blah, who gives a shit about how it tastes... All we want to know is what color was your shit, Lord Marsupial! I don't want to disappoint y'all but sadly, the turd cigars were normal color... Like baby brown sharks.
Yeah, this gimmick was exactly that... An impulse buy to find out what all the fuss was about. But I have no regrets, I did all in the spirit of Halloween. Plus, I was really fucking bored.

They also have a "Scary Black Cherry" slushie...

One can only imagine what color your piss or doodie will be after slurping this satanic swill.

The only nightmare I had was how gullible this fat fuck was for a holiday gimmick. This year's BK gimmick burger was a bust, better luck next year, but McDonald's is bringing back one of their most elusive shit sandwiches... And I can't wait for this year's review of the McRib, it's a Cheekan Lipz tradition that my one fan expects annually. I hope my bowels are up to it after this fiendish sando.

Arby's Seared Duck Breast Sandwich

Thanks Fat Murica, Arby's did it again! They came up with another fucking gimmick to lure in the untapped neophytes into their dumps... And this fat fuck again as well. Jesus, why am I such a sucka for this garbage... Maybe because I am so lonely. When they say "We HaveThe Meats", they kinda mean it, somewhat... They are the only fast food chain to have offered pork belly, venison, elk and now, the duck. Let's see what they have to say about it online...
"True hunters know that successful pursuits in meat hunting begin with dedication and patience. Our Duck Sandwich is no different. Our Duck Sandwich features a premium duck breast, smoked cherry sauce, crispy onions all on a signature Arby's bun."
Since, my pursuit in meat hunting for chicks on Saturday night in midtown was a total failure like most weekends, I had a fool proof plan to slay another bird the next day. Arby's is only making these  birds available at 16 locations throughout the nation and the only location offering this gimmick in Atlanta was on Roswell Rd and Wieuca. Ugh, y'all gonna make this muffin top drive through Buckhead to get some play... They better have this shit in stock or else I'll just have to go to Popeyes right up the street. 
Let's take a gander shall we...


Hmm, it doesn't look anything special from this PR pic... Fuck, did I make a mistake driving all the way over here? Fuck it, you fat slob and just do it... You know you want to.

I have never paid $7 for one fast food sando ever before... I'm kinda regretting it already but it's got a sticker with a duck on it. Seriously, how good can it be? You motherfuckers better do some witchcraft on this meat craft... Or give me some weed first to give me the munchies or chant some sorcery shit. Open the damn box already...

Like usual, the visual of the real thing is nothing like the picture... At first glance, it looked like a cow muffin between two buns. I'm kinda disappointed already. Let's see what's under the hood...

That is some sad ass fried onions. Wait a minute, nevermind the fucking onion straws... Is that skin on that piece of meat thinger? Let's take a closer look...

Fuck me. That is a seared skin on something... Let's cut it in half and find out what this mysterious meat is.

Jesus, is that a moose knuckle? The meat hunt is over... Look at that bloody gash... It's fowl looking. Kinda reminds me of this fat hillbilly slob that took me home after a sloppy night of quarter pitchers in college... She was a beast. She did things to me that shouldn't be done to farm animals. Is it bad that I kinda wanna do an American Pie on it? I can imagine eating this is almost like going down on a heavy set broad... There's usually a lot of mons pubis to gnaw on. I better grab a handful of napkins before I even attempt to work on this bloody hatchet wound.

Let's take a closer look... Seriously, how is this possible... From Arby's? That is a pretty thick ass piece of pink duck breast. It is even a bit on the bloody side to make you do a double take at the buns. And the seared skin is kinda amazing to find on there as well. Took a bite and the thick breast meat fills up your mouth to satisfy that carnivore carving. It was tender, juicy and had a nice chew to it... Unpossible! And the skin was seasoned pretty well, too. There was no way this was made in this kitchen. They had to have prepped and cooked all these duck breast at another location and vac packed these beauties with instructions on how to reheat because there was no fucking way these slack jaws working here can sear a duck and render the fat this precisely. I hate to say it but did they sous vide these duck breast? I mean, if they're in vac packs already, then all these retards have to do is throw it in a hot water bath. However they prepared it, it was kinda worth the $7 to sample this mons pubis of duck.

