Have you ever got that not-so-fwesh feeling in your bowels before you even step into a place? Well, this place did it for me. I'm not scared of many things but this got me soiling my underpants before I even stepped foot in the door. This tiny strip mall is scary especially at night. A fucking ninja might jump off the roof and slash me in half with that short stubby ninja sword of his and then disappear behind some smoke bomb back into his tree with his bloody junk still sticking out from his pajama pants.
I'm gonna use the most over-used phrase that is in every Yelper's vocabulary... "I wanted to like this place but...". This place gave me the creeps. They had some weird ass Asian Cirque du Soleil Gangnam style DVD playing on the TV mounted in the strangest place, right above my head. The menu is really fucking weird, they have Tapas. Yeah, I said Tapas, the shit you find at a Spanish resto. The sushi selection looked awful. I tried to bolt outta there twice when they weren't looking but they kept giving me the evil eye. These motherfuckers knew what's up... Sometimes, it's better to pay a little bit to get outta there alive. So, I got the most generic dishes with the highest turnover... For freshness. Yeah, right, in this place...
Tempura Bento Box, 4 jumbo shrimp & assorted vegetables. Decent except they were using pre-fabbed factory frozen shrimp tempura, the veggies were aight. The tempura sauce was salty as a dog's penis and it wasn't even tempura sauce, just cheap soy sauce with some chemicals in it like brake fluid. Asked for some ponzu and that shit was even worse. WTF, yo?
Ichi. No, not the killer but this may make you slit your mouth open, though... Spicy tuna roll, 5pc nigiri, & 4pc sashimi. Holy shit... Wha da fuck is this? Looked like my 3 year old nephew put this plate together from a Play-Doh set. The nigiri and sashimi slices were all pretty much stale tasting... Thawed, refrozen, thawed, refrozen over and over again. Had a SPAM-like texture and it wasn't even made of mechanically separated pork product. A SPAM musubi sounds good to me right about now, it's even more authentic than this.
I have never eaten so fast at a sit down joint. I didn't even order a drink and that's really fucked up. I was itching the whole time to leave but those mofos took hours to get the check, it was like they were waiting for me to order more of their slop. When I signed the bill, I high tailed it outta there... All there was left was a vapor trail. Don't waste your time, go to Ru San's instead... Even if they scored a 61 recently. And if you really want Tapas, go to Taco Bell afterwards.
220 Sandy Springs Cir, Suite 205
Sandy Springs, GA 30328
(678) 705-6688
http://bluegrottotapas.com/
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