Stopped by here to grab a quick lunch, it was almost empty except for the two fugly broads across the way with these hideous Uggs on. Any chick that wears that shit should be exiled on the same island as Alice the Goon from Popeyes... Did someone say Popeyes? Anyway, let's hope the food here doesn't smell or taste like Uggs.
The menu read well with all those Portuguese words, so much fun! That is until you read the description in English. Not that it's bad but if you look at the menu as a whole, it is filled with international global fare. Brazilian cuisine is mixed with different cultures but this menu isn't all that "authentic". Did you know fettuccini, tomato sauce and meatballs was Brazilian? How about Shepherd's Pie, chicken fingers, lamb shank, flounder meuniere or Milanese chicken? Who knows but then again what do I know, I don't speak Brazilianese.
What I do know is food that is well prepared and taste good. So, let's start out with some classic apps... I'll have the croquetes de carne and bolinho de aipim com carne (fritters). What, what's that? You're out of both of them? But there's NO ONE here and you just opened for lunch. Did you eat them all, Jabba? The server then begins to tell me, "Our food vendor hasn't come by yet." WTF?! Just shoot me in the head, did I hear that correctly? I was about to ask her why but I stopped myself before it got any worse.
So, I just order a few other things just to see what they're all about. The server asked me if I was eating all this, I said no and that I was sharing with my dining companion... Then she says, "Well, if you're sharing we'll have to charg...". Stop right there, Snuffleupagus, don't even say another word, I know what you're going to say... No, I am not sharing, I was ordering for the table. This was like a friggin nightmare but only worse since it was daytime. Of the two tables, I get the worst Goddam server who obviously haven't been on the job for that long. It's like explaining the stock market to a ra-tard... They like numbers and the pretty colors on the screen but have no clue what the fuck it means.
Anyways... Let's just get to the eats...
(Linguicua de Porco Acebolada - Brazilian pork sausage, caramelized onions, toast points)
Doesn't this look strangely familiar, something you ate as a kid, this cheap ass looking tubemeat reminds me of... Vienna Sausage! Those nasty processed forcemeat wieners that tasted so good when you were piss drunk or stuck on the side of a snow covered mountain. But here, they add some caramelized onions and bread which makes it alright... Guess that depends on how many drinks you're in or how far the mountain rescue team is. Help me out here, Stallone. Dangle this you, cliffhanger.
Doesn't this look strangely familiar, something you ate as a kid, this cheap ass looking tubemeat reminds me of... Vienna Sausage! Those nasty processed forcemeat wieners that tasted so good when you were piss drunk or stuck on the side of a snow covered mountain. But here, they add some caramelized onions and bread which makes it alright... Guess that depends on how many drinks you're in or how far the mountain rescue team is. Help me out here, Stallone. Dangle this you, cliffhanger.
(Porco - grilled pork loin, cheddar cheese, pineapple, fries)
Sandwiches always sound so good in a different language but when you see it, meh, it's the same old same old. This tastes exactly how it reads and/or looks. Nothing special or interesting about it, just something to fill yer belly. The brown bag fries which were in stock, came out hot and crispy... Surprising, yes, I know.
(Vaca Atolada - Braise beef ribs, asparagus, yucca)
Everything about this dish looks/says French... Except the yucca on the bottom, which I guess makes it Brazilian? Who knows but this dish was the winner, no contest. I always thought this would be more like a stew-ish/braised style dish. Asparagus- spot on. Yucca- nice with al dente texture. Demi glace- rich and flavorful but a bit salty. Beef ribs- perfect fork tender. Cooking like this makes me smile.
Then the smile turned into a frown... Mebbe it's just me because I'm anal about restaurants doing things right, hell, if I was the owner I would want to do things right... But this large chip on the side of the bowl of the beef ribs really bothered me, kinda like for anyone who has ever received a glass with a crack in it, it's disturbing because you don't know if you'll be eating that piece of glass/porcelain in your food... I could understand them overlooking this if it was a packed house and the kitchen was slammed, but there were 4 customers in the entire place. Attention to details is not their strong suit.I was excited about this place but after what the server revealed about their food sourcing... One can only guess how much of this menu consists of premade and prepackaged food that they're selling to you as Brazilian cuisine. The beef rib dish was good but I'm not in any rush to head back any time soon.
1.5 Stars.
1410 Terrell Mill RD SE
Marietta, GA 30067
(678) 402-7584
http://botekimbrazilianbistro.com/
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