I tell you what... I came in here when it first opened...
I looked at the menu on the wall (bleh),
I looked at the craptastic assortment of slop in the steam trays (meh),
I looked at the creatures eating in here (barf),
I looked back at the door I came through (freedom),
And I walked back out (no flush).
Fast forward many moons ahead and many dwinks after a 2 day binge. I find myself burrowed inside a cave of blankets like a mongoloid fetus craving some beef noodle soup. Hell, if I was gonna drive my septic tank of a pouch to Buford Hizzy but if I didn't get some magical Pho, STAT, I woulda got SIDS. Then it dawn on me that Cliffy mentioned he liked the Pho here. I put on my cleanest moo moo rag and headed for their back door.
Snuck in like a chicken head walking on egg shells... crack crack crack cuckoo cuckoo! Fuck it, give me an order of pho all the way and make that to go mama-san! Parked my towtruck ass on the couch, turned on the boob tube and preceded to slurp down this crap in a bowl of healing goodness to neutralize the toxins. WoW doesn't know the power!
Surprisingly, the broth wasn't half bad, noodles and sliced mystery meat and what-not tasted alright. I stretched out, laid my head on a fluffy pillow and spent the rest of the day in a state of encephalitic flatulation.
Heaven.
Just like Heaven.
Burp!
1870 Piedmont Ave
Atlanta, GA 30324
(404) 892-8688
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Total Wines & More
Total Wines: It buys the bottles on sale. It does this whenever it is told.
Me: Mister... I only pay in cash. Whatever sale prices you're askin' for, I'll pay it.
TW: It puts the bottles in it's basket or else it gets the cart again.
TW: Yes, it will, Precious, won't it? It will get the cart!
Me: Okay... okay... okay. Mister, if you show me where the Pinot Noir are, I will - I will charge it, I promise. See, my pouch is a real important organ... I guess you already know that.
TW: Now it places another bottle in the basket.
Me: Please! Please, I wanna go home! I wanna go home please!
TW: It places more bottles in the basket.
Me: I wanna see my puppy! Please I wanna see my...
TW: Put the fucking bottles in the basket!
15 bottles and all the Brooklyn brews later, I ended up ditching the hand basket for a dualie shopping cart. I always pay in cash, so the man can't track my whereabouts, but I had to whip out the plastic instead. This booze brothel is like Lay's tater chips... You just can't eat one. This place is like crack... Don't be surprised if you find me inside a well rubbing Malbec on it's skin.
Good selection, good service and good prices.
My Precious.
124 Perimeter Ctr W
Atlanta, GA 30346
(770) 395-1678
Me: Mister... I only pay in cash. Whatever sale prices you're askin' for, I'll pay it.
TW: It puts the bottles in it's basket or else it gets the cart again.
TW: Yes, it will, Precious, won't it? It will get the cart!
Me: Okay... okay... okay. Mister, if you show me where the Pinot Noir are, I will - I will charge it, I promise. See, my pouch is a real important organ... I guess you already know that.
TW: Now it places another bottle in the basket.
Me: Please! Please, I wanna go home! I wanna go home please!
TW: It places more bottles in the basket.
Me: I wanna see my puppy! Please I wanna see my...
TW: Put the fucking bottles in the basket!
15 bottles and all the Brooklyn brews later, I ended up ditching the hand basket for a dualie shopping cart. I always pay in cash, so the man can't track my whereabouts, but I had to whip out the plastic instead. This booze brothel is like Lay's tater chips... You just can't eat one. This place is like crack... Don't be surprised if you find me inside a well rubbing Malbec on it's skin.
Good selection, good service and good prices.
My Precious.
124 Perimeter Ctr W
Atlanta, GA 30346
(770) 395-1678
The Nook
After a handful of visits to this nook, there's not much to say except *sigh*". Overall, there's more misses than hits... This joint is strictly for drinking and people watching. While the patio is awesome during nice weather, I can not say so for the vittles. Let's just say no one is clicking away on OpenTable to make rez for dinner here... Oh wait, they're not on OT, wise move.
