Thursday, April 30, 2015

Ramen Lab

Sun Noodle has officially became a threat to all the incredible ramen joints found all over the city... But you may ask can they even compete with the highly praised ramen joints coming in this late to the game? I would think they would say 'FUCK YEAH' and 'Fuck you' because they make the damn noodles for most of the heavy hitters across the nation. Everyone already knows their noodles are the shit... Why not start up a brick and mortar shop? This ain't a shop, it's basically a friggin Porta Potty with first class decor and finishing touches... Ok, it's not that fancy. They don't even have fucking chairs or stools to sit on. The place fits 10 people, standing up. Literally, if you are lucky enough to get into the spot (come early, like 15 mins before they open), your order is taken outside and then you file in like a fucking penguin and stand at attention in your spot until they deliver you the most amazing bowl of noods you have ever tasted. You don't believe this fat fuck? Take a gander below...

Shoyu Ramen. Look at this gorgeous crap in a bowl. The broth is ridiculous, the aroma, flavor, complexity, color and anything else you want to call it, it's in there. The thin noodles are perfect, just toothy enough at that perfect stage of texture... The spring and bounce was like Christie Brinkley's hair when she was at her prime. They don't overload it with toppings and other fillers, just the right amount for texture and contrast... The noodles and broth are the stars of the show. This is one damn fine bowl of ramen... And it's not even fucking tonkotsu! Fuck me, I'm a convert to shoyu ramen.

XO Miso Ramen. This is the 'vegetarian' version. The broth is thicker, way thicker with the miso and XO. And the noodles are fatter and rounder so it can pick up the thicker broth better. I like this a lot but the shoyu is the motherfucking tits. Once you start eating this (because you have already slurped down the entire bowl of shoyu and you're a fat ass like me) bowl, it really develops on your palate... I found myself not as interested at first but then it really takes hold after awhile and you can't stop eating this, too... Well, maybe it's also because of the people standing outside looking in at you waiting and waiting for you to finish. No pressure, it's like peeing in front of a crowd when you're not drunk, not that I would know, a friend told me about his experience. But anyways, this bowl would blow away most other competition without a sweat.

The master, Jack Nakamura, preparing the tasty morsels in this tiny ass kitchen. If you are lucky enough to be there when he's cooking, you gotta pay attention to the way he strains the noodles. It's like a skilled bartender shaking a proper cocktail. He flings or whips the strainer super fast to get the water off but retains the spring and bounce in the noodle right before serving.

The golden locks ready to be submerged for service.

There's no surprise why there aren't any chairs up in this place... #1, the space is tiny, #2, they only offer two different bowls of ramen, and #3, they want you to eat your shit and go, there's a line waiting.. This ain't no cheap Chino AYCE buffet where you gorge on slop for 2 hours. And lastly, all these things combined together creates an amazing and unforgettable experience even though it's just noodle soup. I'm ready for another bowl or 8.

Go now, fat boy, before I eat eveyting...

Burp.

70 Kenmare St.
New York, NY 10012
646-613-7522
http://www.ramen-lab.com/

White House Sub Shop

Sometimes when you have a hankering for a great Italian sub (or may quite be possibly the best), you just have to say "what the fuck"... And jump on the next plane and gitcha some... In beautiful Atlantic City.

The Home of Submarines shack.

Back in 1946, it was 50 cent (not the rapper) for a whole sub and 25 cent for a half. Twenty-fucking-five cent for a giant half Eye-talian sub... Only if I was born back then with the current $238.56 in my bank account, I woulda been RICH, beeotch!

But nowadays, it's gotten real pricey for $7.80 for the WH Special and $7 for the WH Italian... Shit, who am I kidding that is still a fucking steal of a deal. You can't beat that with a stick... But the bums around the corner is another story. You may think and ask, how big is the half sub really? Most half a sub are pretty dinky these days... Well, let's go find out.

White House Special Italian (extra meat- $7.80 half). Are you fucking with me? That's a half sub for 7 bucks? That sub was at least 10 7/8" long... Don't even get me started on the girth. My knees are trembling at the sight of that beast like a 17 year old doing her first porn shoot... I'ma skeered!

