Monday, November 27, 2017

JR Crickets vs. American Deli: The Lemon Pepper Wet Challenge

Now, that the whole lemon pepper wet hype has died down a bit from the social media's flavor of the week... Wait, was lemon pepper wet even a thing or was it just all in my tiny pea brain universe? Who knows but the pouch is gonna bring that shit back with a vengeance (hopefully my bowels can handle it)... With a lemon pepper wet challenge. Jesus, I can feel the IBS-D and gout flare up lining up to punish the pouch's stupid ass challenges...C'mon, I was triple dog dared by Scut Farkus.. Or was I just dreaming that shit by the endless showings of A Christmas Story. Whatever, I don't care, I'm still gonna do it anyways. So, the question was who else does a lemon pepper wet besides J.R. Cricket's to go head to head for this challenge... Hmmm, good question. Wait, isn't there a dumpy chain with an American Chinese grub menu that does lemon pepper wet? Yes! Fucking American Deli does. Oh, this is so fucking on like Foghorn Leghorn... Did someone say fwied cheekan legz? Let's get to the challenge first with American Deli.. Because 'Murica!

American Deli LPW-
Their combo meal is pretty decent for under $10 and they don't charge you extra for extra wet... They just drown that shit with so much lemon pepper jizz like a Japanese bukkake flick. And I fucking love them for it. The more lemon pepper jizzlobbery the better this challenge will be. These wings were made to order and they were pretty crispy in the beginning, they get a bit soggy after sitting in that lemon pepper bukkake juice. The lemon pepper flavor has a distinct zesty flavor and follows through the entire time but after awhile you get that fake chemical seasoning aftertaste and it's also salty as fuck, too. Thank god, I got the combo with the unlimited refills of orange Fanta... Nothing says love than more HFCS for the pouch. Like I ain't obeast enough already, but I like orange. The medium sized wings are pretty good and they are juicy and moist since they were made to order. The lemon pepper will get overwhelming after the 6th wing... But only if you keep drowning it in the sauce with each bite. The crinkle cut brown bag were surprisingly decent and crispy and clean tasting.

J.R. Cricket's LPW-
This is what everyone has been jerking off on social media about. It's a 50/50 mix of the regular old mild buffalo wing sauce with a decent amount of the lemon pepper seasoning mix. Ask them to make it a bit more wet or else they come out somewhat dry... But they charge you extra for the "wet", so might as well make them wetter. I like the extra pool of sludge on the bottom to bathe each wing before it goes into my snout. The wings here are a tad bigger than American Deli's and they are a bit more crispier, the juiciness and tenderness of the flesh is just as good as AD's... That is if both were made fresh to order for the comparison. Their normal buffalo sauce is kinda weak but it still overshadows the flavor of the lemon pepper. The lemon pepper seasoning acts almost like a topping of flavor sprinkles. You only get hints of it here and there. It's pretty much just a normal order of buffalo wings... But that doesn't mean it was bad. I like their wings, I just don't know if I like their lemon pepper wet that much to be ordering it consistently. The regular straight cut brown bag fries were a bit soggy from some buffalo sauce that seemed to be poured on accidentally. Still edible but nothing to write home about.

So, who wins out on the LPW challenge? I would say it's a tie. Both have their pros and cons and both were pretty tasty. But if it was based solely on who was lemon pepper wetter... Then that goes to American Deli just because the wings were doing a backstroke in it's own bukkake juice. But that's about it on what American Deli has to offer, just the wings and nothing else... I witnessed their "Chinese" food. Good god, for the love of baby Jesus... Just don't do it. You'll be bukkake-ing the face of your toilet bowl with a special bowel brew afterwards... And it ain't gonna be creamy white.

But wait... The pouch ain't done with this shit yet... Y'all know that the pouch can't stop with just ordering one thing. Since, I was at J.R. Crickets already, I had to try a few other nibbles. Let's take a gander at what else they offer besides wings.

Chicken Finger, onion rings. So, they have a lot of different combos and you can basically mix and match anything, just ask them and they will do it within reason. The cheekan fingaz were made to order and they were pretty decent, a bit on the thin side for the chicken itself but the crust/breading was light and crispy. The onion rings were on the medium/large size which were acceptable considering everything in this basket was fried to fat fuck status.

Ribs. C'mon, stop it... You're not serious, Pouch, about getting ribs here are you? Fuck yeah, I am, broski. This was part of the combo (chicken and ribs). You can also get ribs on the side but you can't get one rib for 50 cents or 15 cents for a sip of soda nor pour it in your hand for a dime. I can't believe I'm saying this but the ribs were actually decent. They were moist and tender with a hint of smoke... And it didn't taste like liquid smoke, either, I hope. They don't drown the ribs in the thick ass BBQ sauce to mask the quality like at many other places. The ribs are on the smaller side but they did have a decent amount of meat on there in this combo deal. I still can't believe these were decent enough for me to not tear them a new bunghole for it... Baffling.

Overall, this lemon pepper wet wing challenge turned out better than expected with no serious casualties to my bowels... Yet. 

After a couple days with no reported side effects from the LPW wings and combo challenge... I had another hankering for wangz again... So, I went back again to see if the grub was just an one off or if they actually can keep this consistency up... Why am I such a fat fuck, it's so embarrassing that I can't control my muffin top. Let's see what other crap was stuffed into the pouch.

Lemon Pepper Wings & Chicken, onion rings. Since, the lemon pepper wet wasn't all that it claimed to be, I went for just the regular old lemon pepper... And they were a lot better without the wet hot sauce part. This time the lemon pepper zesty flavor came through... But the wings seemed a bit smaller than the last visit. Still totally acceptable, though. And of course, since, I can't resist fwied cheekan I had to order it again. This time the cheekan fingaz were thicker and better, but the crispy crust was just as crunchy as the last time. The onion rings were also better because the batter held on to the onion rings a lot better and very crispy as well. All around a decent showing... So far.

Naked Wings & Clam Strips, fries. I know what y'all are saying... Clam Strips?!! Yes, motherfuckers, the Pouch loves goddamn clam strips, they remind me of HoJo's when I was just a small sack. I usually like my wings naked most of the time because they stay crispy for longer and I like to dip my wings in the sauce one at a time. If the hot sauce sucks then the rest of the wings aren't tainted. Since, I know their regular hot sauce is weak as fuck, so, I asked for an amped up version of the buffalo hot sauce. I'm not a fan of their 3 mile island meltdown because it's so thick but I think they just added some into the regular hot sauce to give it an extra kick for me. The naked wings are the way to go, they stay crispy longer and it just tastes better when dipped into the sauce one at a time. The fries were just the same as last time, just belly filler. But what about those damn clam strips you have been jerking off about so much, pouch?! They were pretty sad... Over fried, dried out and basically just a tooth chipping fried clam turd... But I ate it anyways. I just hate to waste food and yes, I will eat anything because I am a disgusting obeast creasture. I just thought about Fork in the Road's awesome clam strip dinner the whole time I was shoveling these mini clam dongs into my facehole to trick myself into thinking they were good. Skip the clam strips, my one fan.

Eating this much fried food can't be... Well, y'all know how good that is for you. But it sure tastes good going down and I'll forget all about it after I cry myself to sleep and waking up the next week 10 pounds heavier. But these are the types of culinary challenges the pouch is willing to conquer for it's one loyal fan.

Pump pump... Squirt.

1 comment:

Pinky said...

Wtf yo where has u been?! Been having to self medicate with strawberry cake from butter and cream and watching gummo in your absence. So happy youre back.