I must admit, this might be Arby's best showing of exotic meats that they have been introducing on a limited basis. Sometimes, gimmicks do work and whatever gives them the most attention puts them on the radar for people who usually don't eat at fast food joints. The only time I even go to an Arby's is for their gimmick meats because it's just so ridiculous... Hey, believe me, I still waiting for their next gimmick to fail so miserably so I can rip them a new asshole... That's because I'm just returning the favor. If they come out with a bone-in Tomahawk chop or a wagyu or kobe steak sando, you can bet on my fat ass that the Pouch will be there. This is their 4th limited edition game meat, so, maybe their 9th mystery meat will finally kill the Pouch from curiosity. But I wouldn't bet on it.

Banshee

This may be the only new joint that hasn't got as much hype as all the other new openings in this one horse town... What gives? What is wrong with this place? Is it EAV and how ghetto it has become? Is it the owners/operators? Did they burn some bridges in the industry? Who knows but let's check Yelp... Those retards don't give a shit as long as they are the first to review. Surprisingly, there are only three rave reviews and 4 pictures of the neon sign and menu but no pictures of the grub... How can this be? Wait, they prolly didn't get any freebies is my guess... No reviews for you! 

Now, the Pouch's interest has been piqued. So, a little bird gave me a play by play during a recent visit about how awful the food was, especially, the braised duck mezzelune which was a salty cesspool... I must admit that I get excited and turned on by slop. I had to go and see and feed for myself since I haven't been to a shitty new resto in such a long time. So, I snuck in there quietly around 9:40 on a Friday night, it was packed but that didn't surprise me, what did stumped me was that the host said the kitchen was closed... On a Friday night before 10PM. Let me say it again... kitchen closed before 10 on a Friday night. Do they want to go out of business, is that their MO and business model? Jesus, don't make me go to Octopus Bar, they have gone downhill so much these day which gives me sad panda pouch face. The host said I could hangout at the bar and get drinks... Why would I when the bar looked like the Thunderdome... Master Blaster was in the weeds with the pigs around that trough. I got the fuck outta there literally in 21 seconds and wasn't gonna stay in EAV waiting for a gun fight to erupt on a Friday night... That's because I was only carrying a small Kahr, I will remember to bring my CZ Scorpion Evo 3 next time. 

I was kinda over this joint with that ridiculousness, but once the Pouch gets an hankering for new slop, it doesn't let go... I had to do it for my one reader since I haven't posted any new slop joints in so long. So, I got real fucked up on Saturday during the day so I can make it here early at night before the ghetto herd arrived. Got here around 5:30 to dine with the blue hairs and it was kinda crowded already. Whatever, as long as the bar is flowing and the kitchen isn't closed by 6PM we should be all good. 

Let's sample some dishes and see if it lives up to my low expectations I already have deemed them to be...  

I drank so much booze during the day that I had to piss like an inflated fugu... Don't worry, I will be enjoying myself in the shitter, I might even light my farts on fire in there for extra enjoyment.

Fry Bread, pepperoni butter, sesame, scallion. The fry bread was nothing special but the pepperoni butter was what I was interested in... How can this possibly be good? It's grease on fat... But y'all know what, it was surprisingly edible and a taste that was quickly acquired. It wasn't craveworthy enough alone to bring me back here but I would order it again if I was here again depending on the rest of the dishes.

Butternut Squash Ravioli, white bean, pumpkin seed picata, parmesan crisp, brown butter. Look at this plating... Where the fuck is the rav? It looks like it's hidden under a coral. If Nemo peeks out from beneath I will swallow that lil fucker like I did in college pledging. Let me re-plate this for them... Amateurs.