Cross section glamour shot. It is a monster schlong. No fucking way a person can eat a half of one let alone a whole sub! My blow hole is only about 3" in overall diameter, how am I gonna git that into the pouch? But don't underestimate the power of da pouch... I inhaled that brute with snake-like jaw flexibilities. Now, I can relate to porn stars when someone says wanna play hide the salami? It's all about relaxing the throat muscles.

This is one of the best Italian subs known to mankind... It may not be in one of the best areas in the world but good grub is always worth dying for.

Burp.

2301 Arctic Ave.
Atlantic City, NJ 08401
609-345-1564
http://whitehousesubshop.net/

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Bun Bo Hue

Pho had it's run for some time now... But it's time for the pouch to revisit an oldie but goodie. It seems like most places have forgotten about this spicy noodle bowl because the pho trend has lasted so long and still going on because of the tourists. I have actually met people still to this day that has never heard of pho. I hardly see anyone order the bun bo hue, let alone know what the fuck it is. When people hear spicy and blood cakes, they automatically go in to a fetal position and timidly ask for the safety net of a simple bowl of pho. It was just too much to handle in their minds. Le Fat had it on their menu originally and I had a boner for like 2 weeks straight waiting to get some of that in the pouch but it all went limp like an animal balloon 3 days later after some kid's birthday party when I didn't see it on the menu. I was frantically searching for it and to my dismay they took it off the menu because it might scare off some people... So, I went on a hunt to find a decent bowl of bun bo hue on Buford Hwy. Can one be found in this one horse town? Let's strap one on and go for a ride... Wait, that didn't come out right, but the chicks would be totally ok with that..

Nam Phuong.
Mostly everything on their menu is pretty kickass... Time to see what they're up on their version of BBH. You have to ask for extra spicy every time no matter where you're at, well at least I do, this place was no different. It came out looking pretty intense but after a few spoonfuls of the broth, the pouch determined that it was pretty mild overall. The goodies in there were great though, but coulda used some more blood cubes. It's a decent bowl of BBH if you're jonsing for one. I would order it again if I was desperate but prolly not here because all their other stuff is so good.

Pho 24.
This place might look authentic and full of ex-pats from the outside.. That is until you walk in and look around. Is there a midwest farmers convention in town? There was not one goddamn slant in the joint except for the staff. Fuck it, I'm here on a mission... BBH, extra extra spicy, pweez. The little boy server's eyes popped wide open and said, you sure you want extwa spicy? Listen motherfucker, did I stutter you little prick? Just make that shit as hot as you can and no questions asked. Another short stocky server came out with the bowl on a tray because he didn't want to touch it. Super spicy he says... I say, thank you, Gimli. First look, meh... Looks like they just spooned in chili paste you find on the table. Few spoonfuls to test the waters... Barely noticeable but a small tingle. The bowl does contain a good amount of goodies, but not enough noodles, though. Ate like 1/4 of it and the server comes over and says, very spicy huh? I said, nah not really but a good try. He starts telling the entire staff that I said it wasn't spicy. What kinda Asians are these in here? They must have been in 'Merica too long... Their cuisine and tastes have been Gwai-lo'd. I would not come back here for this again... Or anything else.

Pho Delight.
This joint is nowhere near Buford Hwy or civilization for that matter. It's like in Lilburn? Ok, let's just call it upstate Georgia. But what a surprise this joint turned out to be. It's a real mom & pop shop, way out in nowhere. Are there even Asians in this area? I guess it's really a build it and they will come kinda joint. I had a bunch of dishes here before and they are good. So, it's time to bring on the BBH. This spicy beef noodle soup came with lotsa goodies inside. This version was pretty "authentic" homestyle with all the fun stuff like pig's blood, hock, all the offal junk... All the things that would make a Buckhead douchebag puke. It wasn't spicy enough but then again I didn't ask for extra super spicy because I wanted to see how they would do it normally since everything I had here was pretty tasty. I thought about loading it up with all the table condiments but then again I also didn't want to bastardize all their hard work by dumping a shitload of Sriracha, chili oil and Sambal Oelek in it either. So, I stuck with it as is and glad I did. Sometimes, a bowl of semi-spicy funky noodle soup is great as it was intended. But then again, it came up short on my serious bowl of BBH list as well.