Smoked Wings - Decent sized wings and one of the better items on the menu. Spicy Coca-Cola bbq sauce had the heat level of Sprite. $10 for foul trimmings? Crooks.
Shrimp & Andouille Toast - Words can not describe this unappetizing presentation of a thing. Andouille sliced paper thin and if you stacked them on top of each other, it would be equivalent to the size of an Alka Seltzer tablet. Shrimp was devoid of all color and taste, hidden under a plethora of onions (I would hide them too). The 2 weird shaped toast was burnt and crumbled apart upon the first bite. This dish is toast.
Caesar Salad - A decent size bowl of ruffage but the dressing was seriously lacking (a hint of anchovies? It was more like a wink. I think those minnows flopped outta the bowl when the cook wasn't looking). $4 extra for grilled chicken that was barely visible. Sum it all up and it's a pretty pathetic chicken salad for $10. Save yourself the $4 and keep the chicken across the road.
Certified Angus Half Pound Burga - Certified or Certifiable? Perhaps the best item on the menu. Wow, imagine that, a burga. The comic relief comes in the form of 2 translucent slices of Gouda that eerily resembles condoms trying to unroll itself over the semi-hard meat. Nice buns.
Totchos - I heard there's a new movie coming out called Totcho Libre... It's about freeing this thing off the menu. Who sat in a think tank to come up with this... A Totchode?
Redneck Chodes - Just a hot brown mess... Whoever eats this, got more than their pork pulled.
Philly Chodes - A Philthy is delicious chopped up meat with gooey melted provolone between a pair of buns. All I got was two chunks of rubbery meat rolling off the A-cup mound of tots desperately dangling to the plate from a cheez string.
Sides of Green bean almondine, mac n cheez, onion rings were passable. I did spy The Nook Club and Roasted Chicken at another table which did looked decent... While the Chix Wrap, Quesadilluh and Medi Platter looked like it came from a kids cooking school.
The service is just a circus but with a smile. Something is rotten in the State of Denmark when the food comes out faster than your bill. I was charged double for a bottle beer which wasn't on the POS system and when the corrected bill came back, I was charged 50 cents less. The worst problem they will face with a packed house is the bathroom issue. One can each for the boys and girls... Why is there always a line for the guys? Could it be the free blowjobs by the Dyson Airblade? Valet for a friggin pub is just off the chain, they need to flush that down the bidet. Cuckoo cuckoo!
I have no doubt this joint will do well in this location across the park. The patio is their best selling point, everything else is just conversation.
1 star for the Airblade, 1 star for the patio, 1 star for the unlimited amount of popped collars and hot broads they can pack in here.
Hey, I did it all for the Nookie.
Squirt.
1144 Piedmont Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 745-9222
Smoked Wings - Decent sized wings and one of the better items on the menu. Spicy Coca-Cola bbq sauce had the heat level of Sprite. $10 for foul trimmings? Crooks.
Shrimp & Andouille Toast - Words can not describe this unappetizing presentation of a thing. Andouille sliced paper thin and if you stacked them on top of each other, it would be equivalent to the size of an Alka Seltzer tablet. Shrimp was devoid of all color and taste, hidden under a plethora of onions (I would hide them too). The 2 weird shaped toast was burnt and crumbled apart upon the first bite. This dish is toast.
Caesar Salad - A decent size bowl of ruffage but the dressing was seriously lacking (a hint of anchovies? It was more like a wink. I think those minnows flopped outta the bowl when the cook wasn't looking). $4 extra for grilled chicken that was barely visible. Sum it all up and it's a pretty pathetic chicken salad for $10. Save yourself the $4 and keep the chicken across the road.
Certified Angus Half Pound Burga - Certified or Certifiable? Perhaps the best item on the menu. Wow, imagine that, a burga. The comic relief comes in the form of 2 translucent slices of Gouda that eerily resembles condoms trying to unroll itself over the semi-hard meat. Nice buns.
Totchos - I heard there's a new movie coming out called Totcho Libre... It's about freeing this thing off the menu. Who sat in a think tank to come up with this... A Totchode?