Voila! How difficult was that? Now, I can see all the actors in the bowl... That ravioli, one ravioli, looked so lonely in there all by it's lonesome. Is it too much to ask for two ravs? Not like it's filled with foie gras and truffles... It's squash for crying out loud. The parm crisp is nicely made, the white bean puree was velvety smooth, the ravioli pasta was toothy, the squash inside was fine and the entire execution was seasoned nicely. It's a good lil dish but don't be so friggin' cheap with just one veg rav... It's take two to make a Pouch feel right, it takes two to make it taste outta sight.

Wagyu Rare Beef Salad, peanut crisp, togarashi mayo, pickled carrot, tatsoi, soft egg. I was real skeptical about getting wagyu beef in EAV... It could be from the plethora of roadkill found on Bouldercrest... That road is filled with shady roadkill creastures. Ok, let's start from the top... The soft egg was spot-on, can't complain about that at all. The salad was more of a pickled veggie tasting. The use of exotic sounding Asian greens like tatsoi annoys me... Like they discovered some new breed of greens. It's just a friggin' spinach mustard thinger. Let's get to the main actor here... hidden under all that shit soaking up all the juices. The thinly slice manmeat wasn't as rare as stated but it tasted just ok, nothing really stood out on the flavor because it's been marinating under that mess. Not that it was putrid, either... But I wouldn't get it again because it got real tiresome after the perfect soft egg.

Pork Cheek Skewers, shishitos, garlic chips, dragon sauce. This will either be a big hit or a massive miss... And then this came out... This beautiful skewer of chubby swine cheeks sandwiched between shishito peppers looked amazing. There was no dragon sauce on the plate but it looked to be glazed on the cheeks. This dish was pretty damn tasty... the cheeks were tender as fuck and had a hint of sweetness and heat from the so called dragon sauce aka spicy soy sauce. This was good enough for the Pouch to put in a second order. Now, this was craveworthy enough for me to go back for more.

Pappardelle, sauce portugaise, shiitake mushrooms, fresno pepper, sage gremolata. Paying $16 for a small bowl of pasta usually pisses me off since pasta is low rent filler grub. This bowl may have been worth the price of admission if it wasn't all stuck together... I had to quickly rip the ribbons of pasta apart like a hair wax strip. The sauce and shiitake was pretty good and hearty but it coulda use a bit more seasoning. Every time I look at this bowl of pasta it reminds me of the 40 year old virgin. Oh, nipplefuck! Kelly Clarkson! I bet she likes to eat sticky pasta...

Pork Tenderloin, fig olivada, charred leek, almond, port jus. There was no fucking way in my rational pea brain I was gonna get the duck mezzelune but I really wanted to experience that nightmare... Alas, I played it safe since this entire visit has been going way better than expected. You can't fuck up a pork tenderloin, right? And that seemed to be true with this dish.. The medallions of Ms. Piggy were tender and moist, the figs were sweet and the port jus gave it that hint of richness. It's not a generous portion by any means but the execution was good enough to not make me mad for over paying for this tapas size portion. 

I was buzzed and all psyched to rip this joint a new brown balloon knot, but with the very decent visit I just had here, I have nothing really that crass to say... But then again, I didn't order the duck. I may just have to next time and then finish it off with the pork cheeks to cover up that salty cesspool in my cesshole.
The service was pleasant and prompt, their signature cocktails were ok but just stick with the classics like the old fashioned and sazerac along with the pork cheeks... And your night will not be a total shit show like the rest of EAV on a weekend night. I hope they can make it last in this shithole.