Pho Dai Loi 2.
I have not been back here for many moons... I guess mostly because it's one of the more pedestrian joints that's infested by the outlanders for ages. If you're getting your car fixed next door, it's totally fine to grab a quick bowl of pho and get the fok out when your car is done. But since I was on the BBH tour, I might as well stop in and see what else they have been fucking up here lately. So, I tell the impatient old man server who literally says "do you know what you want" right when I just sat down to fuck off for a few minzies, I needed to survey the layout and demographics. Jesus, there's more gringos in here than El Azteca. The middle age server comes back and I tell him, I need this extremely spicy... He says, BBH is spicy already. No dude, I want it super super spicy. He goes like every other Asian server, "Ok Ok Ok, I get you spicy, NO PROBLEM". Famous last fucking words... The bowl came out thin like rusty pipe water and you can almost see the bottom of the bowl. Look at the pic. Un-fucking-believeable... Not a speck of spicy stain in the bowl. Seriously, What. Da. Fuck. is this, bro? It had the stuff in it like a BBH but why does the broth look like water down Yoohoo? It was totally flavorless with a spicy level of -12. Their Vietnamese iced coffee was spicier. The good part of this was they gave you a good amount of blood cubes, the bad part was the noodles were all clumped together like Crystal Gayle's shower drain. This will be the last time I come back here.

I try to stop by Quan Ba 9 but they closed down permanently and Chateau Saigon does not offer BBH under their new management. Quoc Huong doesn't offer it anymore, so says them the last time I was there. Lee's is only good for their banh mi nowadays. I am fucking spent from this tour, my bowels are on strike... So, didn't make it up to K-town in upstate GA... But stay tuned for BBH tour #2 which will be from places up there.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Sobban

When the pouch imbibes on one too many fancy cocktails, 90 oysters and UGA caviar service at a well know hipster hangout, it does stupid things like go on a eating binge at as many places as it can. Somehow the pouch ended up here right before they locked down the doors for the night. This place needs no introduction or stupid crass words from me. It's so damn good, the pictures speaks for itself. Still one of the best KFC wings in this town... Along with everything else here. Octopus Bar is on the agenda afterwards... Will the pouch make it after a stop over here?

KFC Wings.

Mandu.

Spicy Andouille Sausage.

Kimchi Pancakes... And some Fobby obscene gesture.

Apple Kimchi.

 Pork Chop Donkatsu.

 Bibimbop.

Japchae... With some attic sister hands from Pet Sematary.

Okara Cornbread.

Chicken Skin.

 Our Tofu.

Bingsu.


This fat fuck just went into a food coma. Kiss Octopus Bar goodbye for tonight...

Burp.

Oddbird

Everyone already knows about West Egg's resto within a resto cheekan concept. My one fan already knows how much I like fwied cheekan. The Pouch, for one, was already a fan if it had anything to do with fwied cheekan, let alone Hot Cheekan. I have tried all the hot cheekan in Atlanta. Nothing came close to the likes of Hattie B's, Prince's, Pepperfire, etc. in Nashville... Hell, even the shittiest hot cheekan there trumps anything found in ATL. So, my question is how the fuck can a breakfast/sandwich joint remotely even come up with a halfway decent hot chicken? Rational reasoning says no but gut feeling says maybe. I mean, could this Oddbird even come close to competing with Nashville's most mediocre hot cheekan?
Alright, stop yapping and let's go find out mothercluckers!