Redneck Chodes - Just a hot brown mess... Whoever eats this, got more than their pork pulled.
Philly Chodes - A Philthy is delicious chopped up meat with gooey melted provolone between a pair of buns. All I got was two chunks of rubbery meat rolling off the A-cup mound of tots desperately dangling to the plate from a cheez string.
Sides of Green bean almondine, mac n cheez, onion rings were passable. I did spy The Nook Club and Roasted Chicken at another table which did looked decent... While the Chix Wrap, Quesadilluh and Medi Platter looked like it came from a kids cooking school.
The service is just a circus but with a smile. Something is rotten in the State of Denmark when the food comes out faster than your bill. I was charged double for a bottle beer which wasn't on the POS system and when the corrected bill came back, I was charged 50 cents less. The worst problem they will face with a packed house is the bathroom issue. One can each for the boys and girls... Why is there always a line for the guys? Could it be the free blowjobs by the Dyson Airblade? Valet for a friggin pub is just off the chain, they need to flush that down the bidet. Cuckoo cuckoo!
I have no doubt this joint will do well in this location across the park. The patio is their best selling point, everything else is just conversation.
1 star for the Airblade, 1 star for the patio, 1 star for the unlimited amount of popped collars and hot broads they can pack in here.
Hey, I did it all for the Nookie.
Squirt.
1144 Piedmont Ave NE
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 745-9222
Varasano's Pizzeria
After all the flour had settled, dough has proofed and the ovens plugged into the outlets, does it live up to the hype? We all know FLIP didn't but will JV's...
The Neapolitan pizza wars have started years before this joint was even a stain in JV's pants. His website proclaiming Fritti's 'ZA as "Pathetic tasteless cardboard" raise the oven temps in the quest for the best pie in the ATL. Can my pouch handle all this high gluten? Do washed up, old skanks end up at the Clermont to die a noble death? The answer is yes... It's not an easy job but someone's gotta do it.
What better way to see the inner workings than to sit at the pizza bar... Stefano stretching the dough, like my pouch, was a mesmerizing sight, thin as can be and a perfect circle. With a tap of the foot switch, the oven door swings open (those newfangled gadgets!) and in goes the pie.
Timing and temperature is everything to a great Neapolitan pie... The Swedish electric oven was set at 365 Celsius (689 F) which kinda threw me off a bit since it really should be 800 F or higher. The pie came out within 3-4 minutes. But what happened next was just a bunch of Tomfoolery. The pie sat on a cooling rack with two Tornado fans under it. I assume it was used to release the extra steam so it wouldn't be soggy... But by the time I got the pie (a whole 2 feet away), it was barely warm and limp in the middle. Could it be that the server (like a chicken without a head) picked it up and ran a lap around the resto with it before coming back to home plate? Nooooo, can't be!
Classic Margherita- Crust was thin, crispy and lightly charred. The sauce was a bit watery and needed more zing. The cheese disintegrated into the sauce and by then it was barely distinguishable. The basil was scarce. I also missed the smell and taste only a wood burning oven can produce. But not a bad pie overall.
I had tried a bunch of his other 'ZA's at his home before and they tasted a lot better, probably because it was in a controlled environment. Only time will tell if they can consistently control every single pie that comes out. With JV's passion about pizza, I think he will.
Is it better than Fritti's? With Enrico, straight outta Naples, slinging pies from the motherland, it will be a difficult feat. Especially, with their wood burning oven. I'm sure I will be back many times to both places to see who truly is the "Cardboard" King.
3.5 Stars with potential. (Rounded up to 4 for proximity)
Mangia!
2171 Peachtree Rd
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 352-8216
The Neapolitan pizza wars have started years before this joint was even a stain in JV's pants. His website proclaiming Fritti's 'ZA as "Pathetic tasteless cardboard" raise the oven temps in the quest for the best pie in the ATL. Can my pouch handle all this high gluten? Do washed up, old skanks end up at the Clermont to die a noble death? The answer is yes... It's not an easy job but someone's gotta do it.