1271 Glenwood Ave
Atlanta, GA 30316
www.banshee-atl.com

Genuine Pizza

Didn't all the malls in this country died a slow death like in the mid 90's? I don't know how Lenox Mall and Phipps Plaza are still in business. I haven't been back to either in so many years but I had to go to Lenox to try out Cousins Maine Lobster new brick and mortar store not too long ago and the food was more disappointing than Captain D's lobster roll... There is something seriously wrong if the Pouch is craving Captain Douche's sloppy surimi rolls than a supposedly real Maine lobster roll. I will never go back to Lenox ever again... But what about Phipps, Pouch? So, there is allegedly a decent Neapolitan 'ZA chain joint somewhere inside that dump. It's called Genuine Pizza. Yeah, right... I ain't falling for the banana in the tailpipe... No fucking way, bro... Say what? Happy hour pizza for $10 any pie... Hmmm. So, what? It's pedestrian pizza in a mall... How good can it be? I used the word "Neapolitan" instead of Napoletana because these Eyetalians are not from Naples, Italy, but Naples, Florida. Shit, the pizzaiolos... Err, I mean the pizza makers in front of the Marra Forni Rotator natural gas brick oven looked like they work here part time and aspiring music producers on their lunch break handing out demo tapes in the mall. The Marra Forni oven is a decent pizza oven for the high volume pedestrian palate... They do offer a wood burning one but since this is Phipps Plaza wood is out of the question for safety reasons... For the children. The oven is bright yellow and very eye catching but that giant hood above it is such an eye sore and just plain fugly. I have slayed fat broads prettier than this thing. If you look at it in the right angle, it kinda looks like Marvin the Martian... Isn't that lovely?
That is the question isn't it? Can a mall 'ZA joint be all that they claim to be... Time to make a visit. I swear, if it sucks ass, I will never go back to a mall ever again.

Margherita, mozzarella, tomato sauce, basil. The classic pie but not the size... They are a bit smaller at around 12" vs. the DOP 12-14" standard. It's not a bad looking pie but I'm not loving the basil leaves cut in half sprinkled sparsely around the 'ZA... Leave them whole, bitches. Please. Let's take a closer look at the crust...

Looks pretty good. The char blisters, the low rise thin crust- both totally acceptable. Took a slice and it folded nicely. The center of the pie is thin but yet a bit soggy, so the tip of the slice was pretty floppy and drippy. Not a deal breaker but it makes it a bit harder to eat. The sauce is bright and vibrant but unseasoned, it was kinda bland and muted. The spots of mozza dotted around the pie was fine, it was creamy and gooey. The crust is a bit tough to chew but it was acceptable. This Margherita is not going to win any awards but it didn't make me cry either.

Short Rib, gruyere cheese, caramelized onion, arugula. I know I know... Why am I making the same mistake I made at Firepit Pizza by ordering a non-red pie? Because I'm fat, drunk and stupid, that's why. Once again, this reminded of 70's porn when it came out to the table. Shit is getting hairy up in this piece. Jesus, that is a lot of arugula on there... And what is that smell... What are they trying to cover up? The server said this was her favorite pie and I bought it- hook, line and sucker. Look at that fucking giant crust, it's like buying a pair of flip flops two sizes too big. A giant flap that sticks out the back flinging sand and water right up your ass. I had to take most of the arugula off just to sneak a peak what pie it was. The more I looked at it, the more I wanted to fold this in half and make it into a calzone just to keep all the filler inside. The short rib pieces were tasty, as well as the other ingredients on this pie but overall, it was a very dry pie. I would skip this 'ZA and just stick with the red sauce pies.

Slow Roasted Pork, fig, roasted onion, fontina cheese, arugula. Fuck me, am I having deja vu? Am I in the Matrix mall? If I see a fucking cat walk by twice, I'm gonna start shooting anyone in a black suit with sunglasses that is doing a revolved side angle pose. This pie was also the server's other favorite, seems like there is a pattern here of selling as much 'ZA to any pedestrian as possible. Jesus, I'm such a fucking sucka for roasted pork and figs on anything. If they had fried chicken as a topping, I would get that no questions asked. Let's take a closer look at that giant noodle of a crust... I bet you, this shit can float.

Not as much char blisters on this pie which was weird because the oven rotates inside for even cooking. This was the only area that had decent char spots. Once again, this pie was dry and chewy like eating a bowl of Cherrios in the desert with no milk. The pork was dried out but the figs were sweet and gummy. I really have to stop getting these white pies with fancy toppings on them... They all fucking suck.