Hot Chicken Sandwich, Too Hot x 10. I fucking hate it when people ask me if I am sure I want it super super spicy... Motherfuckers, ghost peppers are mild to me, scorpion peppers make me tingle, and the carolina reaper makes my taint moist. So, they say ok, we will make it as hot as we can. Soooo, did they do good? I'm sure my one reader is dying to find out. I say to my one fan, take a look at that pic. The red grease pooling out the bottom is a good sign. The bun (Gen. Muir) is gorgeous and toasted/charred nicely. The ginormous chicken breast was coated and fried very nicely even though it was skinless and boneless. Y'all know how I feel about boneless fried cheekan. But this specimen was a very respectable hot cheekan, even I can't believe I'm saying this. Besides the minor skinless/boneless faux pas, I just wished they coated the entire beast in the hot pepper grease wash. Hell, I shoulda asked for some on the side. The crust was ultra crispy, seasoned well and held onto the plump and juicy 36C boob flesh quite well. Some pieces did fall off but did not diminish the overall experience and taste to it. Was it as hot as I wanted? Hell no but I give them A for effort. This was a very good first showing of this mythical creasture. If y'all want to give me an even harder blood flow, get that "Too Hot" to "Ludicrous Hot". Go ahead, I dare you to impress me some more, biatches... Especially, when charging $13 for a spicy cheekan sando.

Oddbird of the Day- Thai Chicken & Waffles. Of course, had to try the chef's creation. The waffles were pretty tasty but that silly cabbage slaw thinger woulda been better if it was papaya for the full Thai effect. The hunky fried cheekan breasticle was impressive as well. Interestingly enough, the best fried chicken I have ever had in the entire world was in Bangkok from a street cart that a little old lady operated. The unspeakable things I would do to munch on her majestic fried cock again... 

I'm not really a big fan of breakfast and simple sandwiches because it's usually overpriced filler with little substance but a lot of people eat this shit up like it's their last meal... And the West Egg is such a destination for many. I may have been here once or twice in the past but nothing was all that memorable. Until now, with the opening of Oddbird, their hot cheekan has put them back on my radar. Although, pricey for just a chicken sando, it's justifiable after inhaling one. It may be a monthly guilty pleasure for me now. But Popeyes still has my heart and WIC card.

 Burp.

1100 Howell Mill Rd
Atlanta, GA 30318
404-872-3973
http://oddbirdatl.com/

Wagaya Japanese Cuisine & Sushi Bar

So, the pouch was zooming by for some hot cheekan down the street when all of the sudden it caught this in the corner of his eyeball. A new sooshee joint next to Better Half? I knew I had to hit it up.. But only after some hot cheekan. Came back about an hour later and walked inside. Pouch likey already. The decor is simple with a lot of wood but yet it felt very comfortable like I have been in here before in one of my wet dreams. This joint have been opened only for about a week, and I did not know anything about it. They wanted to keep it quiet in the beginning and see how it goes. I don't what kinda of strategy that is but I like it. The menu is very approachable even for the gaijins. It's not overly adventurous but it does cover all the basis for an intown joint. They had a very affordable set of Dinner Specials that included multi-courses/intro sampler for the uninitiated... Hell, I even wanted to try out a couple because it included a chawanmushi. But most importantly they had tonkotsu ramen... Fuck yeah, it's game time. So what if I just ate a giant hot cheekan sando and going to another resto after for their special fried cheekan dish after... Some things just needs to be done. Live in the moment, you only have one pouch, enjoy it I say..

Sashimi Deluxe. I had to see what their skill level was... So, the deluxe sashimi platter it was. The fish selection was decent and the quality is a tad above average. But the low rent "white tuna" aka escolar made me cringe a little when I saw it on there... Just cover it with a shiso leave and tell them to say hi to Luca Brasi for me. The sweet shrimp was nice but I didn't get why they fried the heads off already and put them on a box of shaved ice. It's like putting fried cheekan in a Jack and Coke slushee... Wait, that might be good. Usually, I like to suck the brains outta the raw heads, then deliver them to the fryer. There were no head sucking involved here but if you go down a couple blocks... Nevermind. 

You can not leave without eating everything on the sashimi platter... You shoulda seen the sushi chef's face when I asked him to fry this badboy. He was in shock and awe and then let out a sigh of relief, in his mind he was thinking, "Thank baby Jesus, someone is doing it right up in this piece." ...Probably sounds more romantic in Japanese like John Belushi's grunts in Samurai Delicatessen. The baby collars were intact and they were just a wonderful little tasty bite. The cheeks were more of a challenge just to get a pinky nail size of morsel outta them. But the entire skeleton were totally edible like incredible fish chips. Make sure you use that lemon, the acidity completes it.

