Tanaka Express

Emory Point is a tough place for businesses... It has one of the biggest turnover rate even with General Muir as the anchor in this complex. So many businesses have come in big and gone out all shriveled up quietly into the night. I don't even know how many concepts have been in this exact space but the last one was Chow Mei Mei... Might as well have called it Chow Nay Nay because it was full of slutty gwai-lo-rized Chino garbage. It was worse than Panda Express... Guess they couldn't even trick poor college students into eating that slop.
Now, a fast casual izakaya/ramen joint has taken over the space... I'm already skeptical. As far as I know, this joint is not related to the Tanaka Ramen in Town Brookhaven. I did ask the chubby guy working the counter if they were related and he was a total mushmouth, that's because he had two onigiri rice balls in his whale mouth. He didn't know what the fuck I was talking about, didn't understand a goddamn word coming outta my mouth. And speaking of which, they spoke Mandarin... Tanaka my ass, it was more like Tan-Ming Expwess. Oriental cuisine are all the same anyways. So, how many more ramen joints does this one horse town need? Most of them claim to have the best tonkotsu ramen in town and most of them suck a giant al dente ramen noodle and they have the hairy balls to charge top dollar for it, too. Jesus, who's gonna take a Japanese joint in the heart of Emory seriously? Well, this fat fuck would... I need to make a WWPD bumper sticker. What Would Pouch Devour? Almost anything, almost... Wait, who are we kidding? That corpulent slob will eat anything and everything. With that said, let's take a first look...

This badass motherfucker greets you at the door. I want to wear this while riding my motorcycle... I need to work on a plan to swipe this swag, ninja style.

Pork Bun, $3.80. I know, I know... The steamed pork bun is so played out these days but I'm such a fat fuck that I don't care. I was curious about how bad this could be so I ordered it... And this came out... Not an iceberg lettuce in sight. They used some leafy greens which was a good sign. The bun itself was pretty moist and soft overall, not all dried out like most places. The thick slice of tender pork belly was an unexpected surprise and it wasn't all fat, either. It had pretty decent flavor and the texture had a nice chew to it. How the fuck did this happened here? It was totally acceptable... And I can't pan it just yet on this visit.

Fried Oyster, $6.80. For the price, I had imagined how low rent this could have been until the bamboo plate of crusty balls came out... These were plump little mother of pearls. The panko crust was thin and crispy and the oyster inside was meaty and briny... How can this be? Ok, it wasn't all rainbows and midgets, though... The Tanaka spicy mayo was generic as fuck and did not pair well with the stout oysters. You can sub it out for the tonkatsu sauce which would have been a lot better.

Karaage Chicken, $6.80. It was supposed to be served with mixed baby greens but who gives a shit about ruffage when there's a plate of juicy fried cheekan thighs to stuff your fat facehole with. There's that shitty spicy mayo again but the cornstarch/sweet potato starch coated fried thighs were good enough to eat as is... And they were good, real good, I couldn't believe the luck I'm having here... So far.

Tanaka Classic Tonkotsu, pork broth, pork chasu, kikurage, spicy bean sprouts, green onion, seasoned egg, garlic oil, fried onion, served with thick noodle, $12.50. After the tonkotsu ramen disaster at Hotto Hotto, I had lost hope in any new ramen joint that serves tonkotsu (Ton Ton still has the best tonkotsu intown)... But I had to do it for my one reader. This hefty bowl doesn't look half way bad... Hmmm. Let's take a closer look...

The first test... To slurp the broth for the sticky factor of the collagen. It had a creamy texture and good flavor... WTF. This ain't right, not for a place of this level, there's no fucking way they have been simmering pork bones all night long... I had to get a few more slurps in to look for the stickiness before moving on to the solids. After a few spoonfuls, I only detected a low level of lip smacking goodness. In reality, I didn't expect my lips to be glued together from a broth at a fast casual joint like this but for what it's worth, the tonkotsu was light years ahead of the pricey tonkotsu at Hotto Hotto... Even if they used some factory made broth base. The chasu was generous, the whole soy egg was spot on with a soft yolk, and the straight ramen was medium thickness with a nice tooth to it. For $12 and change, this was a totally acceptable tonkotsu if you needed a quick fix... Yes, I can't believe I'm saying this out loud.

I went in expecting nothing much more than Ru San's in disguise but came out pleasantly surprised... But make no mistake, this ain't no top tier Japanese cuisine. It is fast casual gaijin Japanese grub catering to the Emory plebes. If they continue to improve on the menu and the execution, they may stick around longer than their predecessors... But I ain't holding my breath, either... Mostly because my fat body places a lot of stress on my crushed lungs. But I'm not opposed to going back for a quick fix when the need arises in the future... And also if I can arise from the couch. It's no wonder why I'm so obeast.

1540 Avenue Place
B260
Atlanta, GA 30329
http://www.tanakaemory.com