Zeppole, honey whipped ricotta. The big thick triangles of fried pizza dough dusted in 10x sugar looked the part when it came out but when you take a bite of this wheel choke it will make you want to spit it out and stick it under the table leg to stop the wobbling or am I just dizzy from this dreadful specimen. The whipped ricotta was fine but no amount of that creamed jizz will make these thick, dense, hard to chew door stops go down your throat any easier, no matter how many bags of dicks you have swallowed. Save your money and skip these abominable snowwedge at all costs. They suck ass.

Was the 'ZA here Genuine? No, but the service was friendly, prompt and totally pleasant. But the manager/owner/partner/meathead seemed to belong more at an ultra lounge on the Jersey shore than running a 'ZA joint in a mall... Bedazzled jeans are so 24 minzies ago, just sayin', bro. If I had to pay full price for these 'ZAs, I would not have been so nice about it. But the happy hour deal is a good way to try all the different pies they have to offer (they are pretty small, so, go with a couple other peoples). I would not make this a destination 'ZA joint but if I was forced to be in this mall again, I would not mind trying the spicy pepperoni and Italian sausage pies next time (no more fucking white pies for this fat fuck)... During happy hour, of course. Everything else on the menu sounded so pedestrian and boring as fuck... Oven roasted 1/2 cheekan for $19? Puh-leez. I can get a whole roasted cheekan for $5 at Kroger or Publix... Don't forget to grab a box of fwied cheekan, too. If you time it right, Walmart puts their whole roasted chicken out for half price after a certain time. The Pouch is all about good deals these days and my one reader deserves to know the inside scoop.

3500 Peachtree Rd.
Room # 1096B
Atlanta, GA 32608
https://www.genuinepizza.com/locations/phipps-plaza

The Po'Boy Shop

This new po'boy shop quietly opened next to Ms. Icey's in the Community Q BBQ strip mall... But it's making a big draw with the crowds. Supposedly, they have served over 400 po'boys in 3 days and many other items on the menu. Obviously, the big seller is the po'boys since they are proudly serving the famous Leidenheimer bread which makes the po'boy a po'boy... Kinda like how an Amoroso roll makes a cheesesteak a philty. The last time I had a po'boy with Leidenheimer bread was at On the Bayou on South Cobb Drive many many moons ago... It was pretty good but they shuttered eventually like everything else in Cobb county. There hasn't been a decent po'boy since... Not that you can't find a po'boy around this one horse town but if it's not on a Leidenheimer bread, it's tough to call it a po'boy.
Since, this new joint is using the genuine bread, it's time for the Pouch to take a sneak peek and see what the fuss is about... Walked in and it's counter service which is pretty much standard for this type street grub. I liked the open kitchen so you can see them hock a loogie in your food if they're having a bad day. It's clean and it looks like they are doing a good job at keeping it clean with this type of messy menu. For being open for just a few days, they are pretty efficient but are they consistent? Let's go find out... I'm kinda excited and skeptical about the Leidenheimer bread, there is just so much bait and switch going on these days and most people will never even notice.

Half & Half, oyster and shrimp, spicy remoulade, Leidenheimer bread. They have a small which is 6 inch for $10 and the regular is 10 inch for $14... Which was kinda pricey for an unproven po'boy. I went for the full priced 10 inch to see what they were packing... As did many other broads behind me, they must be hungry for the 10 inch po'boy. It came out wrapped in paper and the size looked decent... Once it was unwrapped, I poked at the bread. It had a thin crispy crust and a soft spongy inside. The bread seemed legit... And the crispy golden brown sea snots and skrimps peeking out did so as well. It's a good start so far... Let's open up this specimen and check out the seahorse power underneath the hood...