Tonkotsu Ramen (premium white). Looked kinda disappointing when it came out. Took a few spoonfuls to taste and smack my lips around a bit... Nothing. No collagen, it was too thin and the flavor was more from chicken bones than pork. They also use fish stock (bonito/dashi I assume). The noodles were firm but yet nothing special. The charshu seemed boiled and had no texture. Even the egg got lost in flavorless town. I had high hopes for a tonkotsu ramen I could get any day of the week intown but this needed work, a lot of work. They have been opened for less than week, so I will give them some slack. If they are around 6 months from now, they better have nailed this or else I will nail them to the cross that I will fashion from their benches.

Even with the opening hiccups and lack of flavor in the tonkotsu, I still have faith in this place to do well and execute on the grub eventually. I know I will prolly be back again to try other items but I hope they have enough FU money to keep them afloat for at least 6 months because they're gonna need it to keep working on the execution. People have no idea how much is wasted on the trial and error phase of menu development. When they get their shit together, they could be a nice little addition on the west side since there really isn't any decent sooshee joints in this area... That is until, Shoya's little sis, Jinya Izakaya opens up. Then all of them will be in a world of hurt.

339 14th ST NW
Atlanta, GA 30318
404–390–3798
http://www.wagaya.us/

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Nam Phuong

Most second locations of the same restaurant are usually not as good as the original... But there are exceptions. Like this joint which I have been going to routinely since they opened a few years ago. This closer to town location never got much attention but the people in the know know they got a gem here. They are quietly putting out some tasty Viet vittles which is fine by me... We all know what happens when filthy hipsters infiltrate ethnic cuisine and the last thing I want to do is shit all over this beloved joint. The family multi-course dinner menus are some of the best tasting and best value in the entire city... Feeding 8 people for under $100 is fucking sick even though there is enough food for 10 people in that set. One time we got the 6 person $69 menu for 9 people and still took home leftovers, basically $10 per person- fucking ridiculous. Their fish sauce glazed wings are some of the best wings in this city (if not the best)... It would be a damn shame if the pouch doesn't get his fill of them dericious wangz on a regular basis. But on this recent visit, I passed on the wings and got some other tasty vittles for lunch... Take a gander.

Papaya Salad with Beef Jerky. Huge heaping of green papaya in perfectly julienne strips. It's a little dry as is but the sauce they give you on the side more than does the job, if it's not enough there's always fish sauce to squirt on it.

Pan Fried Cubed Rice Cake. This was on the small street food  section.. And it was da bomb. Ultra smooth and soft pan fried rice cakes with wonderfully crisped skin that you can't stop eating one after another. When you get to the semi scrambled egg part of it, the texture contrast becomes heavenly. Fuck, this may be my new favorite street food snack. This and the wings would totally complete me.

Bun Cha Gio. Simple and refreshing bowl of bun and super crispy cha gio. Great spring/summer dish when it's hot out. Don't forget to ask for extra nuoc cham to douse it in.

Bun Bo Hue. Pho has a place in my heart but too many pikers are ruining it for me, it's just not that special anymore. Ok, I won't say no to a great bowl of pho but... Now, this is my jam, yo, my trending dish for Q2 2015... The spicy beef noodle soup. A handful of places have this on their menu along Buford Hwy but not everyone is up to spec on this sick bowl of beef noods when done right. This version was pretty respectable. I asked for extra spicy and it still came out just mildly spicy. There is a shitload of stuff in there, I just wished they had more blood cakes in there. The noodles were spot on, thicker and rounder than the noods used in pho. The pork knuckles with the gelatinous skin is a must have, even though most whities will never gnaw on it. They even got the red cabbage on the side right, along with a little fish paste to add according to your taste. The broth was rich and complex, full of flavor. This was very decent bowl of beef noodle soup even if they didn't make it as spicy as requested.