What better way to see the inner workings than to sit at the pizza bar... Stefano stretching the dough, like my pouch, was a mesmerizing sight, thin as can be and a perfect circle. With a tap of the foot switch, the oven door swings open (those newfangled gadgets!) and in goes the pie.
Timing and temperature is everything to a great Neapolitan pie... The Swedish electric oven was set at 365 Celsius (689 F) which kinda threw me off a bit since it really should be 800 F or higher. The pie came out within 3-4 minutes. But what happened next was just a bunch of Tomfoolery. The pie sat on a cooling rack with two Tornado fans under it. I assume it was used to release the extra steam so it wouldn't be soggy... But by the time I got the pie (a whole 2 feet away), it was barely warm and limp in the middle. Could it be that the server (like a chicken without a head) picked it up and ran a lap around the resto with it before coming back to home plate? Nooooo, can't be!
Classic Margherita- Crust was thin, crispy and lightly charred. The sauce was a bit watery and needed more zing. The cheese disintegrated into the sauce and by then it was barely distinguishable. The basil was scarce. I also missed the smell and taste only a wood burning oven can produce. But not a bad pie overall.
I had tried a bunch of his other 'ZA's at his home before and they tasted a lot better, probably because it was in a controlled environment. Only time will tell if they can consistently control every single pie that comes out. With JV's passion about pizza, I think he will.
Is it better than Fritti's? With Enrico, straight outta Naples, slinging pies from the motherland, it will be a difficult feat. Especially, with their wood burning oven. I'm sure I will be back many times to both places to see who truly is the "Cardboard" King.
3.5 Stars with potential. (Rounded up to 4 for proximity)
Mangia!
2171 Peachtree Rd
Atlanta, GA 30309
(404) 352-8216
Dim Sum Heaven
The only time you'll find Dim Sum here is when you go to Heaven.
I'm Confucius'd... WTFoo? No dim sum at a resto named Dim Sum Heaven? Cuckoo cuckoo!
This joint is Foo Chow cuisine not even close to Cantonese, in dialect or distance. The Chinese translation of this joint is "Typical Fuzhou Northern Restaurant". The word "typical" is something I don't want to hear from a resto... Panda Expwess is typical.
Tian Noodles- Seafood bits in white noodles. Wet bland style. Nothing more, nothing less.
Stir-Fried Noodles w. Fish & Shredded Meat- Noodles were made with fish paste (interesting) and few strings of meat here and there. Basically, the same thing as the Tian noods.
Slice Conch in Sour Sauce- This thing came out looking like the pan trimmings of a butcher shop, bloody red. The sauce might had been sour once, that was before all the canned veggies diluted it down. Conch or bamboo? Who knows, it was all the same consistency.
Spare Rib w. Wine Sauce- They should call it "Sparse Rib" because there was barely any meat on them bones. I think the cook drank all the Wine, the sauce was your 'typical' brown sauce.
Fish Ball & Foo Chow Meat Ball- Now, this was interesting, a nice little surprise inside but their ballz were not as tender as I would have liked. The broth was decent and facilitated swallowing that load.
Seafood w. Bean Curd Soup- Fuzhou is famous for their soups and if this is any indication... Just shoot me now.
Sauteed Snow Pea Shoots- Alright, finally a dish even Simple Jack can't screw up... Friggin tastee. Period.
Xiao Long Bao- aka Soup Dumps... This is on their so called "Dim Sum" list. Rule: Never bring out soup dumps in a bamboo basket WITHOUT the top cover! Those dumps were tepid and dried out on the top before it got to the table. Though they looked good, the soup had leaked outta most of them.
Pot Stickers- Well, they don't call it that but these pan fwied dumps were barely crispy on the bottom and the filling was barely passable. Just not a lot of flavors going on in here.
No frills is the best term to describe this place... From the decor to the grub. I'm sure there's an audience somewhere for this type of northern Chinese vittles. Hell, there's an audience for CiCi's pizza...
There might be a God in Heaven after all!
Father, forgive them, for they know not what they eat. (Gastro 4:20)
2.5 Stars.
5203 Buford Highway
Atlanta, GA 30340
(770) 451-4290
I'm Confucius'd... WTFoo? No dim sum at a resto named Dim Sum Heaven? Cuckoo cuckoo!