What the fuck... How chintzy can you be for $14? What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this? They should rename this joint "The Po Shop Boys" instead. This snatch patch had 3 small oysters and 4 shrimp in single file. C'mon, for $14 you gotta be a little more generous with the all important filler. I don't know who cut the veg but it looked like they cut the iceberg lettuce and tomatoes together at the same time like at Ann's Snack Bar. I kinda prefer the lettuce to be a bit more shredded and the tomatoes in half moon shape.. But that is neither here nor there, it's just all aesthetics, right... C'mon, Pouch, it's not nice to criticize them about proper knife skills in a commercial kitchen. Closed the hood and took a bite... It's not bad at all but I must admit that the bread had a lot to do with that. The oyster and shrimp had a nice crispy batter and seasoned nicely... But I wanted a couple more oysters and shrimp, I wanted this po'boy to be plump like me. The pickles were fine and the spicy remoulade was pretty tasty. It was a respectable po'boy, great bread but just fill'er up with just a bit more crispy sea nuggets and I would be ok with paying y'all top dollar. Would I get it again? No, not at this point. But I would if they would just clean it up a bit more. This is not a subliminal message... I want more shit inside that fucker, yo.

Combo of Oyster, Shrimp and Grouper.  Red beans & rice, slaw, hush puppies and remoulade. When I opened the lid... At first glance, it didn't look like $16 worth of food. That styrofoam box looked kinda light with a few scraps of fried sea specimens. 3 oysters, 3 shrimp, 2 grouper and 2 hush puppies. Let's take a closer look...

Now, lookie here... Up close and personal. The batter is pretty good, light, thin and crispy. The hush puppies looked a bit sad... It's just useless filler anyways, so, we'll eat that last. The oyster and shrimp is the same as the po'boy. The grouper was nicely fried with the thin crispy crust and the inside was moist and flaky. It was pretty good. I would be happier if they round up the oyster and shrimp count  to 4 pieces each but the 2 pieces of grouper was acceptable.

Their red beans & rice was a pleasant surprise... It was robust and hefty, not like the box shit you get at the market with tiny beans you make at home. I almost wanted to do an "American Pie" with this glory hole of beans. It was almost spot on except that it needed to be seasoned more, it was kinda bland... Not that a little hot sauce can't fix. I saw the gumbo as well and it also looked pretty good, next time.

Let's get back to those saggy ass old man grandpa balls... I was hesitant to put their saggy balls in my mouth but I had to for my one reader. I cut a Nawlin's testicle open and it totally surprised me... It wasn't all dried out and grainy like at so many other places. It was moist, seasoned nicely with jalapeno bits and a golden brown crust. I couldn't believe it, this was a very respectable attempt at the lowly hush puppy.

Overall, it was a pretty decent display of Nawlin's street grub... Not considering the price as a factor. The po'boy needs to be cleaned up a bit but when they do, it will be fantastic. The fry platter was tasty as well but the portion needs to be for an adult, not a tween. The slaw and red beans & rice were acceptable as well but the hush puppy really surprised me the most on this initial visit.
The staff was quick and friendly but one of the owners/manager was just drenched in sweat... I mean like he just got a bucket of Gatorade dumped on him after a Saints win against the Falcons. I understand the stress and volume during a rush can make you sweat but if Gordon Ramsay saw this sweaty pig out in the dining room serving guests, he would send this donkey home to change. Seriously, it's not exactly appetizing to have someone soaked through his clothes serving your food. They say 1 in 4 people have Genghis Khan's DNA but half of the people who has eaten here has Po'Boy Shop DNA... I feel sweaty all of the sudden.
I would not go back for the standard po'boys until it's more consistent and the disgusting Impo'ssible Vegan Burger, why why why would you? But I would go back and try some of the other items on the menu like the Debris I saw at the next table, a gravy laden chopped roast beef that is more of a manwich log than a po'boy. But if it's on the Leidenheimer bread, I'll call it whatever you want me to... Because it did look pretty good in a messy saucy kinda way. The Cajun Meat Pies looked like little empanadas which may be a hit or miss, next time as well. I'm skeptical about the Muffaletta Po'Boy because it's just sacrilegious without the Silician sesame bread. But I like what they're doing in here and Decatur needed something a little different in this area. The local yokels are coming in by the truck loads so they must be giving the plebes what they want and that will keep them in business.

1369 Clairmont Rd.
Decatur, GA 30033
www.thepoboyshopatl.com