This place still kicks ass on the food and the prices have pretty much remained the same. Almost anything you get here will be pretty damn tasty. Don't say I never liked anything. But my quest for the perfect bowl of Bun Bo Hue continues...

Squirt.

4051 Buford Hwy
Atlanta, GA
(404) 633-2400



http://www.namphuongatlanta.com/

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Varuni

There's not much else to say about this great 'ZA spot... I lurv it. No words needed, just drink in the glorious picture show below...








Pump pump... Burp.



Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Le Fat

It's about time this place opened... It's only been like 2 years and Guy is still trying to grow a moustache. Maybe they were hoping that the memories of Yum Bunz  has finally been vanquished from the people's minds. They did a good job on the interior, not one item reminded you of it's former glory hole. It's so fresh and so clean clean. It really does have the 70's Vietnamese style vibe. The servers are in classic black and white garb. The host/manager(s) are suited up which states what kind of establishment this place wants to be perceived. It feels upscale-ish but it's casual and approachable. It wants to be a neighborhood spot but at the same time it wants to stand out with an air of sophistication. I know my one reader is prolly asking themselves what the fuck are you talking about Pouche-bag? Just get to the fucking food because that's all I really care about. As you wish my little buttercup...
The menu contains most of the classic hits found at many of the Viet restos along Buford Hwy, you got your pho, bun, com, noodles, shaking beef, a couple of nods to Chino, Thai and Frog grub as well as a hat tip from Miso. But the most interesting dish I was drooling over was the Bun Bo Hue, this is spicy beef noodle bowl that most people never heard of or done correctly, especially, in this town. I know of one place that does it pretty damn good and I ain't spilling da beans on that spot. I was dead set on this bowl... But to my dismay, he had taken it off the menu. Said it was too much work. Booooooo...shit. C'mon, bro, don't die on me... We're related, I'm sure of it, at least that's what all the whities always say about us. The one dish that I was really excited about and it was 86'd off the menu, I know most people wouldn't even give two shits about this, but this woulda, coulda been his superstar. But instead, not one but two servers were instructed to push the shaking beef over and over again... I had enough fucking shaking beef in this town, stop telling me how great the sizzling beef cubes are, I'm sure they are but I wanted something more "authentic"... Can that be found here? Let's take a ride on a fishing boat and see what's the catch of the day... 

Soft Shell BLT Bun. A lil piece of Miso found here along with their duck bun. Sounded delicious on paper... C'mon, it's soft shell crab in a transportable vessel right to your facehole with no utensils needed. What's not to love? Well, the soft shell crab was crispy and tasty, but the bun was cold and the BLT lacked any oomph, the sambal mayo shoulda given you that kick of flavor but it was pretty muted.

Papaya Salad. Green papaya, apple, mango, crispy shallot, peanut brittle, Thai pepper vinaigrette. There are so many different versions of this salad, it really depends on what area of SE Asia you're in (Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam). They're all a little bit different but since a Thai pepper vinaigrette was used, I assume this was more Thai. If I see papaya salad on any menu, it's gonna be in my dirty mouth. It's a fancier version of the common people's papaya salad. Instead of plain crushed peanuts, they use a peanut brittle. I tasted more green apple than papaya because it was julienne so thin that the flavor got lost in there. I prefer it to be more spicy which this was not and coulda used more fish sauce and dried shrimp was sorely needed but I assume the crispy shallot was an approachable substitution for that crunch factor. I mean, we don't want to scare anybody away with them crazy weird Asian ingredients that still moves in your mouth. It's a refreshing summer salad but it needs a little more kick to the taste buds for me. The prawn chips are cute, cooking them is even more fun... If you never had cook them, get you a box and just toss in the hard translucent little disks into a fryer and it puffs and grows to like 10 times their original size... I wish I could only be that lucky. I love the giant prawn chips that fries up to the size of a dinner plate. Fun fun fun.