This joint is Foo Chow cuisine not even close to Cantonese, in dialect or distance. The Chinese translation of this joint is "Typical Fuzhou Northern Restaurant". The word "typical" is something I don't want to hear from a resto... Panda Expwess is typical.
Tian Noodles- Seafood bits in white noodles. Wet bland style. Nothing more, nothing less.
Stir-Fried Noodles w. Fish & Shredded Meat- Noodles were made with fish paste (interesting) and few strings of meat here and there. Basically, the same thing as the Tian noods.
Slice Conch in Sour Sauce- This thing came out looking like the pan trimmings of a butcher shop, bloody red. The sauce might had been sour once, that was before all the canned veggies diluted it down. Conch or bamboo? Who knows, it was all the same consistency.
Spare Rib w. Wine Sauce- They should call it "Sparse Rib" because there was barely any meat on them bones. I think the cook drank all the Wine, the sauce was your 'typical' brown sauce.
Fish Ball & Foo Chow Meat Ball- Now, this was interesting, a nice little surprise inside but their ballz were not as tender as I would have liked. The broth was decent and facilitated swallowing that load.
Seafood w. Bean Curd Soup- Fuzhou is famous for their soups and if this is any indication... Just shoot me now.
Sauteed Snow Pea Shoots- Alright, finally a dish even Simple Jack can't screw up... Friggin tastee. Period.
Xiao Long Bao- aka Soup Dumps... This is on their so called "Dim Sum" list. Rule: Never bring out soup dumps in a bamboo basket WITHOUT the top cover! Those dumps were tepid and dried out on the top before it got to the table. Though they looked good, the soup had leaked outta most of them.
Pot Stickers- Well, they don't call it that but these pan fwied dumps were barely crispy on the bottom and the filling was barely passable. Just not a lot of flavors going on in here.
No frills is the best term to describe this place... From the decor to the grub. I'm sure there's an audience somewhere for this type of northern Chinese vittles. Hell, there's an audience for CiCi's pizza...
There might be a God in Heaven after all!
Father, forgive them, for they know not what they eat. (Gastro 4:20)
2.5 Stars.
5203 Buford Highway
Atlanta, GA 30340
(770) 451-4290
What the Pho?
OTP? Hellz yeah.
FOB? Yep, Engrish only.
WTP? That's their moniker, don't wear it out.
Fried Pork/Shrimp Eggwolls- Crispy but a tad greasy. Loved the exposed shrimp tail at the end. Verra tastee.
Pho- All the way... Fell a little short on the meat dept. C'mon, offal ain't that expensive. A little more tripe ain't gonna kill ya. The broth was rich and savory. Like most pho joints, the broth is always not hot enough because of all the cold ingredients put into the bowl beforehand.
Bun- D9 platter. Skewers of char-grilled pork, rice paper wrappers and tons of veggie fillers. A ginormous heap of crap on a plate for about $10. Totally can feed a family of 4 (totally FMV), tasty and fun to make a mess at the table... who cares, you don't have to clean up!
Papaya Bubble Tea- As good as any other joints. They all taste the same after a while.
With so many ethnic spots to be had up in this piece, you can't go wrong with WTP.
Is it me or do the colors in here remind you of "The Ques"?
"Good Pho is Essential to the Soul"
Slurp.
2442 Pleasant Hill Rd
Duluth, GA 30096
(770) 814-9396
FOB? Yep, Engrish only.
WTP? That's their moniker, don't wear it out.
Fried Pork/Shrimp Eggwolls- Crispy but a tad greasy. Loved the exposed shrimp tail at the end. Verra tastee.
Pho- All the way... Fell a little short on the meat dept. C'mon, offal ain't that expensive. A little more tripe ain't gonna kill ya. The broth was rich and savory. Like most pho joints, the broth is always not hot enough because of all the cold ingredients put into the bowl beforehand.
Bun- D9 platter. Skewers of char-grilled pork, rice paper wrappers and tons of veggie fillers. A ginormous heap of crap on a plate for about $10. Totally can feed a family of 4 (totally FMV), tasty and fun to make a mess at the table... who cares, you don't have to clean up!
Papaya Bubble Tea- As good as any other joints. They all taste the same after a while.
With so many ethnic spots to be had up in this piece, you can't go wrong with WTP.
Is it me or do the colors in here remind you of "The Ques"?
"Good Pho is Essential to the Soul"
Slurp.
2442 Pleasant Hill Rd
Duluth, GA 30096
(770) 814-9396
Romeo's New York Pizza
"O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo's NY Pizza?
Deny thy AP flour and refuse thy filler toppings.
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll no longer use Caputo 00."
While seeking out a secret location for KFC (No, not Col. Sanders but Korean Fwied Chix)... I passed by this relatively new 'ZA joint and had to give it a shot. Besides the two shilly-esque raving reviews, Peter's review is a tad more realistic.
How serious can a place be about NY style 'ZA when their bread and butter is attributed to soccer moms and minivan loads of kids. I ordered a couple cheese slices to go because I couldn't stand the screaming. After talking to Gene Romeo (part of Rocky's Brick Oven) for a couple minzies, he told me I had to eat it there. Fine, give me a couple of mozza sticks to put in my ears. But what interested me was the Grande cheese and All Trumps high gluten flour.
Slices arrived, looked up da skirt, barely charred but crispy, cheese melt- nice, foldability- good, minimal amount of drip- good, sauce- good, not too sweet and overall a GOOD slice. The real test is always a large pie made to order.
While gabbin about other pizzerias w/ Romeo ("I'm coming after you Varasano's!" ...Ooookay), I asked about the Philthy and to my surprise he uses Amoroso Rolls, no Whiz, just provolone. Holy crap, that's definitely on my list.
I couldn't agree more with "Dalton" from the Double Deuce PR agency, if you want decent 'ZA with a house full of banshee spawns... "Romeo's New York Pizza located in Johns Creek, Georgia right next to the movie theatre is the place to go!"
I repeat, it's in Johns Creek, Georgia...
"What's in a name? That which we call a pizza by any other name would taste as sweet... to a bunch of 5 yr olds"
Thanks for the GPS directions pal.
9700 MEDLOCK BRIDGE RD
Johns Creek, GA 30097
(678) 514-1111
Deny thy AP flour and refuse thy filler toppings.
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll no longer use Caputo 00."
While seeking out a secret location for KFC (No, not Col. Sanders but Korean Fwied Chix)... I passed by this relatively new 'ZA joint and had to give it a shot. Besides the two shilly-esque raving reviews, Peter's review is a tad more realistic.
How serious can a place be about NY style 'ZA when their bread and butter is attributed to soccer moms and minivan loads of kids. I ordered a couple cheese slices to go because I couldn't stand the screaming. After talking to Gene Romeo (part of Rocky's Brick Oven) for a couple minzies, he told me I had to eat it there. Fine, give me a couple of mozza sticks to put in my ears. But what interested me was the Grande cheese and All Trumps high gluten flour.
Slices arrived, looked up da skirt, barely charred but crispy, cheese melt- nice, foldability- good, minimal amount of drip- good, sauce- good, not too sweet and overall a GOOD slice. The real test is always a large pie made to order.
While gabbin about other pizzerias w/ Romeo ("I'm coming after you Varasano's!" ...Ooookay), I asked about the Philthy and to my surprise he uses Amoroso Rolls, no Whiz, just provolone. Holy crap, that's definitely on my list.
I couldn't agree more with "Dalton" from the Double Deuce PR agency, if you want decent 'ZA with a house full of banshee spawns... "Romeo's New York Pizza located in Johns Creek, Georgia right next to the movie theatre is the place to go!"
I repeat, it's in Johns Creek, Georgia...
"What's in a name? That which we call a pizza by any other name would taste as sweet... to a bunch of 5 yr olds"
Thanks for the GPS directions pal.
9700 MEDLOCK BRIDGE RD
Johns Creek, GA 30097
(678) 514-1111
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