Drunken Noodles. I thought I was drunk when this came out... This was a bit too dark for drunken noodles, then it hit me, this was totally beef chowfun! I can't believe he put a Cantonese dish on here disguised as another, I friggin love it. This was not so good as a drunken noodle but for a beef chowfun it was pretty tasty for intown. I still remember the look on Guy's face when he came out and asked how it was, I said, Dude, this is totally beef chowfun... And his stunned face was like, "It is?". Who are you trying to kid here? We both know it's beef chowfun but I swear I won't say a word to the gwai lo's... Ooops, I did it again. It's ok, no one reads this shit anyways. You're all clear. 

Pho. Don't even think about seeing raw slices of meat or internal organs in this pho... But you will find some velvety smooth meatballs and tender thick cut brisket and flank in the bowl. The broth was too light and it needed more complexity and spices, it didn't wow me, but the meatballs were pretty good. I thought they were made in house but they were not. Still a decent bowl of noodle soup intown, but if you're looking for more authentic ingredients like tripe, intestine, blood cake, raw meat, Buford Hwy ain't that far away. 

Wonton Soup. That is the biggest soup spoon I have ever seen. It's like the spoon the three blind Stygian witches used in their cauldron from The Clash of the Titans. The dish that is the most Chinese in here is actually the most authentic. Has nothing to do with Guy's background or anything... I think he's actually an Eskimo, such a big boned, stocky fella, don't forget cuddly and oh so sexy. Did I say that out loud, nevermind. The wontons have the proper ratio of pork and shrimp filling. The wonton skin and filler were cooked spot on, not too soft and not too toothy, just right and pretty good flavor. The clear broth was a little too light, it needed more umami but really no major complaints. Nine bucks for a refreshing bowl of wonton soup is kinda steep but you have to consider your environment. This got me all thinking about the best bowl of wonton noodle soup I had ever had in the entire world... Mak's in Hong Kong, it's pricey at $32HK a bowl but it's really like $4USD. Hell, I remember when it was only $3USD back in the day. That was some deal, you can't beat that with a chopstick. 

I like the place, it has a niche over here on the west side. Something a little different than your standard tacos and burgers found in this area. And a definite upgrade from the previous misconception. It's more Vietnamese/Chinese than Vietnamese/French. The use of quality ingredients shows in the end product even though it has it price... But at least they're cheaper than Gu's Dumps (dreadful). I could see myself coming back here, but not until the Bun Bo Hue is back on the menu and maybe a banh mi appearance(?)... Le Pouch is putting you on notice, Le Fat. Don't fail me again, Chino.

Ok, maybe I'll be back to try that rotisserie half chicken... I can't resist a damn good chicken. I wonder if they would flash fry that chippy for me (it does look flash fried in some recent pics)... If so, that would be sick.


935 Marietta St
Ste A
Atlanta, GA 30318
404-439-9850

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Gu's Dumplings

As the wise Yogurt once said, "Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the sequel is made. Gu's Dumplings T-shirt, Gu's Dumplings hats, Gu's Dumplings coffee mugs, Gu's Dumplings-the Coloring Book,Gu's Dumplings -the Lunch box, Gu's Dumplings-the Breakfast Cereal, Gu's Dumplings-the Flame Thrower."

This is what happens when FOBs get a ton of attention and constantly get their dick sucked by the non-tribe gentile pedestrians... A nerd that now thinks they're a jock. Did they not see McDreamy in "Can't Buy Me Love"? Donald Miller can mow a mean lawn like a motherfucker but he can't cook Szechuan grub worth a shit. Seems like their purple helmet got too much blood flow from all the praise and decided to try to implant themselves into the cool kids clic. While that is all fine and dandy... We all know how that story will end. But there is hope for the dork to become the cool kid if they stick to their roots... And it doesn't hurt to learn the African Anteater Ritual dance, either. Gu's Bistro cooked like a rockstar and I loved their food because it wasn't dumb down but can the new hipster Gu's Dumplings hold it's own? Judging by the lines, it says yes... Judging by the demographics, fuck no. The whole merchandising is so fucking pathetic cause it makes them look desperate but I still have wet dreams about their bistro grub on a weekly basis. Even though this menu is a fraction of the size of the original, I was still curious to see if the quality is still there. But there is that issue with the new Kung Pao Chicken on the menu, though... George likes his chicken spicy! C'mon, it can't be that bad, could it? ...Let's feed the pouch.

Dan Dan Noodles. If you look at this in the right angle and squint your eyes (unless you're Asian), it almost looks like a skid mark in a pair of underpants. Even the new smoking hot redheaded Wendy's is like, "Where's the motherfuckin' beef, yo?" Nine bucks for some room temp egg noodles and a teaspoon of flavorless meat granulars. Now, I know how Henry Hill felt when he tried to ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and he got egg noodles and ketchup...An average nobody like the pouch. Why is there a red pepper next to it on the menu? If this was spicy than I will be a monkey's uncle... Which I'm not. Maybe a nephew or inbred first cousin primate. Just don't watch The Lost Boys while eating this... Only. Noodles. Michael. 

Zhong Style Pork Dumplings. C'mon, the place is name after dumplings, you would think they would excel in this arena. But no, they only have two options, pork or veggie at a dollar a piece, slight discount on full order which is still a rip off. These don't look like their Zhong dumps from before, they look like Panda Express potstickers.. With some reddish tinted juice masquerading as their sweet and spicy sauce squirted on it. Where's the spoonful of garlic that makes this dish? Even the filling of pork was unseasoned and clumpy. I mean there was nothing in that pork mix, just ground pork and nothing else. How can you call your place a dumpling joint when you really only have one type? It's like Baskin Robbins serving only vanilla or chocolate and calling it an ice cream parlor. I am stumped and so are these gluten flaps. This makes me sad.

Chongqing Spicy Chicken. "Very SPICY" my ass. Over fried and dried little min pin turd nuggets with some weak ass dried red chili pepper and the Szechuan peppercorns was basically non-existent. Good luck finding those peppercorns in this small take out bowl, I found 4 and 1 of them was garlic. The spicy heat level was comparable to the Fiery Doritos Locos taco. For $15, this measly little portion didn't even come with rice... That's an extra American Capitalism at its finest dollar, pweez. This was a shameful experiment of when hipsters interfere with Szechaun grub that belongs in the underbelly of Buford Hwy. This dish even shamed my family's honor... And we don't even have any.

Spicy Dried Eggplant. Ok, we can always count on them to deliver the goods on this dish right? Not when being cool hipsters are involved. I remember when these were done right, the inside was cooked through but yet toothy as oppose to mushy innards when deep fried which these were. The uniform batter coating on the outside says it all. If these were wok fried the batter would not be as perfectly fried uniformly all the way around including all the nooks and crannies. I don't know if they didn't have time to execute it correctly since they were in the weeds with a huge line waiting and said fuck it, just deep fry those fuckers, no one will know the difference. Motherfuckers, wrong... The pouch knows the difference. Spicy these were not, more like the heat you find in mozzarella sticks from the marinara sauce. Where the hell is the mind numbing Szechuan peppercorns? It's like a ongoing theme with all the dishes that suppose to have them. Don't fucking die on me, ese... And stop fucking dumbing it down. This $13 disappointment was a swift kick in the nads to all the true fans.

I thought it was a good sign that mom and pop were in the tiny kitchen whipping up the tasty spicy vittles. I expected no less from them to deliver the goods found at their Bistro. But I was wrong. It's no surprise that when you open up a food shack in the ultra trendy hipster KSM, things must change to accommodate the demographics. I don't know if their heart is in the right place or just got bamboozled by fools into opening a food stall way out of their element. You may gain a few new one time customers out of curiosity but you also may have lost the long time supporters on the first bite. Maybe they will get better with time but I doubt it, this model was all planned out way in advance. That's $50 and an hour of my life that I will never get back. The specimens sampled were so underwhelming that there is no need to try anything else, I already know what it will taste like. Wait, is that Chicken and Broccoli on the menu? Yep, they will be a success. One can only hope that Mongolian Beef and Crab Rangoon will be on the menu soon enough. Sigh...

99 Krog Street NE, Suite M
Atlanta, GA 30307
404-527-6007
http://www.gusbistro.com/gu-s-dumplings.html